Yes, it's definitely different now

[Jenniferathome]

Here I sit at the Vintage Wine Bar on Santana Row in the heart of Silicon Valley, enjoying a flight of Chardonnay and it really can't be more normal. I changed my avatar to a picture I just took before I headed out.

My server knows I am not a GG and it couldn't matter a wit to him. That group of gals chatting away a few feet from me couldn't care less. Passers by smile at me. I even walked past a guy I work closely with and he didn't notice a thing nor care if he did.

It it still feels great to be out and interact with the normals but the "rush" is totally different now. My heart is not beating faster than normal, I have zero stress and as much as I'd like to pass as a woman, I do not and it just doesn't matter.

I don't go out all that much but the change over the last few outings has been remarkable. Crazy. What was I ever afraid of?

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=260392&stc=1http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=260391&stc=1

pictures here: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?239287-My-professional-woman-look

[Alice Torn]

It depends on where one goes Cding. Some parts of town would not be so kind. You pick good venues a lot.

[Jenniferathome]

Alice, I am convinced it is not the "where" but the "how." "How" do you go about your business when you are out dressed? How do you interact? How do you carry yourself? How do you present for the time, place, event, etc?

As I walked out the door today, into the bright sunshine, all I was thinking is I need to go to the bank before the wine bar. There is no reason I can't be out so why worry?

[Camille15]

So glad you had a nice day out at the wine bar. You look great and relaxed. Hope you didn't catch any of the rain!

Camille

[Jenniferathome]

Camille, you should've joined me. Next time, eh? No rain and the sun came out! I did have to wear a coat because it was bit cool as you know. Santana Row is a great place to go out.

[Kandi Robbins]

You could not be more right, it is the "how". If the "where" is an issue, you probably shouldn't be there anyway, male or female mode.

I have literally been out almost a hundred times over the past two years and have yet to have a single negative reaction. I have accumulated a significant number of friendships along the way, mostly with GGs.

This past week I strolled into a restaurant between two men standing out smoking, obviously blue collar guys. While they may have rolled their eyes, they may have talked about me once I entered the restaurant, they said nothing to me as I passed like any one else. I couldn't help but think about having made that same walk a year ago. I would have at least waited for the doorway to clear, now I get out of my car and move forward like I would otherwise.

Keep preaching the gospel, the world is changing. Sure it's much more slowly than we would all like, but it is changing.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Jen,
Thanks so much for the invite!
My wheels are rolling, and I'm on my way
to meet you there tonight.
Hell, putting the two of us together amongst
the muggles should be like slapping a pair of
prescription lenses on society.
(i'll bring some cash for bail just in case)

Camille you should join us!
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Teresa]

Jennifer,
Do you think you'll ever get to the point where you forget you're dressed ?

Even now after a few short weeks of going to my meetings, I'll be talking to someone forgetting how I'm dressed but being reminded that when I cross my legs I catch someone with a heel or get it caught round a table leg. I may turn and answer someone else and find I'm showing more leg than I intended.
An incident that made me smile afterwards, was when Carole brought some lovely blue shoes in for me to try , I slipped into total girl mode the way I slipped them on, and tried to walk in them, someone else saw me and came over to look at them so I passed them over and she tried them , annoyingly they fitted her, they were too tight for me . It all felt so natural !

[ReineD]

Good for you Jen!

... a flight of wine? I've never heard of this. They line up wine glasses like beer?

[NicoleScott]

Reine, it's a wine tasting term. A flight is the selected wines for tasting (the number varies).

[Lorileah]

or whiskey...or scotch....or vodka. A flight just refers to smaller samples so you can taste


I may turn and answer someone else and find I'm showing more leg than I intended.


Impossible

[Jaylyn]

I usually get more relaxed after a flight of wine but just never have been dressed when I did it... Really you look great and you go gal. Right attitude and since I'm not out I can only live vicariously thru your post. Enjoy you look great.

[Jenniferathome]

Good for you Jen!

... a flight of wine? I've never heard of this. They line up wine glasses like beer?

yep! 3 glasses, 3 oz each

[Ineke Vashon]

Reine, it's a wine tasting term. A flight is the selected wines for tasting (the number varies).

If a flight of wine is as small as an airplane seat, I can understand the connection. Or do I?:eek:

Ineke :drink:

[ReineD]

Wine tasting. Makes sense. Just never heard it referred to as a flight before. Live and learn!

[Tracii G]

Jennifer if I was in that area I would have loved to have joined you.
You are making a great point it is HOW you/we interact that makes it work.
Enjoy being you and that is what matters most.

[Jenniferathome]

Jennifer,
Do you think you'll ever get to the point where you forget you're dressed ?...

Teresa, yes, there are moments but those moments are fleeting and I am usually reminded I am dressed due to shifting my position, hair falling in my face, etc, etc... What is more striking to me is that my concern about being dressed is zero. It just is and no one seems to mind.

[Eryn]

It depends on where one goes Cding. Some parts of town would not be so kind. You pick good venues a lot.

Every prudent person, TG, GG, or just ordinary folk, avoid the rougher parts of town. Nothing wrong with that.

I go pretty much everywhere I want, from swanky private clubs to the grocery store. I've never been treated badly.

