An unconcious change, The Compulsion vs Choice

[Mykaa]

So with my acceptance I started dressing daily to a degree or another, doesnt matter if its just 1 thing. I know and it matters. So my point, Im getting a handle on myself, its taken to long but late is better than never. A new friend pointed something out yesterday on the phone. Compulsion vs. Choice, I made a choice to wear it & the compulsion has went away, compulsion being a thing uncontrolled vs me in control, what a wonderful thing to find out. I cant help but share for all to see. Thank you Kate Simmons for pointing that out.

[PattyT]

This is an interesting topic. Compulsion also seems to be related to obsession. We speak of compulsive drinkers, compulsive smokers, and compulsive eaters. These people certain have lost control over their compulsive or obsessive habits. They don't seem to get much pleasure out of what they are doing, and engage in these pursuits almost mechanically, even mindlessly. I realize there is a thin line here between compulsion and choice for a CD. CDs choose when they are going to dress according to their particular circumstances. They also choose what they want to wear. The compulsive drinker, for example, has to drink and what he drinks does not always matter. There is no real control here. The same holds true for the other compusive personalities. Compulsive habits also seem to make a person very nervous, even hyper. The compulsive act itself seems to be the end in itself. Compuslions often seem to be acquired habits, usually due to some kind of psychological problem. I cannot image compulsive smoking or drinking as being something one is born with.
CD is something a person is born with and usually manefests itself quite early on. CD also has a compulsive aspect to it, in that a crossdresser feels a strong natural desire to go out en femme. It puts him at ease and somehow feels right and natural. There is choice involved, however, as a crossdresser can decide not to dress when circumstances don't allow for it, such as work or other social settings. He can put it aside, at least for a while and sometimes permanently. Rather than being a compulsion which takes complete control, it's more like a strong desire to do something which makes one feel his true self and simply enjoys. I have several hobbies which I spend a lot of time on and enjoy. However, I'm not, for example, a compulsive model railroader.
CD is something I do for a variety of reaons. I'm not comfortable in male attire. I feel female attire is far more attractive and suits my personality. In sense for me, being a CD means choosing a style of clothing that I like and can identify with. It's only natural that I go out en femme as much as I can. It's a matter of choice and personal preference.
Perhaps the easiest way to explain it is to read the stories here of people who for a variety of reasons, spend years trying to to avoid CD. After a great deal of thought some choose to become a CD. Some choose not to become involved.
On one hand there is compuslion and obsession, which takes over one's life completely. Rather than taking over one's life, CD complements it, makes is fuller and more complete. It's a natural expression of one's inborn personality.

[Kate Simmons]

I honestly found that making it a choice rather than leave it a compulsion put me in control of where and when I want to dress and I proactively plan for it and call the shots. What also helped was uniting ALL of my feelings under one aegis not having them fractioned as "male" and "female" feelings. Works for me. :battingeyelashes::)

[Taylor186]

Mykaa, what I hear you saying is that your compulsion to crossdress disappears while you are crossdressed. That seems a pretty straightforward and natural reaction to me.

Also, there is plenty of contradictory information to be found while searching for the definition of compulsion but it's my take that you can be in control (I'll do it today, I won't do it today) while still having a compulsion to crossdress.

[Stephanie47]

Yesterday as today I had the same opportunity to be en femme. I chose not to be en femme. I spent the day totally relaxed wearing male attire. Today, I am fully en femme sans makeup, which I very rarely do. Years ago, especially after I was newly retired, if I had a day to be en femme I was en femme. I don't know if it was pent up desire to be en femme that caused too much en femme time, but, it has waned because I do have the opportunity to be en femme many times a week. I control cross-dressing. Cross-dressing desires don't control me.

[Tracii G]

Some have a hard time understanding you don't HAVE to go all in every time and I feel those people have a disconnect.
They view it as two separate entities when actually its just one themselves.
Finding balance is hard for a lot of people but it sure fixed my gender issues.

[Robin414]

Great thought Mykaa, thank you for sharing!

[cdlove]

What happens when your choice to CD becomes your compulsion?

After reading a few of the post on here regarding Compulsion vs Choice I came to the conclusion that the entire topic could be objective in some ways. In no way are any of the understandings incorrect or invalid but rather I think there is a deeper correlation between choice and compulsion. Personally I struggle with a compulsion disorder triggered by my high anxiety and ADHD. My compulsion is geared towards my CD, as it’s a compulsion to acquire as many items that I love as possible. There have been times when I have upwards of $3000 just in panties not to mention the other items all acquired within months. Choice to me is to gear my compulsion towards my desire to CD, for when I try to make the choice to control the compulsion I sway towards the porn sector which in itself another topic. The compulsion does not go away it just changes the element in which my mind gets gratification of obtaining. At times I can stop my compulsion activities, usually when I am ashamed, or having a hard time accepting who I am. The compulsion desire does not go away it just manifest in my mind until the war that happens in my head between “do it” and “don’t do it” resides. I call it my rollercoaster syndrome, as when I am in compulsion mode I obtain, obtain, obtain as much as possible. When I am in my “Choice” mode, as I’ll call it, I sell everything (usually on ebay) and mentally beat myself until eventually I cave to the compulsion side and acceptance of my CD. The cycle is a continual process one that has gotten me in financial trouble at times but has allowed me to slowly, with therapy, realize that it exist. Slowly I have begun to accept my compulsion as part of me and have been really focused on what increases and decreases the desire. My choice to crossdress is yes a controlled choice but one that directly affects my compulsion as without at least panties on my anxiety is increased and thus my compulsion desires increase. Obviously for others the two processes of Choice and Crossdressing will be different, for me it is something that is more of a combination of the two in a battle of ongoing acceptance, triggered by other elements within my mind.

