Who earns a Living in an Strongly Intolerant Business/Profession, How do you Cope?

[Sarasometimes]

I do and most of the times I just chalk it up to ignorance and fear, but other times it is also saddening? I'm definitely in a worlds would collide circumstance, but good and bad is it pays way too well to switch.

[Tina_gm]

Hi, my profession isn't so horribly intolerant, but my location sure is. Ignorance, fear, hatred. I call it toxic masculinity. round here if the woman got a man that ain't out huntin or hammerin, she got a girlfriend. I saw that on a social media meme btw. other similar ones. countless anti trans bathroom stuff, anti Caitlyn jenner stuff. anti gay stuff. Oxford Alabama??? No try upstate NY. I feel so out of place nowadays. Partly I am sure due to my own acceptance, but for whatever reason, perhaps socio economic reasons, there's been some sort of shift of demographics. Yes, there have always been many of the rural attitude, but the amount now living in the smaller cities, the intensity of it all is amazing me. I am trying to hang on until I can officially retire in a few years. I don't know if I am going to make it or not. Fortunately even though both my wife and myself are from here, she's just as eager to get out of this area as I am. Sad when home no longer feels like home.

[Rachelakld]

If discovered, I suspect I would have to find, not another company (as staff regularly swap companies and we all know each other), but a totally different profession

[Sarah Beth]

Not so much the profession as the area for me as has already been mentioned. It's horrible some days to hear some of the things people say about others around here. Backward and bigoted it's like living in the fifties around here compared to other places I have lived. Recently the local branch of large national chain store sent a guy here who is gay, he and his life partner moved to town. The lasted here less that two months before they were forced out of town by the intolerance.

[Kate Simmons]

I never did but I'm just wondering if this leads to a lot of personal conflict as to who you seem to be vs who you really are? Sometimes we need to make an honest assessment unless it's totally about compensation. :)

[rachelatshop]

Hi Gen and all of you, It's rual America, it is the same where I live. I just read that one of the local school boards is being sued because their anti-discrimination policy allowed a TRANSGENDERED girl to use the girl's bathroom. That is just going back wards. When we are in times of change people are scared and fear anything that is different and move back to old ways that feel safe. It doesn't help when you have people like Trump with all of their hate running for president and people are voting for him, and he wasn't even the wurst of the bunch. Fortunately I don't think he will get elected, but we must make sure he doesn't.

[andreanna]

You want to see intolerance! Get into the trucking industry and listen to the conversations in the driver's lounge areas. Alas, all I can do is keep my mouth shut.

[JenniferMBlack]

You want intolerant. The owner of the company I work for fired his own grandson when he came out as gay. This is a guy who won't fire you for constant mistakes and doing damage to company property and customers property so he dosen't have to pay unemployment. Call out sick every other day come in high that's fine bit don't be queen in any way.

[Rogina B]

I am an out,full time girl working in the commercial marine world.11 years socially transitioning and redesigning my needs. I am a self employed marine engineer and build commercial fishboats and all of the related systems in them. I can't weld in a dress as I keep getting burnt,so I dress appropriately for the task. I get paid for what I know and do and am riding a good wave. People don't "know what to think of me" and that is just fine. If I lose any customers to my "being strange" then that frees me up for an accepting one ! Life is too short for me not to live as I feel...

[Katya@]

Pretty sad to read about all of these with exception to Rogina B. On I hand I feel the same. I have family to support and will do what I have to do. On the other hand, I feel ashamed of not doing anything about it. We can't expect the minds of people to change on their own, or others to fight our fights.

[Sarasometimes]

I might be more up for trying to change people's opinions if I felt more confident that the backlash wouldn't also negatively effect the lives of my loved ones. I would consider doing that just too selfish and the attitudes I encounter seem so deeply seated that I doubt they could be changed. Also I really love the work I do, the adrenaline and positive impact it has on others.
I like the phrase toxic masculinity and it confounds me that someone can believe they are the men of men and most macho yet they fear those who they claim are weak and wimpy????
Some here may call me a coward but I'm OK with that because I KNOW otherwise.

