Why? Are we trans and do we really like it?

[Dana44]

I'm sitting here in girl mode and feeling woman all over. I have on matching undie's and bra and they are a nice blue lace. MY denim shorts and a nice blue blouse that looks kinda like a boy shirt... not. But hey woman, I was just thinking, You have no fear to go out like this and why should you, but is it a bit crazy to be trans? I sure am one and wow it's hard on some days. I do feel like a woman sometimes and bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan because I am a woman. :) Do any of you relate to this?:eek:

[Fiona123]

I believe that crossdressers fall under the broad definition of transgender. I love it when I am en femme.

[RADER]

I can not figure out what camp I am in. All I know is that I enjoy
wearing a dress or a skirt and top.
Yes I do have female jeans, and I wear them everyday. I do not
think of them as CDing, as they look like any other jeans you find
anywhere.
I am under dressing more that ever, as I have been wearing a bra
everyday for about a year now.
So I guess I am just a closet dresser, and I have a big closet.
Rader

[pamela7]

why is it crazy? it might just make all the sense in the world ;-)

[Rachelakld]

being trans - well it works for me, especially as wife's away and with just 4 daughters at home were having great girl time.

[Glendy]

If felling like your feelling is transgender when your dressed then I guess I'm transgender also cause I feel the same way you do when I'm all dressed up and feminine looking it feels natural to me being dressed.

[Mindy Fey]

It may be a little bit crazy when you consider the challenges you have to face. But I wouldn't say crazy in the negative sense of the word. I mean that it takes a lot of courage to make a lifestyle change like that and face hurdles that others would see as insurmountable. I've thought about being trans but don't think I have the courage to do it. Also, there are parts of my life where I like being "masculine" and identifying as a man. What aspects of being trans are good and which aspects are hard?

[Ressie]

Dana, you feel that you identify more as a woman than a man? Since you're in your '60s now, how long have you been feeling this way?

Just to clarify, you have no fear of going out dressed but you think it's craz?. I'm just a little confused about your premise and I'm also a little confused about my own gender identity. But I think if you only feel like a woman when dressed, you're probably not transexual.

I like women's clothing (a lot) and I like makeup, wigs and everything about looking like a woman. But I don't like to do many things that my female friends like doing. OTOH I'm not crazy about a lot of guy stuff either!

[flatlander_48]

:) Do any of you relate to this?:eek:

No, can't say as I do. As I've said, there isn't a distinct DeeAnn personality or a distinct Don personality. It is one personality that includes both. In other words, both are present all the time and there is no switch that gets flipped when I dress.

As far as liking it, once I began to understand what was going on, I've become very comfortable with it. A fair amount of the novelty has worn off and things have settled into a good place.

DeeAnn

[Rachael Leigh]

For me I'm primerly a crossdresser however I do consider myself trans, it seems I do have very different personalities when in male mode vs fem mode but lately it seems to be bleeding over and that's when it hit me my female part is part of me so I felt that qualified me in the trans umbrella.
I know it's just a label and I don't care for them but if it works for people to help identify me then ok, I'm good
Leigh

[Dana44]

Ressie, I'm gender fluid, but yes I do feel like a woman often. I also like my male side but lately I'm feeling more feminine. It hit me today that I am pretty deep into the transgender area and wow feeling like a woman feels great but I know I'm a male also, but I seem to be slipping into a more feminine routine.

[Mollyanne]

If felling like your feelling is transgender when your dressed then I guess I'm transgender also cause I feel the same way you do when I'm all dressed up and feminine looking it feels natural to me being dressed.

I feel the same way you do. I LOVE getting dressed and becoming the woman who lives inside me. I feel more comfortable, confident and better about myself when I am looking in the mirror and seeing a woman looking back at me, and that woman is me!!!!!!

Molly

[Anneliese]

I am completely gender fluid. If I was younger, who knows, I might transition. I would have been really pretty decades ago, and aren't too shabby now for a 62-year-old. Most of my life I've been single. A five-year marriage and a few mostly short relationships, which I only enjoyed early on. There is no relationship I miss. I enjoy my parts, but if given a choice of 100% pure hetero CDer or transitioning, and those were the only choices, I would, without question, choose the latter.

