How come you are not transsexual?

[FemPossible]

Wait a sec! I know how the title must sound, but this is not meant as a troll post or to be rude. When I first came here I thought that I was just a crossdresser, but I discovered that I was actually trans. I've learned a lot about gender identity and gender expression ever since. But I'm curious about those who haven't made the leap. I know that just being a crossdresser does not mean that you're trans. But I'm curious how those of you who identify as male feel when it comes to the topic. Are you 100% sure of your male identity? If yes, can you explain how you are so sure? Once again, I know the difference between just dressing up as a woman and identifying as one, I just haven't heard it from a non-trans person's perspective.

[Kate Simmons]

I originally felt that I may need to transition to be myself but since I've accepted ALL of my feelings and taken ownership of them I no longer feel I need to do that. :battingeyelashes::)

[Ceera]

I currently self-identify as trans-gender, as a cross dresser, and as gender fluid - but not as transsexual. I'm bisexual, but prefer female company in either presentation, which makes me mostly straight as a male and mostly lesbian as a lady - but I can go either way for romantic fun, and have in the past. Growing up, I knew I was bi back in high school, but I had a father who never would have been able to accept his only son being anything but straight. So until he passed away, I suppressed my gay and feminine impulses, and tried to live a straight life. In my 50's I found myself widowed, after 30 years of straight, monogamous marriage and raising a lovely 20 year old daughter. Both of my parents were gone, and with my daughter's acceptance I embraced my whole self, and started exploring my feminine side.

I feel I have both feminine and masculine sides to my identity, and I thoroughly enjoy living in both worlds. I don't have gender dysphoria, so I feel no pressing urgency to fully transition to female. Breast forms, hip pads, a thong gaff to hold my tuck, a wig, and good makeup give me what I need to alter my appearance from male to a convincing and rather attractive female who can pass as a GG. I love going out into the world as a lady and being accepted as a female, and most of my social time I am choosing to experience in female mode, as my girly side catches up on what she missed out on while I was suppressing my feminine impulses. I have one remaining relative who would probably be upset of I transitioned fully - my little sister, who I dearly love. Retaining the ability to present 100% male may be needed to maintain my good relationship with my sister and attend family functions with her family. I haven't come out to her yet, though she has already seen and commented on several girly things about me, and I am certain we'll have 'that talk' soon.

While my feminine side is certain that it would feel marvelous to have real breasts, getting top surgery would make it difficult or impossible to revert back to male, to express my male side. At my mid 50's, and lacking any dysphoria, I have no real incentive to go through HRT or SRS. Perhaps I would consider it, if I gained a new, committed partner who really wanted to live with me for the long term, with me as a full time woman. But while I have dated a girl who liked being with me in my girly mode, and who knew both sides of me, I haven't found anyone yet who would only want me to be a woman for them, or who wanted to commit to a long term relationship with my feminine identity. So, since I have no intention of changing my physical gender or legal gender identity, I do not consider myself 'transsexual', no matter how much I enjoy 'being a woman'.

[Jenniferathome]

I am 100% certain I am male and just a cross dresser. I do not identify as a woman. I don't feel like a woman (if I even knew what that was) when I am dressed. I never dream of having any of the female anatomy and I like my part quite a lot. To quote Woody Allen from the movie Sleeper, "Reprogram my brain? That's my second favorite organ."

When I read posts from the trans side of this forum, nothing resonates for me. I don't get it. I've always been a pragmatic guy and things are what they are, so I have never struggled with me being a cross dresser except that I hid it from my for for too long.

I like the change made when I dress but I am a tourist only.

[JustWendy]

I ask myself the question, "do I need to transition in order to survive?" The answer is "no". In addition to that, I enjoy socializing with men and women, but when I'm socializing with women, I don't feel like one of the girls, nor do I feel like I want to be. I'm a feminine guy who enjoys presenting en femme as often as I can, but I'm a guy.

[Mayo]

I'm currently considering myself non-binary, but still mostly (~80%) male. I find myself comfortable in some female clothing and enjoy the sensation of feeling female-bodied (to the extent that I can do so). I have almost always felt more at ease in the company of women than men and generally find them easier to relate to. I have occasional slight gender dysphoria and would have preferred to have been born female but I accept that I was born as I was. I think of myself as falling under the edge of the 'trans umbrella' as I'm slightly more than 'just a CD'. At this point I can't see myself transitioning but who knows what I'll feel like in ten years.

[Rhonda Jean]

I say I'm a crossdresser because that's what I am. It's one word that everybody understands pretty well without going into all the smaller details that may or may not apply to me. One significant digit, if you will. I don't see "trans" being better than, ahead of, above or in any way superior to being "just a crossdresser", but to someone unfamiliar with this community it'd be easy to assume that trans is the head of the class. If someone is going to be a real part of this forum, other members need to know where we're coming from. We get to know each other around here. It'd be easy enough for anyone to claim a spot where they wish to be or fantasize being, but we tend to (at least sometimes) be a bit deeper than that. It's pretty easy after a while to sort out who is and who just says they are. We frequently get lost in labels. For instance, when you say you're "trans", I'm not sure exactly what that means. It take it from context that you see it as being further along, deeper, more serious, maybe ever better than being "just a crossdresser", but I have no idea exactly what you're driving at.

If you think that crossdressing is strictly a preference for, say, skirts over pants... that would be inaccurate. The "Men in Skirts" forum is where they hang out. As "just a crossdresser" I certainly have feminine elements of my personality, my thought processes, my general being that differs significantly from the more typical male, but I'm mostly comfortable living most of my life as a typical male. I dress frequently. Sometimes I'd describe those outings as being out "as a woman" and sometimes just "dressed as a woman". Sometimes even male with a feminine touch (carrying a purse and wearing nail polish, for instance). My friends on here who I consider "trans" to the letter of the law don't ever de-transform, as I do.

[Taylor186]

I too, am just a crossdresser. I no longer give a seconds thought to whether I am something more. A few years ago I would have said that crossdressers like myself fit under the broad Trans umbrella but it seems lately that claiming Trans means you have thoughts or desires for transition or maybe some discomfort being male. I just don't. While I get great joy from dressing I never think of myself as anything but male no matter what I am wearing. I have great empathy for those contemplating or actively transitioning (or transitioned) as they give up and risk a lot to be themselves, but that is not my path.

