Question for those who go out dressed

[Stephanie Lynne]

Just curious if the bathroom and transgender debate that seems to be discussed everywhere has changed anything for you when you're out in public dressed? Do you go out less, quit going to women's room/fitting room, more fearful, etc?
Hugs,
Stephanie

[Jenniferathome]

No change for me. In fact my wife and were just talking about this today. We both agree it would be weird for me to use the men's room when dressed. No issue to date.

[Launa]

No it doesn't bother me cause I usually use the men's room for the washrooms. Change rooms are womens usually but I'm also escorted in by the sales clerk so no nothing has changed for me.

[Lauri K]

No changes here, my wife says I should pay more attention to my surroundings due to all the stuff going on. She goes out with me a lot and says I just do my own thing and I never pay attention to others around me..........oh well maybe I should turn up my senses a bit till all this blows over.

As for bathrooms, this girl will not be caught dressed in a men's room.

No issue or problems to report so far and YES unfortunate for me I live in a hate state due to my job, otherwise I would leave TX and head west to the coast.

[Heidi Stevens]

No changes here either. In fact, yesterday I went dressed to spend the day in Hot Springs, Arkansas. I went out of my way to have lunch at Chik-fil-a just to prove that it was possible. And I used the ladies restroom there as well. No pitchforks or tubs of hot oil. They treated me like any other female visitor, including calling me Ms. Heidi as they brought my lunch to me. So far all I heard is talk by the aginers, but business as usual for every thing else in the real world.

[Allisa]

no change here for me, caution as usual, I won't let hate mongers run my life.

[Piora]

I don't go out while dressed, so it doesn't apply to me. But, I am very happy to read that things have not changed for most of my sister members here. I find that I live vicariously through all of the ladies here who do go out. This ugly witch-hunt of hysteria that has descended, seeing issues where there were NONE to begin with, makes me sick.

[IamWren]

Like Piora, I don't go out while dressed. And I love to read thread starts where a member describes going out. There have been times where I thought I might have a chance to let Sayyidah rome about the muggles but the bathroom bills and hate speech I see all over social media has me really scared. I don't think I'll be going out for any length of time in the near future.

[Charlessa]

I pick and choose where I go dressed in any female attire. I rarely go to public restrooms so I don't worry. if I did, I'd have to go in men's restroom. I usually have a beard going

[Robin414]

When I'm buying clothing there's only one fitting room (ok, two, but at LTS they're the same 😉 )

As for washrooms, I've used both depending on circumstances but I prefer the single use non-gender ones (or the bushes)!

En tween, I use the guys room, what's the worst that could happen, I get into a bloody fight with an ass clown in need of an attitude adjustment, sooo bring it 😠

[Nadine Spirit]

No change for me. I still go out and do me. I did ponder with my wife today, while out and dressed, if people were looking at me more lately and she said she hadn't noticed any difference. As far as restrooms, I have used, and will always use, the one that matches my presentation.

[paulaprimo]

i never use to give it a second thought but now i think about it more than i should and
i avoid going unless i have to. :sad:

[ChristinaK]

No ladies have ever really noticed and have never had grief. I'll keep going to the ladies room until some do gooder, ultra "christian", which I am, but tolerant as I should be, starts screaming bloody murder, which probably won't happen.

First time some copper wants to see my wee wee, I'll tell him to get a warrant ;-)

[Marcelle]

Hi Stephanie,

Fortunately up here in the northern climes of Canada we have not gone down the "bathroom ban" road so it is business as usual. I use the women's restroom when I am out but then again as TS it is the only one I would consider using. Women don't seem fussed by my presence and I have stood in line chatting away with other patrons and I am sure they knew I was trans. No screams, no drama . . . just answering nature's call.

Cheers

Marcelle

[Teresa]

Stephanie,
We don't have the debate going on in the UK, so it's not so much of a problem .
The easiest solution if there is an uncertainty is use the disabled facility , I still use the male cubicles, but not the open ones. Changing facilities aren't a problem, I usually shop in charity shops so they only have a single area curtained off . I had a funny incident I was in drab when a guy was trying on shirts and I asked if I could nip in to try a cardigan on while he waited outside to decide which shirt he wanted , he did give the cardigan a double take .

[reb.femme]

Just to concur with Teresa, this isn't a problem in the UK at present. However, as with Nadine, I would only use the toilet that is in accordance with the gender I'm presenting as. If I was looking for trouble, the best way to find it would be to use the men's while dressed femme.