[Nigella]

...I am completely gender fluid. If I was younger, who knows, I might transition. ... I enjoy my parts, but if given a choice of 100% pure hetero CDer or transitioning, and those were the only choices, I would, without question, choose the latter.

I just can't marry these two statements. Transition is a move from one state to another on a permanent basis, not being fluid between the two. Why chose transition if you are happy with your parts? It just don't make sense :confused:

[Teresa]

Dana,
I don't have to be dressed to feel like it and why do we have to worry about something we can do nothing about, we're wired different and that's it.

I've just been shopping again today, openly discussing clothes and how they fit , the SAs aren't giving me a hard time with being trans or a CDer so why should I worry. If being trans makes you unhappy or gives you a guilt complex then try and come to terms with it, we should be allowed to enjoy it, if you can go about like that other people pick up on it and will be OK with you.

[sometimes_miss]

'Why? Are we trans and do we really like it?"
We are what we are, we have to accept that, whether it's what we like or not. For many people, it is encouraged to 'love who you are', as if that's going to make everything wonderful. It doesn't. It doesn't solve any problems. But to just run around singing 'I'm glad I'm a girl!' all day would be a little ridiculous.

[Sharon B.]

Ican relate to feeling feminine when I have on some feminine attire, there is one or a few aspects I like about being a male. At times I wish I had the courage in my younger years to accept this part of me and transition to a woman. For now I will just settle on being a crossdresser.

[flatlander_48]

I just can't marry these two statements. Transition is a move from one state to another on a permanent basis, not being fluid between the two. Why chose transition if you are happy with your parts? It just don't make sense :confused:

The point would be that if there were only 2 choices as stated (meaning that the concept of gender fluidity did NOT exist), the choice would be to transition. Further, the quote was "I enjoy my parts". There was no statement about being unwilling to give that up. Nothing was said that would preclude the possibility of being happier in some other mode. Your interpretation seems to be overly rigid.

DeeAnn

[Anneliese]

Thank you FL48.

[suzanne]

Crazy? Not crazy? Neither. A person is who he/she is, and there's no need to defend it. However, it is safe to say its a hard concept to explain. I will say that gender identification is not a male/female binary, as some muggles try to assert. Instead of an on/off binary lightswitch, gender is more like a dimmer switch with a whole spectrum of possibilities from 100% male to 100% female.

In my own case, I feel like I'm female about 50% of the time, male about 20% and neutral 30% of the time. I feel that if I had any more of a feminine tendency, I would be considering living full time or even transitioning. But im not. And I have no interest in trying to find out why I am the way I am, just enjoying it.

[Zooey]

I will say that gender identification is not a male/female binary, as some muggles try to assert. Instead of an on/off binary lightswitch, gender is more like a dimmer switch with a whole spectrum of possibilities from 100% male to 100% female.

I firmly believe that gender expression is an infinitely divisible spectrum of possibilities. Very few people, cis or trans, are planted firmly at either extreme. I'm certainly not.

I still struggle to understand the gender identities that theoretically exist in the middle, and I struggle even more with comprehending the idea of a gender identity that MOVES.

As a trans woman, does that make me squib? :straightface:

260945

[Kate Simmons]

I wouldn't presume to know what a woman feels like dressed up, I only know what I feel like--pretty good really. :battingeyelashes::)

[flatlander_48]

I still struggle to understand the gender identities that theoretically exist in the middle

Careful with "theoretically". That can leave the impression that it isn't real and only exists as a theory. We are real flesh and bone people with a myriad of identities and that takes it 'way beyond the theoretical.


and I struggle even more with comprehending the idea of a gender identity that MOVES.

I think there are MANY factors that have some bearing on this. And, think about this. Why is it that we get up in the morning and sometimes it's great, sometimes it's middle of the road and at still other times it really sucks? Some are obvious like a hangover or looking forward to a much anticipated event, etc. However, others are not obvious at all and would take a lot of effort to begin to see the cause and effect linkage.