[lmildcd]

I cross dress because it makes me feel good. I don't pretend to be a woman.

[Kimberly2112]

There are a lot of different things that fall under what we call "Gender"... your body, your presentation, who you identify with, who you're attracted to, how others relate to you. Each one of these is a spectrum rather than a black-and-white choice. Where you are on the spectrum can change. So some people might not want to fully adopt a new gender identity because they're not comfortable with all aspects of that identity, at least not all the time. Being forced to identify as cisgender or transgender can be like being forced to identify yourself as a tall person or a short person when you're really medium height.

[sara.rafaela]

I like being a man. For me, going out dressed is something different. For example, I live in New York and you might call it a very interesting place. Yet, I still enjoy travel to other places, whether it be Paris, France, or Bishop, California. When I go to these places I get to experience a magical new world, and that invigorates me. Going out dressed is the same thing. I get to experience something that is new, different, and exciting with just an hour of preparation. How magical can that be? I do not really think in terms of being feminine or expressing my feminine self, or wanting to be like that permanently.

[Nicolesmyth]

I am a crossdresser. I have never felt like I was trapped in a man's body. However, I do enjoy dressing and feeling feminine especially the feelings of relaxation and calmness that comes with it. It's my "warm bath" if you will. I find that the traditional male roles I want to do as a man and the traditional female roles "dressed" as a woman. No offense to either sex for my "traditional roles" comment. When I am "en femme" I want to shop, engage in conversation, and clean the house. It's not to say that I won't do these things in "drab", but I find that I "want" to do them when dressed. Just like I want to watch/participate in sports, do "honey do's", drink beer and burp, etc. as a guy. I like being a man, but sometimes I need a "warm bath".

[Tracii G]

I am gender fluid would be the best way to put it I do love my duality.I am trans for sure and would love to transition but medically I cannot because of the medication and its risks with my existing condition and age.If I were in my 20's you bet I would.
I really do think I was meant to be a girl because I have always felt there was a mix up when they passed out genes.

[Yoshisaur]

For me I still identify as male because that is what I present to my friends and family who don't know about my crossdressing. However if I were to ever let them know about who I am and have this be public knowledge then I would give more serious thoughts to making the transition. For now though i'm satisfied with keeping this male-female dynamic I have going on.

[lyndsayalexis]

I'm 100% heterosexual, I don't consider myself as a trans, I dress up with woman clothes because I been attracted to their fashion, the way they can put different clothes together, tops, skirts, dresses, blouses, etc, because all of this make me feel excited and feel good, so I'm a crossdresser only

[Teresa]

FemPossible,
I had to go through gender counselling to really find myself, now I know I'm just on the male side of TS. I prefer to look female and feel comfortable in either mode but feel natural, more comfortable and relaxed in femme mode. Maybe I'm still not 100% sure, but age and commitments would make me think very hard before making any changes.

[Lily Catherine]

Put simply: I have yet to give significant thought to transition, and am more than unlikely to make this grave and life changing decision. At point of writing I still present as a male most of the time, but still feel as natural when I present female. Then again, I haven't fully broken open my closet either so all I know is that I am definitely around the edge of the trans umbrella, very slightly more than a mere crossdresser, yet miles away from the prospect of transition.

[OnlyRed]

Today is a special day for me. I am dressed in very good clothes. I look very handsome as a man. The society sees me as a man. I like talking to girls and I like the way they are attracted to me.

Today is not the day for my femme side.

But there are days where I like to look at my waxed legs, wear make up and wear women's clothes. I also get sexually aroused by them. Sometimes after the sexual gratification, I remove all the female attire immediately. Sometimes, I like to wear comfortable women's clothes and watch TV.

It's on and off.

Fortunately (or unfortunately), the day when I told my wife about it and broke the marriage, I had severe dysphoria. I felt trapped inside a man's body. I wanted femme body parts badly. That day if you had asked me if I wanted a transition, I would have said yes. But today, I don't feel like it.

It's a spectrum. For some the position is constant. For me it wavers.

But this doesn't affect my relationships with friends or my work. So as long as life goes on, let it go on.

Will I ever get a transition?

Probably never.

Because though I have had the extreme desire to transition on certain days, it has never lasted for several days. And transition is painful and involves lot of steps. I don't think my dysphoria will ever reach to a level where I get HRT or SRS. By the time I get out of the house and visit a therapist, I would have changed my mind.

[Pat]

My experience of transsexuals is that they often "pass through" the crossdresser space on their way to finding themselves, so it's not uncommon for them to think that crossdressers are just not fully-realized transsexuals. But my personal experience is that crossdressers are their own thing. My transsexual friends tell stories of despising their "male bits" and I certainly don't do that. And they knew from a very young age that they were women. I've known from a very young age that I get solace and comfort from woman-ish behavior and presentation, but I've never felt that i was actually a woman. (I do however get really, really dysphoric about not having breasts and having body hair. But it's just those physical attributes that bother me, not anything else.)

As to "why" I'm not transsexual? Same reason I'm not cis-gender, I suppose. I was lucky. ;)

[tifftg]

I think fortunately I am only a crossdresser. I say that because it means that I can have greater control of my choices. Like others above I went thru therapy to examine how far along the journey I needed to go. I think about dressing every day, I come to this site fairly often. I also keep my male side and family side fully engaged with that part of my life. Would I want to dress more often yes I enjoy that, am I a woman inside. No I am not.

[docrobbysherry]

When I arrived here after dressing in a vacuum for 10 years, I fantasized about surgeries. Those desires vanished after a few years. As did my hopes for my "fem side" to appear. I'm simply a CD at best.

Let me answer your question then throw it back at u and others who talk about your fem side.

I was a man with NO gender issues until I began dressing out of the blue in my 50's. So, what was feeling like a man like before then? The main thing I recall was never, ever thinking I mite be a female or have a fem side! I've always been different. But, never considered myself fem in any way. And, I still don't. Except in my appearance. I've never thot of myself as "feeling like a man". I've always felt like ME. Still do, no matter how I dress.

So, FemPossible let me ask u. What does "feeling like woman" feel like? And, how do u know that IS what your feeling? :straightface:

[Dana44]

I am a gender fluid androgynous male. I often thought about it but do enjoy being male and dressing female as a balance between male and female. I like my male parts and I am in a heterosexual relationship. I'm Bi sexual but I love women. To put that in perspective. I have to take care of her sexually and she is not a lesbian. But I have kissed her with makeup and lipstick on and put her through me dressing as a female while going out. I appreciate her and well even though I sometimes have gender dysphoria, I know for sure that I am male and that I will never transition.

