a concern of my wife's.

[kimmy p]

I have been talking about going out dressed to my wife recently. Not to public places, but perhaps next year to the Prom held at the Dunes Resort in Douglas Michigan. My wife is not totally against the idea, but she does have some concerns. We have both seen pictures of the event online. She is worried that I may be outed (her worst fear), or even have my photo tagged with my name such as on Facebook or some such. I freely admit that I keep my clothing preferences quiet due to my occupation, and at the request of my wife. Can anyone tell me what to expect if we, she and I, went up there and attended the event? Are you asked permission before having your photo taken? Is your male name used for anything? I would enjoy getting out of the house more than just on Halloween, but I want my wife to be comfortable with this also.

Kimmy P.

[AllieSF]

Kimmy, there are several girls from this site who go to that event. They should be able to answer your questions. If you know the name of the event, just Google it and go to the events
's website. They must have a contact phone number or email address for asking questions. You are not the first person to have these concerns and they should have some good answers for you. If that one is too close to you presenting a chance of being accidentally seen by someone you know, you may want to look at the group up in Grand Rapids that was started by another member from this site. That may be far enough away to give you more security. I think that you will probably here from those same ladies here in this thread. Just remember, where there is a strong will, there is probably a workable solution. Good luck.

[mechamoose]

Is it a matter of degrees?

Is it all or nothing?

If not, that might be a path with your mate.

Pardon me, I tend to cut to the core and not deal with fluff or side issues.

These antlers, you know, kind of get in the way otherwise.

- MM

[Maria 60]

When I read your thread, it's a question I've been asking myself for months. I want to start taking small steps out the door, but as far as I know my wife is the only one who knows. Recently i have been taking a Thursday night drive fully dressed, my wife encourage it because she says since I have been doing it I have been more calm, and it gives me something to look forward to. My only problem is the risk of it, let's say being at the wrong place at the wrong time, a car accident, being seen. I have stopped the Thursday drive because everytime I walk out that door there's a risk and I'm not prepared to tell everyone right now. It's almost like a all or nothing deal. Going to the event is a huge risk and by doing so I believe you should be prepared. After all that's my opinion and you have to follow your heart, but remember It's a small world, sometimes to small.

[Rhonda Darling]

Kimmy:

A couple of things to consider. First, I suspect that in going to an organized TG/TS/CD event you will find those taking and posting pictures to be respectful of you if you don't want to be photographed -- just ask. Second, remember you'll be in disguise, of a sort, and if you are even moderately skilled at makeup and wear a wig with your femme clothes, you'll look so different from your guy-mode look that no one will notice or recognize you if you should be seen by someone you know ---- that is unless you give them a big big clue. That would be your wife. If someone recognizes her, they may start looking around for you and put 2+2 together. Without her and a frame of reference, your guy-mode friends will not process you en femme and recognize you. This fear is something many of us spent years trying to get over because we had no internet, no CD/T triends to talk to, and all felt we we the only one. This truly is a mindful willpower issue for you and others fearful of exposure.

YMMD
Rhonda

[Krisi]

I don't know anything about that event but I can tell you this:

Any thought of not having your picture taken while in public should have gone away years ago. Regardless of your presentation, if you leave the house, you will have your picture taken or be recorded in a video. Gas station, bank, retail store, even public sidewalks in some cities. The trick is to dress well enough that nobody will recognize you. A good wig, makeup and of course the feminine clothing, boobs and butt. Hanging around with your wife, of course, is a giveaway.

Why would you have to tell anyone your male name? You don't post it here. Kimmy should be fine. Make up a last name if you need one.

You don't really have to go to an "event" to go out. Just go to another town or city a couple hour's drive from home. Get a room, change and hit the streets.

