Should I venture out?

[Rachael Warren]

Right, time to get serious!

Well, I have a burning desire to get out in public, I need real feedback to know if I can do it.

There are no second chances for me, I live in a relatively small community and am well known in male mode.

I am out to Family and friends but not to the community at large.

Ignoring the demeanor and voice would this look work?

Sorry if you have seen this picture before, I used it as a test, it is untouched other than cropping, and yes I need better light!

I am very serious about this!!!!!

A few more pictures can be found here.

http://crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=23720

[Megan72]

Go for it, you look great sweety!!

[randi_789]

Rachael, I look at your pics and I see a woman. I know in your mind you see a man with wig and makeup, but believe it, coming from someone who DOES see a man dressed as a woman when i look in the mirror, you can pass. No doubt about it. Just let us know how it goes. Any plans on where you are going?

And can't you go away from your relatively small community? To a neighboring town?

[Rachael Warren]

Rachael, I look at your pics and I see a woman. I know in your mind you see a man with wig and makeup, but believe it, coming from someone who DOES see a man dressed as a woman when i look in the mirror, you can pass. No doubt about it. Just let us know how it goes. Any plans on where you are going?

And can't you go away from your relatively small community? To a neighboring town?

Wish I could, I live on a very small Island!

[womanatheart]

Rachael,
1. You are very passable but there will always be that 30% no matter how good you look that will read us. Lets be honest - we were not given the fem features. So, being read is par for the course.
2. Travel to a different town: Much less stress and probably increase your enjoyability 10 fold. Go to a large, busy shopping center in Manchester or Liverpool where you can mix in.
3. Wear Sunglasses: Ooops you are in the UK. That might take a good part of the year to wait for the sun to come out!!!. (joking) :angel:
4. Really, go out, have fun and there is not a prettier country in the world than England in the summertime on a sunny day!

[Fallen Angel]

honey,you have to do what you think is best,I'd love you to go out and have fun and feel free being your self no one can really answer that question but you.If you can do this i think its wounderfull,But if you have second thoughts dont.Your a great friend and i dont want to see you hurt. Big huggs

[FionaAlexis]

Hi Rachel,

Do I understand that you would be happier to go out if you are sure you wouldn't be recognised? I can understand the 'burning desire' aspect as I have always had the need to go out as a female.

First I think your look is fine but it is a total package thing and most of us are read by some each time we get out.

While I live in an inner suburb of Melbourne - it is a surprisingly village like community. I wouldn't say I'm well known in male mode but I am a pretty familiar face - though there is nothing really distinctive about my features or gait. In female mode, to my knowledge, no-one has ever recognised me - now maybe they just keep quiet about it but I'm pretty sure I'm not recognised. I may be read - but I'm not identifiable. If you think about friends you've walked passed in the street because they're wearing sunglasses or a different hairstyle etc. People do have a specific image of you and they can be fooled by even minor 'disguises' - let alone full gender change.

However it does mean I can't interact with people as my voice would make me instantly recognisable.

However, I think the safest method is to go to another town or city - and certainly when I have the opportunity I go to another suburb where I do feel a bit freer.

Fiona xx

[Julie Avery]

Rachael, you look as passable as anyone to me, but the small island thing gives me pause. If you're super-nervous, you're asking to be made, and if it's an island of 2000 people, that's a tough row to hoe. I live in a town of 2000. Can you do a little thing, do you have self-serve gas stations there, where you pay by card at the pump? Something like that, just to build your confidence?

If the question is, "Do your photos look passable", my answer is an unequivocal "Yes!"

[Tina Dixon]

Your family and friends know so do it, but have a of them go with you so you will feel more confedent, and take a camara, good luck to you and smile and have fun.

[carol ann]

be oh so careful before you do - What do you really want from the rest of your life - you cannot go back once you embark - your whole life will be affected - family, career, friends, home , interests. it is a huge step . from a personal view I would not prepared to risk the loss of my family whatever else!