With fluidity, perhaps what leads up to a change is not obvious at all. This would align with the difficulty that people have when they try to explain what happens for them. It would seem that the only real way to find out would be a fair amount of psychoanalysis. Failing that, the only thing that is left is acceptance of the concept.

DeeAnn

[Zooey]

Careful with "theoretically". That can leave the impression that it isn't real and only exists as a theory. We are real flesh and bone people with a myriad of identities and that takes it 'way beyond the theoretical.

It can, if you don't use the scientific definition of theory. I'm sure you exist, you are a fact, or at least I presume you are despite the internet sitting between us. There are theories about precisely what and why you are, all of them with evidence to support that they could be correct (that's what allows them to be theories). I have hypotheses of my own, which I try to test to see if they might be reasonable theories.

Theories are not trivial. The "why" of gravity is still just a theory. We operate a global GPS network on a theory. MY identity is entirely based on theory - it happens to fall under theories that are more widely accepted at this point, but they are no more "proven".

[flatlander_48]

Theories are not trivial.

Neither are we who occupy the middle portion of the spectrum.

DeeAnn

[Zooey]

I was trying to explain that I take it seriously, and was in no way trying to trivialize anybody. Apologies if that wasn't clear.

[flatlander_48]

M:

It's an issue that has significance for me and I may be somewhat more sensitive than necessary. However, there seems to be a faction that believes that one is either a Crossdresser or one who should be transitioning. There is no middle ground. Historically it has been the same for Bisexuals as quite a few have claimed that you have to be either gay or straight; again with no allowance of a middle ground.

Of the many identities that I claim, those 2 are the most troubling in terms of external perception. As applied to both identities, some folks have gone out of their way to say things like it's just a phase, you're in denial, you have another identity to hide behind, etc.

BULL SHIT.

That's just not the reality of it in either case, but people keep trying to make it so. Anyway, that's the reason behind my response.

Please continue...

DeeAnn

[Krisi]

I wouldn't presume to know what a woman feels like dressed up, I only know what I feel like--pretty good really. :battingeyelashes::)

Any man who thinks he knows what a woman feels like is fooling himself. You have never been a woman and you likely have never been treated as one, at least in the long term. Strapping on a pair of boobs and a wig doesn't give you any insight into how a woman feels. Physically, you have the hair against your neck and you can feel the silicone boobs on your chest, but these things don't give you the life experiences to feel like a woman.

As for the thread "Are we trans and do we really like it?", You are what you are and there's nothing you can do about it so like it or not, you better learn to deal with it.

[Saikotsu]

Why? Cause I was born this way and choose to embrace it.
Am I trans? I self identify as transgender (genderfluid) so yes I am.
Do I enjoy it? As a matter of fact I do. Sure there are times when it can be tough and it complicates my life a bit, but I'd rather be me than be someone else.

[nikkiwindsor]

Regardless of my genotype and phenotype, I have both a female and male mind, soul & spirit. And yet, I'm so very much more content, happy, and free expressing my female nature. It's simply who I am...I didn't ask for it...I wasn't looking for it...it's just me! Nikki

[Fiona123]

I am transgender, a crossdresser and gender fluid. I am happy with those labels. 🌺

[grace7777]

I am trans and the desire to transition grows stronger each day. I except what I am, but it would be much easier if I was born a woman or was a cis male.

[PaulaQ]

Any man who thinks he knows what a woman feels like is fooling himself. You have never been a woman and you likely have never been treated as one, at least in the long term. Strapping on a pair of boobs and a wig doesn't give you any insight into how a woman feels. Physically, you have the hair against your neck and you can feel the silicone boobs on your chest, but these things don't give you the life experiences to feel like a woman.

These are the arguments Janice Raymond and other TERFs make against trans women.

It's funny, how certain so many of us are that alone amongst all the animals, man has no instincts, that being a man or a woman is a matter of socialization, that with the proper programming, we'd be whatever they tell us to be! For that must be your argument - because if the defining characteristics of being a woman are purely physical and social, that her feelings of who she is are not hers - they are imposed on her externally. That her feelings and inner life have no meaning, that she has no soul.

