What are the safety issues?

[LelaK]

I'm contemplating getting a makeover some day. I suspect that I won't look so hot even then, but in case I could look attractive, I assume I'd need to think about safety, just as attractive women have to. I'm not used to thinking about that, so it would be new to me.

What percent of men are abusive, jealous, or potential date rapists? I don't intend to date "men", but I consider going out with other crossdressers, not on dates, but just to have company going out. Are crossdressers very unlikely to do such abusive things that conventional men do?

Last year I had a GF and she turned out to be extremely jealous. She didn't want me to crossdress at all and she always thought I was trying to attract guys, even though the idea is repulsive to me (although MtF CDs can be somewhat attractive). I'm wondering if there are ways to prevent getting involved with a jealous or possessive person too.

Has anyone had bad experiences crossdressed in public etc?

[Robin414]

Interesting post, as a guy I used to walk down the street in the dirtiest parts of a big city late at night for fun without a second thought (I looked like an undercover vice cop 😲 )

Now days though, even in 'guy mode' not a chance and in girl mode! Let's say my spidy sense in dialed to 11.

To the point of your last sentance though, I had an 'awkward' (OK, at the time down right terrifying) experience once before the 'great purge of '92...I think it was '92 😕 )

I was walking across a parking lot in a questionable neighborhood full femme (or as best I could pull off at the time) when a car full of of guys drove up behind me heading to a liquor store I imagine, and hung out the window yelling 'cat calls', I damn near crapped my wife's jeans (yah, try explaining THAT).

I tend to stay in 'well heeled' neighborhoods and in places where crazy behavior is kept in check by the masses (populated malls) these days, and I find it works, even 'en tween'!

[Tracii G]

Main thing to remember you are still a guy and guys can generally fight off an attacker.
Don't go to places that you know are seedy and full of people you don't want to be around.That is just common sense.
Don't go to a park at 3am in the morning just to walk in heals to hear the clip clop on the side walk.
Best thing to do on your first time out go to a mall in the daytime and just window shop like any woman.
Don't dress like a hooker even tho you might love the look that is asking for trouble not only from pervy men but police too.
All this is basic common sense and for your safety.
Use your head for something other than a place to put your wig.
Think, have a plan A and a plan B.
Are you concerned about going out with other CDers and you think they are date rapers????? Are you one of those?
More than likely they are nice people just wanting to get out in the vanilla world just like you.

[Teresa]

Lelak,
Go out there and try it !
I finally made that decision, I knew I had to sort my makeup out so I just bit the bullet and went and my skin tone checked, the SA was great she checked my colour and then showed how to apply the foundation, and how to apply powder. We talked about eyes , then she took me round the store to choose mascara and lipstick colours. It does give you confidence knowing you have the right makeup and how you apply it .
I drive dressed to social meetings, it's the safest thing to do, if you find a group that's friendly OK if some give you a problem go some where else. Most groups will have a code of conduct , if you have an open venue like mine which is a hotel and conference centre they won't invite the group back if certain behaviour takes place.

[Kate Simmons]

Always be mindful of your surroundings and always go with your gut feeling. If a situation "feels" wrong, it probably is. :)

[I Am Paula]

Get a map of 'red', and 'blue' states. Stay the hell out of the red ones. If you live in one, relocate before going out.

[Jaylyn]

Paula I hope you are kidding on the red n blue states. I know a lot of crossdressers in this Red State. Do we have to discuss the red neck statement again on here... Lol .... I live in a red State and I'm considered a red neck but I enjoy dressing. Even wear red lipstick when I do....
Lela just use common sense if things start going wrong don't hesitate to pull the heels off and run like hell.
The only way you'll know if a person is jealous or possessive is getting to know them. At any clue they are---Run

[Alice Torn]

I know many of you go out regularly, with little or no troubles for years. Way to go! But, there is always the first time. I look at it, like getting a new or used car or truck. Nothing whatsoever goes wrong, no flat tires, breakdowns at all, for months, even a few years. And you are complacent. But as sure as the sun rises in the morning, something unexpected finally happens. Engine quits, or flat tire, or electrical failure. Vigilance when going out is always needed, and we live in a violent , shaky time. Kate is right, watch your gut feeling. There is always a first time, for anything to happen.

[raeleen]

Hi Lela,

I've been thinking about safety a lot when out. In fact I posted about it before and got some great responses. It's also a concern of my wife's and so I really try to take it seriously.

The reality is that as trans folks we are going to be targeted much more than other people. However we might identify, people will see a guy in a dress if they clock us, and there are some who believe that we are freaks and weirdos and will irrationally direct violence towards us. I think the advice around being mindful of your surroundings and knowing what areas are safer to frequent are good. And moving in groups I think often helps to create safety, as being alone is never really a good idea at night. Also, if you can find safe spaces to start in, that's always good. I started out with social and support groups to hang out at, and dressed when i got there.

I have a friend who used to say that nothing good happens after 1am. :) Late nights can be dangerous no matter who you are or what you're wearing. So be safe! And not just what you think is safe as a guy, but what you would consider safe for your wife/sister/daughter/etc.

[I Am Paula]

Paula I hope you are kidding on the red n blue states. I know a lot of crossdressers in this Red State. Do we have to discuss the red neck statement again on here... Lol .... I live in a red State and I'm considered a red neck but I enjoy dressing. Even wear red lipstick when I do....
Lela just use common sense if things start going wrong don't hesitate to pull the heels off and run like hell.
The only way you'll know if a person is jealous or possessive is getting to know them. At any clue they are---Run

Nothing whatsoever to do with rednecks. Everything to do with unconstitutional laws designed to wipe us off the face of the earth.

