DADT Comments

[Sheila11]

In reference to another thread dealing with DADT situations.

It is fun and inspiring to hear your stories of shopping, drives, and dinner out with your loved ones. It is great that you have a spouse that embraces or encourages your crossdressing. I live vicariously through your experiences.

But it feels like salt in a wound when you insert your spouses acceptance into a DADT discussion.

I do not understand why those who are fortunate enough to have a spouse that accepts their crossdressing feel the need to comment on a thread that is opposite from their experience. If you have never been in a DADT relationship you really do not know what it about. Not everyone can, or will, benefit from sharing their crossdressing secret with their spouse. DADT is the only way that a lot of relationships represented on this board will continue to function.

Please take this with a grain of salt. Its been a long day.

[DeeDeeB]

Please don't feel like responses from those in accepting relationships are trying to cause anyone grief. I believe most of us who are in accepting relationships are are just trying to let everyone here know it is possible to live a full life as the person we are. Since I have been on this site, I have read stories of divorce, loss of jobs, and physical abuse from strangers. This is a sad fact of being trans. I have also read of victories with spouses and the "outside world". But please know you are loved and accepted (and gorgeous if that is you in the pic) by us here. This site has been a great comfort to me, given the good and the bad, and it has encouraged me to accept myself as I am. So please understand we are with you, regardless of your or our situations.

Dee :fairy1:

[Teresa]

Sheila,
Why worry about it the forum is here to help and encourage us all, most of us are in your situation in varying degrees , if we all had full acceptance this forum possibly wouldn't exist.
I do feel guilty sometimes that I've revealed too much, but often I don't have anywhere else to go to try and sort problems out , it is also nice to have fun with like minded people , I'd miss that.

[Rachelakld]

I suppose it's like oil painters, commenting on a charcoal drawing as if they may have experiences in art.
Maybe it's because they started in DADT and were able to move the relationship to another place?
Maybe they left their DADT, to find someone more accepting?

DADT implies the partner knows but don't want to know
But if the secret isn't shared, how does their partner know who they are really with and implies the omission may also include other nastier secrets could also be acceptable - could you be DADT bank robber? DADT alcoholic/gambler? and that's okay for the relationship so long as it stays DADT ?????

I think if we're talking in general about DADT, we should be allowed to talk about the Cons as well as the Pros - yes?

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Thank you for sharing your feelings Sheila. I feel your pain.

Sometimes I read comments on this site and have to consciously remind myself that I'm not reading a gg's thoughts, because the wording and expression of feelings are so very feminine, so unlike the way that trad males behave or express themselves.

Hope tomorrow brings some sunshine-

Nikki

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sheila :hugs: I am in a DA/DT My wonderful:love:wife knows about everything
but don't want to see me while I am dressed and will not talk about it either.

A couple years ago she said that she wanted it to all just go away,
I said the only way it will go away is if I take it with me when I leave
married 50yrs and both in our 70s' that's not an option for either of us...:daydreaming:...

[rachelatshop]

Good morning Ladies, I was reluctant to post here as it is a subject not easily talked about. I have a DADT relationship with my wife, whom I love very much, and would do anything for including for the most part keeping my love of cross dressing in the closet. That doesn't for me mean that the subject never is talked about, or in anyway experienced. It is just the closest term that I can find to describe my relationship with my wife without a long discussion.

[Angie G]

I recall the days before I told my wife I dressed. The fear the she would go off the deep end and tell everyone or leave me. I'm so very happy it didn't happen that way. I truly feel bad for my sisters here that do not have what I do.I wish all here sould have it. Maybe some day along with world peace.:hugs:
Angie

[njcddresser]

My wife knows of my cross dressing and has generally been very supportive of me. However she prefers not to see me fully dressed. I've coined the term out of sight out of mind to describe our situation. I still wear panties 24/7 and will wear a bra around the house on occasion which she is fine with.

She is also ok with me wearing a little make up but I stop there.

Curious if others have an out of sight out of mind relationship with their spouse.

