Allisa
04-30-2016, 03:35 PM
Hello all, I thought I'd write about a feeling, a sense, a state of mind? I mostly spend my weekends dressed en femme because I believe I use my aggression during my job the whole week and somehow my "softness' builds and I must express it through my dressing on the weekends, although I do dress somewhat after work but only for a few hours before bed. I wear a night gown but mostly out of habit and feel not as an expression. Well back to my point, when I'm out, my mind is so free from worry or how to act that I go on as my natural self, maybe more effeminate but it just flows out that way, I guess from my mind set while dressing which is as natural now as dressing for work. I have found that more and more I receive and give that coy smile women give to each other in passing and with eye contact can make grown men turn their gaze and eyes away to other things and have caught some in that "not so good intention" glare. Ego boost? you bet since I do not "pass" and consider myself a not so good looking female. But now I pass through the air without any resistance and find kindness being given as a human right not as a mandatory gesture to a poor confused person, a freak if you will. As I have stated before my neighbors know and see me frequently going about my business and certainly not hiding, the shame is gone and is so freeing, I am who I am and that I believe I'm gender fluid as being as natural as male and female of sorts in one package. Yes my "crossdressing" is fun but I don't do it for the fun hobbyist part, it is a form of relating to others that I am not a mono gender person and am alright with it and have accepted my fate as bi-gender. I know not everyone will understand this "feeling" and some have not gotten to this point in their self expression, or ever will or want to, but I never would have dreamed I had this in me or that I would ever see the light of day from my "closet" but here I am, a lot of fears have been disclaimed and put by the wayside, my only advice to others is hold your head up and look others in the eyes when passing and talking and smile because your happy being you from deep down. I hope my words can convey this feeling I have for it is so engrained in me now. Every so often I get a "warm and fuzzy" overcome me, this time in the kitchen accessories department while looking for a new toaster, I suppose getting married and getting one as a wedding present is paying way too much. Thanx for reading my rambling.