[insearchofme]

You look very femme, if it makes you feel better start out at night.

[paulaN]

you got a yes vote from me. I'm not sure about going out in your home town though. That could be too big of a step. you sure look nice though.

[DanaJ]

Rachel - first, I want to say, your new look and photos look great! But, you know how we take 10 photos, and then only show one here? Well, going out will be like the 9 photos you don't want to show. When you go out, you cannot control the lighting, you won't have that certain facial expression and smile all the time, etc.

If you want to go out because you HAVE to get out, then I say go for it! But, if it will cause you grief or sadness to hear a bad comment, then don't go.... just weigh all of that please. You asked for real feedback, just trying to give a different perspective :)

[ChristineRenee]

Rachael,

I'm inclined to agree with Fallen Angel and DanaJ's posts here predominately. Only you know ultimately how you feel about this and how it will subsequently affect you. I too had a burning desire to do this early last year after being CD/TG for more than 40 years totally in the closet. I had to prove to myself that I could do it. I went out for a drive just around my neighborhood area at 3am. I decided to stop for gas even though I really didn't need any because I wanted to get out and there wasn't anyone around. The whole time I pumped gas my heart was racing too. Had someone approached me..and especially if it was someone I knew...I don't know how I would have reacted. Generally speaking, I'm really not the sort to go and invite unwanted attention to myself. I'm not even sure I really proved anything at all to myself other than overcoming the fear to just go out...and that was a lot in itself right there for me.

Everyone is different regarding this going out dressed issue....and the larger issue isn't passibility here but rather comfortability...which you have to feel when doing this. The more comfortable you are with it...the more comfortable others around you will be around you. Conversely, if you are real nervous and overly self-conscious...worried about being read...etc. well...that's just going to make it that much more of an uncomfortable experience that you won't want to repeat. Again...only you know you...how important it really is to you...how you can handle any anxiety, any self-consciousness, being read, negative comments and reactions from others. Not trying in any way here to dissuade you either Rach. We have been good friends for awhile now and I just want you to make the decision based on what's in YOUR best interest here...and not because of any coercion either way from your contemporaries here...ok?

Just think it through thoroughly babe and do what's in your best interest here. And above all...if you go out...please be safe.:)

[lynda jane hamilton]

Hi


Like you I didn't know whether to go or not. However today I bought a new outfit (see my new avitatar) of a bright top, black skirt new undies some lacy tights to cover slightly hairly legs, a new pair of courts and a new faux fur suede and fur jacket. go gentle with the makeup lots of lippie and a smile and away I went down our local high street.


I felt a million dollars and know what no one bloody noticed and I am not the most feminine thing on two legs!! The feeling of freedom was fantastic in fact I am still up in the air! It is like a drug there is no going back! When I returned I cried my eyes out as I have been wanting to do it for most of my life. The kleenex have been put away now.

Go for it girl particularly with your gorgous good looks!

My best wishes and my heart are with you.


Lots of love

Lynda Jane xxxxx

[Denise01]

Rchael:
If you look half as good as your picture, you will have no problem passing as the Lady you are.

Self confidence is the big thing you need, and to carry yourself like it is the normal thing to do and you have been doing it all your life.

For the first time out, I would suggest, that you go a distance from home, where the possibility of bumping into some one you know, is extremely remote. By doing this you will be able to build up a lot of self confidence.

The first time i was out fully femme, was when I was on vacation, some 800 miles from home.

I am not out around home,, living in a small village where there are a lot of small minded people, but when i do go out femme I go at least 75 miles from home to a large shopping mall, and also some other stores in the same city.

Another important thing too, is dress for the occasion and as to how the other girls will be dressed. This time of the year, it is very cold where i live, 99% of the girls will be wearing slacks, so that is what i will wear to blend in.

