Does anyone ever stop?

[Freo_kerry]

Since I got outed last year I have been required to go for counselling sessions with a shrink to find the problem, get fixed up and stop doing it.

It just seems to me that with CD'ing being part of who I am that it must be very hard to stop a part of me from being expressed. Like a balloon being squashed between your hands it has to blow out somewhere.

So my question is does anyone ever stop, get healed, etc or do we just become more emotionally stunted in our life?

Kerry

[Felicia]

Since I got outed last year I have been required to go for counselling sessions with a shrink to find the problem, get fixed up and stop doing it.

It just seems to me that with CD'ing being part of who I am that it must be very hard to stop a part of me from being expressed. Like a balloon being squashed between your hands it has to blow out somewhere.

So my question is does anyone ever stop, get healed, etc or do we just become more emotionally stunted in our life?

Kerry

I guess that is why some of us have purged ourself from all the fem clothes only to return to them in a stronger desire. I don't think I will purge again. (HUGS) Felicia

[Sharon]

I have one question for you, Kerry. Does your counselor expect you to be able to quit? If so, he/she might not be well versed on the subject of crossdressing.

Some people do stop -- it all depends on the reasons for them dressing in the first place. Those who may just like the feel of a certain feminine garment, or those who just like to experiment with new things, are more likely to be able to stop than those who dress because it satisfies some inner need or desire.

[Raychel]

I have stopped for almost 10 years when I got married. But when the urge came back to dress again, it came back even stronger. I have no plans to stop again. This is who I am and the world will just have to deal with it. If I am lucky my wife will make sure I have panties on when the put me in that hole in the ground.

[PennieS]

i don't think anyone could stop, it is an inner feeling that can be repressed for a time but i believe it always comes back, Why purg your items and just regret it later. Just like why try panties and then go back to men's, it just doesn't make sense. I have been doing it for about 45 years, i couldn't stop if I wanted to, But of course I don't want to.

[Lilith Moon]

Like somebody else has said, if your therapist is focussed on you stopping then I would question his/her expertise in this area. You may be able to permanently stop the CD-ing and hide your needs from those around you but inside there will be sadness and resentment and you will be presenting a facade to the world...for the rest of your life.

[kathy gg]

Hi kerry

Hmm this is an interesting question. I think if someone did stop completely would they be in here posting about how they stopped? Sort of like looking to find somene who overcomed alcoholism at a liquor store.
__________________
and you wrote:
Since I got outed last year I have been required to go for counselling sessions with a shrink to find the problem, get fixed up and stop doing it.

It just seems to me that with CD'ing being part of who I am that it must be very hard to stop a part of me from being expressed. Like a balloon being squashed between your hands it has to blow out somewhere.

So my question is does anyone ever stop, get healed, etc or do we just become more emotionally stunted in our life?
________
So when you say you got "outed" and had to seek counseling. There is more to this story obviously. Is this due to an wife or ex-wife, your job or your family? Since this is only your third post maybe you could elaborate to us on the why's of your counseling.

I think most therapists who are well versed in tg issues{as someone else said} know that stopping for some just never happens. I don't think it is "impossible" but could visiting a message board on the subject be good for one wanting to quit for once and for all?

I am not a crossdresser, just married to one who is very well balanced. THis is a non-issue in our life and his.

Also this is a very passionate topic. You will hear from people who have stopped and then went back to those who say it is impossible to do so. I personally have not met a crossdresser who stopped and never returned. But I have talked to numerous men who promised their wives they stopped but never did. They just learned to hide it better. I do truly feel that if someone stopped and never returned they would not be here giving advice on how to stop. This would be to tempting of a place to read about or post in. I think if anyone did stop and never did it again, they would probably do everything in their power to stay away from crossdressers and places the frequent online and in real life.

Good luck on what ever path you choose.

[TracyDeluxe]

"I do truly feel that if someone stopped and never returned they would not be here giving advice on how to stop."

I was just going to say that! :clap:

[Phillis]

I do not think anyone completely stops. Some may cut back on the urge. Right now I am going to a therapist for about the same thing and the only thing he is working on right now is trying to find the reason I cd. I feel that there is no actual cure for cding. it is up to the individual if he really wants to stop. I hpe this helps a little.;)

[Wendy me]

ok i am a crossdresser , i always have been thats who i am . have i ever quit ?? well at times i might have side tracked but always returned to my dressing ... knowing what i know now if i ever was put in a spot were i was told that i would have to quit . i would just say that i can't quit being a crossdresser and it's not a choise i make it's who i am ...it's what i do for somany of us it would be way too easy to just quit but just something that is a part of who and what you are just dose not go away....