Becky

[Martha G]

I make a very passable woman in both looks and traits so I use the restroom for the sex that I am dressed as.

[Beverley Sims]

I try to use unisex ir disabled restrooms when available.

Now that the goalposts are changing, I will probably be more cautious.

[Pat]

Personally, I avoid places where I would have to make a choice. Occasionally that means I have to limit my fluid intake, but usually it means I duck into a coffee shop with a unisex bathroom. The state senate here in Mass recently passed a gender equality bill and there's hope that the house will pass one soon -- after that the bills would have to get reconciled and sent to the governor who has been non-committal on what he'll do in terms of signing it. (To be fair, I'd be non-committal as well, since at this point we don't know what's going to come across his desk.) If it all passes, though, then it's no longer a problem and I'll use the restroom that is appropriate for my presentation. ;)

[sherri]

Just curious if the bathroom and transgender debate that seems to be discussed everywhere has changed anything for you when you're out in public dressed? Do you go out less, quit going to women's room/fitting room, more fearful, etc?
Hugs,
StephanieIt has made me much more cautious, even a little paranoid. Admittedly, the vast majority of my outings over the years have been to TG-friendly places, but there have been periods when I've pushed the envelope by frequenting more mainstream venues and I've usually used ladies' rooms -- without incident, I should add. I really don't think most straight people ever gave the matter much thought one way or another and would have been inclined to look the other way if confronted with it in a public place. At worst, a woman finding a crossdresser in the bathroom might have been disconcerted, might have even complained, but odds were it wouldn't have gone any further than that. Now that it has become a high profile issue, however, I'm seeing and hearing very heated ridicule and vitriol, including frequent threats of violence. And of course Obama's recent presidential order involving schools and kids, however well-meaning, has ratcheted emotions exponentially. Now I feel like any vanilla bathroom visit is a potential land mine and honestly, I'm not real interested in being the detonator. I might still use gender-appropriate dressing rooms if I think the store is supportive, but for right now I plan to give the bathroom situation a wide berth. Things are just too emotionally charged and awareness too heightened right now. Sometimes discretion is the better part of valor.

[Krystenw]

Nope, No change. My wife and I wear the same size dresses. The only difference is I'm 69" and she is 64" so the skirt length is a bit different.
I guess that comes from being married 40+ years.
Believe it or not she doesn't like to go shopping for clothes, so when she does, I'm the one that has to try the clothes on to make sure they fit.
She says if they look good on me that they will really look good on her.
Have never had any issues.
If I am at the movies and there are 19 of us standing in line, I will usually just go home.

[Leslie Langford]

Doesn't make one iota of difference to me.

I was using the women's restrooms to fix my hair (wig), make up, and to relieve myself as necessary from Day One when I first began going out in public en femme about 9 years ago. It just seemed to make perfect sense given the way I was presenting myself, and being able to "blend in" (if not downright "pass") in most instances, I have never been challenged nor made to feel uncomfortable in women's' restrooms. In fact, I've even had some rather pleasant and affirming interactions with fellow users while there, and these were typically initiated by them as I always strive to maintain a low profile for obvious reasons.

Based on my experience to date, I see no reason not to continue doing what I've done in the past. I have always behaved modestly and appropriately when in the women's restrooms, and as far as I am concerned, what I have beneath my skirt or dress is nobody's business but my own as long as I keep it to myself.

[Rachael Leigh]

I try to avoid using the restroom when I'm out so nothing has changed for me and in some ways while some might be looking more careful at who's in the ladies room but I doubt most would want to make a scene unless they are wanting to make a point and if you just went in to go and there is no law against then what can someone due. Also as we have seen many retailers are not about to run off paying customers just because we are different

[Meghan4now]

Depends on where I am, but no change really.

[StarrOfDelite]

If I have to tinkle when I'm out shopping, I will use the ladies every time because I blend pretty well. And, I always sit down and use the facilities as a woman would. If I think I've been 'made' by someone who could cause trouble, I just go to another store.

In general, however, I try to avoid public restrooms when I'm presenting as Fem merely because I hate the prospect of either having to squat like an animal with my feet on the rim of the toilet bowl because the seat is too filthy to use, or, even if the toilet seat appears to be clean that little voice in the back of my mind is still telling me that it's probably crawling with bacteria, or, even if I ignore the little voice, then I always worry about blocking up the flush mechanism with the toilet paper I use to cover the seat.