Good luck and enjoy

Denise

[Phoebe Reece]

Rachael,

I voted "Yes" based on your look and obvious desire to get out. In any large place you would be just fine. In your own small community, there is a certain risk of being recognized. I would imagine any "new girl", whether CD or GG, would get some attention in a small town on an island. The question only you can answer is if someone does recognize you, will that present some serious problem - such as loss of employment or prevent you from interacting normally with your neighbors when drab? If that does present a problem, maybe you should wait until you can take a holiday off the island to present yourself to the world at large.

[mskilmer]

Rachael -

Your pics look very nice ... GREAT in fact. The fact that you are out to your family and friends makes me feel much better about you venturing out. You've already passed the biggest hurdle by letting them know, it seems to me. I assume they're all OK with it and are supportive? If so, then my vote is to go for it. Will you be recognized by the locals? You know you will. If you think you can deal with that, and you have the backing of friends and family, you should be OK.

[HaleyPink2000]

Well if I may weigh in on this Sis!

I have said it before , your new look is quite beautiful. You should not have any problems.

Do you have friends you can go with while dressed is a good question????
It's better to go out in numbers even if you do pass. People are not kind all the time, please keep that in mind.

I've been going out dressed to a town 2 hours away once a month since last May of 2005. The TriEss meetings are held there. We go to the meetings or to a local business for makeovers etc. To local theater plays. Never a problem. Not even at local eating places. Never a problem. Some looks but never any problems. It's always at least two of us together. Or Husband CD and a wife. Remember the rules. Go with someone else if possible.

I may not pass real well but I try to be as nice to people as I would want them to be to me. Also I don't listen to teenagers in stores. I've been in a store looking at ear rings etc with my Wife before. Teenage girls will make comments like why the Heck is that dirty old man in here. Things like that.
My Grand kids would have mopt the floor with them for talking about their Grandpa like that. But They say anything to make themselves look better than anyone else to their friends. Even to degrade a Man shopping for things for their wives in a ear ring section. Funny Huh? But I'm forgiving, say nothing just relize that it's just kids.

Have fun what ever you do Sis. If I was there I'd go out with ya shopping dressed.

Haley:)

[Seraph]

You are quite passable if you ask me. :clap: :cheeky: :bs:

[VeronicaMoonlit]

Should you go out? Yes, I think doing so is a good thing.

Do you have to go out? No, it's a very personal choice.

I think DanaJ has said it best, for the most part.

But there is one thing I would like to say, I don't think the unrealistic flattery on passability and appearance I've seen in general (not just in this thread) is helpful. It can lend to certain expectations. We all want to hear how pretty we are, yes, but would telling me I'm pretty and 100% passable when I'm not, be good thing? I think not.

That said, don't let "passability" be a limit to going out.

I do like Rachael's new look, it really is a nice look.


Veronica

[lawnmanmo]

Rachael, I look at your pics and I see a woman. I know in your mind you see a man with wig and makeup, but believe it, coming from someone who DOES see a man dressed as a woman when i look in the mirror, you can pass. No doubt about it. Just let us know how it goes. Any plans on where you are going?

And can't you go away from your relatively small community? To a neighboring town?
YES Randi
The answer that you gave Rachael concerning seeing a women....well I feel that also applies to YOU with out doubt. I have seen your pictures and I can say that you have what it takes to be out and about as the women you are and have no second thoughts that your not passing.
Jerry

[Ashley Helen]

Hi Rachael. My advice would be to think hard about what you want to do before doing it. If you live on a small island in the UK the population has to be small, so:
Can you live with being recognised and outed to the rest of the community? Presumably the family and friends don't have an issue over your cross dressing.
Are there cd friendly places locally?
Could you travel further afield, where you wouldn't be recognised?
Your look is beautiful but looks are only one part of it, walk, mannerisms etc. can all catch us out. Whichever way you decide I hope you don't regret it later.

Love

Helen xx

[Zenda]

Dear Rachel, it looks like your time has come girl. This time of year in Britain it's getting dark around 5, yes? Wear what's appropriate at this time like some of the other girls said, grab one of those friends you're out to and go see a film (in another town if you have to...)