[Tina81]

I'm with Jennifer. I tell my wife the best part about crossdressing is that I can go back to dressing as a male. There was an interesting article this past week-end in the Washington Post. I concur that the reason we are crossdressers or transsexcual is due to the "hormonal wash" theory. As a crossdresser, it's just not as strong for me to identify as a female. I prefer the clothes and trying to understand the motivation for wigs and make-up.

Here's the link to that WashPost article: http://www.washingtonpost.com/sf/national/2016/04/21/truth-and-transgender-at-70/

[BillieAnneJean]

I have no desire to transition.
I have friends that are. I respect and admire them and their determination.
I am just a CDer.
For me this is just an escape, fun.
I feel VERY lucky that I discovered this.
Because I am MUCH happier a a guy. Instead of it being a default, it is by choice.
SUCH FUN!

[Tina_gm]

I see this as sort of a where are you on the spectrum thread. A somewhat different angle perhaps-

Those on the TS side will usually give the advice, transition is only for those who feel they must, and if you don't feel you must, don't. Now, for some, they may for whatever their reasons are, not transition in any way shape or form, but yet still identify themselves internally as a woman and a woman only. Most though, once they do recognize themselves as a woman 100% will typically make some big changes in their lives.

So, for me, why haven't I made the leap??? Several reasons. But I would suppose any one reason that is enough to make me feel that I am not 100% female internally, that is enough. I personally consider myself to be in the TG spectrum. I consider myself to be TG by the definition it currently holds, although for many nowadays, TG is the new TS. I consider myself to be dual gender. I identify with both male and female, although I do not fully identify with either. I am a man who is more feminine, more like a woman, but I do not identify AS a woman. I do have male as part of my internal core, and masculinity to some degree as well. For me it is frustrating to not be a woman, but yet it does not feel wrong to be a man. I do not need to transition to survive. For me, it would be harder to transition than to live the life I am living now.

[flatlander_48]

When I first started dressing, I was surprised at how little of the common guilt and shame that I felt. If I was going out for, say, 5-6 hours, might feel it for the first 15 or 20 minutes while getting dressed. After that, it was over. The rest of the time was just spent functioning and interacting with others as my alter-ego, DeeAnn. These days, that initial shame and guilt has long since vanished. Some here view themselves as 2 distinct personalities; one male and one female. For me it is one personality, but different traits become stronger or weaker as a function of presentation. In other words, all traits exist all the time, but some may be more intense considering presentation.

In the last year or so, I've realized that the notion of feminism was always much closer to me than I thought. By junior high school, or early high school, I knew what Dolman sleeves, peplums and bust darts (and many other things) were. It wasn't that I was consciously trying to learn; it just stuck. Women's fashions of the mid-50's to the early 60's also made a very strong impression on me.

Years ago when I started doing some personal introspection work, someone who had known me for all of 30 minutes said that I had peaceful and gentle soul. Historically my relationships with women have been very good; usually quite a bit better than with men. I suspect that there is a relationship here as my default personality is low key and non-aggressive. Usually women take me into their confidence fairly easily. I prefer consensus building instead of command and control. Not that I can't do these things, but it isn't usually my starting point. Anyway, all this seems to point towards a distinct feminine component to my personality.

One final point: when I started dressing, it didn't feel foreign to me. Obviously women's and men's clothing have very different sensations as a function of material, weight, design, etc. It's hard to explain. The sensations felt new and old at the same time; perhaps something like the idea of getting in touch with a past life. I don't know how else to say it.

I think any one of these things by themselves wouldn't necessarily have a lot of impact. However, taken in aggregate, it struck me that I was in a place that was beyond Crossdressing. It all seemed almost too easy and too comfortable for me to become DeeAnn. I feel comfortable as Don and as DeeAnn. I'm not distressed wearing male clothes and I'm not distressed wearing female clothes. They are all just My Clothes.

So, my conclusion was that I am transgender to some degree, but not enough at this time to warrant considering transition. The amount of time spent as DeeAnn seems to be sufficient and things appear to be stable.

DeeAnn

[Lexi_83]

I am a gender fluid androgynous male. ive.//I refer to myself as "in-between" but "gender fluid" seems to be a more modern description and therefore more easily understood. Thank you.

[ReineD]

When I first came here I thought that I was just a crossdresser, but I discovered that I was actually trans.

What does this mean?

The word "trans" or "transgender" is ambiguous. It is used to describe a wide spectrum of people. So do you identify as male, or female, or are you gender fluid, meaning you don't identify solidly as either a man or a woman but some combination of both or you fluctuate between the two based on how you feel on any given day. Does this make sense? A gender of "trans" by itself doesn't really describe any gender.

Some transitioned folks - people who now live as the opposite gender than their birth sex - use the word "trans" to indicate their process or the fact that they were indeed born a certain sex but have transitioned. But these folks still ultimately think of themselves as being either men (for FtM) or women (for MtF).

So what do you mean, by "trans", exactly.

[Rachael Leigh]

I've come to the point to refer to myself as trans gendered and no I'm not going to transition or do the hormone thing.
As has been mentioned it is a broad term and for me it works. I'm also gender fluid and it took me some time to accept this but once I did I became more comfortable with myself.
I have a male side and I'm good with it but without question I have female side that has a need to express herself.
At times it does feel as if I have two different personalities but more and more they seem to be more alike then I ever thought.

[Sarah Louise]

I don't feel like a girl, but I love getting dressed like one and trying to look as glamorous and pretty as I can. I don't know why I like doing this, but I know I like doing it.

I also love being a husband to my wife and being what I am and that's a man.

[Nikki.]

Since I'm new here I'll assume this joke has been posted a million times, but it still makes me laugh: "What's the difference between a cross dresser and a transsexual? About 5 years."

I think one of the reasons I find it funny is that I really don't think it applies to me. When I reached the conclusion (or more accurately when I got over the shock), that my occasional dalliances wearing lingerie were far more than just a lil bedroom kink, that I had gender issues, and that I had been suppressing the desire to fully present as a woman, I decided to stop living in denial and really try to understand where I was at. after a ton of reading and reflection, I determined that I have no desire to transition. I don't have any problem with my guy parts. I'm happy being a guy. But I also really have an innate desire to present as a woman sometimes. And that desire waxes and wanes. So being a gender tourist as Jen put it, fills that need.

