Crossdresser transitioned to transexual?

[platinumdoll777]

Hi girls, I am a crossdresser and I would like to know if most transexuals start out as crossdressers or how did you start thinking about becoming a transexual.
I am thinking I will transition someday. Just curious.

Cheers,
platinumdoll

[JanePeterson]

I used CDing as a pressure relief without ever going any deeper - was just a shame-filledl release for me. Once I got over the fear and shame and stayed dressed for more than a few minutes, it quickly stopped being about the clothing and went way deeper, and the transition ball started rolling out of control.

Not sure if one "becomes" transsexual though- I think it's always there and when it comes out, all the planning and daydreams immediately become a nightmarish struggle to survive (that's how my experience has been anyway)

[I Am Paula]

For many, many years I swore that I was just a crossdresser. It was a combination of denial, and thinking I could find the perfect combination of male/female to quell the dysphoria. I started with panties etc. and that kept the demon at bay for a while, then started going out fully femme, and eventually (before officially announcing transition) I went full time. It was kind of like hard drugs, I needed more and more in order to stay off the ledge. Finally, three years ago I had a messy breakdown, and realized I was not in control of my dysphoria, it was. I had to transition. Now, I realize it was inevitable, and could have happened much earlier (I'm not at all bitter, stuff happens).
I am now a happily transitioned woman, having made the best decisions of my life.
You may find out that you are trans, or not, but I wish you the best on the journey of that discovery.

[Zooey]

A wise women recently said...


I think the right way to think about GD is that it is an impulse that forces many of us to be who we really are supposed to be, independent of societal norms, or we perish. And even if we don't perish, it's arguable that living a life of acute misery might actually be a fate worse than death.

I think that's pretty true. I think it would be incorrect to say we start as crossdressers. Rather, many of us spend a while trying to convince ourselves that's all it is. If you're actually TS, the truth will almost certainly surface at some point. If you're not, it won't. If you're concerned about it, the only thing you can do is really explore your identity and what it means to you, both on your own and potentially through therapy, and don't presuppose the outcome.

[becky77]

Platinum please share your reasoning behind why you think you will transition one day?
As pointed out you don't become TS, you ARE TS however many are lost in confusion thinking they maybe Crossdressers until something happens to reveal the truth.

If you suspect this is more than just the clothes and you question your identity then I won't be the first or last to recommend a Gender therapist.

[Heidi Stevens]

Heidi is singing the same song. For years I thought my cross dressing was just a "tension" release. But I'd always have little nagging questions about the why. I guess for years it was just denile, but after getting a full week to dress as Heidi I realized in 2014 that there was much more going on than just dressing.
So if you don't question your actions, that you love to dress, then you probably aren't transgender. But should you reflect that you do other things or like other things that are normally associated with females, do some reflection or talk to a professional. You may have a revelation that will help you plan a new course to a more happy life.

[Eryn]

CDing is certainly a part of the learning and self-discovery process. Some people find they need to progress, while others find that they are happy on the middle ground.

[LeaP]

I don't know how you are using the terms, so let me explain my experience using them as I thought of them. My context is MTF, so please forgive the one-sided terminology.

For most of my life I didn't use any term for dressing in women's clothing at all. I did it episodically. I didn't label it. And then I promptly put it aside. It was only when the dysphoria deepened (ultimately turning into crisis) that I went searching for a way to understand it. I progressively went through characterizing my behavior as aberrant in various ways, then transvestism (rejected that one early on!) and finally cross-dressing.

Dealing with the need openly deepened the dysphoria and started driving identity and not just behavior. "OK, I thought, I'm a cross-dressER", then later on, gender variant (I mostly used "TG" at the time). The thing is, I was trying to do this in isolation. It was all conceptual. I was always aware at some level that the shoe didn't fit. But I kept jamming my foot one shoe after another anyway. Adding confusion to the identity point was the fact that I have never, ever referred to myself as a man. It was that, in fact, that drove me from CD, as they are men, to TG. And I spent a lot of time searching there for an identity that fit, including all kinds of multiple and third identities, as well as spectrum and matrix schemes.

