Janet161
05-17-2016, 10:20 AM
I recently came out to a male friend of mine. I have known this person for about thirty years. Yes, he was surprised. I was really pleased with his reaction. He really did not know much about transgender issues and what life is like, etc. He, on his own, did some research on the internet and he and I had lunch (I was in boy mode) and he asked all these really great questions. He was very sensitive and supportive. I think he is going to be an ally. I told him how lonely I was.
As an aside, I am very closeted, a small number of people are in the know about me. I have many friends as Janet but they are not among my lifelong friends and family.
Anyway, I told him that going out to clubs is fun but its not completely satisfying and that I would like to just be able to hang out with friends. He told me that I could come over to his house to hang out. Again, what a nice thing to offer. So, I have been thinking about this and I feel kind of guilty about coming out to him ( and to the other friends and family I have come out to). In some way I kind of feel like I am using them and burdening them with my secret. Being able to talk to my friend about who I really am and having him be accepting and supportive was so wonderful. I really enjoyed talking to him about that. So why do I feel bad about it? I feel bad because I feel like I am forcing this upon him-or anyone else I come out to.
Why did I choose him, or her or anyone else in particular, to burden with this. I feel like I need to come out to people or I am not going to be able to take it anymore. If that is my motivation, then I feel like I am being selfish. I am doing this for myself and using my friends. Well, that's not good.
Then of course is the question, where does it end. Some of my friends-my new friends-counsel me against coming out to too many people and once its really out there is no going back. I know and I get that and I am careful.
I sometimes hesitate in talking to my friends that I am out too because I don't want to bring them down or burden them anymore-I know I am kind of talking in circles but I just wanted to say this. So there, I said it.
As an aside, I am very closeted, a small number of people are in the know about me. I have many friends as Janet but they are not among my lifelong friends and family.
Anyway, I told him that going out to clubs is fun but its not completely satisfying and that I would like to just be able to hang out with friends. He told me that I could come over to his house to hang out. Again, what a nice thing to offer. So, I have been thinking about this and I feel kind of guilty about coming out to him ( and to the other friends and family I have come out to). In some way I kind of feel like I am using them and burdening them with my secret. Being able to talk to my friend about who I really am and having him be accepting and supportive was so wonderful. I really enjoyed talking to him about that. So why do I feel bad about it? I feel bad because I feel like I am forcing this upon him-or anyone else I come out to.
Why did I choose him, or her or anyone else in particular, to burden with this. I feel like I need to come out to people or I am not going to be able to take it anymore. If that is my motivation, then I feel like I am being selfish. I am doing this for myself and using my friends. Well, that's not good.
Then of course is the question, where does it end. Some of my friends-my new friends-counsel me against coming out to too many people and once its really out there is no going back. I know and I get that and I am careful.
I sometimes hesitate in talking to my friends that I am out too because I don't want to bring them down or burden them anymore-I know I am kind of talking in circles but I just wanted to say this. So there, I said it.