[Alice Torn]

I am a part time crossdresser, or transvestite, and like to present mainly in the closet, as the very tall lady of my dreams, that i never met. I am turned on very much by Alice, in my mirror, but after several hours or a day, take her off, and go back to my guy mode, though at times, i would like to have been born a lady. It is not feasible or practical, for me, though, and my troubled life would become tremendously more troubled.

[Jazzy Jaz]

If one identity you refer to is black and the other identity is white, then I must be some kind of mix of pink and blue!

[PattyT]

Obviously there is no sinlge answer to this question. It all depends on how the indivudual feels. I'm am on the category stated by the person who started this thread, in the sense that I dress because it feels food and natural.
Nicolsmyth stated,
"I am a crossdresser. I have never felt like I was trapped in a man's body. However, I do enjoy dressing and feeling feminine especially the feelings of relaxation and calmness that comes with it. It's my "warm bath" if you will."
I can easily identify with this.
There is a wide range of views, going from the one above to those who feel they are women trapped in a male body. These variations make this forum fascinating.
In the end result, it is each to his own.

[rachelatshop]

I don't feel like a girl, but I love getting dressed like one and trying to look as glamorous and pretty as I can. I don't know why I like doing this, but I know I like doing it.

I also love being a husband to my wife and being what I am and that's a man.
HI, I almost didn't post here, but this post says exactly what I feel. When I first came to this community I was searching of find out where I stood in the cross dressing spectrum, and thanks to the girls here I have been able to feel comfortable in knowing where I stand.
Thanks to all of you
Hugs Rach

[Maria 60]

To me the word crossdresser is self splanatory, cross-dress, wear the other sex cloths. I don't want to identify as a women or act like a women or in any means change to a full time women. I love being a man. I'm a crossdresser.

[Sometimes Steffi]

For me, to be transexual would mean that I would want to be a girl 24x7, either with hormones and surgery or without.

I don't want to be 24x7, but maybe 8x1. I enjoy the 4 consecutive girl days at the Keystone Conference, but at the end of the conference, I like to take my boobs off and put them back in the box for a while.

[alwayshave]

I love wearing women's clothes, makeup and lingerie. I love looking and feeling like a women. However, I know under that I am a man and do not reject my male body parts. So, nothing beyond being a crossdresser.

[heatherdress]

I don't get the question. Transsexual relates to gender identification. Cross dressing relates to clothing and presentation. We are who we are and do what we do. We cannot answer why we are not a gender that we aren't.

[PaulaQ]

My opinion is many of the people here who don't and won't transition ever may self identify as men, but really aren't cisgender men. Instead I think some here are essentially a non-binary type of identity, and one where their gender dysphoria is mitigated sufficiently by dressing. This isn't to say they aren't masculine identified far more than feminine identified - but they aren't really cisgender men - they are something else.

Others are simply feminine men.

Others still are gender fluid - itself a non-binary identity.

All of this is OK,and are perfectly valid ways to be.

Of course some on here are women, and just don't know it yet...

[mechamoose]

But I'm curious about those who haven't made the leap.

I'm both. Male and female, Yin and Yang. My genes don't define me. I happily wallow around in the genderslosh.

I love my girl self, but if I went all that way I'd miss the beautiful rack of antlers that is my XY self. Both are important, and both are beautiful.

[trisha kobichenko]

My experience has been that I am gender fluid, with my mood. I enjoy male pursuits, and have been successful in that area. I enjoy female pursuits, and though I can't measure success as a female, since elements of my male persona preclude female presentation, I totally enjoy being female in private.
My enjoyment of male things, coupled with my family situation totally prevent me from considering a transition. That said, I don't think I would even consider it without a path back, since I am so comfortable in both worlds.
Make any sense to anyone but me?
Trish

[mechamoose]

Yep.

You don't need to cross in order to enjoy yourself. You are YOU, warts and all.

[trisha kobichenko]

Steffi, I totally relate. Who knows why I am the way I am, I just know that is how i am.
Trisha

[ClosetED]

The question is partly semantics "How come you are not transsexual?"
So you have to have definitions of TS vs CD vs TG vs other connotations, and not all agree on what those words mean.
Using my definitions, TS, as it has 'sexual', means you desires to be a different sex than you are biologically/genetically. And that you wish to have sex with people of the opposite sex of what you feel you are (and possibly the same sex as well being bisexual)
TG - 'gender' - means more of what society sees you as and intereacts with you as. You can wish to present only 1 gender or be gender fluid and change back and forth.
Crossdressing is an action but does not connote a reason why you are doing it - to present a different gender or as part of being transsexual.
On this site, CDing is usually used for those who are gender fluid - they identify their sexuality as male but like to present a feminine appearance, as best they can and for a variety of reasons. Some are for sexual release, others for the hard to pin down explanation of calmness, peace, happiness, etc.

So why am I not transexual? I do not hate my male parts and not not want a man to be my bed partner. I moved past the sexual gratification and found the calm, happiness of just being as pretty as I can. I think I do this as I want society to like me, which is a natural instinct. I do not think, while being an average to good-looking man, that I got the amount of attention I needed, possibly due to upbringing that left me attention starved. I saw that pretty girls got attention with little effort, so I dreamed of looking like one. At that time, I thought you had to be a girl to look like one, but that is the confusion and normal society restrictions. I would love to choose how I present and change back and forth without society being upset. I think I would present often as Ellen, as I think I look better as woman than as a man, but it is more work and why be restricted when I am lucky enough to do both appearances well?

One could ask - why are some transexual? Do they feel society will not accept their presentation as feminine unless their hidden sexual organs match their outward appearance? Do they wish to experience the sexual act of being penetrated from the front so much they go thru surgery which reduces the sensitivity of the nerves? I decided a while ago that I was not TS, so I do not know these answers.

Hugs, Ellen

[Ressie]

From what I've heard and understand, being transexual means one is unhappy with the gender they were born with. Don't transexuals actually despise having the sex organs they were born with? And why do we have to spend so much time thinking about what category we're in?

Maybe, it's because there are endless shades of gray area. I might have been happier if I were born a female, but there's no way to know. I had feelings that I wanted to be a female as a teen, but I've never hated being a boy to the point of being unhappy about it.