[Rogina B]

@Sarasometimes...This little thread illustrates the difference between the two sides of this forum perfectly. If your inner self has to be your outer self,then you live your life authentically because you have to. Those that don't have strong GID can get by for a time suppressing it and pretending to be someone different to those around them. What works for one may not for another. However,I will say this..If your GID is getting stronger make sure you are redesigning your life and picking up friends that "May get it" when you decide to be out to them. Too many people thing they are going to flip a switch at the boy's club and be still accepted. You need a good support base and that takes choices.

[sandyb40c]

I work for a religious group that wouldn't approve of anything transgender. I need the job and find it fulfilling most of the time, although the ignorance of some is very annoying.

[Michala]

Everybody knows the area they live in better than I, but sometimes we might be surprised. I always thought where I live was very conservative and non-accepting. Then an outsider moved to town. The husband didn't dress girly-girl or wear heavy makeup but definitely moderately crossdressed. Hair was long and a unisex style, earrings, longer nails, unisex clothing and many times bra lines clearly visible. Never got to know him/her but saw the couple around town. So he/she did't dress as a glamorous woman but definitely dressed as a casual woman. Never heard a negative remark from anyone, other than "He dresses like a woman." They lived in the community for about 2 years with no problems. That from a community like many of you have described as being intolerant. Sometimes people talk to impress their friends and aren't really as bad as they seem. Doesn't make it right, but sometimes people are actually better than they appear.

[Sarasometimes]

Rogina B you give good advice about planning if you think you are coming out. And yes some people talk tough but don't truly act that way. I know several that I encounter talk and act that way and as another posted, I generally ignore them but it is disappointing to hear.
One reason I spend so much Sara time in salons and spas is because I find nearly all of them to be welcoming.

[Tonya Rose]

I am in construction and CD`ing is not there! But I live in the woods and get my Gurl on every chance i get!!!!!

[Tracii G]

Worked in the trucking industry for over 40 years and over time I saw more women come into the workforce.
Being TG was not something I felt I had to mention to anyone.
Truckers in general are just regular people and keep to themselves and pretty much live by this rule, live and let live.

[heatherdress]

How does anyone cope in a profession they cannot crossdress while working - which are most professions - they don't dress. When did anything change? Most work environments are not conducive to crossdressing for personal pleasure. It is always best to keep crossdressing out of the work place.

[Rogina B]

@heatherdress...I did not answer in regards to crossdressing. I saw the thread as posing a question of living life in a non accepting environment. GID varies in intensity for most everyone. Some of us have a need to be ourselves and can handle the consequences.

[heatherdress]

Rogina - I get your response and appreciate your thoughts and your experience. My comments were totally general but I have worked in some totally "super rigid" organizations and work places.

[JocelynJames]

I do. We have only a few women here, most of them in office/ admin out of 173 employees, mostly macho men. I am in a smaller dept w/ only a few guys and when the conversation arises , I talk and educate them .

[CarlaWestin]

I work in a commercial, uniformed, tool and maintenance environment. It's a large facility, owned by a mega corporation. The corp policy is zero tolerance with any gender discrimination. HR department is 100% female and my department head is female. If I were to disclose my gender fluidity, it would be fully protected. But, my professional stance is that of alpha male. It's a positive, take charge, uber-male attitude that my peers expect so I don't think my being a question mark would help. But, I've kicked around the idea of attending my retirement day as Carla.

:straightface:

Maybe not!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sara :hugs: , spent 40 yrs. in the petroleum industry and showing up in a skirt and heels
surely would've not ended very well...:daydreaming:...

[Tracii G]

Just because you actually could come out at work or wear a dress to work doesn't mean you should.

[Jennaristow]

I have worked offshore in the oil and gas industry as a commercial hard hat diver off the coast of Louisiana, Texas, Alabama and Mississippi. Very big ego's and not real accepting of my life style. I would love to live 24/7 as a female, but not going to happen as long as I work in my trade.