Let us know how you went. All love...

[Stacy Reso]

you look good but if ur really nervous go somewhere where ur not known

[Jennaie]

Rachael:
Going out is a choice that we all deal with sooner or later. If "passing" is your sole objective, be sure that your confidence level is high. Ask yourself this: If I went out and someone looked at me and laughed, how would I react? If your answer to this question is that you would feel humilated and ashamed and want to run into a corner and die, then it's not time to go out yet.
I like to practice in drab in public. I practice my facial expressions, my walk, voice, body movement, etc... I love it when I am dressed as a male and someone callls me ma'am and then corrects themselves and calls me sir. I think you need to give it plenty of time and when you are ready to go out, you will know it. There is no rush.

[MsJanessa]

Right, time to get serious!

Well, I have a burning desire to get out in public, I need real feedback to know if I can do it.

There are no second chances for me, I live in a relatively small community and am well known in male mode.

I am out to Family and friends but not to the community at large.

Ignoring the demeanor and voice would this look work?

Sorry if you have seen this picture before, I used it as a test, it is untouched other than cropping, and yes I need better light!

I am very serious about this!!!!!

A few more pictures can be found here.

http://crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=23720
Darling--putting the question up for a vote on this forum is not going to help you most of us want you to go out because that's what we do ourselves. The question is do you have the courage to do it? You might spend the weekend in a larger city--try going out there to an event that T-Girls might frequent. Like a drag show or a GNO(girls night out) sponsered by the local crossdressers/transgendered group. If you live in a real small town, taking an outing in a larger city would be the way to start.

[deana cd]

Rachel, my only question is why you haven't ventured out before? You are absolutely gorgeous, I don't think you will have any problem at all! Go for it girl, let us know how it works out for you

[Freo_kerry]

Rachael

Last year I had a business trip to Sydney and took the opportunity to have a full makeover and photo shoot session. The trhill of having the girl within being drawn out was great.

After 3 hours, 3 of us we went out for drinks and dinner at a local TG freindly club. Walking up to the doors, booking in nad then being free to walk around the club was a real buzz. The dreaded ladies toilet problem was even fun.

The girls then dropped my off near my hotel and I had to walk into the foyer of the hotel past 2 night porters and into my room. Just looked straight ahead and played the part. I realy wanted to go out again but time and such like stopped me. That was 8 months ago and every part of it is still so vivid that I can still feel he buz.

It was easier having another girl there to walk with me nad give me cnfidence to keep going. Have a look at my avatar, it is from the night out.

Choose a place, choose a freind and go for it. You'll enjoy it for many years to come.

Kerry

[swiss_susan]

YES,

But will qualify that with: only if you feel ready. But you certainly look ready :bs:

Susan

[Laurie Ann]

Rachel - first, I want to say, your new look and photos look great! But, you know how we take 10 photos, and then only show one here? Well, going out will be like the 9 photos you don't want to show. When you go out, you cannot control the lighting, you won't have that certain facial expression and smile all the time, etc.

If you want to go out because you HAVE to get out, then I say go for it! But, if it will cause you grief or sadness to hear a bad comment, then don't go.... just weigh all of that please. You asked for real feedback, just trying to give a different perspective :)


Yeah what she said.

[_Janelle_]

Worse case scenario is that you will get recognized and then you are outed to the rest of the island community. If you can live with that, do it. If you can't, then don't do it - pretty simple really!
From the photo you look more passable than most, however I would base your decision on the worse case scenario. IF you go farther afield, and you get read by people you don't know and will never see again, then no problem.

Good luck and let us know what you decide.

