Two different people?

[nothingclever]

It's weird calling my bf by his femme name. I see her, but I keep calling her by his boy name....am I offending her?

[ReineD]

It's offensive for some, but not others. My SO didn't mind if I slipped up.

So because this sort of thing isn't the same for everyone, you should ask your bf how he feels when you slip up. Then you'll know! :)

[nothingclever]

She always looks so happy when I call her by her femme name, which ironically, I gave her, but it feels so weird to me....

[Dana44]

My SO is accepting, yet I never have heard her call my by my fem name. When we are out she says she but sometimes slips and says he. LOL It is not offensive, but would ask? I told her that she should when we are out call me by my fem name for clarification of others, like waiters so there would not be those slips. Yet she hasn't called me by my fem name yet. Perhaps in time...

[ReineD]

It felt weird to me too in the beginning. You'll get used to it. When you think of it, a lot of things we do feel awkward in the beginning.

[nothingclever]

We're just figuring this out. I'm the first one he's told and he's the first CDer I know. It's really confusing.

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That feels sad to me.

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My SO is accepting, yet I never have heard her call my by my fem name. When we are out she says she but sometimes slips and says he. LOL It is not offensive, but would ask? I told her that she should when we are out call me by my fem name for clarification of others, like waiters so there would not be those slips. Yet she hasn't called me by my fem name yet. Perhaps in time...
Would you like it if she called you by your femme name? How would that feel?

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Thank you, I am still learning how to navigate this site. I appreciate your response. It's awesome that you would even bother! Thank you!!!!

[Ninna]

Im sure she knows that you dont do it in the offencive way, but im sure she would be very happy if you call her by her girl name, we adore that!!

[ReineD]

You'll go through a period of learning about this together, and also getting used to this ... not just you, but your bf too. A lot of CDers feel awkward dressing in front of their girlfriends in the beginning too.

And there will be times when you'll think he's going overboard, which is bound to happen as he learns new things and wants to try them all. But eventually, it will all settle down. When the two of you have got to the point where it is stable and somewhat routine, things will fall into place. My relationship with my own SO was a bit like a yo-yo for about 4-5 years. I even thought he was on the way to transition! But no. He just got all caught up in expanding the look, the wardrobe, the nails, the shaving, the hair, the pierced ears, learning to go out dressed while blending in, taking pictures, establishing social profiles and making friends he could go out dressed with, etc. But when the final goal was reached ... an ability to go with confidence anywhere and everywhere that my SO wanted without taking 2 hours to get ready, everything stabilized. My SO barely dresses any more. Almost never at home. We enjoy going out dressed together, but lately it has been averaging about once every two months.

And frankly, I cannot tell the difference in my SO whether dressed or not. I don't notice the clothes, because my SO is my same SO no matter how dressed.

[Jenniferathome]

Cleaver, my wife is totally accepting of me as a cross dresser. When we're together alone, she uses my male name because that's what we're both used to. It does not offend me in the least. It is my name after all.

When we are out, for convenience only, she uses the female name I have chosen. It just makes things more normal if others here her call a female name when I'm dressed.

Talk about it with him. Best of luck

[Teresa]

Nothingclever,
You have to try and think before opening your mouth, when attending my social group I have to respect other members, some are Cders, some are on hormones and some have almost transitioned it's difficult to remember all their names but you can't call them , "He ".
It's easier for me because my female name derives easily from my male one, in shortened form it's a matter of changing a y to an i .

I tried to explain this to my wife , and the fact that CDers also deserve respect , not disdain .

[Tracii G]

Think if you were the one doing the crossdressing how would you feel?
Would it offend you ?

[nothingclever]

Whoa. I do think before opening my mouth. That's why I asked. I am speaking of private moments. My bf is not in any groups or out at all. I just want him to be completely happy and confident when he's dressed so that SHE can feel recognized and comfortable in her own skin. It's weird for me calling her by a new name though. I was looking for some input. Is it weird to her when I call her by her femme name? It's just us right now. My bf is so good about answering my questions, but I get the feeling there is a desire for me to just jump on board.....but I don't want to seem weird.....

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Hard to imagine. I don't think my SO would be on board....

[StacyCD]

My SO and I have never been out together so I can't answer that part of the question. I would hope she uses my femme name and female pronouns. At home when I'm dressed she has never used my name or gender specific pronouns. Having gone from DADT to being able to dress regularly when at home, I'm happy to leave the disappoint about my name(s) alone.