[brocksbabe]

Well, I look at it like this


Life Ain't a dress rehersal

we here for a good time

not along time


so why not be who we are


love
caz

[Roxane]

The question is do you want to Stop! I know that I Don’t, However I have only been dressing for about 35 years on and off. During the times when I have not dressed I have still had the urge. My female side is part of me take it away and I am not complete. So Dress and be dammed.

I hope you work things out

[Kimberley]

Freo Carrie,

2 words: CHANGE COUNSELLORS!

This (being transgendered) IS NOT an illness. Any counsellor who says or thinks it is has absolutely no idea about gender issues and should not be treating you. You CANNOT change who you are and you have already stated this is a part of who you are.

Fact. You cannot stop forever nor will you. You might purge (stop for a time) but it is inevitable you will return. (Ask yourself seriously if you can) You have already admitted that it is a part of you so that should speak volumes.

Being a CD, TG or TS anywhere on the spectrum is difficult and society does not generally tolerate let alone accept us. The stresses from that plus our own feelings of shame and guilt are the problem. These are the issues the pdoc should be looking at, not your primal needs to celebrate the feminine side of your personality. If your counsellor doesnt accept this then ask him/her if s/he can stop being heterosexual before you walk out the door.

Just because they have more letters after their name than are in the alphabet does not make them qualified to treat gender issues. This is a very very specialized area.

Check out the following links, then read them thoroughly. They are generally pointed toward TS but much of what they say applies across the continuum of CDing. These sites are put up by pdocs who specialize in transgender care and are very educational not only about us but also treatment and the professionals who work with us.

http://www.avitale.com/
http://www.doctorbushong.com/default.asp
http://www.transgendercare.com/default.asp

I hope this helps.

HUGS
Kimberley.

[Petrina CD]

To me it is like being gay in that you can not turn it on and off. A cure, yeah right. This is not a disease to be "cured" . I sure don't have all the answers but some of these unqualfied "therapists" really piss me off sometimes. Unless they too CD, how the hell would they know what to tell us.

Most of us have been doing this since we were five or six years old. I dress because I like it . My wife says that when I dress I seem very soothed and calm, like I have taken some kind of tranqulizer. I would never give that up.

My mother in law told my wife and me about a couple who broke up because the hubby was crossdressing. I said to my wife that I thought it was a big misstake for them to break up. I said to her ," crossdressers make the best husbands". We will never give a woman crap for taking to long to put on makeup,getting dressed or whatever. We know how hard it is to be a woman, first hand. No CDer would ever give up an understanding wife .

You do not say what brought this need for therapy on but I'm gonna assume it was the wife.

I plan on stopping when I'm to old( or dead) to get out of my wheelchair to pull on the nylons.

There is no "cure" and this is not a disease, but it sure is a lot of fun.

Petrina cd

[joni-alice]

I ditto kathy and tracy. Can't be any stats on those who stopped CDing because they ain' taking about it anymore. It's like taking a survey of the dead.

Those who claim that no CDer can stop completely are probably using that as a defense mechanism. ... maybe they have purged, but they haven,t stopped, everybody is that way, ain't they?

My personal belief: I don't know. Who does?
j-a:cool:

[Dayna]

Kerry,

First, yes you can quit the dressing if you want to. Might be the hardest thing you ever do, but just like giving up cigarettes, booze, or heroin you CAN do it, if YOU want to. Won't change who you are inside, though.

However, if you say you were forced into counseling (and despite what your counselor says and how much you are paying him, you are turning to 'crossdressers.com' for answers), me thinks that you really don't want to quit.

So, either sign off this site, purge everything you own, and vow never to dress again, OR find a way to incorporate your femme self into your life--get another counselor who understands gender issues, if that's what it takes.

I get the sense that if you were caught again, there would be hell to pay... as Kathy says, there has to be much more to this story than we know about.