Janelle

[Sam-antha]

I also have lived on a small island (about 15 x 5 miles). More, I lived in a village on that island.
Cars do really enter into it, since folk wave to the car and not to the driver.
Gettng petrol would depend be imposs, I think if there is only one filling station.
Walking out, in summer, given tourists is definitely on for you, daylight or not.
In winter, I would try it given your looks, which are definitely femm.
Much better if you can get off the island and "overnight" (or even just a few hours), at a motel/travel lodge where you can set yourself up..

[Anne Charlotte]

yes

[Sierra Evon]

:clap:

[Jasmine Ellis]

If you feel in yourself that you are ready dear, go for it. You look ready to me but it is still up to you hun........Good luck and have fun, also take care

[Laura Jane]

Its a difficult call. If your instinct is that your life will be hell if exposed to lthe ocal community, then don't do it. We know that old saying you can fool all of the people some of the time and some of the people all of time, but not all of the people all of the time.

If you are in the closet and not wanting to be forceably removed then don't take silly risks on your doorstep.

In a decent sized town or City, a wagging tongue about seeing a man dressed up as woman probably won't come back to haunt the CD, but in a small community it will.

You probably should limit it to walks around a far away places.

On the otherhand, if you really want to tell the world, or see who you can fool, then thats the way to go about it!

[Rachael Warren]

Thanks to all of you for your kind feedback, I am sorry that I can't reply to each individually.

I have been working hard to get this face to look just right, and have been testing it over the many chat and camera sessions that some of us have. My family are also used to seeing me this way now to.

Web cameras are not ideal but they do give a warts and all view in real time and I have been receiving a lot of compliments recently.

I have every intention of making it out into public, it's a case of when and where not if.

I like the idea of going with someone, but I'm afraid it can't really be my wife, too easy to get spotted. Maybe another GG friend?

I have also been getting more conservative clothes recently from my wife, so the overall effect is that of the average woman.

Anyway thanks again, and I will keep you posted!

[Sabrina Flowers]

Judging by these pics and the other ones in the picture forum, I think you should pass if you go out. Weather you would be spotted is another matter.
It might be better to go out on a week day if possible; when there is a possibility of not many people around.
Show us your outfit and look if you do decide to go out. Best of luck and keep us posted.

[Noel Chimes]

My $0.02 is " you'll never know unless you go". So throw your shoulders back, hold your head high, and smile and have fun.

[connie rotten]

I chat with a lot of girls in the Uk. They seem to have a great subculture over there. I would if I were in the Uk. Check out the tvchix chat and make some friends first. i really like alot of the girls i've met there on line.0.02

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Rachael

I chose not to vote, as you can be the only one to judge if going out is right.

It has been said many times you cant put hegenie bak in the bottle

IF everyone knows then it may be easier for you.

I wish you all the best in whatever you decide.

[urban gypsy]

Hi Racheal
Over the last year your look has been getting better and better and as long as your family, partner are happy and comfortable with it go for it,you would easily pass to strangers without a second glance. And I know of the island where you live and if friends already know about you that must be most of the village anyway.
So take your arse in your hand go to the boudior and put on your glam rags and get out there.

[Donna Delite]

I don't know about you but I'd been a closet cd for years until I finally ventured out of house as Donna. I was satisfied dressing at home for years but about a year ago I got the urge to expand my horizon's. The urge was so great that it didn't go away until I finally did it. Once I did though I wanted to do it more, and did. I wouldn't just go strolling around town although many girls do. Try to make your first time a pleasant and safe experience. My first time was a cd house party and I felt very comfortable since almost every one there was a cd. Just make sure you're really ready when you do it, and try not to do it alone if possible. But be warned, because it happened to me, once you do it, you may not be able, or want to stop doing it.

[AprilMae]

From your picture you can go out no problem. whether you should is a question only you can answer. the risk vs reward has been covered here already. It's up to you.

[Rachael Warren]

Thanks Sabrina, Noel, Connie, Shelly, Emelda, Donna and April, your encouragement is very welcome!

I won't dress like this! ;)

Picture from last night!

