Saying goodbye

[Suzanne F]

I am three days away from SRS and BA. I wish I could be eloquent but I am a jumble of emotions and thoughts. I am excited but I can't really process everything that I am feeling. However, the most real and painful aspect is saying goodbye to the relationship I now have with my wife. Yes we are staying together but it will never be the same. This process began a long time ago but the final part of it is here now.

Yesterday we took the day together to drive up the coast. We had lunch and then headed to our small very private beach that she loves. It was a sweet day but as it ended I felt the pain she is enduring. I am running toward something as she cheers me on knowing that she is paying a price for my happiness. It is difficult to be a participant in this drama. I wish I could take all of her pain away.

So Friday morning I will be elated but I will also be saying goodbye to us as we once were. I want so much to help everyone around me but I can't. I have to let them have their own experience and hope we all heal together. I can't really grasp what that final moment will hold before they put me under. I have waited my whole life for it. I just hope I can remember that moment for the rest of my life!

Suzanne

[Kaitlyn Michele]

i recall showing up alone at the hospital at 5 in the morning.... it is a surreal feeling ...

once i got in however, it seemed like business... like a procedure where i just wanted to get going...... i didn't feel any grand overwhelming anything... i was just nervous about the physicality of it...

a dear friend who knew dr meltzer stopped by to hold my hand and be there for me....but she got me upset because she just kept going on and about her surgery, her son, her duaghter, how much money she had..e.tc....
in a way i guess it got my mind off things but thats what i remember the most!!!!!!!!!

looking back, i don't really feel anything about that day.....its like they cut out a wart
...... and i feel like i've always been "this way"....and i have to say its a wonderful empowering feeling and i hope and expect you will feel the same

i was divorced at the time but my surgery and the idea of it completing my journey actually opened up the chance to be friends again with my ex.... she says it took me going thru the surgery for her to accept that i "had to" do this...(she told me this years later)

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Wow... Wow... Difficult to comment about your thoughts & range of emotions. May you now find peace. Most sincerely, mel

[nikkiwindsor]

Suzanne, difficult to express adequately how I feel. Please just know I'm wishing you all the happiness, health & well-being in the world as you continue your journey! Nikki

[ReineD]

Best wishes to both you and your wife as you enter this new chapter in your lives. :hugs:

[Barbara Dugan]

I don't have words to comment just wish you both all the Best and Happiness.:hugs::hugs:

[grace7777]

I hope your surgery goes well for you and that your relationship with your spouse grows stronger after the surgery.

[Bria]

Suzanne, I'm not surprised that you have all of those thoughts going thru your head, I'd be worried about you if that was not part of your process. That said, I hope that your surgeries go will and that your recovery is rapid and without complications.

I also hope that your relationship with your wife can mature into a new era of a loving relationship that will endure the changes that are happening. I will remember both of you in my prayers.

Hugs, Bria

[steftoday]

best wishes to you, Suzanne. I hope all goes well with your surgery, and that your wife can find peace as well...

[Heidi Stevens]

I will be thinking of you Friday and hoping all goes well, Suzanne! Your wife has been just as brave and I hope she has a team there for her too. Good luck to you both.

[Zooey]

I'm sending all the positive vibes I can spare in your direction, Suzanne.

[Tommie.]

The very best of luck and may the surgeon's hands be blessed... and you and those you love as well.

[flatlander_48]

S:

I think if we are fortunate as humans, we will continue to evolve in the time that we have here. However, that is not to say that the evolution will be easy, linear or have no consequences. As we know, in order for the butterfly to take flight, it must forever leave the caterpillar behind. It is the way of things...

Be Well,

DeeAnn

[chelyann]

Suzanne
good luck / speedy recovery /
get back to us soon

[Starling]

Good luck, Suzanne. May this fulfillment of your true self give birth to an even deeper love that brings you both much joy. You are two beautiful souls.

:) Lallie

[Hell on Heels]

Suzanne,
Whatever you are feeling, sensing, or experiencing the moments
before they put you under, just be sure one if those feelings is an
incredibly enormous hug from me!
Please give me a call if you find a moment.
Sooo Much Love,
Kristyn

[Julie Denier]

Best of luck, Suzanne!

[wanagione]

my thoughts are with you and my hope is that even though there are changes, your love remains strong.

[Eringirl]

Wishing both you and your wife all the best, and peace for both of you. I will be thinking of you on Friday!!! You've got this.....

[I Am Paula]

I'm wishing you all the best, and hoping for the very best outcome.
My wife and I still live under the same roof. We are not by any means still married in the traditional sense, but we've managed to stay friends thru' a lot of difficulty. Everything you know about relationships may change, but they may also change in a wonderful new direction.
Good luck :)

[becky77]

Good luck Suzanne.

[Jennifer-GWN]

Suzanne; very touching and shows the truth in some of the personal struggles we face. All too often we are torn between our needs and the needs of others along with the desire to not cause pain on the ones we love. It's clear that your have a deep bond with your wife. I trust and pray that bond will carry you through.

I wish you the very very best for you as you head into surgery.

I will be thinking about you!

Cheers... Jennifer

[Jacky Aikou]

Suzanne, a few months ago as I stood at my crossroads you sent me some heartfelt encouragement. On the eve of your momentous day, the least I can do is reciprocate! Good Luck and may the affirmation be everything you've hoped for and more.
I'm so happy for you that your wife has been with you your entire journey! I pray that your love sustains you this week and blesses you with many more days of happiness in the future.

[PretzelGirl]

If you don't have to let go, don't do it yet. Sometimes we evolve. If it doesn't happen, then my thoughts are with you and I am sorry. There are so many ways a marriage can suffer that we just can't control it. We can control being caring and supportive. I know she has all of yours. I wish you the very best and I hope you can go into the final day with a smile as you have travelled a long road to get there.

[PennyNZ]

Best wishes Suzanne

You are fortunate that your marriage remains in tact. Trust it will remain so forever
Your wife must be a very special person, just like you

Your grace and humour will carry you though
Pen

[GretchenJ]

Hi Suzanne,

Best wishes for you and your family, and to a speedy recovery

[paulaprimo]

Suzanne, wishing you the very best! :)

[Lorileah]

anxiously awaiting your return.

Having met you and your SO I know things will be wok out. IT may not be smooth as glass but you both have the determination. Thanks for taking care of ME and sorry I could not stay to return the favor, but you GOT this and you know it.

[PaulaQ]

Goodluck Suzanne, my thoughts are prayers are with you!

[Rianna Humble]

Since Suzanne is now back home, I am closing this thread.