[Natalie J]

From my own experience, you will only stunt your growth if you stop. This is a compulsion, addiction (some addictions are good. I'm addicted to food; =) can't live without it!), enhancement, or whatever word you may choose, but it is in no way harmful to you. You are expressing your uniqueness. I prefer to see how we are as a gift, because we are more able to see things from both sides of the gender line. The problem is not you, but the social mores that keep us from being more widely accepted. On the flipside, look at GGs. It way socially unacceptable for women to wear pants until (forgive me if I'm a bit off) the late 50s or early 60s, but look at them now. We live in an ever-changing society where what was wrong 10 years ago is now commonplace, but I digress...
My point is, you can put it up, you can throw it away (though that's a painful choice), but being tg/cd will never change, and you should learn to accept, no, embrace it, to shape yourself, both figuratively and literally, into a better you. If you don't it will still be there, at the back of your mind, waiting to be let out.

[CaptLex]

I'm having a problem with the word "cure" and the term "get fixed up". I'm not ill, thank you, and I'm not experiencing mechanical failure. I'm not even sure I need to know the reason I crossdress. It's just me, and if I can accept it, then others have to take it or leave it. :rolleyes:

[Mitzi]

Nothing new to add here...

As someone stated (kinda), the only reason we, or others, want us to stop dressing is because it's a social stigma in our culture. If society accepted crossdressing as casually as it does of women wearing "male" attire, no one would care. Yet I'm sure our compulsion to crossdress would be just as strong, albeit expressed in a more defining way.

The analogy to being gay is right on. A gay person with strong libido might be able to remain celibate, but the desire will never go away. So it is with our crossdresing. To the extent one's crossdressing is sexual, a person with very low sex drive may be able to stop, or more accurately, abstain, more easily.

My thoughts...

Mitzi

[suanne]

Hi. Well I stopped.....again and again and again....get the picture. I have been dressing for over 50 years and I have had times when I thought I had it under control but I never have stopped dressing or desiring to do so. I understand that this is me. Suanne and the other guy. But both are me, one in the same. I have been to the counselor also, years and years ago. By the way your avatar picture in your profile is quite good. You really look very fem. I know that you have put alot into your appearance and it shows. :clap:

Suanne

[Aileen]

Who is requiring you to go for counselling?

I stopped for a long time. Then I discovered vintage Seventies dresses available online, and a whole new world opened up for me.

[Kimberley]

To the extent one's crossdressing is sexual, a person with very low sex drive may be able to stop, or more accurately, abstain, more easily.

My thoughts...

Mitzi
**************
I have a near zero sex drive and quitting isnt even in the picture. CD'ing is an expression of who I am not a sexual association. Like others I have quit, again and again and again. The stress from that isnt worth the resulting mental anguish.

I still say the counsellor is an idiot if s/he think they can "cure you". They cant cure who you are only attempt to modify behaviour and at than with great mental cost. So if that is the case, behaviour modification is creating a whole new set of problems. More than a few of us here can attest to depression and even suicidal ideation if not at least one attempt. Is this what the counsellor is seeking? GIVE ME A BREAK!!! This is why gender specialization in a counsellor is essential, no, critical.

There is still a lot more to this story than we know and it would be helpful to know more.

Kimberley

[NinaV]

it depends on reasons.
Like many here said the councelor's approach in your case does not sound right.
Here is a link to a lady that did stop crossdressing. She has found herself in the C.G.Jung's theory of Anima. Ther are links on her site for the Anima Theory

http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/cathytg/

You can find all the info under Psychology link:

http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/cathytg/essays.htm

Nina

[Ms. Donna]

Since I got outed last year I have been required to go for counselling sessions with a shrink to find the problem, get fixed up and stop doing it.

Questions: How were you 'outed'? By Whom? Who is requiring you to see a pshrink?
find the problem... : For whom is your crossdressing a problem - you or someone else? You really need to provide a bit more color around your situation.

get fixed up... : Ain't gonna happen - there's nothing to fix.

You are who you are. Anyone - especially a pshrink - who tells you that you need to be fixed, cured or whatever is not acting in your best interests.

If your pshrink is looking to 'cure' you, you need to find a new one immediately - one with experience dealing with TG individuals. This is, of course, assuming you feel that seeing a pshrink will be benificial to you.

Also, you need to beware of those who are looking to TS track you. There are still some 'gender specialists' who will look to track you to transition. This is a 'last step' after exhausting all other options.

stop doing it : Well, that one's up to you. My personal experience (and probably that of every other crossdresser on the planet) is that you can run, but you can't hide. Yea, you'll tough it out for a while and maybe even sublimate the desire into something else, but at some point it will surface again and you will have no option but to address it.