I gathered long ago that I'm a transvestite. Yes, that's what it was called back then. Now days I realize I'm in the gray area sexually and in gender (gender fluid?). No thoughts or plans of transitioning.

[sometimes_miss]

I'm not transsexual because most of my life is normal male. The desires to be female and dress in female clothing come from underlying connections to affection. Like Pavlov's dogs that salivate when a bell is rung, I connect being dressed, and behaving like a female, to receiving physical affection (not sex), whether it ever comes or not. Because as a child, the only time anyone ever touched me without the intent of causing me pain, was when I was dressed and behaving as a girl. Apparently when something like this goes on for long enough during certain periods of development, it can become a permanent part of your personality. If you want to learn more about it, read my bio, the link is at the bottom of my post.

[flatlander_48]

And that you wish to have sex with people of the opposite sex of what you feel you are (and possibly the same sex as well being bisexual)

Sexual orientation and gender identity are independent. Transsexuals can have any sexual orientation, same as anyone else.

DeeAnn

[Jenny22]

If its possible to be TS in heart and mind, then I'm TS. Every morning, with few exceptions, I dress fully feminine and stay that way until circumstances require I go drab. This forum has been of immense help to me in coming to this realization. I've known since childhood that the boy-me really didn't fit my strong feminine instincts, and having older sisters didn't help as they developed into womanhood, and I didn't. Nevertheless, I tried to be a boy and did all of the boy things, though I wasn't very good at most of them. I didn't know that there were gay people, though I was never attracted to boys as a boy. But as I learned more about sex from dubious sources (I never had "the talk" with Dad), my feminine feelings towards boys began to heighten and I began to fantasize about being the girl in dating and, yes, sex. I still have those feelings, today, only much stronger. If today I was 60 years younger, I would probably fully transition at some point. So, yes, I consider myself to be TS in heart and mind.

[PaulaQ]

If its possible to be TS in heart and mind, then I'm TS. Every morning, with few exceptions, I dress fully feminine and stay that way until circumstances require I go drab.

Hon, gender identity is in your heart and mind. I'm not a woman because I take hormones and have had surgeries. I'm a woman because my heart and mind tell me I am. Maybe this is something you should consider exploring further?


Don't transexuals actually despise having the sex organs they were born with? And why do we have to spend so much time thinking about what category we're in?

Some do, many don't. It's not that you have to be in any particular category, or use any particular label. It's nice if you use labels for political purposes sometimes, or to help explain yourself should you be so inclined to do that. Rather, I think it's important to be who you really are, and to think about that as honestly as possible. Ideally your life in the world should reflect who you really are as a person. Unfortunately, our society discourages this type of authenticity in life rather strongly, sometimes even violently.

The biggest difference, in my opinion, between a crossdresser and a transsexual (we really are trying to get away from that term) is that for someone like me, the difference between who I really am, and who society demanded I be are so large that I couldn't abide them. In my case, death was preferable to living a false life. Not all of us fall into such dire straits, so I'd caution you from making too much if any one symptom of this.

[UNDERDRESSER]

As usual, Reine asks the important question. What do you mean by "trans"?

For myself, I take the term transgender to be someone who takes on, or has, some aspect of what is typically considered to be the gender opposite their birth one. Transsexual, is someone who feels they were born in the wrong gender, and such individuals may consider or need to transition to the appropriate gender. I know this is a gross over simplification, but this my particular slant on it, and is put forth for the purposes of my answer.

I accept that what I do (wearing skirts and hosiery as a man)is crossdressing, but I don't feel it is such in my own mind. I also accept that by most psychological definitions, I am trans gender, because I am using physical display and gender display of the opposite gender, and thus I appear somewhat feminine. My issue with that, is that the current accepted definitions of feminine and masculine are too rigid and will benefit from some loosening up.

[Georgette_USA]

The biggest difference, in my opinion, between a crossdresser and a transsexual (we really are trying to get away from that term)


As someone who left the Trans world behind in 1983 and came back in 2015, I am still coming to terms with all the new labels and definitions. And I am not trying to be contrary.

I kind of agree with the idea of not using TS anymore. But for discussion purposes how do we differentiate all the sub categories under TG. If we use TG for CDs or TSs, this gets confusing. Or only use TG now for ones that would have been TS, as some say it has become. I have friends who do not like being called TG, but CD or BI-Gender.

I came from an era that only had TS, as TG had not come under general use. Back then TS was not even in DSM II 1968-1974. Benjamin popularized the term in his 1966 book, The Transsexual Phenomenon. TS was introduced in DSM III in 1980. I have been doing this for over 40 years and I am old and feel I can still use TS if I want to identify as such. I will tend to use TG/CD or TG/TS to differentiate.

[BillieAnneJean]

I am certain that I am a man in a male body. But I believe that the male population has very few 100% men as does the female population have very few that are 100% female. Everyone but a few has some percentage of the other gender in them. And thankfully that is so. Otherwise we would all be either men totally incapable of understanding anything traditionally feminine, or women totally incapable of understanding anything traditionally masculine.
And I am sure that I will never ever transition. I know this because I am happy to have a day OUT enfemme and happier as a guy because of it.

I am in awe and respect the trans people. To me they are like the explorer's, going where no one has gone before.

[ReineD]

I kind of agree with the idea of not using TS anymore. But for discussion purposes how do we differentiate all the sub categories under TG. If we use TG for CDs or TSs, this gets confusing. Or only use TG now for ones that would have been TS, as some say it has become. I have friends who do not like being called TG, but CD or BI-Gender.

Yes, it is complicated. lol.

No one is willing to come up with new single-words, and obviously using the term "trans" or "transgender" doesn't describe anything, and so using a few words instead of one makes things clear. For example (and this is only to people whom members want to give details):


I identify as a man but I present as a woman occasionally.
I identify as a woman but was born male. I hope to be able to transition in the future.
I am a woman, fully transitioned, although I was born a man.
My gender is fluid. I present as a male at work and as a female socially.
I identify as a man but I was born female. I am in the process of transitioning.
I have no gender. I'm a happy mix of all. :)



... or any other situation.

<edit> - One more, forgot to mention above:


I identify between male and female. This never changes, although my presentation fluctuates.