That must be what you are arguing, because otherwise your statements are utter nonsense.

I really feel badly for those who think feelings have no reality, that our inner sense of who we are is meaningless, that happiness is an impossibility, so you better just like whatever you are told you are. That is the perspective of fear, by the way.


As for the thread "Are we trans and do we really like it?", You are what you are and there's nothing you can do about it so like it or not, you better learn to deal with it.

And I hope that I, and the others of us who transition here, and in the world at large show you is that this statement is a lie. It is something we tell ourselves because "they" told it to us. I hope my life shows that people can change in profound ways, and transcend the boundaries society sets for us. To think otherwise is to think like a slave.

I love being a transgender woman. The other transgender people I've met inspire me and humble me - they are the most remarkable people I've ever met, by far. I wish I'd transitioned younger, there are many life experiences I'll never have at my age. And my years will not be numerous, I don't expect to die of natural causes at an old age. But whatever happens, I don't care and I have no true regrets because I've lived a richer and more full life in the three years since I began transition than in the prior 50 years combined. Whatever time I get, it was worth it.

[Jenniferathome]

I'm sitting here in girl mode and feeling woman all over.... Do any of you relate to this?:eek:

Nope. I have no idea what it is to feel like a woman. Certainly dressing as one is not the same as feeling as one. I would be hard pressed to describe what it means to feel like a man. I just AM a man.

[NicoleScott]

Holy cow, can't we just let people enjoy their fantasies?

[Devi SM]

Like someone already said and the word itself points, trasexual is a person that is migrating to andother sex gender, in transition.
In my own position I'm a crossdresser, so happy now because my wife know it.
I know I'm a man, but I always wear women panties and try as more as I can to tuck.
We live in an apartment with my wife, but in the same complex my oldest son lives with his wife and son, so in any moment they could show up knocking the door so I can't dress all the time but as soon as I can I get dress because I need it.
I sleep with baby dolls, sometimes even i fall sleep with high stockings.
I feel very comfortable wearing as a woman. I'd like to go out dressed. Never done it but planning to do it with my wife and to shopping girly stuff.
Yesterday we had a conversation that if I would be alone and without son living near, I would dress all the time...I would may be even get into hormones to see my skin softer, see my breast grow up, may be my hips get bigger and I would go out dress all the time.
May be In that moment I would call myself transsexual moving to the trasgender group to finally be a woman, but I that process I don't see myself with surgery to change sex...
But we're definitely in a group for a different sexual preferences.
That's my opinion

[nikkiwindsor]

The few times I've been dressed and out in public, I experienced several genuine feelings that I think are similar to what cis-women feel. Here's but one of them. I felt vulnerable when walking alone outside from my car (parked at the far end of the parking lot) to the club. I was very cautious to my whereabouts and stayed very situationally aware. When I'm in male mode, I have no fear of attracting unwanted attention. But when I'm wearing a long hairstyle, dress, hose and heels, I do feel a bit insecure and a little bit defenseless.

[PaulaQ]

I would be hard pressed to describe what it means to feel like a man. I just AM a man.

I am in no way trying to criticize your self identification. If you say you are a man, that's good enough for me. Out of curiosity, though, have you ever considered some other term that might fit you better? Not that you need to, just asking if you had even considered the matter? I think there are more genders in heaven and earth than just man and woman. Again, absolutely no disrespect intended, I take you at your word.

I guess I ask because I'm curious if this is part of who you are - I believe you've said as much. If so, do you feel that makes you different than other men? (Again, I don't mean this in a bad way - different can be better, or just "different", not just worse.) I also ask because this seems important to you, your CDing, because you do it exceptionally well, but give yourself so little credit for how well you present.

[Lorileah]

. Out of curiosity, though, have you ever considered some other term that might fit you better?

Human? :idontknow:

Strange how people argue there isn't a "binary" and still use "I am a man" or "I am a woman" as a reference. I am me and you are you and we are all the walrus.