It just seems to me that with CD'ing being part of who I am that it must be very hard to stop a part of me from being expressed. Like a balloon being squashed between your hands it has to blow out somewhere.

See above. It is impossible to have an identity and not express it.



So my question is does anyone ever stop, get healed, etc or do we just become more emotionally stunted in our life?

You become as emotionally 'stunted' as you want to be. Everyone is at a different place with all of this and most find a way to integrate it into their life in a way that is positive.


As I said above, the details of your situation are nonexistant so it is hard to address anything specifically. Please, fill us in.


Love & Stuff,
Donna

[GypsyKaren]

I find this to be very confusing. What exactly needs to be cured, or fixed up, or whatever? Why would a p-doc try to get you to stop dressing? This all makes no sense to me. It's not like you have a boo boo that you can put a band-aid on, and you're not doing anything wrong, so what exactly is the problem here? I just don't understand.

GypsyKaren

[livy_m_b]

Some people do stop, resume a drab life with family, friends, etc. I myself have stopped a hundred times! - sorry, couldn't resist.

Seriously, some do stop. And we all can stop for a greater or lesser period of time when it's a very serious matter to us personally and individually- that differs for everyone.

When should we stop? When it's seriously harmful to the people we care about. (This is my rule of thumb, I'm not saying it should be yours.)

Should we expect to be able to stop permanently? Statistically, chances are not that good.

[Billiemarie]

Yes I got caught and it was not pretty. After couple week of hell she cooled off a little and said to make things right I had to see a shrink. Well I went for a couple sessions and then he said he didn't need to see me anymore , I was alright , just go home and forget about it. That was a couple years ago and she thinks it was just a little upper middle age crazy. I'm still dressing , just more careful.
Billie

[Pink Satin Sissy]

A wise man once said "If it feels good, do it".

Look, crossdressing may be difficult for some people to accept, but it isn't hurting anyone and it may actually help some situations. I would change counsellers to one who doesn't look at crossdressing as an illness.

Pink

[KathrynW]

I find this to be very confusing. What exactly needs to be cured, or fixed up, or whatever? Why would a p-doc try to get you to stop dressing? This all makes no sense to me. It's not like you have a boo boo that you can put a band-aid on, and you're not doing anything wrong, so what exactly is the problem here? I just don't understand.
GypsyKaren
Well obviously I don't know all the specifics involved here, but could this be a Christian therapist this person is seeing? I'm pretty sure they would be anti-crossdressing. Other than that, I don't think one would hear this this kind of thing from a normal psych. But, it's also suprising how little some psychs know about "T" issues.
Bottom line...as everyone already knows...there is no "cure"...
I've said it before...it's like the Mafia...you're in for life... ;)

[SoCalSuziCD]

I believe every time someone stops dressing, the urge to dress gets even stronger. Every time I've stopped, and tossed all the feminine stuff away, I tend to go buy more, better and prettier things for myself.
Some people go back to drugs even after therapy, but I guess we go back to dressing when we see therapist. Reason being? well, because we are stronger as dress up then a male? maybe?

[Annaliese]

Since I got outed last year I have been required to go for counselling sessions with a shrink to find the problem, get fixed up and stop doing it.

It just seems to me that with CD'ing being part of who I am that it must be very hard to stop a part of me from being expressed. Like a balloon being squashed between your hands it has to blow out somewhere.

So my question is does anyone ever stop, get healed, etc or do we just become more emotionally stunted in our life?

Kerry
How can anyone stop who they are, I have not dressed for short periods of time and those times have been the lowest times in my live. I dress because it makes me happy, and I feel good about my self. Getting fixed is what happens to dogs and cats.

Anna

[Fallen Angel]

Im going to go with alot of the other girls here and add something to this.If you have been outed because of this than why not move foward.And be who you are.Your already out and some know if this .At this point your doing better than most here.And who are you living for and trying to please by going to a shrink,You or some one else,And how about your feelings, sounds like someone isnt trying to understand or support you at all.To me there comes a point in ones life when its time to start pleasing ones self and the heck with every one else.Your only here for a very short time might as well enjoy every moment of it xxxx

[Phoebe Reece]

Originally Posted by Freo_kerry
So my question is does anyone ever stop, get healed, etc or do we just become more emotionally stunted in our life?