[CarolynO]

I'm partially trans meaning I'm halfway in the ts zone.50% gender dysphoria.I only realized this in my late 20's.My fantasies morphed from looking like women to being them in a man/woman relationship,being submissive in that role.

Seeing them on youtube makes me green with envy, especially the ones who completed transition,srs before age 18.For me the idea of transition,ffs,grs is a nonstarter even if i passed the screening process.I'm not that young anymore,it would wipe out all my savings and the stress of all that would probably destroy my health.It'be a different story if i was 16,with stronger GD and had the resources.

[JaytoJillian]

If I knew then what I know now my life would be radically different than it is today. By choice, I will live out my days making others happy and conforming to how they have defined me.

[LelaK]

I want to be a woman with some masculine personality traits and some feminine. I want to look entirely female, except maybe for genitalia, and I mean I want to be an attractive woman.

If science and economics make that feasible in my lifetime, I'm open to it, but I expect that I won't transition till after death. I don't like to irritate or disgust anyone, such as my family, who know me as "male", so I'll probably not transition till after death.

In spirit it may be possible for everyone to see each other as they would like to see each other, including themselves. So my family could see me the way they're used to seeing me, even when I see myself differently. Thus would be solved the problem of upsetting anyone maybe.

[NikkiHunter]

I think I identify with Lelak the most with a twist. I'm probably an agnostic TS. Or as I like to say, I'm 100% sure I don't know what I am yet.

[Virginia1983]

I've always wanted to be a woman. Always. Instead I live my life as a feminine gay man. And I dress often - especially for my live in man. My family always knew and accepted me, my crossdressing and boyfriends. And when I was younger I spent too much time in the clubs. And most of the serious relationships I've had have been with men who are attracted to me when dressed as Virginia. It's simply not possible to ever give that up. But for me it was simply unimaginably hard to transition or to live full time as a woman. It's just a compromise I've made but I've never really regretted how I live my life.

[flatlander_48]

V:

I think you've wandered into the right place! Glad you could join us.

DeeAnn

[Virginia1983]

V:

I think you've wandered into the right place! Glad you could join us.

DeeAnn

Thanks DeeAnn for the welcome! Love your picture!

Virginia

[flatlander_48]

Thanks so much!

One thing to pass along is this thought: Remember, we are ALL struggling with Something. We have people who dress, but who seriously wonder if that is a gateway to doing other things. We have people who are trying to figure out what their gender identity is. We have people who are uncomfortable in their current gender role and they are contemplating next steps. We have people who are currently transitioning or have done so already. We have people who, regardless of their position on the spectrum, worry about possible consequences for their families, homes and employment. We all worry about this slew of Bathroom Bills that seem to be the rage. On November 20, we will all be saddened by the names that are spoken during the TDOR and wonder what is it about us that seems to threaten so many and move them to violence.

But, in spite of the issues we have and that we face, we are all driven by the necessity to be ourselves.

By the way, your name has special significance to me. It was my mother's name and is now my granddaughter's.

DeeAnn

[heatherdress]

Thank you, DeeAnn. Some very meaningful thoughts.

[Lexi_83]

I don't feel like a girl, but I love getting dressed like one and trying to look as glamorous and pretty as I can. I don't know why I like doing this, but I know I like doing it.I love that you smile! Why do so many of us else look so serious?

[Martha G]

I am a guy who likes to dress as a woman. I also enjoy my feminine side.

But if I were to go 24/7 I would dress only.

Dressing relieves stress and makes me look and feel younger.

But I still like being a guy.

[suchacutie]

My masculine and feminine selves are incredibly different in so many ways. My wife and I has talked about this for days at a time, and she commented that she sees me as 2 apps running on the same database.

So, when I present as Tina, I really am her personality. She really has her own life. But the same thing is true when I'm a guy. Both lives are important to me, essential really.

Transgendered? Sure. Able to abandon my make self? Not a chance. The same is true for Tina.

[JessieA]

My masculine and feminine selves are incredibly different in so many ways. My wife and I has talked about this for days at a time, and she commented that she sees me as 2 apps running on the same database.

So, when I present as Tina, I really am her personality. She really has her own life. But the same thing is true when I'm a guy. Both lives are important to me, essential really.

Transgendered? Sure. Able to abandon my make self? Not a chance. The same is true for Tina.

I think suchacutie has summed me up better then I could have done myself. I think it's hard to define someone in a single word though society try's constantly to do that.

[Krisi]

How come you are not transsexual?

That seems like a very odd question. Like "How come you are not black?" or "How come you are not Asian?"

We are what we are. There's no reason and no explanation (except for the medical and biological explanation). What's the opposite of transsexual? 99.9% of the population is not transsexual. They are what they are and don't give it a second thought.

I was born a male and accept being a male. Sure, I like to play a woman from time to time by dressing as one and strapping on a pair of boobs and a wig but there's no confusion in my mind that I am a female or anything other than male. That's reality.

It might be easier for someone to explain why they feel they are a transsexual than for someone to explain why they are not a transsexual.

[Bruce64]

I did a survey a few days ago, it asks How Feminine are you and I got a 95 % rating , on the other hand my wife did the same survey and she got 50 %. I love being a Man, I dont want to be a Woman.

[ReineD]

If you did this online, Bruce, just know their algorithms are less than perfect and their questions are usually informed by stereotypical behaviors. I took one once and they asked what I preferred, a chick flick or an action movie. I actually like both, providing the direction and acting are excellent. There was no option for that. :p

[arbon]

There is a choice in being transsexual? I wish someone had told me!

Am I one still? I'm not so sure.

[MarinaSweden]

I think that men and women have both male and female feelings inside of us.

What is being a male? To like cars, sports and beer?
What is being female? Caring about others? Being interested in how you look?
There are women that like sports. There are men that are very interested in how they look.

For me, I don't think that my body is that important. I can dress up in womens clothes with my male body. But I am sexually interested in women and only women.

So, even though I in some says feel like a typical male and in some ways like a typical woman, I like to keep my male body so that I can have traditional sex with women. If it hadn't been for that, I could just as well have a female body.