[Heidi Stevens]

Hey Kimmy, don't let overthinking stop you from going to these events. I've not attended the specific event you named, but I have gone to two other big events in the past year (Erie Gala and Keystone) and had no problems at all. Every one is there to have a good time and be able to express themselves with out having to look over the shoulder all the time. The only person at either event to see my male name and photo was the hotel clerks at check ins. Every time, the response was "thank you, ma'am" and that was that.
You'll be ok at the Dunes as long as you behave yourself enough to keep from being arrested. You'll be too nervous to let that happen because it's your first time. Go, relax and find out how much fun Kimmy can have with out your identity being revealed.

[patti.jean]

Kimmy,

I have been going to the Dunes events for years and have not had any problems. I find that anyone that is there is going to be respectable to your wishes, they would have to out themselves to out you. The Dunes dose also have a fall TG event, but really you would be welcomed anytime. I usealy avoid the holidays and some of the themed events, but otherwise go all the time. They have a wonderful pool that is open all summer that I have been to many times. Also another fun event with no cover charge is the Sunday afternoon Tea Dance during the summer. Other then starting at 4:00 PM it has nothing to do with tea, but this might be an event you can attend to get a feel for the place.

Feel free to send me a message if you want more information or if you would be interested in meeting at the Dunes.

Patti

[carrie001]

Wow, I may have to looking to this as place as well. Looks really interesting and not that far. I read some articles that that not everyone in the community is accepting of the T in LGBT. Are they CD friendly?

[Tracii G]

Overthinking is what keeps you in a state of fear.If all you think of is "what if" or "oh I can't do that" you will never take the plunge.
Just don't use your male name at the event and don't worry so much.
Chances are the people you are worried about seeing you aren't going to be there and you aren't going to look like your guy self in pics anyway.

[Teresa]

Kimmy,
I can't reply concerning that particular event but just to add some caution , at my first social outing someone took pictures to comment on the event in TVChix, I was told that my picture appeared with several others, as far as I'm aware the request to have them removed was accepted. I know it's a chance that we have to take , as we do on this forum, I don't have a problem with that as long I know what the pictures will be used for, maybe that's a little naive to totally believe that statement, but if we take the choice not to hide in the closet and want to be out at some point we are going to be caught out.

[michelle.foster]

Let me say this. I would also look over my shoulder when I was out dressed, and what I noticed was that NO ONE was looking at me. So I stopped worrying about it. I now go out in bra and forms under t-shirts, with my purse. The forms are not all that noticeable until I throw my purse across my chest, then they are very noticeable but no one has ever said anything to me or at me. I'm assuming no one notices or cares..
Don't worry about the others, because they aren't worried about you.

[reb.femme]

To paraphrase a statement made to me by someone from this site, "having your photos on-line is a danger but realistically, they get lost in the noise of the internet".

I gave up worrying to be honest, hence I clearly reference my webpage, Plus, there is the other old gotcha. If any of your friends and/or acquaintances do see you, they obviously have an interest in our world too. Why else would they be looking?

It really is surprising how different we appear when dressed and made up. I've shocked a couple of my local group when I've seen them out and about and I'm en boy. They just don't recognise the less pretty side of me.

Becky

[Tracii G]

You know that is true Becky.
I went to a support group meeting in boy mode once and more than one person had no idea who I was.
When I spoke at the beginning where we introduce ourselves to new members heads turned and I heard an OMG No Way!!
I was quite surprised no one noticed.

[Michelle Girl]

Hi Kimmy,

I went to a big CD event in the UK with my wife last year. Being photographed had been our biggest fear. However, we found that everyone was very respectful of others and tried to ensure that they photographed only those in their group and avoided other people being in the background. It was very noticeable that people were not using the camera on their phones the way you would see in any bar or cafe nowadays, so it was obviously a concern to all.

As has been pointed out below, as you will be dressed en femme with wig and makeup, you will be in full disguise. It's photos of your wife next to you that are the real risk. My wife and I will go again to the same event together this year. It's a risk but a very low one that we're prepared to take. You are right to do your homework. I phoned the organiser in advance and discussed my concerns...which were allayed.

