Bedroom dilemma !

[Teresa]

Despite my wife not being happy about my CDing she has accepted I wear a nightie in bed because I do sleep better, she was concerned about my sleep pattern and she knows it helps, she still chooses not to see me if possible or touch me.
They are ones that belonged to her but I commented that they old and really need replacing, she appeared OK with that, I have seen some really nice ones in a charity shop in my size. I'm still very aware of my CDing costing too much , she knows I buy clothes from charity shops and is OK with that but my dilemma is will she be happy sleeping in the same bed knowing I'm wearing another woman's nightie.

I know many others say they sleep in nighties so maybe they might have some thoughts on this .

[sara66]

Interesting, I think being you purchased it and not "borrowed" it that it should not be an issue. Only one way to find out for sure, ask her directly.
Sara

[NicoleScott]

It's easier to get forgiveness than permission. Don't ask, just do it and see what happens.

[Tina_gm]

Why are you even asking this question?? You have said so many times repeatedly that you are in a sexless marriage. Your wife doesn't particularly care for any of it. You know simply it is not going to be something she likes period... hers, new ones, used ones.... I and so many others have tried and tried with you about this stuff. Either do it or don't do it. She won't like it at all. Not now, not tomorrow, not ever.

[ChristinaK]

Hi Teresa,

Seems like things have gotten better for you and your wife based on your other posts and that gives me a little encouragement. Good for you.

I buy nightgowns that are used and my wife doesn't care that they're used, she just doesn't like it. She knows I wear them when she is not around and that bugs her, but at least she stopped throwing them away!

She used to let me wear nightgowns sometimes, but I did it once too often and she threw a fit. But, I kept wearing Vanity Fair nylon PJs. She then bought me a pair of women's satin PJs that look androgynous. Since then, I have bought and wear nightly women's nylon PJs and night shirts with panties. She has accepted that even though one is pink and another is lavender with white piping on the collar. Pretty feminine.

Sometimes I still sneak into bed with a regular nightgown. In the morning she just says I'm wearing something I'm not supposed to, so she has softened on the issue a little.

Maybe you can come to a compromise with your wife on something that's not completely feminine that would make you both happy. Good luck and enjoy your new nightgowns. They feel sooo good, don't they?

[Judy-Somthing]

Who knows, maybe it's another cross-dressers nightie?

[Teresa]

Gendermut,
Why do you even bother to read my threads if you've already formed an opinion ! If I annoy you that much I suggest you don't read my threads in the future !

The question was asked because I still consider her feelings and I'm not sure what she may think about this issue and I was asking other members if they've encountered the same situation .

[franlee]

Teresa you are looking over the simple fact. These are your clothes, if you buy from any retail store others have tried on the clothes or at least there is a good chance, same thing unless you ad live and add the stigma to them. Just don't over think and enjoy Life as you and only you can make it.

[Judy-Somthing]

Why not just buy some new nighties/
I admit I like the idea that the dresses I buy might have been worn by a woman but at least one out of five I buy are new and just knowing they are made for a women is good enough for Miss Judy

[Devone]

I buy most of my clothing from a women's consignment shop and I know they were worn by other women , thats part of the excitement for me! Devone

[JenniferR771]

Charity shop (thrift store), I shop in the same. Don't spend much. Bought my first nighty last month for a weekend cd getaway. I think you are lucky, that your wife has agreed so far--I cannot get my wife to go along with that. You must treat her right or maybe you are really good looking as a male. I agree with Nicole Scott--go for it. Makes no difference who wore it before you. Wash your new nighty and wear it. I am sure you will sleep better.
And get pictures!

[LelaK]

You could wear a "male's" robe or pj's with the nightie underneath. Underdress.

[ReineD]

I don't think anyone here can determine what your wife's reaction might be. You should ask her if she minds you sleeping in a pre-owned nightie, or would she object to you buying new ones.

Or, just go ahead and buy a new nightie. There's a lingerie sale on right now at Marks & Spenser. Some things are £8. Or, you can get regular priced nighties from £12-£14 & up.

But, do you and your wife discuss in detail where you buy your things? If you got a nightie at a thrift shop and washed it, how would your wife know it was pre-owned. I've gotten cute things at thrift shops and they looked new to me. :)

Better yet, it might not be a bad idea for the two of you to establish a budget? You might decide how much discretionary income you each can have per month to spend on clothing. And then you can decide how you want to spend your share?

[Rhonda Jean]

I figure she could not care less where you get them. She doesn't want you to wear them, and if you're going to wear them anyway, she wants to know as little about it as possible. Just don't buy thrift store panties!

[ChristinaK]

The way I see it is that I would not be a happy camper if my wife came to bed in men's boxers and a flannel shirt. I would express extreme discontent and sexual relations would be predicated on her removing the male clothing.

That being said, Teresa is trying to be considerate of her wife while making herself happy. For many of us, that's a very fine line to walk.