The breakthrough came when attending my very first CD event. Very nice people and very welcoming. But appearances notwithstanding, I may as well have been chatting with a bunch of guys at a bar. I also had my first in-person meeting with a trans woman, long-transitioned and post op besides. It felt like seeing myself in a psychological mirror. It turned out that she was a regular attendee at this groups' events precisely because someone like me pops up occasionally. And when they do, their experience is identical.

In talking with other trans women, I know this experience is common, although not universal. I can't fully account for it but substantially attribute it to recognizing a woman in a group of men and having it trigger a strong sense of affinity that I didn't quite understand at that point. Meaning that when it happened I FELT the alikeness but did not understand or conceptualize it for what it was until later.

So this wasn't an "OMG, I'm a woman" moment. In fact, I still have reservations about using that term. Yet I am somehow female, and that realization came later ... a lot later. Talk about a clarifying (and at a moment later, dismaying) realization! But that doesn't drive directly into what, if anything to do about it. That path is convoluted in different ways and another topic anyway.

I don't identify as transexual, though I use the word for convenience in a variety of ways and contexts. It accurately describes my medical state, for example. And I'll use it for shorthand to refer to those like me, as I see it, now or prospectively, regardless of where they might be in figuring things out. I identify as female.

[Zooey]

The breakthrough came when attending my very first CD event. Very nice people and very welcoming. But appearances notwithstanding, I may as well have been chatting with a bunch of guys at a bar. I also had my first in-person meeting with a trans woman, long-transitioned and post op besides. It felt like seeing myself in a psychological mirror. It turned out that she was a regular attendee at this groups' events precisely because someone like me pops up occasionally. And when they do, their experience is identical.

In talking with other trans women, I know this experience is common, although not universal. I account for it. I can't fully account for it but substantially attribute it to recognizing a woman in a group of men and having it trigger a strong sense of affinity that I didn't quite understand at that point. Meaning that when it happened I FELT the alikeness but did not understand is conceptualize it for what it was until later.

This. SO MUCH THIS.

Interacting with CDs was a huge part of realizing that I definitely wasn't one of them, just as much as interacting with women was a huge part of realizing that I definitely was one of them.


I don't identify as transexual, though I use the word for convenience in a variety of ways and contexts. It accurately describes my medical state, for example. And I'll use it for shorthand to refer to those like me, as I see it, now or prospectively, regardless of where they might be in figuring things out. I identify as female.

Also this. A million times this.

Somebody recently asked me how I would describe my "sex", as in, do I acknowledge that I'm "male". My response was that both my doctors and I agree that "female, transgender" is a much more accurate reflection of how my body works at this point, and that's about the extent to which I think about a "transgender identity" on any kind of regular basis. Most of it for me is honestly just a slightly worse image of the body image issues I'd have regardless. I hate my head shape (and I AM harsher on myself because I'm trans), but it's almost exactly like my mom's, so... whaddayagunnado.

On reflection, I think that may be part of what frustrates the CDs when I'm in that forum. I'm not usually responding as a cast member on stage at the Big Ol' Trans Show, which is what I think they're wanting me to do. I'm responding as a woman who happens to have a backstage pass and an opinion on a bunch of borderline and/or outright inappropriate shenanigans. Some of them take offense to any woman who criticizes them, some just trans women, and some of them try to dismiss/deny my identity as a woman. Good friggin' luck with that... I'm stubborn, plus I've been undergoing another boobsplosion lately.

[becky77]

Lea I associate with so much of what you say.
The experience of going to CD places and feeling disconnected and then meeting a TS that opened my eyes.

[PretzelGirl]

I was a slow learner, but I always felt I had a sense of my path. When I did my intro post here, I said I was a crossdresser. If I ever said that again, it wasn't too many more times. I went to transgender quickly (using it as the umbrella term) as I think I had that sense of self back then. I started to notice that I differed in dress from my CD friends. I liked to dress up once in a while, but not regularly. I also noticed difference in my tastes of activities. Just doing daily things instead of sleepovers, make-up classes, and wig classes. But one thing that was consistent was that they were my friends and meant the world to me. No separations.

Don't jump too quick on the transition bus. It isn't something you do unless you are ready to pay your dues. If your dysphoria allows, take the time to explore. Live some of your life without any facades, let "you" flow without trying and learn who that person is. If you have to try to be female (which means a lot of things to each person), then think hard about your direction. This is about being real, not about being a woman.

