Maybe I dress because girls are extra special?

[Sarah Louise]

Ok, trying to fathom why I dress is mostly speculation, but I observed something recently that makes me wonder.

Two weeks ago, my wife and I were having a pub lunch. There were two young families having lunch together. Between them they had two little boys and two little girls. The adults were making a fuss of the girls telling them how nice they looked in their pretty dresses. The boys were told to be less boisterous. Even me and my wife commented on how cute the girls were. We didn't say much about the boys.

It seems to me that little boys see that little girls are extra special. The little girls get more attention if they are wearing pretty clothes. They can dress similarly to boys or they can put on something nice and get more attention. The boys can just dress as boys.

Maybe my desire to dress (which started aged four) is because deep down, I was jealous of the girls and wanted the attention they got?

In girl mode, I want to be told I look nice. In boy mode, I'm not that bothered.

I don't know. Maybe I'm thinking about it too much, but I do wonder? Anyone else think like this?

[sara66]

Sarah,
I agree little girls get most of the attention. As for me, I think I was jealous of what they wore.
Sara

[Jenniferathome]

Sarah, I think you have the cause and effect wrong. Your average boy doesn't want that kind of attention. When I was a kid and someone said I looked handsome, I hated it. I'd rather they said I ran fast or threw hard.

I think think because you are a cross dresser, you may be more open to your conclusion but I firmly believe that cross dressers are born, not made.

[Sarah Louise]

Jennifer, I wouldn't necessarily disagree with you, but I'm not referring to the average boy. I'm referring to me.

I too wanted to have attention for being good at sports. Maybe I was born to desire attention and my young impressionable mind observed that being girly got you more attention. It's very easy to just say we're born with it and there's probably some truth in that, but I think it's more complicated than that.

[Tracii G]

i think you are stretching it a bit as to why you dress.

[marlacd]

Your observations are correct. I'd say that some boys do need some positive reinforcement in the looks department to bolster their confidence. I grew up in the age where well dressed children were a reflection on the parents. Comments were made about my looks when I was little. But those comments were made to my parents, not me. It made feel like an object, and not a kid. My parents literally had to force me into looking nice. And then sit on me, because I didn't like it. Perhaps if people directed their comments towards me, I might have a different opinion now.

[AllisonS]

Having kids, and growing up with brothers and sisters, it is surprising to see how much personality is already there in the first few years. I told a woman on a plane that her 4 year old son was going to be an engineer. She said, "I know"...

[Sandyhappygirl]

I don't know. Maybe I'm thinking about it too much, but I do wonder? Anyone else think like this?

Yes indeed Sarah I think maybe you are. I believe lots of people on this forum are thinking too much. Life is so very short, less thinking and more doing is my answer, before time runs out for the doing. The fact is you like crossdressing, as do I, so enjoy it. I absolutely love sailing, being the master of the wind is amazing but I don't try to work out why I enjoy it and why it is so rewarding. I like it so I do it, end of. I would prefer to do it in a skirt but unfortunately the North Sea needs a wet suit but at least they can be pink.

Sandy x

[pamela7]

Sarah,
In my humble, professional opinion, TS are born (brain sex) and CD are made (yes I'm being a little provocative and it's more complex for sure). I am sure that deep down the emotional connection and energy given to little girls, to baby girls, compared to the cold upbringing many/most boys have/had could be a huge factor in the development of a desire to receive the same attention. Your point and questions are to me both valid, pertinent and worth appropriate introspection rather than being dismissed out of hand to protect a self-myth someone might have.

Even if it were true that the desire arose this way, it does not invalidate the need, and indeed after receiving enough positive emotional attention maybe the habit would reduce? However, all too often the CD'ing is received negatively, and therefore the underlying need is not met, causing the need to grow. Life, huh?!

[MelanieW]

Hi Sarah,
I think you are right. I was thinking about this just before and was putting it down to how attractive I find the clothes compared to men's clothes. i find women's clothes more attractive and want to feel attractive too. Wearing the clothes is my route to that. In male mode I never feel attractive or good looking.

Melanie

[Sandyhappygirl]

Sarah,
Your point and questions are to me both valid, pertinent and worth appropriate introspection rather than being dismissed out of hand to protect a self-myth someone might have.