If she's like my wife, there's no talking to be done. So, I feel for both people, just as I feel for my wife putting up with my weirdness. Many of you have wives that are into what we do, but the statistics bear out the fact we are more rare than gays. So, most people, especially wives, don't get it at all and feel that we have a choice. That choice is often to please ourselves in a selfish male behavior.

So, if one of us tries to be a little considerate of their spouse, they are deserving of our respect.

[Shely]

it sounds like your wife is a little more sensitive about this than you know. My wife is accepting, but quietly, very quietly. We never have had a good discussion of the limits to which i might go. I did for a while sleep in a long night gown and loved it. but now i have some womens PJ's and silky blouse that feels even better than the gown. I buy all most all of my clothes at the thrift store, but on ocasion have bought panties and slips on ebay. some are quite cheap. i have never given much thought about who wore it before i got it, might have to give it a try. for me it's all about how they feel on ME! good luck!

[Mindy Fey]

She seems to be ok with you buying a nightie. I would tell her im going to buy one. If she seems upset ask her what's bothering her. I find its best to always communicate no matter how hard the conversation. In my own situation, I can't see my wife being jealous of me wearing another woman's clothes. But if she were, I would just explain that it's about how the clothes make me feel, not who wore then before.

[Teresa]

Devone,
I think you've made the point of my thread, she may see it that way, nighties were very much a turn on to me at one time , she knows that and may not be happy I'm wearing another woman's in bed.
She doesn't have a problem with where my day clothes come from , I've told her I'm trying not to spend too much so she's Ok with me buying from charity shops and even knows I've been given items by my counsellor, but of course she hasn't seen me in any of them. It's part of the reason why I keep pictures up to date, I like to keep a record of what worked and also if she does ever ask to see me dressed I do have the the in between situation of being able to show her photos.

Reine ,
As usual you make sensible comments many thanks. I Use to buy my wife a nightie every Xmas for years, she knows I use buy reasonably expensive ones, it is frustrating that you can buy probably several really nice ones for the price of one in a charity shop. Yes you are correct a decent used one will wash and iron like new, perhaps i'm worrying too much.

Rhonda,
I wouldn't dream of it , occasionally I look through the bras but I think it's something you need to buy new.

[Diversity]

I would think that if you bought clothes, jewelry and nighties from a charity shop that your wife would not think of you sleeping in another woman's nightie. We're you to buy your wife a piece of jewelry, do you think she would turn it down for feelings that she is wearing an item of jewelry which may have been given to another woman from another man?
If she is alright with you buying things from charity shops I would suggest that you treat it as an ordinary purchase and not read too much into it.
Di

[Raychel]

This is such a dilemma,
On the one hand you want your wife to be happy.
On the other hand is your own comfort and happiness.

That is where you need to find that fine line that works for both of you.

Personally I have tried the whole spectrum, trying to make it work.
I have spend weeks in full guy mode, That did not work well for me at all.
I have spent weeks mixing it up, some nights in guy mode and some night in nightgowns.

No matter what still made no change in my wifes thoughts, there has been no contact for years.
not a hug, not a kiss on the cheek. nothing,
So for me, I dress like I prefer, and make myself comfortable and happy.
Accepted the fact that it is gone here.

That was a tough thing to realize for me, but that is where it is at.
I hope you can come up with a happy middle ground that works for both of you. :hugs:

[Mykaa]

Once you buy it, its yours the way I see it. Yes I do have a nice leather jacket with perfume on it, I kind of like it :). How about this, Satin Pajama's sounds like a nice compromise to me, shirt style top, pants or shorts bottom.

[Michelle (Oz)]

She won't like it at all. Not now, not tomorrow, not ever.

Teresa, in defence of gendermutt, this would be a true statement??

My wife's attitude to my dressing has moved over the last 4 years from "totally abhorrent" to knowing that I do frequently and overlooking the signs that make it possible (hair removal, longer nails). We have travelled this far but she never wants to see me dressed. I put night wear in this category even though I'd love to slip into something comfortable. Why confront her and increase her discomfort levels?

So there seems no point in discussing your night wear. As Nicole says just do it.

[Krisi]

I don't know about where you live, but around here, you can buy new clothes fairly cheap if you go to the right stores and shop the sales or clearance racks. Is $10 - $15 too much to spend?

Another option might be to offer to buy her new ones if she will give you some of her old ones.

[JamieGdukes]

Food for thought. What do you sleep on/in when you stay at a hotel? The sheets have seen more bodies than any charity shop item ever has. Save the cash and wash them, fabric is fabric.

Jamie

[Taylor186]

Thoughts:

• I doubt there is any science to support that wearing silky nightgowns helps one sleep better. Sound like a pink fog rationalization to me.

• My wife doesn't want crossdressing into the bedroom. If my wife knew that nightgowns were a big personal turn-on then she should rightly be upset that I would even think about wearing one to bed. To me, that would represent total and complete disrespect of her.