[Badtranny]

This is about being real, not about being a woman.

Um, this is simply brilliant. Please tell me I've said this at some point in the past. :-)

First I'd like to congratulate my sisters for being thoughtful, and not giving the hate mill more grist.

Second, I'd like to tell Plat777 (can I call you Plat?) that she is wading into dangerous waters. The pull of freedom is strong and once you find that cage door, it gets really damn hard to go back in.

Now, you'll notice most of us are of a certain age (except Zooey who is but a child). I suspect that the internet plays an integral part in the late transitioning phenomenon, but speaking only for myself, it was the internet and this forum specifically that showed me the way.

Unlike most of my contemporaries, I did not grow up cross dressing. In fact it never really occurred to me. Probably because I grew up in the deep south and I don't think the girls dressed much different than the boys. I don't remember a lot of dresses, though I did have a fondness for tight jeans and blousy shirts. I guess what I'm trying to say is cross dressing isn't a prelude to transition nor a prerequisite. They are not related.

Let me clarify that, I did indeed cross dress for about a year before I pulled the pin. It was in fact the cross dressing that opened my eyes to a possibility that I had long since deemed impossible, but I stand by my assertion that they are not related because in the months before I turned my life upside down I quit crossdressing altogether as it was just too emotionally difficult. However when I first came here I did not identify as transgender or anything because I was so naive I didn't know the first thing about any of this stuff. This silly forum literally changed my life.

Sue's comment above really sums up what the TS forum is all about. It's about being real. Most of us come here to share our stories about our transitions but the transition path is not for everyone. If you find that it is for you, then there is a world of experience here for the taking. I'm pretty sure there isn't a situation you can dream up that hadn't been experienced by one of these gals.

[I Am Paula]

I can strongly relate to how meeting transwomen changed our course, or inspired us.
Back in the eighties, me, lil ole crossdresser, used to meet up with a group of mixed CD/TS. We'd go to a bar in the gayborhood and chat till closing.
It didn't really occur to me at the time, but we broke into two groups, the TS, and CD's. The conversations on both sides were very different, one being predominately about the external- make-up, clothes etc. and the other was about the internal- HRT, mental issues, relationships, etc.
I found myself gravitating over to the TS side. The importance of that did not become clear for quite some time.

[Barbara Dugan]

I found crossdresing later on life, but knew I was different early on life but always found ways to hide it and suppress it.Crossdresing was a good escape valve, but it got to the point it wasn't enough , at moment I made the decision to transition I was barely dressing.

[I Am Paula]

Crossdressing makes a great band-aid. It really doesn't fix anything, but it keeps us sane for a while.

[Starling]

Amen, Paula! Except it's really not such a great band-aid, as it keeps falling off. This is a very useful thread.

:) Lallie

[Sami]

For me crossdressing was a place to go of sanity for a little time but like many it was full of guilt and disgust at myself but the worst part for me was the sheer disappointment of going back to me. I also met other CDs and groups and each time I tried to fit in I couldn't I realized after many many years I couldn't find a place to fit in within the CD community I am now on HRT and don't feel the need to fit anywhere I am me the happiest and clearest I have been in my life. I have accepted that I am different and special I look at all of this now as a gift.

[pamela7]

Lea, Zooey and Mel have all said it for me. Going to a CD event is as bad as going to a group of English people to speak French; I prefer to be with French people. I agree that a group of men playing at being women does nothing for me.

Being late-onset, the CD did prelude my TS realisation, after about 9 months of full-time dressing. I'm sure this forum has helped me enormously to gain clarity. Undoing a lifetime of male conditioning though, takes its time.

xxx Pam

[Teresa]

Zooey,
No I don't expect you to act that way, I know for me it's not an act it's reality for whatever reason it's what I do to satisfy inner feelings. OK some people at the meetings like to have a few beers,I personally don't take that risk, At the last meeting I had a long conversation with a TS now on HRT and having to go the next stage of dressing full time. She knows my views on transition as you do but we still had a sensible conversation about her wife, children and grandchildren and how they were dealing with the situation.
As I said in another reply we don't wear labels around our necks saying if we're CDers or TSs, we all integrate and chat about female issues as we do about male ones.