Not sure if this was aimed at my reply or others. The point I was making is that people do things that they enjoy because they enjoy them. Only with crossdressing do they seem to need to understand why they enjoy it. This must be because society dictates to them that they shouldn't. Throw off the shackles of conformity and do what you enjoy. There is no need to know why, any answer will only be a theory and never be proven so why waste time giving it appropriate introspection. If you fly a kite and enjoy it do you then sit around discussing why you might have enjoyed flying the kite? Do you heck as like as you could use that time enjoying flying the kite again. Why you crossdress does not matter.

[Raychel]

Hmmmmm, Now that gets me thinking.
As a young boy I was always told to be quite, especially when we were visiting other people.
I hadn't really noticed the girls getting more attention. But it certainly did happen.

interesting avenue for the psychologist to take a drive down.
luckily I dont have one for the time being. I could foresee another hundred visits. :heehee:

[pamela7]

Hi Sandy, no, not at all was my reply directed at your post, not even 1%. I am also all for just enjoying it, but also remember many of us are wondering if we are CD/TG/fluid/ ...? and the need to understand is partly sponsored by other people asking - curiosity at least.

You are right it's the only "hobby" (for some) where people introspect "why?", but for many of us it is not a hobby, it's an addiction-compulsion-obsession, and these do benefit from introspection.

Me being the psycho-log-ist, it's also been my professional curiosity :-)

P.S. Having finally discovered CD/TG my journey into the psycho-social world is over, and I'm giving up that "career"; job done - the introspection had a purpose, now satisfied, and I'm off into pastures new.

[Beverley Sims]

I remember when playing dressups years ago I likes being one of the girls because everyone took more notice of me than the other girls.

[Sandyhappygirl]

Hi Pamela.
Interestingly I know people with 'normal' hobbies that have become an addiction-compulsion-obsession. Especially those addicted to the chemicals released during exercise. Crossdressing gives me a relaxing feeling that I think may be a partly chemical/physical response so maybe I am addicted as you suggest.
Going back to the OP, if Sarah craves positive attention she has come to the right place because she passes way better than most of us for sure!

[Nikki.]

Not for me.

On NPR's Fresh Air yesterday (5/16/16), Terri Gross interviewed an oncologist and cancer researcher about the role of genes in many aspects of humans. They got into the role of genes in sexual preference and gender identity. Since I don't have any background in genetics other that a first level college biology class 25 years ago, I don't want to try and summarize what he said, but it made sense to me. Somewhere along the way during my sexual biology and resulting gender "programming", something went askew; my gender identity is not 100% aligned with my sex. And so this manifests as occasional mild dysphoria which drives me to cross dress.

The interview was definitely worth 35 minutes of my life. My wife listened to it on the air, I listened to the podcast this morning. search on npr fresh air.

[laura.lapinski]

For me, the female power element is something I envy, and I believe it is one factor in my desire to be feminine. Women are so beautiful that we men seek them. They don't have to do much but accept us or reject us. I know they have their own issues to deal with and that they also can become frustrated that the guy they like isn't interested in them, but if they chose to just do nothing, courting offers will still come. Imitation is the greatest form of flattery.

[Confucius]

Sarah,
I can identify with you 100%.

When I was born my mother was expecting a daughter, so I was a disappointment for her. Then when I was just six months old, my mother became pregnant again. This time she gave birth to my sister. My sister was pampered as my mother's little princess. My parents constantly made a fuss over her. And, I grew up thinking that my mother would love me more if I was born a girl. In fact, I believed that all parents preferred girls. Girls were just better than boys. I believed that girls never caused any problems for their parents. Girls were smarter, prettier, better mannered, and therefore treasured. Everyone seemed to make a fuss over girls for their appearance. So by the time I was three years old I was already crossdressing. For me crossdressing was a way I could fix my world.

[Tina_gm]

While there is much social construct, and it is put into us from day 1, still there is normal human gender behavioral differences too. The attention you see given to little girls about their appearance and the envy you feel of it, is from you. Boys generally are not going to get the same gratification from this attention that girls do. Not everything we do, like or grow up to be is from social construct. It is we who are gender variant jump off the normal rail and like the other side. We like what they have not because of what we have or don't have. We like it because it relates to us in a way it doesn't for most other boys.

[sometimes_miss]

I think that if you want to find a reason, and that reason supports what you want it to, you're more likely to find what you're looking for. Take that for what you will.