[PaulaQ]

Shoot girl, you were in a nice part of Santa Clara. You could'a dressed just a bit less crazy than the person in Curt Schilling's meme and been ok. Lol!

I do think trying to avoid attention makes you less of a target, but really, even in places less friendly than the Bay Area, it's mostly about being in the wrong place, at the wrong time, when the wrong people are present.

I think you are more passable than you give yourself credit for. I haven't had the privilege of meeting you in person, but you look very good in your pictures.

[mykell]

............................... I even walked past a guy I work closely with and he didn't notice a thing nor care if he did. .........................


jen curiosity has got me and i apologize if you have shared this already, are you out to anyone else but the mrs.,.....do your children or co-workers know jennifer,
i hope to reach your comfort level sooner than later, just had my wig done and you have me thinking of going shorter.

[Jenniferathome]

No, just out to my wife. My kids are grown and out of the house and my cross dressing will never affect them. My need to cross dress is occasional only.

[nikkiwindsor]

Jen and Tracii,

If I visited southern CA, I'd love to go out with you gals...but you'd have to help me tone down my presentation. I know I wear too much makeup and I'd have to find a more appropriate dress to wear in public. Nikki

[Sarah Doepner]

I don't go out all that much but the change over the last few outings has been remarkable. Crazy. What was I ever afraid of?



Not Crazy at all. You were afraid of the same things that most of us are when we first start going out in public. We lack the confidence in ourselves to not behave in a foolish or dangerous way, and we lack confidence in others to do the same. The best way we get over it is to do it. We see the kind of story you post here and it helps with the second part, but we still have to find that inner strength to step out and begin to build the confidence you are displaying now.

Getting out away from home seems to be the ticket for me, but once I'm out the door I've committed and must own it, regardless of where on planet Earth I might be.

Good for you and good for our society as it shows all the signs of growing pains, hopefully leading to maturity.

[Jennifer-GWN]

Comfort and confidence says a lot plain and simple. You go girl!

Cheers... Jennifer

[Teresa]

Sarah,
I do agree with you, it's easier away from home, you have no choice but to own it otherwise you just sit in the car !
I'm having small things happen in my home area that I've had to deal with which is opening my situation up.

[sometimes_miss]

You could not be more right, it is the "how". If the "where" is an issue, you probably shouldn't be there anyway, male or female mode.

So, you just contradicted yourself. The 'where' IS an issue after all.

[Tina81]

Jennifer,
You and others are leading the way for the rest of us...you're a trailblazer.

[Jenniferathome]

Jennifer if I was in that area I would have loved to have joined you....

Open invitation Tracii.


...I do think trying to avoid attention makes you less of a target, ...

I think you are more passable than you give yourself credit for. ...

Paula, I agree with the "attention" comment. And that does not mean "hiding" nor does it mean avoiding contact with he normals. It just means not being outrageous. That's a pretty easy bar to get under. And thanks for the compliment on my appearance but based on my positive interactions, I'm clearly not a GG. I can only work with what I have which is true for all of us. But going back to your original comment goes a long ways.


...If I visited southern CA, I'd love to go out with you gals...but you'd have to help me tone down my presentation....
Nikki, if you visited SoCal, we wouldn't were there!:heehee: Like Tracii, the invitation is open.


...we still have to find that inner strength to step out...

Sarah, I think it is not any particular "strength" but rather, a very simple admission/acceptance that things are what they are. I think we tend to look at outside forces as somehow exerting control over us. The only thing exerting control, is us.


...you're a trailblazer.

Tina, I don't see it that way. I have no agenda and do not push a "cause." What I do, absolutely anyone can do.

[PattyT]

Jenniferathome, you really hit the nbail on the head with this comment:

"It it still feels great to be out and interact with the normals but the "rush" is totally different now. My heart is not beating faster than normal, I have zero stress and as much as I'd like to pass as a woman, I do not and it just doesn't matter. "

This is precisely the attitude you and other CDs should take. You have started a wonderful adventure. I've been dressing freqently for years and came to this conclusion a long time ago.

Teresea noted:
"...I'll be talking to someone forgetting how I'm dressed..."

I've experienced this a lot. Eventually you should reach the point where you at times forget you are dressed. How you are dressed becomes simply irrelevant.

[Robin414]

It IS different now, before the great purge of '86 I felt it was SOOO important to 'pass'.

Now though I personally enjoy presenting 'en tween', I WANT people to see that I'm a nice, normal person who's 'gender non binary'

I might go go 'all in' one day but until then I like to think I'm an Ambassador for those in transition 😉

[StacyCD]

Given enough wine, I'd probably not care too much about passing. Wink!

[Claire Cook]

Hi Jen,

You've expressed just what I -- and I hope others -- feel. Whenever I go out now -- which is more often -- I feel the same: "comfortable in my own skin". I'm accepted, or at least tolerated maybe as a woman or maybe as a guy who seems at ease with her appearance. Most people don't seem to care, and if I get a second look, well, I'll just smile. I'm so glad you feel this way and shared this.

We have a wine bar here in our neighborhood that's frequented by my co-workers. Haven't yet gone there en femme -- maybe I'll have to wait until my current tour ends in July ... and my retirement starts ... :daydreaming:

Hope you found a nice chard!

Claire