Why shouldnt we be more social?

[Mykaa]

So not to derail another thread and this has been on my mind anyway, I joined here a couple months ago, I accepted this "girl side" of me, the crossdresser, however you want to call it. I have found my want to be more social has grown exponentially, I love to talk now, I used to be quiet, I text, I never used to text, I know besides being happy I have just become much more social and it doesnt matter what mode Im in. I know I was talking to Kristi yesterday and I brought this up, we arent "regular guys" we do talk very similar with some things like I think women do.Kristi agreed. Am I wrong? Heres the thing If I can paint my toenails wear hose and put on a dress arent we sharing more than 1 similarity? And why shouldnt we? I want to talk, I want to talk with "friends" about this cd thing and my clothes boots and shoes, whatever, and whatever else we talk about when we talk, ya? cars, guns, blah blah blah! I enjoy this social activity and yes I want to share it and be helpful to others, isnt that why we are here? Im not ashamed of me anymore.

Melissa Rose said this in the other thread, Attractive, or "Meh - take it or leave it"

"What I enjoy and cherish the most is not being able to "dress up", but the friendships and sense of belonging. In my experiences, friendship between women and friendships between men have a different character. I am blessed with some awesome close friends, and it is our closeness and openness that I value the most."

This is what Ive gotten from being here and I Love it!

[Teresa]

Mykaa,
I do agree with you, I've communicated far more with people since joining the forum, I'm also far more open and thoughtful of other people.

I word of caution, don't assume everyone wants to talk about CDing issues, I have a very good friend who has been very supportive but I have to be aware when I've said enough. He likened it to A gay person being totally out and assuming everyone is happy to accept and talk about the subject and every relationship he's had. As he pointed out most hetero people don't talk about their relationships so why do we want to hear about a gay person telling us all about it.
I asked him straight to tell me if I was saying too much I don't want to lose a good friend.

[Tracii G]

No harm in being social but you need to learn not to over do it with some people.
Not everything you love about CD ing means the same to the next person.
Its like when you meet someone that goes over the top trying to be your best friend,calls or texts constantly,emails every 30 min wanting to know what you are up to.
It wears on peoples nerves really quick.

[Mykaa]

I do understand what your both getting at, my point is we share similarities with women besides just what we wear. I do get not everyone has the same comfort levels.

[Tracii G]

I guess we do because I have heard GG's tell me I was fun to talk with or we liked a lot of the same stuff clothes wise.
But I'm not the type to speak a whole lot unless they want me too.

[Rachael Leigh]

Without a doubt having another friend who knows and accepts you as a CD be that a gg or another CD is very important because when you have someone who understands you and speaks your language so to speak it's really nice,
I've got to know a CD here recently and it's been really good I know for her and me as well.

[Piora]

Some excellent thoughts, Mykaa. Since I have no avenue to interact with others like me, I find the forums satisfy that aspect somewhat.

By the way, I sent you a PM - but the forum says that your mailbox inbox is full. :sad:

[Robin414]

Great post Mykaa! I think we 'get' GGs and at the same time we 'get' dudes...we're the pinnacle of 'getting' it and we should be more social, let's face it, we're really amazing and wonderfull people and anyone who really knows one of us I think gets it too!

[TrishaTX]

I find that the site made me more comfortable and able to communicate more both dressed and not. I also feel less stressful and I believe that will make me more healthy as time goes along...

[Melissa Rose]

Whenever you can finally talk about something that has been bottled up by choice or necessity, especially if it is still considered a bit taboo, and you have someone to talk about it with, it is only natural for it to come gushing out at every opportunity. You seek out those opportunities which comes across as being more social. You feel happy about it and it is bound to carry over to other aspects of your life. Happy people tend to socialize more, engage others more and are more fun to be around. Your friends "get you" and you "get them" which is such a great feeling so you crave more and more of it, thus search and reach out for more.

The conversations I have with my best transgender friend (who is a member here BTW) and those with my best cis-gender friends are different. What draws us together is different so it is natural for the conversations and interactions to be different. Am I more social than I used to be? Maybe. But I also have wonderful friends who make it easy and enjoyable to be social.

[Allisa]

As I've said many times before "accepting your self and letting go of the shame is so freeing".

[Sarah Louise]

The thing I find amazing is how many of us are entirely comfortable telling each other how pretty and lovely we look - with no hint of it looking like we're after something sexual. Just like many women do with each other.

Now if I went into work tomorrow and started complimenting my hetro male colleagues about how much I love what they're wearing and how they look really nice, they'd all think I've turned gay and was up to something.

[ReineD]

... we do talk very similar with some things like I think women do.

I hope you don't mind answering, but what things specifically do you think that women talk about among themselves. This is truly a puzzler for me because I'm a GG and I generally talk about the same things with men and women. Maybe it's different for guys. Maybe most men speak of different things among themselves than they do with women?