I disagree strongly with the concept that a crossdresser is emotionally stunted. To say one is "stunted" is to indicate that they have stopped growing. I believe the opposite is true. A crossdresser has the freedom to express both masculine and feminine emotions that the average "straight" person only rarely does. Those that want to put crossdressers and other TG's in a little box somewhere are the ones who are "stunted".

In any case, you are asking your question to the wrong group of people. If anyone had truly and completely stopped or been cured of this, you wouldn't find them still hanging around on this forum. The fact that some here may not have dressed in years doesn't mean the desire is actually gone.

[Gypsy Sam]

Suprized at the number of responses to this topic. Such diversity in thought and expression to a questionable conversation starter that lacked supporting information for the five W's.
Most impressed with Moderator Sharons reply as it related to me. Infatuation with feminine garments for the feel of them has been my chief attraction. Trying to create a transformed image in the mirror was my experiment in creativity. Daily visits to this forum is enjoyable and stimulating.
Never felt I had a inner need to express my feminine side to others. Quite the opposite, peoples perception to my boy scout look and gentle demeanor has resulted in a lack of respect and disregard. Why feed the animals stepping out dressed ?

[TGMarla]

First of all, I'm not emotionally stunted or in need of healing. Both statements would imply that I'm damaged in some way, and I assure you that I am not.

But I understand the sentiment behind your question. So the answer is probably yes. For the past several months, I have dressed very little. Even when I have had the opportunity to do so, I have more often than not chosen to not dress. I just haven't felt like it. That's not to say that the few times that I have dressed I haven't liked it....I have....a great deal. But I don't force myself to dress when I don't want to, and when I do want to, I don't feel any remorse, or guilt, or shame, or anything else in that genre of emotions.

I'm genuinely sorry that you feel that you need to be "cured" from this. In my opinion, what you really need is to reconcile yourself to the fact that you enjoy wearing clothing that our society has deemed only appropriate for women. If you can do this, you'll no longer feel trapped by your desires, and you may be able to control them instead of allowing them to control you. Sorry, but in the great poker game of life, when it comes to clothing, men got a pair of 8's, and women got a straight flush. Deal with it. Look, women love clothes, and we as crossdressers understand why. We love them, too. Women wear the clothing they do because they like to. So do we. We are no different. Simply because my anatomy is not female doesn't mean that I can't be attracted by feminine clothing. I am. I don't have a problem with it. I don't think others would either, if they hadn't been brainwashed from birth to believe otherwise.

You don't need curing. You need a better perspective.

[ReginaK]

Well, I look at it like this


Life Ain't a dress rehersal

we here for a good time

not along time


so why not be who we are


love
caz

"We're born naked. The rest of life is just drag."


I think I got that right.

[Donna Delite]

We all have high's & low's as far as cd'ing is concerned. I've been dressing for 30 yrs now and have never fully stopped and never will. Why do you think something is wrong with you anyway? This is part of you, just like most of us here, so why fight who you are? If your fem side is truly part of you, trying to surpress it is a loosing battle.

[Mitzi]

A thought occurred to me as I read through this thread. Every now and again we encounter the term addiction in the context of cding.

Smokers, alcololics, drug users, and other addicted persons can often quit. But we cd's can't.

The difference is that these people aquired their addiction. They were not "born to the task", as it were. For us, or at least most of us, our "addiction" is hardwired in us, and short of some sort of lobotomy, or althsheimers, we'll probably never get rid of the desire.

Mitzi

[Paula T]

while my kids were growing up but it was still in my mind. When my first wife would look at the styles in the catalog I would lay in bed and think how it would look on me (she never knew) Present wife does and she is somewhat acceptable

[Kassandra]

You can stop.

You can never quit.

You can "stop" dressing like a girl. You will never "quit" feeling like a girl.

If it was that simple, I don't think there would be as many girls on this site.

Celebrate who you are. We are here for you. We celebrate you.

-Tris

[Alice Edwards]

I got news for you, Its not going to go away.. You can just fell guilty about it or you can accept it.. Guilty= stress.. accept it = your ok with it.. get over it.. relax stop beating yourself up..What is is. Enjoy who you are..thats all.

[kwebb]

What are you honest thoughts on someone like this and this site:

http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/cathytg/


I wonder sometimes myself. I tried to stop a few weeks ago and it only led to angst. But that's just me. Some have also told me ,well, if she really quit, then she really wasn't a "real" CDer in the first place?

What are your thoughts? Do you have any guesses or odds, that even though this person says she has no plans of resuming the behavior in the future that she may well indeed do so?