[Stephanie47]

I called it the "ostrich effect." If she cannot see it, then it does not exist. Stick your head in the sand and viola. All is normal. My wife and I have not discussed anything related to cross dressing for over thirty years. Sometimes it drives me nuts! Sometimes I would welcome a nice cat fight.

[Jenniferathome]

So, by the transitive property, those in a DADT relationship should not reply to forum posts from members with supportive wives?

Is there nothing that can be learned? Perhaps some have moved from DADT to supportive. Would that not be relevant?

An open forum means you get all kinds of responses. If you want to preclude non-DADT responders you can detail that in the title.

[Sheila11]

Thanks for all the generous and insightful posts.

Have you ever wrote an email in frustration or anger, pressed send, and then realized you just screwed up big time?

I woke up in the middle of the night and wondered why I wrote what I did and lay awake wondering if there was a way to delete my post.

--Of course this is an open forum.
--Of course I can learn from both sides of the fence.
--Of course I'm an idiot.

I think jealousy just got the best of me. Mea culpa.

[Rachelakld]

No Sheila, it's a good post, it's a good discussion.
To me it tells me how you feel.
Those of us that are DADT and beyond, really want you to have the best life you can and sorry if we are sometimes over enthusiastic.
Letting out the secret often has a very high, life changing cost, and had I been 60 before this, I would have also kept it a secret.

[Sandyhappygirl]

Thanks for all the generous and insightful posts.

Have you ever wrote an email in frustration or anger, pressed send, and then realized you just screwed up big time?

I woke up in the middle of the night and wondered why I wrote what I did and lay awake wondering if there was a way to delete my post.

--Of course this is an open forum.
--Of course I can learn from both sides of the fence.
--Of course I'm an idiot.

I think jealousy just got the best of me. Mea culpa.

I've been following your post and wondered if I might end up reading your reply above at some time. Well done to you. You really look like a GG in your avatar but are obviously a CD, I've never ever met a GG that can stand up and say "I was wrong" like you just did :)

[Sandra]

I've never ever met a GG that can stand up and say "I was wrong" like you just did :)

Really then you haven't met many GGs :doh:

Shelia

This wasn't a stupid idea and you are not an idiot :) I used to keep out of threads where people were having a hard time for whatever reason because I felt because things were going great for me and Nigella it would look like you said rubbing salt in the wounds. Then I started to think that if I posted about my experiences that it just might help someone on here. Don't beat yourself up over this we're not gloating but only trying to help.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Sheila,
I think there are things we can all learn from one another
regardless of the position of our closet doors.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[reb.femme]

...Have you ever wrote an email in frustration or anger, pressed send, and then realized you just screwed up big time?...

On several occasions Sheila, but I've not always regretted hitting send :heehee:. You can't please all of the people, all of the time.

The problem with text as I've said before, is that it lacks the visual cues that show in one to one conversation, of the frustration within that we are trying to convey. No, what you wrote was from the heart and really needs no apology.

Becky

[Sandyhappygirl]

Really then you haven't met many GGs :doh:

Sandra. That was, of course, said in jest.

[ClosetED]

This site has many lurkers on this section and many newbies, so bring up up old issues is not wasted.
Sheila was venting and did say take it with a grain of salt, so we heard the frustration.
There are levels of DADT and many want to know how their relationship fits compared to others and what directions it might move in.
I am also in a DADT and IDWTSI with wife (don't ask don't tell / I don't want to see it) for newbies.
I also would love to discuss it and express femininity in shared conversation and think if able to talk about it it might reduce need to do it. But I understand seeing me express feminine qualities breaks her ideal picture of me as husband and until she can tolerate a wider range, I am stuck.
So we come here to chatter like hens :)
Hugs, Ellen

[Krisi]

If you post something and only want responses from people in DADT relationships, just specify that at the beginning of your post. If you don't specify, most of us will feel your post is an invitation for a response.

Some folks don't even have the DADT situation. They are hiding their dressing from their wives, not knowing what will happen if they find out. You don't have it as bad as they do.