So I'll tell you the types of things I talk about with both men and women (obviously I'll discuss the more personal topics with the men and women I am closest to, and will discuss more general topics with male and female acquaintances):

How someone's doing, any health issues, recounting or sympathizing with any recent experiences (social, work-related, funny thing happened to me yesterday sort of thing), upcoming trips/travel in general, current events or politics, work-related hassles, fitness/nutrition, any great restaurants or movies lately, upcoming activities, plans to do something together, hassles or good times within relationships (spouses, kids, parents, coworkers, neighbors), how-tos (a friend helped me replace the battery in my car, I told a friend the best way to remove wallpaper, sharing recipes mostly with my sons, the best type of mulch to buy, managing money, even who I hope will win the Stanley Cup or Super Bowl if one of my favorite teams is in the running ... gosh the list is endless, but basically a lot of it is details about someone's day-to-day life, the same things that SOs talk to each other about.

If you mean talking about feminine grooming which I guess is one thing that guys don't talk to each other about, I honestly can say this is not a huge topic when I spend time with female friends. Sure, someone might mention a sale if there is one, or if someone brings back a hand-loomed, hand-knit sweater from Ireland we'll admire the workmanship, but that's about it. While it is true that teenagers go through a phase of discussing the best eye shadow, that cute top, or what prom dress to buy (they are learning), adult women don't tend to dwell on these things. The topics I list in the paragraph above form 99% of my conversations and so I wonder, don't guys talk about these things together too?

As to talking about the challenges that CDing presents (how to best achieve certain results) I agree that it's hard for you to talk about this with your male friends but this is because the CDing is kinda taboo and it makes sense that discussing this with another CDer would be helpful and more rewarding. And I suppose if you came out to your GG friends you might more easily talk to them about it than your male friends, and they would certainly talk about clothes and makeup with you if you wanted advice, but grooming isn't a topic they would be discussing among themselves if you weren't there.

There is one thing that close female friends do talk about among themselves and not with their male friends, and that is the topic of men in general, including sex with men or issues in their relationships. But I'm guessing that guys also say things about girls among themselves they wouldn't repeat in front of a girl.

So anyway, what did you think that women talk about together 99% of the time. I'm not wanting to put you on the spot, I'm just curious.

[Tracii G]

Most women I know talk about normal stuff life,family etc I don't think there is any special female banter.
Maybe you were under the impression there was so you made that comment IDK.

[Kate Simmons]

When I began embracing all if myself and all of my feelings some 15 years ago, I became a naturally social person and a real "Chatty Kathy" and talked with my friends, both male and female, about everything and anything and really nothing is taboo. My CD friends and I can talk whether we are one en femme, both en femme or neither en femme. That's the way it should be really.Being myself is the real key. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it. ;):battingeyelashes::)

[Mykaa]

Reine Im flattered youve responded to what Ive brought up, I have a friend Ive known forever, we talk about anything and everything, he knows about my being a crossdresser and oddly enough he has dabbled in this also, so we have discussed why we do this and also what we like clothing wise, we talk health issues, kids, you name it. I cant say we have went into detail about things like shaving legs or that kind of thing. I know nothing about makeup, doubtful he does either. I have a small circle of friends starting from the forum and yes I have talked to 3 of them on the phone, to which we have also discussed likes and why we do this cd thing. I know I like to look and feel sexy myself, is it really that unusual? I dont think so, I like many of the same things Im sure you do too. Society rules I think may be a bit to strict for all people in general, I know many from the forum say we should be nice and helpful to each other, why shouldnt we? I enjoy my new social self and I havent any problems talking about this stuff either, you see Ive had to speak with attorneys over this stuff due to things my ex has accused me of, and No I didnt do those horrible things either, so I have had to sit down with "strangers" and discuss me and why I cross dress (yes it was very uncomfortable, yes I was scared of what might happen, but I had to face it). I have talked about the clothing I buy and yes I bought a chemise from ebay recently while very nice it has a small defect in it which keeps me from wearing and really enjoying my new item, I wish I knew a seamstress, its beyond my ability to fix and make it look nice. I do understand the "new" aspect of something Ive hidden away for years and how fascinating it is for me to be able to talk about it now, I texted 3 (the 4th being my old friend ) of my new friends after I got to work friday morning just to say hi, I dont expect a reply, but isnt it nice to know your being thought of? I thought it was wonderful when I got 2 replies out of 4 inquiries immediately. No I dont and probably not ever know how a woman really feels, but I think we do share some similarities not just in tastes of what we like to wear. I will say also after I joined here and the freedom I got, I have wanted to help others. Im not gay, I am exploring myself and Im really enjoying this new person I am.
I know I have fears Reine about what might happen if I just came out and said hey I want to wear this dress and heels, my biggest fear is losing friends I have had for years, I am tired of hiding Reine. I see no reason why if we can do the things we do, like wearing a dress and heels at home why we cant be more open with at least each other here and amongst ourselves.
What do women talk about, well I must say that is a big 1, I rode the bus in high school with about 4-5 girls, that has been a long time ago, I was always amazed at how open they are with each other, I do know they talk things most men do not discuss in detail, ( Like sex, the ex threw this in my face at 1 point, saying she couldnt talk to her friends because of me ) I know how I feel and I cant say Id be ready or willing to do that at this time, lol, I am solitary at this point in my life and have been for awhile, I know me well enough to say, yes Im still interested in women, but to be honest I wonder what I'll do with her if I catch her, hehe. I am dependant on some of this CD thing for other, if you get my drift, at least in the past this has presented a problem for me, ( arousal ). I try to be honest & helpful as I know Im not the only 1 here facing similar issues, I know talking has helped me tremendously. I'll be honest I have wanted to talk to you before but didnt know how to approach you. I know sometimes its as simple as just asking, isnt it? So yes, as you can see, I like to talk, I do ramble at times, I hope what I say makes sense. Sometimes I need to sleep on something to make it coherent.
I have discussed a bit of this new found want to communicate openly with my new friends, yes I can tell its not always met as open as Id like, but change takes time, right? Society has made this situation really with its "rule" of how men & women are supposed to be. I know from being here, I realized what "The rainbow" means, we dont all fit so solidly into 1 color or another, there are many colors in between, really its as easy as being us, we just have to have the strength to do it.