Just for the record, if I have to defecate when I'm presenting a Masc, that same little voice is screaming, and the same fear about blocking the toilet occur.

[Piora]

The problem, as I see it, is that due to the wave of hysteria that has been created, because of these STUPID laws being passed, and all the media hype that has been generated, NOW there are people who are going to view with suspicion everyone that they encounter coming and going from a women's bathroom. There will be those that overreact, and jump the gun, making unfounded assumptions and accusations. I recently read about one incident at a hospital, where a woman was intercepted by another visitor as she was opening the door to the women's washroom. A man tried to block her from entering because he though she was a man. Apparently, she was rather masculine in appearance, and he made a mistake, as was later explained. This is the sort of thing that is the result of the backlash from this hysteria.

I agree with Starr that many public washrooms are disgusting, and if the women's is as bad as that, then try to imagine what the men's washroom is like! Best to avoid any of them altogether!

[Jilmac]

I will continue to use the women's restroom or dressing room whenever I'm en femme. As long as there are private stalls with doors I'm not the least bit concerned.

[Ceera]

No change, for me. I live in a US state (Oregon) where there are no anti-trans bathroom laws and where the law of the land states quite clearly that we can use the bathroom suited to our gender identity or presentation.

If I am out in girl mode, I use the ladies' room.

If I am buying girl clothes and am en-femme, I use the women's dressing rooms.

If I am out presenting male and happen to buy feminine clothes, I will either carry them to a men's dressing room to try on, or I will try them on at home an return them if needed. I do not usually use a women's bathroom or changing room if I am presenting as a male.

[Terri Andrews]

No change but I try to avoid long lines and young children

[sara.rafaela]

I travel a lot. Normally I bring my clothes and dress. Recently I had a business trip to Raleigh, NC. I decided it was not worth it. I was not too worried about the actual need to go to the restroom. I suppose I could hold it, avoid drinking,etc. But, what concerned me is that, what if the attitude of the general public was hostile to me? But, all of this restroom talk will not affect me in the other places where I dress. In San Francisco I would not even consider this.

[JayeLefaye]

Just curious if the bathroom and transgender debate that seems to be discussed everywhere has changed anything for you when you're out in public dressed? Do you go out less, quit going to women's room/fitting room, more fearful, etc?
Hugs,
Stephanie

Yes, Stephanie, who lives in Texas, it has made one hella-difference for me, who lives in NC!

Please forgive me if I'm reading between the lines here, because you & I live in what I'm coming to think of as the current battleground states.

I've been going out, during the day, for 6 years on a regular basis...Using the "Family" bathrooms...It doesn't really take much planning...The dressing rooms while shopping, were always easy-peasy. The SA's were always cordial...

I don't want to ramble, or answer in any kind of glib manner, so I will try to respond honestly from my NC experience for the last two months...

Yes, I have curtailed my excursions out...

I have also shown up at rallies in front of the Governor's mansion wearing old Levi's and a work-shirt to protest as a straight male....

Because 80% of the folks who are protesting, are straight, compassionate folks who have a clue.

....I added that last bit to let you know that "we" are not alone in this....

And, Stephanie? You joined in 2013...And only have 30 "posts"....And yet you started this thread....I suspect that you started it for the same reason that I'm finally having the time to respond...

Thank you...

"hugs" and blessings back at'cha!!!

Jaye

[Cheryl T]

Hasn't changed my frequency of going out and hasn't changed my habits.
When in Rome as they say.
I've always felt I'd rather face the wrath of an irate female than the ruffled Testosterone of some homophobic male.

[PattyT]

No change. It seems odd to use a male bathroom when en femme. Here there are toilets everywhere to be used by the aged, the handicapped, and others like this. I have no trouble using these so have no need to worry about problems using the female bathrooms. I can get by without them

[GenieGirl]

Nothing has changed for me for the most part. Just feel a bit more akward when other women are in the bathroom with me but not a big deal. Haven't been kicked out or arrested for using the bathroom yet. I live as female outside of work so about 70% of the time that's what I am. I also live in North Carolina for what it's worth. PS my family seem to be for HB2 from past conversations :/.

[Renee Elise]

The few times I've been out it hasn't been an issue - if you look like a girl, it should not be a problem to use a women's bathroom. In fact I agree that it would be weird going into the men's totally en femme! If I were out and about at a shopping mall or whatever and I needed to powder my nose would definitely use the ladies.

[Eryn]

No change at all. I'm not going to let the hatred of a few ignorant bigots affect my enjoyment of life.