[Alice Torn]

Paula, There are countries where that has been happening for a long time. No rights for our kind, period. Death penalty. I know it is scary here in places, and i am appalled at some of the violent sounding posts on some sites, but hopefully there will still be some freedoms, but we are in a time of violent emotions, and over reacting, and both sides better cool off.

[Lori Kurtz]

I was not aware of the kind of danger that women have to deal with all the time because of some men's predatory attitudes--until I started going out en femme. Suddenly I was intensely aware of how careful I needed to be: how I needed to be constantly aware of my surroundings and who might be looking at me or following me, and what might be my possible escape routes. And it's even scarier for a CD than for a GG, because not only might we be subject to unwanted sexual attention, we might also be subject to the hostility that non-standard gender expressions can arouse. So all the advice that has already appeared here about being careful about when and where we go out is valuable.

But the post was also in reference to the possibility of one-on-one relationships:
I don't intend to date "men", but I consider going out with other crossdressers, not on dates, but just to have company going out. Are crossdressers very unlikely to do such abusive things that conventional men do? ...

I'm wondering if there are ways to prevent getting involved with a jealous or possessive person too.

Sure, any time you meet up with someone you don't know well, there is an element of risk involved--that goes for everyone, not just crossdressers or people interested in crossdressers. And since crossdressers, as we all know, sometimes experience guilt and shame and internal conflict, there is an increased possibility of those feelings being expressed in inappropriate, and possibly violent, behaviors. Times are changing, and social attitudes are changing with them, and that's a wonderful thing for us. But some people still have a hard time--either in their attitudes toward crossdressing, or in their feelings about their own crossdressing. So caution still applies.

[summerbunny]

And even more difficult even for people people that know me to realize its me.
I have been around enough people who known me for years and did not figure it out.


I know that some people don't like cross dressers and i had an a terrible experience at a restaurant owned by a religious man that i did not know did not like CD's are TS. I was on my way to a MAC store dressed and stopped in to get a bite to eat and get on the internet at the restaurant. Something was put in the food that made me really ill. It never happened in guy mode at this place. I wanted to report them.

[Launa]

Hard to say what may or may not happen out there for you. I find there are people that want to do something with me at times and they can be very persistent. All you have to do is say thanks but I'm not interested. If they keep it up then get pissed off, I mean really pissed off and let them know that your not fooling around and your ready to do something about it. Then they will usually go away.

[sharonsdream]

Safety has always been a concern
I am afraid of getting beat up or worse. So far unfounded but I have become more confident

I stopped at a Denney's resturant in Mo. a couple of weeks ago. It was about 9:30 PM. Wasn't crowded about 5 guys and 2 couples. I was seated and placed my order. I had a waiter but no problem.

As I waited twp black guys came in rather loud. When the waitress seated them in the back of the section I was in they complained about being seated in they back because they were black. She said they weren't busy and tried to spread people out. Then she walked up to me and smiled saying hi hun I'll keep an eye pn them

The whole staff did and as I paid the cashier said they would watch until I was safely in my car

I might add I was fully dressed in skirt blouse heels and wig. My concern was picked up by the staff and was greatly appreciated.

[Alice Torn]

Sharonsdream, That is great to hear the staff was watching your back. I take it they would do that for a Gg ot CD.

[Tracii G]

The loud guys were probably mad because they were seated too far away and they couldn't piss people off.

[PrivateXDresser]

Honey, if you do a good job with your CD, you're going to attract attention. Depending on your physical stature, you may also attract attention from people without scrutiny. Make sure you have the whole look down.

[Jenny22]

This link gives a lot of safety concerns for women. We girls should keep them in mind when out and about.
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/lifestyle/advice/a4364/safety-tips-every-woman-should-know/

[PrivateXDresser]

Great article, Jenny! I will share this with my beautiful daughter. Thank you!!!

[heatherdress]

Get a map of 'red', and 'blue' states. Stay the hell out of the red ones. If you live in one, relocate before going out.

Maybe you should avoid ill-informed political opinions about the "states" out of this forum, as per guidelines. There is absolutely nothing to support your theory that "red" or "blue" states are any safer than the other.

[Krisi]

"Maybe you should avoid ill-informed political opinions about the "states" out of this forum, as per guidelines. There is absolutely nothing to support your theory that "red" or "blue" states are any safer than the other."

Yep, and that came from someone who doesn't even live in the USA. :thumbsdn:

There are parts of every country and every state or city that are "safe" and parts that are not. There are parts of my city that I won't even drive through with the windows up and the doors locked. In male mode.

Your "safety" as a crossdresser in public depends on a lot of things. First of course is, don't go places where a woman wouldn't go alone. Dark lonely streets or parks, sleazy bars, etc.

Don't parade around dressed as a hooker or stripper.

I could go on and on, but rather than repeat what's already been posted many times, I suggest just reading previous posts on this subject.

[Helen_Highwater]

What percent of men are abusive, jealous, or potential date rapists? I don't intend to date "men", but I consider going out with other crossdressers, not on dates, but just to have company going out. Are crossdressers very unlikely to do such abusive things that conventional men do?


When I first read this I was reminded of the old feminist slogan, "All men are rapists". It seemed to me that in your question there was an assumption that the number of abusive males forms the majority. This I feel is far from the case. I'm not saying don't be careful. Meeting someone who propports to being a CD on some online dating site is often simply asking for trouble. Meeting other CD'ers at support groups is a whole different ball game. Anyone who's predatory or abusive isn't going to be tolerated in that type of gathering.

Follow the rules, meet in public places, check out the area and the venue where you're meeting, avoid one to one initial meetings and above all, trust your gut feelings.