coming out on Facebook

[PennyNZ]

I got hammered a bit about not being out on facebook in this thread http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?238669-Mothers-acceptance

I have now had my name with Births Death and Marriages (NZ) changed by deed poll. (passport and drivers licence follow this week - paper work prepared and ready to go).

I now want to make changes to my Facebook profile.

I have thought hard how to best achieve this for me, and would love some feed back about my 2 ideas how to achieve the best outcome.

Background: All my local friends know that I have undertaken my change, which started 9 months ago. I was in the Navy in the 70's, so many of my on-line navy friends I have not seen for some years, but the closer ones I have rang over the past few months and told them.

Which way should I go?
Create a new facebook page using my new official name, posting on my original page that I am now presenting full time as a woman, and invite them to go to my new page and become my friend again there.

or

Simply change my name on my existing Facebook page and explain in a message about my change for those who don't know

If you think there is a better way, I would also love to know if you want to share.

thanks so much
Penny

[STACY B]

CRAZY you say this Today,, I have been seeing all of the Crap about the Bathrooms and am Sick to death of it all ready,, Don't know what you should do about your face book depends on you. But after all of the crap lately I am friends with Sona Avedo that's the chic that had the Amazing Transformation from Big Biker guy to Pretty girl I know everyone has seen it on Youtube,, But I am NOT blowing up my face book with all kinds of stuff and all of you know they passed a Crazy Bill here that is all the Rage,, So I shared that video on my page of her changes and maybe just maybe 1 or 2 of them will realize that this is NOT A choice we all choose one day for Fun,, It is Life or Death for most of us,, We shall see,, I will keep yall posted,,,,

[Rianna Humble]

Which way should I go?
Create a new facebook page using my new official name, posting on my original page that I am now presenting full time as a woman, and invite them to go to my new page and become my friend again there.

I did part of this. I created a new facebook profile (page) for my real identity, didn't say anything about it on my old facebook page, but invited specific friends from the old profile. When other previous facebook friends/acquaintances heard about my transition and sent a friend request, I evaluated each one individually.

I did check the old page 4 or 5 times over the next few months, then just closed it down.

Not saying this is any better than your ideas, but it worked for me.

[ariannavt]

I think it depends on what your goals are. Do you just want to be out and post as yourself to a limited audience? Do you want to be out to whomever cares to look?

For me, when I am publicly out (working towards it) my plan is to just change my gender and name on my existing Facebook page My friends list consists of those people that I wish to be friends with. If they accept me (most already know) then great, if not then my friends list becomes that much shorter. :) It should be educational.

[PretzelGirl]

I think it is a bit of a personal choice. A person going stealth would certainly do a new page. A person who doesn't want reminders of the past may come out on the existing page, then re-friend everyone on a new page and shut the old one down. For me, my past is still a part of me and I am nowhere near hiding. So I did a coming out post on "his" page, changed the name and information on that same page, and moved my friends from what I call my stealth page (the one with a phony last name for my learning days). I actually didn't close the stealth one down. There are a lot of memories there, so I friended myself and kept it.

[I Am Paula]

I started a new page, both so I wouldn't have old posts about my old self, and to take some time and purge those 'friends' who you don't even remember.
There is no right way.

[ariannavt]

It seems like a lot of people prefer to bury their past? I don't really want to do that. I was who I was then. It may not have been perfect, but it was my life and I want to own it. I am certainly different than I used to be, but still the same person? I don't know, it might just be the fact that I am middle-aged and sort of have to transition-in-place?

[Kimberly Kael]

I agree it's definitely a personal choice. For me? A huge benefit of my transition is no longer feeling like I have to keep a secret, to hide who I am. Trying to build a new identity from the ground up felt like just lugging around another secret so I rejected that approach. I posted an open letter on my wall before changing my profile to let people know what was going on in my life, and a week or so later I changed my profile.

It acted as a forcing function in a lot of ways. It meant coming out to people I might have found excuses to avoid otherwise and that turned out to be surprisingly positive. It also meant that my wife's profile listed me as her spouse with an unambiguously female name, so that started some curious conversations for her as well. All in all, a good experience but decidedly irreversible and not to be undertaken without some due consideration.

[Badtranny]

Congratulations, but I still think it's funny that you were so indignant about being "24/7 since August" and now you're telling us that you are just now getting your name changed and whatnot.

I absolutely wish you nothing but the best. I really do, it's just that I am continually fascinated by the culture of duplicity that exists on this board of all places. So many examples of people proclaiming "I'm 100% OUT", and then continue to post updates about coming out to friends and family and coworkers for months if not years later.

[PennyNZ]

Not going there again Melissa - my choice when I do things, despite how others feel about such things

- - - Updated - - -

Well its done. Decided simply to change my name on Facebook. I dont care about my history, it was part of me
Wrote a note to my followers saying
"Hi my friends
For those who are not aware, I have been transitioning for the past 9 months from male to Female
My name is now legally Penny (my surname) and would prefer to be addressed as Penny or Pen from now on
If you have any appropriate questions please PM (private message) me
I do hope you will remain my friend"

and the likes and nice comments are rolling in

If anyone wants to know my facebook address, please PM me. Happy to tell you, but do not wish to broadcast it here

Thanks for all the great advice
Penny

[Badtranny]

Not going there again Melissa - my choice when I do things,

Again with the deflection. Nobody cares about the timing of whatever you do. My point is and has always been; why not just be honest about whatever it is you're doing?

Please don't take it personal because goodness knows you are not the only one who has done it. In fact you might really be in the majority.

Congratulations on your name change and whatnot, being out is never easy.

[PennyNZ]

Thank you Melissa

I should know that (about taking it personally)

I have felt that I have been honest with myself and others.

Pen

[kiwidownunder]

I think your amazing Pen
Whatever you do I support

Your Friend
Kiwi

[karenpayneoregon]

I kept the same account, changed my name and gender and removed all male photos. Next came my announcement and then several months down the road a few friends asked what happen to (using my male name) Kevin. One I had been friends with for 40 years told him Kevin no longer exists. He came back and asked, what happen to Kevin, I then told him I transitioned, friendship is still intact. Out of 200 friends on FB I lost three because of my transition and was expected this might happen so it was no surprise. What is funny is my ex-wife on FB received a reminder that she married Karen and not Kevin last year (heard this from my daughter), she was fine with it which surprised me.