[GypsyKaren]

Actually, I could really care less about what's her name and her site. I'm sure the world at large will find it so helpful for "historical purposes", as he or she or whatever calls it. Sorry if I sound a wee bit cynical here, but I just love people who toot their own horn like that.

The fact of the matter is that many cd'ers take breaks from time to time, I know I used to do it too. I don't think that in itself means anything, when I used to smoke I took breaks from that too. Whether it means you're for real or not because you quit, who knows? Everyone is different, who knows what someone's reasoning for anything is...to each their own.

Karen

[Freo_kerry]

I guess that the details were fairly sketchy and lacked some of the information that would have helped but the input has been really good for me to read.

I have had the need to dress for over 38 years but has been off and on over time. A couple of years ago it all started again in ernest and I wanted to pursue more, in search of answers to the question of who am I and what do I do with it? I had just lost 44kg around 93lb and I now looked quite good in black lace and stuff. A couple of trips, a major makeover while on business in Sydney and the burning desire/urge to tell my wife of 29 years and stop being isolated. Wen it came out her natural response was I love you but can't understand or agree to this other part of you. Not wanting to lose the love of my life I purged everything and being very compliant about everytthing I agreed to session with a shrink / counsellor. And yes it is christian based.

I understand why an emotionally limited early childhood can cause such actions and belief systems to be formed, but it doesn't help take away the thoughts of being Kerry while having to present only as the male part of myself. Good information doesn't hide the feelings of grief at loosing a part of myself. I understand my wifes hurt of finding that her man has not been totally honest even after 29 years. But still Kerry cries out from within.

I guess the reason for posting this thread was to find out if it does go away, do I have to live without it forever, or do I go back to the table and re-present my case to be heard as Kerry.

BTW the emotionally stunted comment referred to how I would feel without the freedom to express truley who I am.

Thanks for all your help and honesty

Kerry

[NinaV]

this is the link that I already posted and everybody pretty much ingored it.
I ran into it couple months ago while trying to learn something more about my own psychology.
I think that this person was doing hard work to get to know and understand her/his behavior and I think it is at least an important step to go into it and make thoughts about that option as a possibilety.
Some of us may go for another ten years as CD and then come to the same conclusion as this person did and then say, OK I get it now.
We have to keep our options open and not hide behind the fear that somebody wants to talk us out of crossdressing and prove our needs as wrong.
I am CD/TG and I will keep doing this as long as I feel need for it. But I will keep updating my feelings/needs and not get stuck with my curent ones for the rest of my life. if at some point I do recongize that there is no need for crossdressing then I wan't keep doing it just because I was doing it for past 20 years.
That is to say I will not force myself to quit but maybe feel the need to quit and that is the difference here. keep my options open and always learn!:)
The statements like "once crossdress-always crossdresser" I do not support
Nina

[Sarah Rabbit]

Hi all

To quote Kimberly

2 words: CHANGE COUNSELLORS!

"This (being transgendered) IS NOT an illness. Any counsellor who says or thinks it is has absolutely no idea about gender issues and should not be treating you. You CANNOT change who you are and you have already stated this is a part of who you are."

If someone told me to go see a counsellor I would tell them to take a walk. I am who I am, If they can not accept that, tough. Having said that, If the demand came from my S.O. it would be very difficult situation. I would look into a transgendered specialist, not some quack.

Hugs, Sarah R

[geegee2]

oh no dont even think about it. if I tried to stop Id go bannanas. and I dont think any of us girls could ever stop permanatly,could you girls?? I for one will go down dressed as a woman and fight all the way. It does help if you have friend, both gg and cd. Honey dont let anyone force toy to stop if you can help it. I tried when I was in the Navy but wearing mens underwear didnt work for me so secretly I wore panties under my uniform. no I wont stop just love being a girl at heart love hugs and kisses GeeGee2

[kwebb]

Freo kerry, I hope not to overstep here, and let me know if I am, but I am interested in the kinds of strategies the counselor is using to get you to stop and/or what this counselor is telling you about it from the christian perspective.

Reason being, I was headed to a counselor once about it, until I found it was christian-based, then I nixed it and went to another. Which is ironic, being I call myself christian.

I pre-judeged the counselor would be biased against it when I found that out.

[MsJanessa]

Since I got outed last year I have been required to go for counselling sessions with a shrink to find the problem, get fixed up and stop doing it.