[Rachelakld]

Hi Clever,
I'm 50, been called all sorts of names, especially during my teens.
People say what they say - the receiver then has a "CHOICE" as to if they wish to be offended or not.

My wife and kids call me by my male name and I'm proud that that is "My relationship" with them and I will always want that husband/father relationship.
When in public they try (god bless them) to use my female name, although it is difficult for them and I acknowledge that fact.

BTW, I haven't been offended in the last 40 years - I don't let anyone affect me that way anymore.

[trisha kobichenko]

I have and use a femme name, but my SO uses the name that she married, regardless of how I am dressed, and that's fine with me. It shows that she sees that I am the same person regardless of how I present.
Trisha

[Claire Cook]

I'm often out dressed with my wife, and honestly it used to bother me when she would call me by my male name. Now, maybe because I have accepted and am more comfortable with myself, it doesn't matter anymore. If we are with GG friends she always calls me Claire, as they do.

[mechamoose]

I'd ask to find out.

I'd guess she isn't offended, but calling her by the name you gave her would give her a burst of the Good Feels.

Kitty / Moose

(I didn't give myself *either* of my names. My Wife gave me Kitty, friends gave me Moose)

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi NC :hugs: , If he gives you a frown then you will know.

[IamWren]

Hi NC. :wave:
I think you are just fine not calling your CDer by her femme name. I'm sure she knows there is no malisciousness in your tone and obviously you both are treading on very new ground. I think it's really sweet that your here trying so hard to be supportive. Keep that up and you two will be just fine.

But like others have said, find a time when you can ask and get honest feedback about your questions. What I mean is, you know when there are no distractions.

On a side note... I'm not out to my wife. Completely closeted. I don't think she calls me by my boy name but a couple of times a month. It's usually endearments that she has for me. I'm so used to that I'm not sure how I would feel if she called me Sayyidah.

Sorry, I probably wasn't much help. :straightface:

[nothingclever]

Wow, thank you all for your input. I really appreciate it! 💗

[Kate Simmons]

I guess it would depend on the particular person Hon. It wouldn't matter to me one bit. I've been called a lot of worse things in my time for sure. :battingeyelashes::)

[Cheryl T]

Personally, when we go out somewhere I tend to get offended when my wife refers to me as "him" or "he". I know it's difficult for her at times, but I put forth so much effort to present my feminine aspect that I really prefer to be referred to in the feminine. If she can't use my name (Cheryl) then please use the feminine pronouns.
If we are home, in private, then it's never an issue because we rarely use first names anyway. We always have used the "pet names" we have for each other.

[Tracii G]

Probably best to talk about it and come to an agreement of some kind.

[Lexi_83]

It's weird calling my bf by his femme name. I see her, but I keep calling her by his boy name....am I offending her?Very sweet of you to ask.

I try to make the point to people that no one is born with a "How to be Trans" book. We all just kind of make our way. I think keeping her happy would be a good strategy, like any relationship!

FWIW my ex-wife was never comfortable calling me Lexi.

[Jaylyn]

Try and get to a point in your relationship that you can actually talk about anything and not be offended. This takes time and work but after my wife and I reached that point everything is talked about and all our feelings have been expressed, it's like burden is lifted when you can visit with each other about anything you feel and someone not get their feelings hurt.

[rachelatshop]

Hi, Nothingclever, The problem I see here is that many of the girls posting don't know the extent of your BF's cross dressing and where you two are in your relationship. It sounds to me like he is still learning where he is in the cross dressing spectrum, as he is only dressing at home and in your presence. The two of you are in a great place to grow together in such a way that most of us will never experience. All you need to know is TALK AND WHEN THAT IS NOT ENOUGH, TALK SO MORE. Hugs always,

[Georgette_USA]

No BF or GF.
I have a little different problem at times. Most all of the CDs I know only when they are dressed and only their femme name. This is not a problem for the TGs, as they are mostly transitioning and have name changed for the most part.

Situation last Friday, a CD friend pulled into parking lot while getting a stub for parking. Someone calls from a car, did not recognize at first. Person got out to get a stub also. Boston accent and face looked familiar. I realized it was a friend Samantha in male mode.
I only had seen her in femme mode, and have no clue to male name. I felt awkward and stupid to say the least.

My question is how would I handle that if in a more public place. It would seem stupid for me to call them a she/her and using their femme name. I guess I could ask and have them use their male name. Would not want to embarrass them in public.

It would be hard for me to proper gender and name when talking. As I am so used to using she/her and femme names for quite awhile.