Successful talk with SO.

[Kelly Whelan]

I posted a couple months back on this thread (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?236821-New-member-wanting-advice-on-raising-the-subject-with-SO)asking for advice on how to get the dialogue started with my wife.

The good news is that over the weekend my wife and I finally had the talk we should have had years ago. She's hasn't exactly fallen head over heels for the idea of me dressing but she accepts it and will not stand in my way of doing it. We'll sort out the various rules and limits in due course. She is a 2.5 possibly a 3 on the scale of acceptance I have seen used here. She doesn't want any active role in it but she feels that if it is something that makes me happy, then she should not be fundamentally against that. Over time, I picture her feeling less emotionally affected by it.

The topic came up naturally as part of a conversation on emotional pain brought on by cognitive dissonance (knowing one thing sub consciously but consciously believing the opposite) she mentioned how TG people must feel. I mentioned my feelings on the TVCD life and it went from there.

During the talk, I took on board what a lot of people said to me here. I just wanted to thank those who posted to my first thread.

- Kelly

[JamieG]

Great news, Kelly! You sound like you have done your research, so you probably already know to take it slow from here.

[bridget thronton]

Hopes things continue to go smoothly

[JenniferMBlack]

Sounds like you are in a fairly good place. My girlfriend whom I had known before we started dating knew I cd before we ever got together and had the same sort of attitude as your wife did when we started dating. Now she is more into it and is encouraging me to go farther if I desire. Just take it slow don't rush her.

[alwayshave]

Kelly, congratulations on a successful talk.

[Sarah Louise]

I remember replying to your thread which was only a few days after I had told my wife. I'm so pleased I did as it's worked out well. It's great that the reveal also went well for you. I'm really pleased for you. As others have said take it slow and don't over-whelm her by moving too fast.

[Teresa]

Kelly,
I'm so pleased you've got over the first hurdle and went OK. You'll have to give her time now to let it sink in and come to terms with it, you may be itching for more now but don't rush things. It's also good to hear the forum pointed you in the right direction, all our circumstances are different so obviously you took out what you wanted from the replies and it worked for you.

[Piora]

Teresa - excellent advice! I think the biggest mistake CDs make, who come out to their SOs, is pushing it too quickly. The key is patience, and a gentle approach.

[Robin777]

I hope everything goes smoothly with the wife and your wife becomes fully accepting.

[Kelly Whelan]

Thanks for the replies.

Baby steps will be needed from here. I'm helped by two things that complicated factors before my wife and I talked about it: 1) She knew I dressed in the years before we met, so it wasn't a shock for her to hear that I want to revisit it, and 2) I don't have my own money (yet), so I'm not going to push too hard against her comfort zone by buying loads of stuff to leave littered around the house. I plan to keep it pretty compartmentalized anyway.

[Maria 60]

That's great always great to hear a happy story. Don't push the issue and take it slow, put not to slow. Congratulations again on the one step forward.

[sometimes_miss]

Just tread carefully and don't let the pink fog get ahead of you. Don't assume you have carte blanche to dress as freely as you want, even if she's sort of said you can. It can overwhelm a woman who's new to this, and it can backfire. I've been there, and it blew up in my face eventually. Take things slow.

[~Joanne~]

We'll sort out the various rules and limits in due course.

um, yeah......

[NZ_Dawn]

Initiating such a discussion takes a lot of courage. Great to hear you are both moving in a positive direction. All the best. Take care.

[Judy-Somthing]

That's cool your going for full discloser.
I wish I could, I tried four months ago and feel I was pushed back in the closet.
My wife is so cool but I think she is afraid of the unknown of cross-dressing.

I hope the best for you.

[ChristinaK]

I admire those of you who have the guts to even bring up the subject. It's something I wish so bad to talk about with my wife, but she's so against the subject it's not worth the turmoil it creates.

Some of you have had similar circumstances and have been somewhat successful in communicating with your SO and that makes me want to do the same, but I'm afraid to muddy the water. Maybe a therapist would help. Just spouting off, sorry.

[Diversity]

Good to hear your update, Kelly, and good to hear of your SO's partial acceptance. This is what many of us have come to terms with our rives as well, and is at least a fair compromise.
Good luck to you both, going forward.
Keep open an honest lines of communication and an understanding of one another's feelings as you adjust.
Di

[Sally60]

Hello, I am an so, wife of Selene ev on this site. I just wanted to say that, in my opinion, it would be best to let your so take things at her own pace. If you push her she may feel resentful. It's a difficult situation and I think it's important to give her the time and space to absorb it all.

[Kelly Whelan]

Hello, I am an so, wife of Selene ev on this site. I just wanted to say that, in my opinion, it would be best to let your so take things at her own pace. If you push her she may feel resentful. It's a difficult situation and I think it's important to give her the time and space to absorb it all.

Totally agree. This is something that I have a 15 year head start on so I have to put myself in the mindset of what it felt like when I was first coming to terms with it myself.