Pamela,
I'm not sure what you expected from the meetings, basically ours is just a social group, like most things you get out of them what you put in. I have been asked at some point to give a talk on photography so it will be great to be in comfort zone and talk about something I did for thirty years. For what ever reason we do it, it's unfair to comment that it's men playing being women , you know to most of us it's more than that, it's just that some aren't very good at portraying it.

[Zooey]

Teresa, I think you (and others) do expect me to act that way, because of the things you seem to expect me to sympathize with, empathize with, and accept, primarily because from your (and others') perspective "we're all trans". From my perspective, I think "we're all trans" is more or less tantamount to saying "we're all from the western hemisphere". It's a valid grouping, but not a terribly meaningful one IMO. It's arguably useful for the purposes of collective bargaining, but I'm not even sure I agree with that (though others can and do disagree with me on that).

I'm a woman who happened to be born the wrong physical sex, and from where I sit, we have far less in common than a lot of folks in the CD forum would like to assert.

I'm glad you're able to have conversations with somebody at your meeting, and it's entirely possible that our experience would be different in person.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

The breakthrough came when attending my very first CD event. Very nice people and very welcoming. But appearances notwithstanding, I may as well have been chatting with a bunch of guys at a bar. I also had my first in-person meeting with a trans woman, long-transitioned and post op besides. It felt like seeing myself in a psychological mirror. It turned out that she was a regular attendee at this groups' events precisely because someone like me pops up occasionally. And when they do, their experience is identical.



I had exactly the same experience..

sometimes you have to "just know" and accept it.

[ariannavt]

Hi girls, I am a crossdresser and I would like to know if most transexuals start out as crossdressers or how did you start thinking about becoming a transexual.
I am thinking I will transition someday. Just curious.

Cheers,
platinumdoll


I toyed with the idea of being a CD for a month or two before realizing there was more to this for me. For me it was a brief dip of my toes before just belly-flopping into the pool. :)

I don't think there really is a journey to becoming trans. Even if I changed my mind about transition right now, I realize that I would still be trans. For me (can only talk about myself here) it is just part of who I am. I can ignore it, I can tolerate it, or I can embrace it. Oddly, I didn't used to be aware of it - but once that ship sails I don't know how to get back on board.

[Rogina B]

Also the "closeted" are of one mindset while those that know they have to live it in order to be happy[or happier] are of another. Any "T" gathering proves this.

[grace7777]

When I first started dressing enfemme, I viewed myself as just a crossdresser. I thought that dressing enfemme and going out once or twice a month would be satisfying, but it turned out that it was not. Even being able to spend a few days consecutively dressed enfemme was not enough. It was always depressing to have to go back to male mode. It came to the point that I always wanted to present as a woman.

I never thought I would get to where I am, when I first started dressing enfemme. Now, I am on a path that I seem to have no control over. Transitioning was something that I thought would never happen, but now I find myself thinking how can I make it become a reality.

For me, life would be so much easier if I was just a crossdresser. The thought of transitioning is a scary thought, knowing some of the problems some have faced. Yet, now I am feeling that transitioning will be the only solution that will be satisfying for me. Right now I am very conflicted.

[STACY B]

I like Most did it,, And tried and tried to be just that, A Crossdresser,,,Boy I sure wish it's would have been that easy,, But the more you get into it the worse thing got, I dressed and added and dressed and added and added and added until I finally realized this isn't working,, Genetics Plays a lot in it,, Maybe the ones that just CD do it because they get away so good ,,I don't know, But most NOT all can't pull it off, There is something you can always spot, That one little small thing that just says I am fake and not the real thing.

But for me is was just that FAKE, FRAUD, Not Real, And everyone knows,, And no amount of Makeup, Clothes ,Shoes, Nothing could change it, You gotta understand most or all of us are not women just think of wearing a Halloween costume around for no reason just to make yourself feel good,, Not for Halloween, Not for anything special just wear it, Everywhere,, Go to the store and wear it, Go to pay bills and wear it, Go to visit people and wear it, Out to eat get your hair cut, And not just little girly time wear it when it isn't a time or place, no matter where your at wear some kind of women;s attire head to toe for your own personal gain for no other reason and tell me that you don't feel funny, Well that's the way I felt all the time phony fake out of place in my own skin, I have a Women Brain, Male Hormones, Body, Genitals all male, But one little bitty baby tiny thing in our Brains belongs to the Female sex and Trust me it's enough to Drive you insane to point of no return.