[ReineD]

Mykaa, to answer your thread title, of course it’s good to be social and I’m glad that you’ve made new CD friends and find it rewarding to talk to them (and your old friend) about your CDing concerns. I’m also thrilled that you aren’t ashamed of the CDing anymore. You wrote that you talk about clothes, the things you like and dislike about the CDing, and your reasons for the CDing. These are all positive conversations to have with people who share your interests and everybody needs friends to talk to about things that are important to them.

But, you also said you were having female-type conversations and I was pointing out that these topics are not what women revolve their conversations around. Most adult women move beyond talking about grooming and they instead just talk about all the things I’ve mentioned, just like men. Very little time is spent talking about clothes, makeup, etc ... we don’t talk about that stuff because to us, putting on foundation and lipstick, shaving our legs, or putting on a skirt to go to work is as utilitarian as showering, shaving, and putting on a tie is to a man.

You also mention that you and I share similar goals of looking and feeling sexy. I’m guessing that looking and feeling sexy is a bigger goal for you than it is for me. :) The vast majority of the time my goal is to just be presentable. Looking sexy is reserved for intimate times with my SO, and I don’t carry on my day-to-day affairs even thinking about feeling sexy. Feeling sexy tends to happen by itself when I’m "in the mood" no matter how I’m dressed, and this doesn’t happen while I’m out taking care of day-to-day stuff. I dare say this is true of the majority of women.

[Sandyhappygirl]

Lovely post Mykaa, I couldn't agree more. This site is now my favorite place for a good read or chat on the whole of the internet!

[dee anne]

I am pretty in the closet but when the opurtunity presents itself I dress and go out. Thing is it is a spur of the moment thing. I agree that I would love to go some where and taik clothe , make up and the such at the spur of the moment. I find it unfulfilling to just dress and stay in. All dressed up and no plass to go sucks. I agree that I would like to be more social and practice that when I know of something that is going in my area

good post thanks

[Mykaa]

Reine I would say some of these topics of conversation are new for me and in general since you have been groomed for your "utilitarian" everyday tasks this is something that me as a cd'er doesnt have.So you see while yes we do talk very similarly, yes we are different in some respects too. I also want to point out it my original intention with this thread was not to say I/or we as cd'ers talk like women do but to say that we like the same type clothes/shoes etc. and that why cant we/ the crossdresser be more social like women are? To me Im sure there are other similarities we share, as you have seen I do like to talk. I have always been this way when something bothers me, this seems to have also expanded into my newfound happiness, to which honestly I dont see going away since I enjoy being more social. So expressing my intention as its good to talk and help each other, to me there isnt any reason we shouldnt outside of the fact some of us arent always so open to that. So not just to cd'ers I think its helpful to talk and get "things off our chest" or just be the social people we are meant to be. We are who we are and even though some of society frowns on different things, Lets Be different and embrace that ability to share and help each other, Yes? :)

Reine thank you for your insights, you offer me something I havent ever really had, and to me that is priceless.

[ReineD]

Yes, Mykaa this makes sense. You need to talk about clothes, makeup, etc. You need to learn too! :)

[Ressie]

I like talking with other CDs about CD issues, and I talk to women about everyday things when talking one one one. But I find that several women together get into topics that don't interest me. This includes: going to art shows, decorating living rooms, rearranging furniture, planting flowers, planning birthday parties, shopping for crafts, gifts etc. Try going out to dinner with 6 women and being the only guy there! Boredom...

[JenniferR771]

You are so right, Ressie. I was at a support group meeting years ago. The wives were huddled in one corner (wearing jeans) and talking about their kids and trading recipes. The men (in dresses), were talking about motorcycles, pickups and welding.
Ture, when I get together with other cds we have lots to talk about. Things about shoes, makeup and beauty we cannot talk about with most men. Where to shop for cute dresses, earrings and how to fix a wig are all fair game.