[Mayo]

What is being a male? To like cars, sports and beer?
What is being female? Caring about others? Being interested in how you look?
There are women that like sports. There are men that are very interested in how they look.
How do we define exactly what is 'male' or 'female' behaviour? Usually it seems to come down to simple (often misogynistic) stereotypes - men are assertive and dominant, women are meek and passive; men will refuse to ask for help, women won't; men are independent, women are cooperative, and so on. How much of what we think of as our 'female' side is just a 'normal' human characteristic that society happens to have labelled as 'female', 'feminine' or 'womanly', so we feel we have to identify (at least to some degree) as women in order to properly express it because we've been taught 'men just don't do that'? If our society had no gender stereotypes or gender roles (if such a thing were possible), would there be trans people at all?

[Sarah Doepner]

Why am I not a Transexual? I don't know, maybe I am and haven't accepted it yet. Maybe I'm on the cusp of fitting all those various and conflicting feelings together in a statement that says "I need hormones and surgery." Or maybe I'm not and that's why I haven't found that avenue to be the obvious choice for me. I'm in the process of attempting to figure that out if it's possible. I do fret about it more than I want to and it would be nice to resolve the thing one way or the other. It seems there are barriers between me and the freedom to make the decision and most of them require letting people I know about who I am. I read about those who know early and it's such a strong understanding that nothing can stand between them and transition, and maybe that's a clue for me.

At one time I thought I was weird and evil, later a transvestite, after that transgender or gender fluid. That's where I am today, I'm a transgender person and what I do is crossdress quite often. My mind is as gender fluid as the language has been, so check back some day and maybe I'll have sorted myself out a little more. But as long as I can smile and continue to explore, things are peachy!

[Maria Blackwood]

It's the way I'm wired?

But, I always add a caveat. If there were some super science fiction way to make me truly female (actual new and functional organs) I'd consider it. I think I would be happier as a female, but what we have currently to realize that does not do it for me, so I'm satisfied to stay male and CD to relax.

I'm not explaining it well. It's a giant complicated thing in my head that's difficult to articulate.

[JoselineWalthorne]

Hmm. I have been having this conversation alot lately. I like the idea of being trans, lately i feel as if i am dressed the wrong way when i go to work and i feel dirty in my male wardrobe. sadly i cant exactly go out my front door in drag cuz im still trying to read the town i live in. is it safe to dress this way or not. I feel if i get good at my make up i can pass as a woman, and not a cheap-... sorry im getting off topic. Back when i lived in California my family made it like this known truth. My little cousins look up to me in a big way, and any changes i make wont just effect me, it will effect them. I love my family and in no way do i want to walk out of their lives so i can have the right body and live without my personal live effecting them in a good or bad way.
Ehh it gets personal from here so ill leave it at this, I feel like i am transgender but am content on putting on the persona that makes me feel dirty just to be the older sibling my family needs me to be when i visit on the holidays. If i figure out a way to fem out all the other days a year, i have 0 problem putting on a mask for a week to make an appearance :3

[heatherdress]

I never really understood the point of this thread - "How come we are not something we are not?"

A lot of good answers explaining what we are, or think we are, or want to be, or what we feel like, or words that we think describe us. I feel like this thread is one of those cards sent around at work when someone leaves and you have to write something and someone has already taken the words you wanted to write.

[JoselineWalthorne]

I never really understood the point of this thread - "How come we are not something we are not?"

A lot of good answers explaining what we are, or think we are, or want to be, or what we feel like, or words that we think describe us. I feel like this thread is one of those cards sent around at work when someone leaves and you have to write something and someone has already taken the words you wanted to write.

I simply took it as a critical thinking thread. :3

[Pat]

I never really understood the point of this thread

And yet you replied. Several times. So something's going on. Sure, the thread thesis is a little bizarre... why am I not a marble statue? Why am I not a squirrel? (Opinions vary on that last.) I've always felt that I can never answer any question that starts with "why" because I can never really say why, at best I can only describe how. Why does the earth orbit the sun? I can give a detailed explanation of how it happens but I can't say why it happens. ;)

But we talk (write? correspond?) using our words that we think describe us and sometimes those words resonate with someone else and they gain a little insight into themselves and then describe what they've learned and perhaps we get a little insight into ourselves as well. I first came to this site pretty confused. But reading many people's experiences and illusions helped me understand me better and continues to do so. I think that's where the value is.

[Sandyhappygirl]

Jennie.

You say 'Why does the earth orbit the sun? I can give a detailed explanation of how it happens but I can't say why it happens.' I say 'Newtons Law of Universal Gravitation, that's why'. You see you can do why as well as how. The difficult one of course is why does gravity exist? (the answer: because it can).

[Pat]

I don't want to take this down a rathole, but Newton's Laws describe how things happen, not why. And in a move parallel to the concept of binary gender, Einstein later proved Newton to be correct 99% of the time but not the whole answer. ;)

[Sandyhappygirl]

Jennie, I think we definitely wandered down a rat hole as you suggest. Humble apologies if I led you to the entrance and invited you in and totally off-thread so to speak. However, you are mistaken. Gravity, or more specifically the existence of it, is WHY the earth orbits the sun. HOW it does it is simply the mathematical equations associated with gravity, the mass of the objects, relative speeds etc etc etc. No gravity = no orbiting (and no celestial objects to do it with come to think of it). Now, what was this thread about (I think I had better go back to the beginning and start again)?

Love Sandy x

I am never wrong. I once thought I was wrong but it turned out I was mistaken. :)

[heatherdress]

And yet you replied. Several times. So something's going on. Sure, the thread thesis is a little bizarre... why am I not a marble statue? Why am I not a squirrel? (Opinions vary on that last.) I've always felt that I can never answer any question that starts with "why" because I can never really say why, at best I can only describe how. Why does the earth orbit the sun? I can give a detailed explanation of how it happens but I can't say why it happens. ;)

But we talk (write? correspond?) using our words that we think describe us and sometimes those words resonate with someone else and they gain a little insight into themselves and then describe what they've learned and perhaps we get a little insight into ourselves as well. I first came to this site pretty confused. But reading many people's experiences and illusions helped me understand me better and continues to do so. I think that's where the value is.

Jennie - Fine to have a random thread that enables people to say what is on their mind. But if a reader takes the time to read each response in this thread, what would they see of value? What would they learn? What is apparent might be confusion and contradiction. Maybe there is value in that, for some. I guess I am just tired of threads that ramble without focus, generate more confusion than understanding, and leave us more apart than together. Don't forget, this thread begins with a question asking why we are not something that we are not, which is logically unanswerable.