[Jenny123]

Like others have said, I still go out and use the women's restroom when I do. I am definitely more careful about my surrounding since the paranoia around these bills has come up. Whenever this comes up in my daily life (where most people don't know about Jenny), I always ask what bathroom they think transgender people have been using throughout the years.

[Nancy Sue]

Like Ceera I live in Oregon. There has been a lot of talk by various citizens (some showing wisdom, others ignorance), and most people I have talked to, or heard talk, realize the new NC and Texas laws violate federal civil rights laws and will be changed, or overturned, soon. (Someone might get elected, or re-elected, or rejected, in those states because they do, or don't support this, but regardless of what they think they will be overturned.

Oregon is a liberal blue state (though I am not). Our 'recently promoted' governor, Kate Brown, came out as Bi when she was a state senator in the 1990's. She was noted in todays newspaper as the first governor to admit to being bi or lesbian, so even if our legislators were replaced, and were to write such a bill she would veto it.

I have not changed what I do, where I dress or use the loo - if I am in girl mode I use the ladies rooms. I did have "thoughts" when this became an issue in the news, but see no reason to change what I do.

[Dana44]

NO changes here and I am going out tonight. I go into the stall do my business and get out as fast as I can to not cause any issues.

[flatlander_48]

Actually, it has ramped up a bit. I've been to the grocery store dressed recently and used the women's restroom. Yesterday I attended the Annual Harvey Milk Diversity Breakfast in Palm Springs with 733 other people. I made a visit to the women's restroom along with at least a dozen women. I would feel really strange to going into the men's restroom in a dress, hat, makeup, heels and handbag. Anyway, we do what we need to do.

DeeAnn

[pamela7]

the debate has not changed my approach. Time has. Initially I would still use the gents, but now I know i'm a transwoman and always presenting as a female, i go into the ladies, don't think anything of it, and therefore no-one gives me a second glance now.

[abby054]

Like KimberlyTX, who describes the issue well, I may not pass close inspection. But if someone glances at me as I am focused on walking toward a stall, I am credible enough that they won't do a double take from across the room. Many of us fit that same description. Bathroom bills make no difference in that event. Most of the time that I am en femme, I am in Washington or Colorado. Bathrooms are not an issue there.

[ClaudineD]

Having used facilities that match my appearance for many years, it is just presentation and obvious conformance to your environment. Take care of business and do not flaunt or linger in an environment that is geared toward "taking care of business"...... Confidence is a key factor....don't make yourself a target.......would your appearance on a genetic women cause a stare....think about it......PRESENT is day to day fashion and I can see no problem.....

[Adriana Moretti]

If anything it makes me want to be MORE visable, so people see we exist ...now I live in the NorthEast and most of the time I am accepted, treated with respect etc...not sure how that plays in Mississippi but here its been fine...I also choose to use BOTH bathrooms just to test the waters a bit ..

[AmyGaleRT]

Colorado's laws still protect me. I use the ladies' room as Amy without even thinking about it. I've never encountered a problem, not even in crowded ladies' rooms in shopping malls and a concert theater.

- Amy

[St. Eve]

Thanks y'all
I really appreciate this thread.
Here in TN the closest Kroger Stores and several restaurants have single person bathrooms (Kroger has a family bathroom.)
That has served me well.
Last weekend when I was in Chicago, I went into a local Jewell/Osco expecting to find the same thing. I surprised myself by turning around and walking the other way when there was just a men's and women's door. I had turned around before I could consciously decide to just go in the women's bathroom. I hope I will get over this in time, and, it was a good laugh at myself when confronted with an unexpected situation, my body just took over before I knew it....

Peace
Stevie

[binair10]

I have been to a function and thought that my drinking (very little) would allow me to NOT have to go to the ladies, but wait until I get back home. However, it did not work like that and I had to use the ladies toilet. Never had a problem at all.
Touched up my make-up after amidst 3 or 4 females without any problems. Would I do it again if the need arose, then yes. Do not worry.

Julie.

[Sarasometimes]

I have always considered using the women's restroom while attempting to blend as a high risk activity so I have always do what is reasonable to avoid the need. I know nearly every Starbucks has unisex restrooms and most salons are CD friendly so those are other options. A little planning, makes my outings less stressful.
I think when dressed as a woman we need to be aware of those around us like woman need to do.

[Lorileah]

we have now moved this type of discussion to a sticky at the top. Thank you all for your comments here