It just seems to me that with CD'ing being part of who I am that it must be very hard to stop a part of me from being expressed. Like a balloon being squashed between your hands it has to blow out somewhere.

So my question is does anyone ever stop, get healed, etc or do we just become more emotionally stunted in our life?

Kerry
No to do we ever stop or "get healed" the urge will always be there---but we do grow emotionally.

[Tamara Barclay]

I have a friend online who "gave it all up to God". He says that the urges have all left him. He had hit a rock bottom place and had no where else to turn. I envy that kind of faith.
As for myself, my dressing has slowed down over the years. To be totally honest, I'd rather play with my kids.
I was on a business trip to Louisville yesterday, stopped in a Fasion Bug, saw a ton of things I wanted, but I ended up going next door to a "Music Go Round" and bought a new toy for my PA.
My point is that my dressing no longer rules what I do.

[Deborah]

If anyone does give up they usually don't come around here afterwards so i can't answer your question.

[Kimberley]

Sorry, but I cannot accept conservative christian (or otherwise) values dictating a life. Our lifestyles are not founded in faith. Our faith has zero to do with our dressing. When they come head to head all hell breaks loose and usually the religion loses.

This is one of my beefs with The Vatican. It is okay to be gay but not to practice or celebrate your love for another human being. That is strictly reserved for heterosexual couples. COMPLETE hypocrasy.

Religions are applying the same standards to us in most cases. Sure, there are pockets of exception but they are usually pressured from outside to conform. Look at the problems with the gay Anglican/Episcopalian Bishop in the States.

How can a faith based counsellor be objective in dealing with gender or sexual issues? Their specialization is faith, not gender or sexuality. They can apply a faith based methodology but then the focus is no longer on our gender issues directly but rather how our lifestyle is viewed from a faith perspective.

I stand by what I said in the beginning. Find a counsellor who specializes in gender issues. The first thing they are likely to tell you is; "You are fine. Now lets deal with the real problems that are affecting you."

Just another 0.02 worth from someone who has been there.

Hugs,
Kimberley.

[Charlene Marie]

Hi Freo, I know what you are feeling girlfriend. I also visited a Psychologist about 5 times. She basically told me that as long as I wasnt hurting anyone or myself that it was OK. Finding one that understsnds or has experience in this area is difficult at best. Purging, yes I've been there too. I took care of my mother in law in our home for a year and a half. I would do it again for her she was a dear sweet woman. During this time I was able to get a hotel room on a couple of weekends and a few times when my wife was off work. I was the most miserable person on the face of the earth. You say since you were "Oted" I dont know who outed you, but believe no one understands us very well. I hope you can come to some happy compromise, good luck Honey.

[KimberlyS]

Oh Kerry, I was in a similar boat a few years back. I will not bore you with the details, but in short, my wife’s limited support went down hill as my need to CD went up hill. It came to a head after she said I was to quit. PERIOD. Well I tried it cold turkey. And it worked for awhile but then turned to more CDing behind her back, and Kim even going out. This all came to a head and I was very close to having the house to myself when my wife boldly said you need to go to counseling and she would go with. She already had counselor names and they were all Christian based housed in a seminary setting. Well three years later and three counselors; hers, mine, and ours; lots of education of myself and educating counselors; and lots and LOTS of time spent with my wife talking; things are going good, but we are still working on things also.

What helped us make it through it I think was:

#1 - We BOTH wanted to make our relationship work. Both of us were not willing to just give it up. Even with Christian based counseling I was going to make it work some how. IMHO too many couples are afraid to seek outside help. If we got to this point working together, how can we fix what we caused.

#2 - I was finally able to get all three counselors to say that there is nothing point blank in the bible against CDing. Yes you heard me right, nothing in bible against CDing, noting intro above, Christian based counselors housed in a seminary. Only society "Norms" were against CDing and many of the other things that get blamed on CDing, such as homosexuality, sex outside of the marriage, treating your wife wrong/lack of respect, ...and others.. I will say that while I did not get much understanding for along time out of the counselors on my CDing, they did help with other personal and relationship issues. And they helped to keep the ideas flowing that my wife and I worked on outside of the sessions. Most of the CDing issues were resolved between my wife and I without the counselors.

#3 - My wife and I both kept journals and we sat down and talked about what we had written in our journals and also about our personal and joint counseling sessions. We talked and discussed more than we had in a long time. We also talked about information that was found in books and on the internet in search of more information. This also include postings to forums like this. The personal and couples counseling/ helped us a lot with being better able to communicate with each other.