[PaulaQ]

Strange how people argue there isn't a "binary" and still use "I am a man" or "I am a woman" as a reference. I am me and you are you and we are all the walrus.

Language, for the lose... FWIW, I view myself as a woman, but if it matters, and sometimes it does, I'm a trans woman. I'm comfortable if people want to view that as something a bit distinct form "woman", up to the point they start to try to push me into male gender segregated spaces. I'm comfortable being trans. I do not view myself as less than cis women. My history is simply different, and I have a different perspective.

More is made of these labels than really needs to be. They are useful (sometimes) to communicate something general about yourself to others. For example, I generally tell people I'm transgender at some point. I do this, pretty early, because if they react badly, I know to not expend any emotional energy on them, and move on. Plenty of people don't care. A few, I think, are envious. This is insane of course, but in their minds we are the cool kids right now. Go figure!

[flatlander_48]

These are the arguments Janice Raymond and other TERFs make against trans women.

It's funny, how certain so many of us are that alone amongst all the animals, man has no instincts, that being a man or a woman is a matter of socialization, that with the proper programming, we'd be whatever they tell us to be! For that must be your argument - because if the defining characteristics of being a woman are purely physical and social, that her feelings of who she is are not hers - they are imposed on her externally. That her feelings and inner life have no meaning, that she has no soul.

A very simple illustration of your point is this:

People often speak of the nurturing ability of women (Note: men nurture also) and the unconditional love of a mother for her children. Do people come by this ability and unconditional mindset from EXTERNAL means? Did they get it from the newspaper or last week's soap opera episode? I think PQ is spot on because these traits, and others, are not gleaned from physical situations nor are they social constructs. They come from within.


The other transgender people I've met inspire me and humble me - they are the most remarkable people I've ever met

As I've said before, we're all struggling with SOMETHING and that spans Crossdressers, Transgender people and Transsexuals. But the important thing is our spirit to not let these issues totally weigh us down. So it is amazing when you see people able to rise above the negative forces in their lives and do what needs to be done. And we must remember that s/heros are NOT born; that was never true. They are forged by circumstances and tempered by resolve.


Human?

No, I don't think that will work in this case because EVERYONE is Human; irrespective of orientation, identity, etc., etc.


A few, I think, are envious. This is insane of course, but in their minds we are the cool kids right now. Go figure!

It could just be that what they envy is that someone found the wherewithal to face a MAJOR personal issue and decided to take significant steps to fix it. It's one thing to realize, and even understand, a problem. It is a whole different thing to re-engineer one's life in order to deal with that problem.

DeeAnn

[bimini1]

Honeys the thing is we're all different. Just because you say something you feel is true does not make it so for somebody, everybody. All it is is an "interesting opinion".

[sandyb40c]

Although I had been a closet crossdresser up until last week for almost 40 years, I hadn't really thought about being transgender or how that even applied to me. That all changed last week when I finally came out to my wife over a quarter of a century. As she was processing it all she asked 'So are you transgender then?' I had to admit that I really didn't know, but I'm coming around slowly to the fact that I probably am. I'm hoping to set up counselling soon to help me see and accept who I really am.

[Anjana]

Am gender-fluid and trying to live as a woman both in home and outside.

[Jenny Doolittle]

It is difficult to say what I am..and even more difficult to say why, but I do know that when I dress as Jenny, I feel happy, I feel comfortable, and I feel at peace with who I am as a person.

A long time ago, I attended a meeting for transgender individuals put on by the local LBGT Org. I dressed as I would any other time as if I were going out shopping or for lunch. I sat and chatted with the group although I did feel a bit on edge and on the outside. I am not sure if that was because I felt new to the group, and certainly the occasion, or if I did indeed feel I fell short of how I saw most of them. They seemed so much more committed to being their true identity, not just caring on a charade of sorts. To have ribs removed, or undergo surgeries and consoling for suicide attempts. To hear of the struggles that I had never experienced to achieve their true identities.

To this day, I wonder if I am merely a poser to being transgender, or is it true that many of us have indeed had an easier time on our journey to acceptance?