An I'm not saying there are no such things as CD's ,, I am saying that I wasn't one, I tried to jump into the Biggest Crowd I could, And that was the CD crowd and blend but it wasn't for me no matter how hard I tried to convince myself that all I was,, This Trans deal is not a Graduation of the Oldest CD class by no means, It's a whole different sport all together. Kinda like Fishing,, Most people fish for Fun and get enjoyment out of it and seek it out and just Love to go and do it as much as they can as often as they can. Trans is like Fishing for a living, Commercial fishing,, Yea we all have a Boat and we all use the same clothes and shoes and we all get wet and dirty and talk about how Big the fish was and how many we caught and wear we caught them and all end up smelling like fish at the end of the day and all are called fishermen or seamen or sailors, But Most fish for fun, Us Commercial fishermen Fish to LIVE.

Dress a Girl she's Happy for a Day,, Transition the Mind and She's Happy forever,,lol,,,,,

[LeaP]

The "it" being what, Rogina?

[Rogina B]

The "it" being what, Rogina?

Their life as they want.

[LeaP]

I think it better to distinguish need from want and specify both. In fact, the combination is often reversed for transitioners vs CDs. The CD often expresses a want without the need. The transitioner has the need but often resists to the max.

[Marcelle]

When I first wandered to this forum three years ago, I was confused, broken and very concerned for my own mental health. I had no idea what the difference was between a cross dresser and a transwoman. I latched onto to being a CDer early because it seemed to fit as I felt I liked to dress up and that was it. However as things progressed at a very rapid pace and I engaged in therapy with a gender identity specialist I soon discovered it was not the clothes but about being me. I could dress up and feel good but it didn't take long to realize that wasn't it. I could be happy for a brief period of time but when I went back to being guy it was like I was playing a role in effect . . . cross dressing as a man.

So as to bottle the genie quickly and not bore all with details of three years of self discovery :) . . . I realized quickly in meeting with local TG folk that I had nothing in common with those who cross dress as it wasn't about make-up, shoes and whatnot (no offence meant to any CD folk) it just wasn't me. However the trans women who were in the group I could identify with, the same angst, the same desire to be who I was meant to be . . . a woman . . . it all spoke to me crystal clear. Yeah I tried gender fluid but that lasted a few months at most because I realized there was no guy, never was . . . just a societal cloak I threw over myself to prove to everyone that I must be a dude. I threw the cloak out long ago and now I just exist as a woman . . . happy for the first time in 52 years. How do I know I am happy? Because when I see my smile reflected in a mirror or window . . . it is real and genuine. If I look at any of my pictures as a guy . . . the smile is fake and forced.

So CDing was not a stepping stone or some gateway condition to Translandia . . . I was always there . . . just had the wrong passport. :)

Cheers

Marcelle

[Starling]

I thought I was a cross dresser when I joined this website, but in a few months found my true community in this part of the forest. Time will tell if I wasn't better off not knowing who I really was. At least now I have flesh and blood friends who love me for who I really am and are there to help me if my life blows up. I credit this place--and you good people--for giving me the knowledge and courage to reach out for real, and for lifting the curse of shame that has plagued me for so many years.

Now I'm working on the guilt...

:) Lallie

[PaulaQ]

Many of us start out as CDs, many do not. Some of us are aware of this and can name it from an early age, some cannot. There is no one answer here. I know a very large number of trans people now, and I can tell you that while you will find commonality in many stories, they are all different from one another.

As for your own transition, here's a couple of questions to ponder:
1. Are you, at the core of your being, a man or a woman?
2. If the answer to #1 differs from your sex assigned at birth, how miserable are you?
3. Would living as your desired gender ease the suffering stated in #2?

If you answered, "woman", "really miserable", and "yes", you should probably be talking with a gender therapist.

[Nigella]

I guess the OP doesn't really need this thread, despite viewing it, they have not bothered to acknowledge any replies, thread done.