#4 - A lot of give and take on both my wife’s part and mine. At one point I even had to tell my wife if I was to give anymore I would not CDing anymore, and we knew that did not work very well. I gave my wife access to everything I had in written form, and on the internet including all of my mail and forum logins. Along with the give and take include a lot of time. Hey it took me almost 40 years to begin to understand and accept this side of me, she was not going to do it overnight.

But I will also go against most others here and say that Yes I do believe you can quit CDing. Now let me explain. Basically you can do most anything that you want to do. And that is within reason, with the correct internal drive, external support from the outside such as loved ones, and help from God almighty if you are a Christian.

Basically if you can redirect your CDing urge or replace that need with something else to fill that need, and you can get the positive support you need from others I believe on can "Quit".

But for me, I struggled with this one personally for a long time. But after looking deep within my self I realized I had a strong feminine male self/personality as long as I could remember. I was not going to reprogram almost 40 years of life that was part of my everyday life. I needed to learn ways to make everything work together.

For me personally I am a guy in a skirt with many feminine traits. But like I have told my wife, to protect my family from what society can do, I will always present to the public either a Male or Female person society can deal with.

I with you both good luck with your discussions and counseling.

KimberlyS-CD

[Shiny]

Nope!

[Mitzi]

My view of faith and cding...

To believe God approves or disaproves of crossdressing is just downright silly. As Kimberly stated, even the seminary based counselors conceded there was nothing in the Bible against it. Somewhere in the history of the church some person or persons decided homosexuality was not normal, that it was a sin, and canonized thar view. To many, crossdressing is viewed similarly.

So, to me, faith per se is irrelevant to crossdressing. The real problem where faith is concerned, is the deeply rooted convictions of a partner who truly believes it is a sin.

Mitzi

[Victoria_Tu]

A couple of tidbits.
1 What are you doing wrong dressing as a female.
2 I have tried to quit but I have always returned to who I really am. I have accepted that I am a crossdresser and if others dont like it, oh well.
3 Purge cycle gets expensive.
Hon just be true to yourself.
Hugs
Vickey

[womanatheart]

Could I quit?
Yes if I had a gun to my head. I could go dormant for a very long time to appease my family or situation. But, (you know what but means? Forget every thing before the word but..) would that fem urge surface when I saw that pefect dress, shoes, nylons, pushing the fem hair back, pefect fit blouse, perfect nails, well dressed woman, perfect tan line??? I really think it would come back. Now, I could only act on it when situation allowed. Wanting to be/feel like a woman is really in my genes, I believe.
But if my immediate priorities (family) were higher - I could subjugate my cd desires to that priority.
Love, :angel:
Stephanie

[Sarahgurl371]

Lots of responses here. My 2 cents:

I have been to 2 P docs. One with my wife (psychologist) in marital counseling, the other a psychiatrist that I went to of my own will - both to answer the questions, "is there something wrong with me?" "will this progress into something else?" "Is this an addiction (sexual)?"

The first said "so what" when I stated I was a CD. His concern was that it was causing a problem in our marraige. (she was and still is very unaccepting) His statement was to the effect of "Its only a problem if it causes a significant amount of stress or grief in your life" ie. - with your family, job etc. He also pointed out that he has had couples divorce over smoking and golf. Pretty benign things that he compared Cding to. He stated that he has seen many CD's and some are very prominent members of the community (see, there are others). He also said that he has had some limited success in "treating" ie. helping the patient to stop. His words were "with a very willing patient, and strong support, he has had some success".

The second P doc I went to, for pretty severe anxiety, (due to the state of our marraige and my state of purging to placate my wife) said to me after a couple of visits, "I don't need to see you any more. There is nothing wrong with you." He also stated that if I felt the need to continue "therapy" he would aim it towards self accpetance and esteem issues, not limiting or trying to cure my CD/TG tendencies. He did recommend seeing a gender therapist, his words were "you will probably learn alot about yourself". Of course my wife adamantly objected.

So ask yourself what YOU want to do. What is right for YOU. Then thats what YOU should do. Of course the people in your life will be affected, and should be treated with dignity and respect. Me, I am still trying to work out a compromise, I love my wife, and I am starting to love myself.

[MelindaC]

I'm not sure I can stop. I've dressed for 50 years now and the need is stronger than ever....!!