[Sarah Doepner]

Continuing to struggle with who/what I am, but intending to enjoy more of it regardless of how I'm presenting/feeling. No, I don't know what it feels like to be a woman. I don't have the history of a female body and socialization from day one. Even if I were to transition I still wouldn't know, although I would hope to get a little closer. There are plenty of "feminine" attitudes and behaviors I am very comfortable with and preform quite well.

However, I'm not convinced that I know what it's like to be a man either. My body chemistry and socialization pushed me in that direction, but to be honest, it didn't take all that well. So I have to go with what I do know, for now. What I say now is I am transgender and crossdressing is what I do.

[Lorileah]

No, I don't think that will work in this case because EVERYONE is Human; irrespective of orientation, identity, etc., etc.




Sort of the point I was making,no? Why do we have to play in certain sand boxes?

[Nikki.]

If transgender is an umbrella term commonly used to define humans whose gender identity does not perfectly align with their sexual organs and/or chromosomes at birth, then most of the people that post here other than the SO's would likely fall under this umbrella. I do. It was a big deal to me when I realized it and accepted it, but now, I don't really care. Like the sailor with big forearms, I am what I am. :shrug:

I guess I understand why labels are such a big deal here, but do they really need to be?

[flatlander_48]

Sort of the point I was making,no? Why do we have to play in certain sand boxes?

Well, it can be confusing to use a term in a very general sense and a very specific sense almost simultaneously.


I guess I understand why labels are such a big deal here, but do they really need to be?

Yes, it is what keeps us from looking at a toilet and thinking of it as a toaster.

DeeAnn

[StarrOfDelite]

Human? :idontknow:

Strange how people argue there isn't a "binary" and still use "I am a man" or "I am a woman" as a reference. I am me and you are you and we are all the walrus.

I would suggest this thread be closed with this post. Lorileah has nailed it! :D

[Vickie_CDTV]

If I ever had a choice, I'd be completely cis and successfully gender conforming. In the very least, I'd be far more successful finding someone to share my life with.

[AllisonS]

I am gender variant. You don't look to labels for a lot of information. Its just a sign, pointing at "something". The map not the territory. Information comes from story-telling and expression of feeling. Categorization can be an effective short-hand if deep meaning isn't important.

Richard Feynman, Nobel prize winning physicist, bongo player, drawer of shapely women, said his Dad taught him about nature. See that bird. What is it doing. Where does it live. Is it here all year. His dad would teach him these things but he would not tell him the name. BECAUSE, the name of a thing can give the illusion of knowing about it. He said other kids knew the names of the birds (which he did not) but they knew nothing about them, other than their name.

[NotSoSocial]

I feel like I'm me, all these titles are a convenience to society. I'm currently just a part-time cd, but plan to become more full time once I move out of "my family's town". As for my feelings, they haven't changed by much since I first remembered them.

[prabha]

I looks pretty while dressed and it feels good and relaxed ,I think my dopmins( a neurotransmitter) plays a portion in my dressing sensation. It is the science, right?

[NotSoSocial]

I looks pretty while dressed and it feels good and relaxed ,I think my dopmins( a neurotransmitter) plays a portion in my dressing sensation. It is the science, right?

I take medicine to raise my dopamine, but I'd been dressing since I was 7 so I don't know that it's related. I can honestly say that since I started taking it tho, I'd been dressing more frequently XD

[SeanErin]

I'd have to agree with Lorleah. I am me regardless of whatever mode I happen to be in at the moment.

[CONSUELO]

Its hard to figure out what "camp" you are in because there are so many camps. Beyond the biological definitions there are so many different shades of being that trying to fit yourself into the few existing pigeon holes is pointless. You are what you are, accept it and don't worry about trying to put a label on it. Be true to yourself. Be kind and honest in your dealings with others and keep on trucking.

[jacques]

hi,
I think that "trans" is a spectrum it is not binary ("trans" or "not trans") just as "trans" itself is an alternative to the binary male or female. And CDing is somewhere on that "trans" spectrum. And as CDer i can move along that spectrum as much as I wish and in any direction I choose.
" it aint nobody's business if I do "
luv J