[Sarah Doepner]

I worked 30 years as a professional civilian employee in Law Enforcement. My contacts included the Chief of police, anyone in the chain of command, detectives and patrol personnel. I watched as diversity training was pushed out that included race, religion, ethnicity and the LGBT community and the officers had all the right answers and, for the most part, employed that training in the field. However when they got back in the squad room where it was just them, they still displayed all the things they had been trained not to show in public. As a civilian employee I was already a second class citizen in the organization, so I wasn't about to come out to them, even if I was protected by law.

I have to note that during the last few years there were a growing number of gay and lesbian officers and administrators who came out and were respected after having established themselves in the previous years. Now there is a former officer who is in the middle of a FtM transition and seems to have the support of those who knew them on the job.

How did I cope? My GD wasn't severe, but needed to be addressed rather than suppressed, so I cultivated outlets away from where I worked. Those outlets ranged from regular closeted dressing at home, CD.Com and similar internet social options and trips out of town where I was part of the crowd if I went out. Eventually I was able to find a local support group as well and since I retired I haven't looked back. Those folks I worked with did not need to know, but I needed social contacts, so I found them away from the work place. It was little more than compartmentalizing, but it worked for me.

[kryss.cd]

I'm very private about CDing so it doesn't effect me that much. I was military for years and now I work in a warehouse moving freight with 95% of the staff being male. I just kind of tune out conversations that revolve around LGBT issues and it works out.

[Dana44]

I was in Engineering and for a large corporation. It seemed to be manly there and I never could thin of coming out to them. I was a closet dresser and sometime out and about and really in another town and on business trips. But after retirement, no more purging and really found myself in this time.

[Sarasometimes]

Carla, I think you have a great handle on your situation. Sure there are protections in place but going that route can still be very messy.
To others, I'm not discussing places where CDing is a possibility or that I would expect to cross dress at work. I'm talking about having to work with people who openly voice a hate or strong dislike for those unlike them and in particular those at a different gender spectrum place than their extreme macho manly man view.
Although it may not solve my situation it is nice to know I'm far from alone. My need for aspects from both extremes of the spectrum doesn't seem to be so unusual here.
I truly enjoy my work despite it being scary, stressful and dirty but I also enjoy equally the softer things in life like makeup, cozy fabrics and great salon appointment. Granted some of my feminine activities also have risks and stress like taking a fuzzy mascara coated brush and trying to put on mascara or the stress of which top goes best...

[JenniferMBlack]

How does anyone cope in a profession they cannot crossdress while working - which are most professions - they don't dress. When did anything change? Most work environments are not conducive to crossdressing for personal pleasure. It is always best to keep crossdressing out of the work place.
In my profession we wear uniforms so we all look alike clothes wise. But wouldn't or couldn't let my employer know. To fire and disown your grandson because he is gay shows a massive intolerance.

[Rogina B]

It is all about the need ! If you are a happy crossdresser ,then it is something you do on your time away. I understand that. However some of us "T Serious "girls have a need to live as we want. Our workworld isn't always accepting but we are out and overcoming the negativity. We have to live life on our own terms.

[BillieAnneJean]

I was on a jobsite with a guy who railed against the gay community. One day I asked him to think about what he would do if one of his kids came out to him. Would he disown that child. I told him to wait a day before asking. He came back to me and said he would accept it. We are best of friends now.

I was on a jobsite with two rebels and a Hispanic guy. The four of us had a break together. The rebel guys started saying inappropriate things about the Hispanic guy. I told the rebels that I would have the Hispanic guy live next to me anytime before them. This greatly pleased the Hispanic guy.

I was never invited on the rebel guy's projects again. And believe me I didn't care.

BTW one of the rebel guys was caught padding his time and expenses and giving a percentage back to his immediate supervisor, both of which had to leave the company.

You wouldn't believe the crap that the guys spew on jobsites. Maybe they are homophobic out of ignorance or fear or life long programming. But it is there and it has GOT to hurt their gay co workers.

[Erin Lafleur]

I work in a very male dominated industry and have always adopted a DGAF policy with respect to how others felt about LGBTQ issues or any other significant issues for that matter.
I really don't care what they think. I'm as likely to change their mind as they are to change mine.
One thing that I have learned through the years is that the only thing that you can prove in arguing with a fool is that there are two of you.
People don't look for information, they look for affirmation.
Couldn't care less...