[sometimes_miss]

CD is something a person is born with and usually manefests itself quite early on.
Nope. That's the party line, because to admit otherwise would make it something someone might have to take responsibility for. And no one wants to do that. And that is a big stumbling block, because I can tell you with certainty that there are some crossdressers who developed the desire to dress up later in life, perhaps due to some type of life experience, perhaps due to a chemical imbalance, or even trauma which might affect the mind. Blindly insisting that we're all 'born that way' is the cop out to avoid trying to find out if there was some outside influence that might have caused it.

[PattyT]

I have to disagree with you, sometimes-miss.
"Blindly insisting that we're all 'born that way' is the cop out to avoid trying to find out if there was some outside influence that might have caused it."
I agree to a certain extent in that absolute statements can be wrong.
As for CD, I think that the desire to crossdress is triggered off by a personality trait that one is born with. I realize this discussion might be a matter of semantics or a splitting of hairs. In other words, a person is born with a personality trait which makes him open to the CD phenomenon. Most triggered off quite early on, as early as 5 years of age． Some experience awakened a dormant, latent personality trait or inclination to female things such as clothing. Obviously in some cases this could happen later on in life too. Not having this personlity trait would explain why the vast majority of people are not crossdressers, and may even be repulsed by it. The desire to crossdress cannot be unrelated to inborn peronality traits.

There has got to be a connection between personality and personal intersts. I am extremely interested in maritime and naval history, primarily during the period of sail. Next to CD, it's one of the only things that goes right to my heart. This was triggered off by a book I read when I was about 7 concerning the American naval hero John Paul Jones. The pictures of the sailing ships in that book and his life story had a huge affect on me. It could not have done this unless there was some inbotrn personality trait that left me open to this. Even today, whenever I see a model of a sailing ship, or movies with them in it I get a very strong emotional feeling. It can happen with any ship I'm interested in. I once went to an exibition of artifacts from Titanic. At the entrance there was a video showing scenes from the wreck. At one point there was a picture of the famous main staircase, and then the very scene brought to life by the 1996 movie. My eyes filled with tears as suddenly I felt that Titanic had almost come back from the dead. My emotion was directed to the ship, as if t were a living person. Very few people, except sailors, are affected by ships or sailing ships the way I am. There is obviously something in my personality which causes this reaction. I must have been born with an aspect of personality which causes or opens me to react so strongly to ships.
It's got to be the same with crossdressing. We are born with a personality trait which opens us to this. It can obviously be triggered off in a variety of ways and at various perods of life. but in the end result it goes back to an aspect or trait one is born with.
What this really boils down to is that there are two oposing schools of thought regarding personality. One says that personality is something one is born with. The other school says personality is formed or acquired by the social environment a person is exposed to and has nothing to do with the nature a person is born with. I don't believe this has ever been resolved and the jury is still out on this. It might apply to crossdressing too.

[docrobbysherry]

As Sometimes expained so well, I began dressing out of the blue at age 50+.

However, since I'll never know for sure, Patty mite also be correct. Who's to say that there isn't something in my DNA that made me vulnerable to dressing once exposed to it?:straightface:

But, back to the OP: While my family hasn't had issues with compulsive behavior, dressing is certainly my one issue.

I have found the best way to get dressing, and things to do with it, out of my mind is to dress whenever the desire strikes. That way, I only seem to need to dress 4 or 5 times a month!:thumbsup:

That may not work for some of u, tho.:sad:

[NicoleScott]

Back on topic. When you choose to dress, the compulsion to dress goes away? My reaction is "well, of course". When I choose to eat, the hunger goes away. When I chose to smoke (quit 20+ years ago), the need for a nicotine fix went away, temporarily.
When you choose to dress, the compulsion goes away because it's being satisfied at the time. But what is it that leads you to make the choice to dress? The compulsion. Aren't you just choosing to rename it?

[Sarah Doepner]

Now the test will be to see how long that Choice over Compulsion will last.

At times I've made the choice to be the one in control and it helped considerably to manage my dressing. But that became the basic level and the desire to dress more fully and more frequently leveled up as well.