Oh, and it was the very first time I'd ever gone out en femme. It was simply sublime to be able to move freely all day and evening en femme in the hotel. Unforgettable and to be repeated again in 2016. No regrets.

Love, Michelle

[LelaK]

If you go to such events underdressed, no one could accuse you of crossdressing, (unless you're required to show or state what you're wearing underneath). However (even if that's not required), I guess people could accuse you of attending such an event, since they could then easily recognize you.:doh:

[ReineD]

Hi Kimmy, if the Dunes Resort has a photo gallery of the event on their website, I'm sure you can request that your photo be taken down if you see it there. But, it's difficult to control the pics taken by all the other attendees on their cell phones, who then can post them anywhere ... facebook, flickr, TG discussion boards, etc. But, I think the chances that your acquaintances will see you are slim, if they don't habitually visit those websites.

Years ago before facebook opened up to the non-college crowd, there was myspace. I found a picture of my SO putting money in the drag queen's bra at a local drag show. She had no idea that someone had taken that pic, she just happened to have been in the shot when someone took a pic of the DQ. She was not happy and it took a while to contact the person and get them to take the pic down. Thankfully the person agreed.

[heatherdress]

Kimmy - Every event I attended had rules which provided choices about pictures. No one pressured anyone else to take group pictures. Attendees always respected picture taking rules which typically required anyone to ask permission first.

Also, it would be much more likely that your spouse would be much more identifiable than you in any picture.

If you enjoy wearing make-up, the more you wear the greater the camouflage.

But if you do engage in picture taking, you will never know where the pictures will be posted.

[Ressie]

Can anyone tell me what to expect if we, she and I, went up there and attended the event? Are you asked permission before having your photo taken? Is your male name used for anything? I would enjoy getting out of the house more than just on Halloween, but I want my wife to be comfortable with this also.

Kimmy P.

I been going to the TG weekend at the Dunes for a few years. No one's even posted my picture here let alone FB! Now if you entered the Prom contest a lot of people will take your picture. Other than that, there's not much chance your photo will be taken unless you get someone to take it.

All CDs go by their female name. There are a few that are on FB under their CD identity and all of their friends are CD or CD friendly.

I missed going this April because I had to work. The next event will be in October, but the Prom thing is only in April. It's great to hang out with other CDs! Hope to see you there!

[kimmy p]

Thank you everyone for your responses. I hope to meet some of you in person some day.

- - - Updated - - -


I been going to the TG weekend at the Dunes for a few years. No one's even posted my picture here let alone FB! Now if you entered the Prom contest a lot of people will take your picture. Other than that, there's not much chance your photo will be taken unless you get someone to take it.

All CDs go by their female name. There are a few that are on FB under their CD identity and all of their friends are CD or CD friendly.

I missed going this April because I had to work. The next event will be in October, but the Prom thing is only in April. It's great to hang out with other CDs! Hope to see you there!

Not likely to hit the October event, but... I will be there for the Halloween bash. Love Douglas at Halloween since me in a dress doesn't make anyone blink twice.

[patti.jean]

Wow, I may have to looking to this as place as well. Looks really interesting and not that far. I read some articles that that not everyone in the community is accepting of the T in LGBT. Are they CD friendly?

The Dunes is very CD friendly. It is true, not everyone in the LGBT community is accepting, but not all people are going to be accepting of anything. I find that I am very accepted in the community. At the prom event (LINK) (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?239188-I-was-Crowned-Prom-Queen&highlight=) most of the people that cheered for me are gay. The Dunes also has a great pool (LINK) (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?230062-Pool-Time&highlight=), that is opening in one week. Enjoy!

Patti

[JamieGdukes]

You could have the wife go in drab, no one would recognize her with a beard LOL. A new wig and her makeup changed up, may be enough for you both to be camouflaged.