[Brenda456]

For me, transitioning would be expensive and not practical. I would love to transition but being married, having kids, my job, the expense all make it impractical.

[mechamoose]

I'm not a..

What? squirrel?!?!@?!

/chase

Vote me in for Jennie.

Cripes Jennie, most folks want warning on math, never mind physics. };>

My toes are PINK today!!

- MM

[MissDanielle]

For me, transitioning would be expensive and not practical. I would love to transition but being married, having kids, my job, the expense all make it impractical.

For some of us, it's practical in order to live. I'm just passed the transition or die moment and pretty much missed the whole CDing phase en route to transition. You can thank years of repression for that.

[jacques]

hi,
perhaps if was growing up today things would be different.
now there is the internet and information and a sense of community - why I was young I just did not fit in and did not know why.
luv J

[flatlander_48]

I am never wrong. I once thought I was wrong but it turned out I was mistaken. :)

Lucy Van Pelt?!?!?! I didn't know that you dressed...


Don't forget, this thread begins with a question asking why we are not something that we are not, which is logically unanswerable.

Perhaps the question may have been a bit inarticulate in structure, but I took it to mean something like:

What makes you think that you are A and not B?

You might also consider it to be:

Where is the line for you (between Crossdressing, Transgender and Transsexual)?

DeeAnn

[PattyT]

I belong to that group of crossdressers who feel a strong need and desire to dress in female attire. This is a very important aspect of my life, and I can go so far to say that only when I am en femme am I my true self.
However, it stops there. I have wondered from time to time whether I was a kind of transgender but being on this list has tought me that I am most certainly not. I do not share the feelings of those who are transgender. I am a 100% male and who is also a very hard core CD. Although I have an immensely strong female orientation when it comes to clothes, that's as far as I go in my female oroentation.
I am perfectly happy with this situation.

[Roxy]

Thank you for this thread.
I've been asking myself this question for a while and after reading all the post I can truly answer the question.
I am a guy. When I dress up, I love being wrapped in femininity and I try to act like a lady but I don't feel like one inside. I have had fantasies of changing for an extended weekend but when I get up in the morning and go to work, I'm a guy.
On the work subject, I think it would be fun to wear high heel boots, mini skirt, tank top & tool belt.

[Dana44]

I met a lot of CD's and some of them are so feminine. But they know they are men and one lives one hundred percent female and enjoys it. so many more of them. One spends time working on another part of the country for six months and is always en Feme there but when he goes home to his wife who is accepting but he is male at home. Others are like that so many others in various stages but none of them are in transition, yet I did meet one in transition. But out of over 100 of them, only one was in transition. I told him about this site but haven't seen him here yet.

[Judy-Somthing]

I've been cross-dressing for 50 years, I love it , it's so much fun.
I use to think I wanted to be a woman in my teens but I never felt any desire to be with a man.
I love banging women, my wife, LOL and I dress up as Judy when I get a chance. (wife doesn't know)

[Karine]

I do not really know how to respond. I can just say that I like being a man, I like my life, love my girlfriend.
I just sometimes like to embrass this little part of me and have fun with girls' stuff.
In a way, it is because I crossdress punctually that I have so much fun doing it.

[shortskirt87]

I am who I am.

[Stacy082]

I am who I am.

I know as far as me, I have always had very strong feelings for dressing. Now that I am grown and a little older, it is way more than dressing!! I can't stand being a male anymore. I feel like I have to transition. It seems like the only way to survive. Just the way I feel.

[StarrOfDelite]

Thanks very much for the link to the WaPo article. It is indeed interesting.

I was particularly moved by the anecdote where the transsexual surgeon witnessed a shock treatment being administered to a transgender in St. Louis in the 1960's, and the comment, "They were trying to remove something that can't be removed."

I personally have been CD'ing for about 20 years, and am a late-bloomer. I feel Fem sometimes, and feel Masc sometimes, but I never feel that I am a woman trapped in a man's body. On the other hand, I am also a late blooming Pansexual in my sex orientation, and when I go to bed with a man I never think of it as being Gay Sex because I am identifying myself as Fem at the time. I've never had sex with a man except when I'm presenting as a woman.

I like being androgynous, and have no desire to transition.


I'm with Jennifer. I tell my wife the best part about crossdressing is that I can go back to dressing as a male. There was an interesting article this past week-end in the Washington Post. I concur that the reason we are crossdressers or transsexcual is due to the "hormonal wash" theory. As a crossdresser, it's just not as strong for me to identify as a female. I prefer the clothes and trying to understand the motivation for wigs and make-up.

Here's the link to that WashPost article: http://www.washingtonpost.com/sf/national/2016/04/21/truth-and-transgender-at-70/

[Maria Blackwood]

Jennie.

You say 'Why does the earth orbit the sun? I can give a detailed explanation of how it happens but I can't say why it happens.' I say 'Newtons Law of Universal Gravitation, that's why'. You see you can do why as well as how. The difficult one of course is why does gravity exist? (the answer: because it can).

Curvature of spacetime.

[FemPossible]

I see a couple of questions that keep popping up, one is "what do you mean by trans?" and the other is "what does this question mean?". Sorry for waiting so long to post, I've been busy with some personal stuff.

What do you mean by trans? - Sorry, on another forum that I go to it's kinda easy to just say "trans" because to mostly everyone there it means the same thing. When I said that I am trans, I meant that I identify as a gender other than the one that I was assigned at birth.

What does this question mean? - Once again, sorry for any confusion. Although in my defense I kinda did ask the question clearly the first time. But I'll be more clear this time. *ahem* For those of you who identify as male... why? I get that this comes off as a silly question, but as a transgender person (not transgender as in under an umbrella, but transgender as in I don't identify as the gender assigned to me at birth) I am often asked that question. I just wanted to see how cisgender people would answer that same question.

[Stephanie47]

I've never had a desire to become a woman. I have absolutely no negative feelings concerning women. If I was not a man, then being a woman would be OK too. I have a theory about why I like wearing women's clothing. My wife has made remarks that seem to be akin to my reasoning. We are in a DADT marriage. Over the past year, and, since she had a back operation and I am waiting on her hand and foot, she has stated several times she believes in a past life I was a woman. She had made that statement concerning transsexuals, especially when Caitlynn Jenner was in the news. She had made that statement many times when the news comes on with all these "bathroom bills."

I too believe there is some truth to influence concerning past life experiences.