safe zones to be "out"

[pamela7]

This thread is my musing on Gendermutt's very valid concerns about the dangers of revealing oneself in a violently-prejudiced society.

In England there's a gay village, an area of manchester (see http://www.canal-st.co.uk/ ), where the annual 3-day TG event "Sparkle" happens. This is considered a safe zone. And it has gotten me thinking. When I lived in France I went native, spoke the lingo and was accepted, but I noticed that most expats lived in concentrated zones together. I notice the same mostly in England, too with immigrant communities living in one area together. They display the "safety in numbers" attributes of a society in fear of discriminatory predators.

I have long considered, that like the ghettoes of Europe in WWII, this segregated clustering and internal positive discrimination actually brings on worse prejudice as a result of a lack of mixing.

So this is the CD dilemma; 1. to cluster into safe communities, but risk wider dangers, 2. to closet alone, 3. to be out and about mixing in a potentially hostile environment. In reality this is the world of every minority. My perception has been that the minority's fear brings on the predator's attack. Having said that, zebras do not walk alone among lions. If one is careful of where lions hang out one can be out and about, but a herd might just attract more lions.

[Teresa]

Pamela,
I think you've answered your own question , it's just survival instinct.
Despite the venue for my social meetings being a hotel and conference centre I wouldn't drive the thirty or so miles to sit there dressed by myself, I'm not going to interact with other people if they don't have the same interests , of course I feel safer. The driving part takes more planning to try and stay in the safety zone !

[Rachelakld]

I like mixing with the locals where ever I go. I accept some areas may cause my death, but for most I find daytime is the time for people and families to be out doing their normal routines, and if locals stay in at night, I do the same.

[Launa]

I usually do what I want when out and about. I still have reservations when I go to some nightclubs. However this does raise a good point in that you could be targeted by someone that you cross paths with.

[Tina_gm]

Both points have credit pamela. In Cape Cod, at the end of it is a town called Provincetown. It is a very open accepting little village. Gay and transgender people can openly live as they wish. It is definitely a "safe zone" Having been there a few times I can tell you it is one of the most relaxing areas in terms of how people are I have ever seen. It is so peaceful there. I think that for those who are gay or trans, it is just very nice to be able to live an be yourself without having to deal with negativity and discrimination, or to have to deal with a fear of someone possibly attacking you.

You are correct also, that we should not be forced into segregated communities, but I think when it comes to P-town, it is very comforting to not feel like such a minority all the time. Most of P-town is gay, but they definitely cater to trans as well. It can be draining to always be in such a minority.

I think in most places, especially urban areas, a CDer dressed will be fine. A few awkward stares or whatever, but not much will usually come from it. There are a few members on here though who have dealt with violence simply because they were dressed.... In the area in which I live, I can think of several small restaurants or taverns where things could go south real quick. At the very least, you are likely to get harassed so that you leave and have no desire to come back. Some though have such hatred, that they will make you a permanent resident, if you get my meaning. A CDer showing up there is not going to change any minds. They are not going to open any eyes from a 1st hand experience with someone. While these places are shrinking in number, they do exist, and my prior responses in this topic is about a cavalier attitude of if you own it, everything will be fine. Not always, not everywhere.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I think the biggest problem is if you pass well enough to fool some of the people (read men) some of the time.

If some guy misses the obvious signs and hits on you, he may feel his manhood has been challenged, particularly if he's with a group of guys. I haven't been in this situation, but I have a ready response. My response is, "Sorry, I'm only into girls." My thought is that it would provide him some cover when returning to his group, and ensure that his friends don't try to show him how to do it correctly.

[pamela7]

Yes Steffi, and one of my daughter's best friends is lesbian and wears clothing/her hair to give off that impression (somehow), and she's received significant abuse in London, in daytime, on public transport. So just beware that the same hater might be just as upset that a woman prefers women. I wear a sparkly wedding ring out "no thanks, i'm married" (not that I pass ;-)).

[PaulaQ]

Actually, the safe zones often aren't safe. We've had a rash of attacks against LGBT people (mostly gay men) in the gay district of Dallas. People who don't like us lay in wait from time to time, and make their attacks as people are leaving the bars, walking to their cars, etc.

[pamela7]

so that literally is the lions gathered around the herd, looking for strays

[Tina_gm]

If we are talking purely of physical safety, then I guess yes. But you don't have to be faster than the lion, you just have to be faster than the slowest zebra. I know that sounds cold, but it is the truth. For me though, it goes far deeper than "just" physical safety, these "safe zones" I mean sure, there are definitely places around where I live, it just would not be a good idea to go out en femme, especially at night. Your physical safety would be at a sizable risk. Now, you could go in a massive group and be strong in numbers....

Beyond the obvious, true physical danger, the just own it and all will be fine, could run into other problems besides just physical safety. Not being served, being verbally harassed. Just major awkwardness, or ignored perhaps. Now at some point, we DO need to stand up for ourselves, and maybe it means going through some of the other than physical danger, or maybe it does mean braving it to some degree. But there is also the thought of using common sense too. That just owning it will not solve all issues, or be a blanket of safety.

[StarrOfDelite]

I think the biggest problem is if you pass well enough to fool some of the people (read men) some of the time.

If some guy misses the obvious signs and hits on you, he may feel his manhood has been challenged, particularly if he's with a group of guys. I haven't been in this situation, but I have a ready response. My response is, "Sorry, I'm only into girls." My thought is that it would provide him some cover when returning to his group, and ensure that his friends don't try to show him how to do it correctly.

I don't go to bars alone very often, because like George Thorogood I prefer to drink alone, and even when I do go out I probably go to bars which are GLBT oriented (sort of a Safe Zone, I know). However, when I do go to non-alternative venues, if some guy has the good taste and discernment to hit on me I certainly let him buy me a drink and give me a talk-up. And, I usually draw a big red circle around the date on the calendar to commemorate the occasion :battingeyelashes:

On a more serious note regarding safe zones, the only time I ever got into any sort of serious trouble was in the parking lot of a gay bar, from other patrons, so go figure?