[Sarasometimes]

Erin,
I like your arguing with a fool line, you are correct. Good attitude!

[Pumped]

I would not even consider CD'ing at work. We have 2-3 guys that are extremely homophobic and the talk gets a little crazy sometimes. I usually jump an and put in my 2 cents worth, that I really could care less, as long as they hold up their part of the job, plus they are not doing any harm to me. The homophobes just cringe and look at me like I have some rare disease. The real funny thing is the one guy is married to a very strong minded woman, and at home she rules the roost, but at work he is a real bad a** tough guy.

I wear a pair of woman's boots with a 3" block heel fairly often. My wife accepts them and I wear them on the road while visiting customers, but never at the office. I don't want to feed the animals. I have had a couple customer comments on my boots, but never anything bad, usually just a strange look and some comment about wearing such a high heel.

[Dee-anna]

i work away on a 2week on 1 off roster in remote locations as a exploration driller, an industry dominated by alpha males. i wouldn't Dress,Underdress or tell work mates that i C/D but when i get back to my room after shift i often put on panties and read this forum .:cheer:

[Lacey New]

Yes - I can relate. Even though our company policy prevents discrimination and harassment for people based on their sexual identity, the truth of the matter is that trans people are viewed as just plain weird and have no credibility. The presumption is that all trans people are gay and the majority of people that I know at work just can't see beyond the fact that it is a man wearing a women's clothing. When I hear disparaging remarks, I tend to rebut by asking "Who cares?" or "Why do you care?". Obviously, I NEVER show signs of CDing at work and I remain deeply in the closet. It is simply a matter of professional survival.

[Raychel]

I am surrounded by intolerant and ignorant people all the time,
and with all this bathroom discussions, that only brings them out all that much more.

I just keep to myself thinking what total jerks they are, they just don't get it.

Sometimes it does get really difficult not to dive into the conversation, but I know that would end bad for me.
so silence is best for me. :sad:

[Mykaa]

Its called you do what you have to do, I am a responsible adult, I pay my bills, child support and my insurance. I get what is left and no it isnt always enough, but what in life is fair? No 1 is perfect and neither am I. Different people have different beliefs, respect is part of life, respecting another persons differences goes a long ways to "getting along".

[Fiona123]

I work in an office. Even though they have zero tolerance for harassment, I do not date come out. Like Laceys post below its a matter of professional survival. I feel fortunate to be able to wear panties.

[Alyssa Lane]

I work in a huge place (7000+) building cars, we all have a dress code and uniforms paid for us every year along with work boots. And HR gives out the "talk" every year as the students come in at summertime.

[Danielle_cder]

Omg if I told any one at my shop id probably be dead. How I cope, I love what I do, I focus on my job and keep my personal/home life where it should be��

[CONSUELO]

Reading these comments makes me feel very despondent. Oftentimes people are intolerant or say things because they have never properly thought it through and when they do their position softens. However some of the stories here are about people who seems to hold extremely intolerant views.
I worked for a major corporation in a job that took me from senior management in our company to senior management in other corporations. I was not interested in coming out as I loved my job and to have done so would have made it very difficult for me to operate. It was not just a matter of overcoming prejudice in one segment of the company but having to fight the battle over and over across many companies and many different social environments in many countries.

That said my company was very enlightened in many respects and fought discrimination on several fronts. That was the battle that I was happy to join and work on behalf of others.

[Angie G]

The business if fine it the jackass's I work with. I don't cope with it. I keep it out of there.:hugs:
Angie

[Rogina B]

I look at things from a "TS" [T Serious] viewpoint. A happy CD usually has no reason to share as they are not in transition. However,I strongly believe that someone can be
an" alphabet allie" without "outing themselves" to people that need some diversity training which can be done in a civil way.

[LisaJ1]

I do,my co workers and boss do know I am a part time CD.Pretty good about it and have met Lisa.I work at an auto repair shop fixing cars.

[Rogina B]

Good for you LisaJ1.!