• I would not care in the least if my wife wore boxers and flannel shirts to bed. When things get hot for us clothing is the first thing to go.

• As I said my wife has asked that I don't bring crossdressing into the bedroom and that is something I have agreed to as I have much freedom to crossdress otherwise. Seems like a sensible trade off to me.

• Buying something new doesn't mean it hasn't been worn or at least tried on. Buying at a charity shop saves money and helps the charity too.

[Jaylyn]

Teresa my wife wears my t shirts to bed during the summer months and during the colder times she actually wears what looks like men's woolen bottoms. I myself wear those lounging pants that are woolen sometimes when it's cold and my t shirts I bought just for bed time. My point is we don't have any pajamas we designate for sleep wear. We wear what's comfortable to us. The older I get the more comfy I like to be. I have even quit wearing ties to church but occasionally wear one to a funeral ( the older you are the more of those you will attend also). My suggestion just wear what you are comfortable wearing. I really don't know if I would sleep better in a gown or what I wear now. I doubt very seriously the thought of another woman wearing the gown will enter her head unless she reads what you wrote on here. Just do t bring it up. I don't worry about the small stuff until it happens then in your case I'd simply say ummm never thought of dear do you want me to change. Don't sweat it just do what you want and then ask for forgiveness for being so thoughtless about it.
I think very few of our wives really 100% enjoy what do anyway. The more I read on here the more I think that. Some are accepting but only to certain points and it seems very few don't have some restrictions on here.

[kimberly c]

it should be no issue, you are a crossdresser and like nightgowns. Go ahead buy it and wear it to bed. My wife doesnt tell me what to wear to bed, I like short and long nightgowns and only wear feminine clothes at night. She accepts the fact that im a CD.

[Teresa]

Krisi,
She doesn't wear nighties any more only PJs.

Jamie,
Last time I went on holiday it was a cruise and I did sleep in a nightie, as for the bed linen , I get your point and hope they are clean !

Taylor,
I covered those points, when I told her sometime ago that I was wearing a nightie under my PJs because I slept better she did suggest I dispense with the PJs as long as I didn't flaunt the nightie. In the past nighties were a big turn on, wearing them every night has mostly taken that away, she doesn't see it as disrespectful, if it does help me sleep .

Jaylyn,
I'm sure you're right I'm probably worrying too much, as you say just admit my mistake and apologise.

[Tina_gm]

Teresa, you are making a problem when there isn't one. Your wife loves you enough so that she is willing to have you wear nightgowns, HERS even. problem solved, you get what you want, and sleep better. She cares enough for you to do that. Oh- not good enough? they're old.... Now you are going to just piss her off.

I have 50 bucks in my pocket. It is mine to do whatever I want with. My wife and I have separate accounts for our own money for just this kind of stuff. ta-da, problem solved. Most couples have their own leisure money. It is a healthy thing, lunches, little things, whatever.

She sleeps with you with a nightgown on. If it is not good enough that she gives you hers, what do you expect her reaction will be?? then fine, go get your own if MINE are not good enough for you.... Spend a ton of money that is meant to be for stuff she sees as way more important is what will be a problem for her. As for a charity shop. A common word across the pond where I live they are called consignment shops. I highly doubt she is going to care about some other woman once wore them. That is the point of these shops. Most of us pick up stuff at these shops at one time or another..... She will likely care about it being another woman's if you slept with that woman.... but that is about it.

We have a saying, not sure if it is used over where you are or not......... Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

[Stephanie47]

Last year my wife decided to clear out her nightgowns that were "vintage." They were beautiful nightgowns purchased in the early 1970's at Macy's and Gimbel's in New York. She was going to donated them to our local Goodwill. I told her no! We freshly laundered them with Woolite and donated to a charity shop that would charge a reasonable amount for them. I did not want some eBayer to scarf them up and jack the price up on the net. They were gorgeous. If any woman was going to be jealous of her cross dressing husband wearing them, it would be because they were worn by "another." It would be because of the sizes, 34B. I don't know your tastes in negligees or nightgowns, but, maybe your wife would feel upstaged.

Buy something that is comfortable but not sexy. If I want sexy it's a nylon floor length gown or peignoir or a long full slip. If it's comfort it one of my ratty tee shirts. Maybe, buying a moderately priced cotton tee shirt that is made for a woman would be a comprise between worn by another woman and new.

Frankly, if you do go over the top with no romance in your life, you'll here about it.

[Barbara Black]

I've been wearing nightgowns for a while now, not to the amusement of my wife though. But recently I wore a pair of silky pajamas instead, and she said, "You know they make them in men's clothing." I looked down at the crotch and replied that I wasn't sure that they weren't men's. But it had no fly, so she thought it was female. Anyway, she wasn't any more accepting of them than the nightgowns, as far as I could tell. I went back to the nightgowns since it didn't matter to her, and I like the flowing fabric around me.