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=19158&thumb=1&d=1140914091

[Melissa Ryan]

I am crossin my fingers for my lotto numbers Rachael! When I win your here, and we are out! I am with you all the way!:)

[Rachael Warren]

Crossing my fingers too Mel, have my passport ready!

[Trish]

Looking at your picture, you should have no problems, go for it.

[Barb Valentine]

you look great ,go for it:D

[Katie Ashe]

In my dumb oppinion, Your much prettier than most women (GG's) around my home town. Your nicer looking than me... What do i have to lose, go for it :p

[Rachael Warren]

Thanks Trish, Barb and Katie.

[Catherine]

RACHEL, You look lovely, I personally would probably not notice you being different from other wonmen if I ran into you shopping. Infact, that would be my suggestion, I used to feel most comfortable in the women's department. That is a good place to start.
Go for it girl,
Catherine

[Penny]

To me I see a feminine grace

that shines upon a woman's face

Throw away the fears you've faught

You look as though you won't get caught

and if even somehow you do,

would that be wrong, the real you?

[ladyelaine]

Aside from the pictures, which look great, the part about the small island gives concerns. Is it a tolerant small island or not? Can any small island be tolerant enough?
Still, this is not about small islands. I am in what used to be a small town, and one day just walked out the front door. What mattered, and there is no changing this afterwards, is how I felt about others' reactions. My conclusion was that once done, everything else would resolve itself.
In fact, it was a very large step. Then the matter of other opinions and other convictions figured in more than I had thought; not what they thought, but how I felt about these feelings, and preoccupations!!
The idea about the self pay gas pump is possible, but then the questions about who was driving that car?? Good luck to you, I can't get day to day without considering all steps to be prermanent, and asking whether I can do this without reservations.

regards, Elaine

[Rachael Warren]

Thanks Ladyelaine, I understand your concern.

I have been out on many occasions as a man wearing a skirt, both Kilts and the female kinds. I have never had a negative experience.

There remains the fact that a man in womens clothes is a parody, a man trying to pass could be construed to be something quite different!

Time will tell! ;)

[JoannaDees]

Why of course you should! Just an every day island girl ... but don't wear those sheep herding boots!

[Rachael Warren]

Thanks Joanna, of course I won't wear them boots, you know that they are only for clubbing! :cheeky:

Chat again soon.

[rachel-h]

hi Rachel
I was in your position a year ago but finally ventured out. I went to Pink punters at Milton Keynes a great club catering for girls like us. Theres a great hotel directly opposite used by loads of tg's and friendly towards us all.
It holds nights most months and their debutant ball in the autumn being one of the more popular nights specifically held for girls to venture out for the first time ,it is a great night out and i can highly recommend it

Hugs Rachel-h XX

[annekathleen]

A girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.
....and if you venture out, what are you prepared to do?

[Denise01]

This is a most important decision that only you can make.
I have been dressing now for about 10 years, and it was only last year I got the courage and went out fully femme. While I am not totally out, and for reasons can't be around home, I do now go out fully femme, however go about 75 miles from home, so i will have a slim chance of running into some one I know.

I can say, I have never had a bad experience when out shopping femme. Just Last Sunday I was out, looking in a ladies wear store, and found a skirt i liked.
The sales girl, when she saw me with it, immediately asked if I would like her to set up a changing room so I could try it on.

So go out when you feel comfortable and let us know how it went

Denise

[Rachael Warren]

Thanks Rachel, AnneKathleen and Denise, your encouragement and comments are most welcome.

[Sonia_cd]

Honey, you look great! If I were you I'd be living it up every week, enjoying the clothes, the attention and the high! Go for it!

Love,
Sonia

[Rachael Warren]

Thanks Sonia, you are so sweet!

Now for the first weekday daylight outing, how about this?

http://crossdressers.com/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=19405&stc=1&thumb=1&d=1141251006

[Rachael Warren]

Thanks Girls, thats great feedback so far.

I have just dropped my wife and daughter off at the airport, so the gatekeepers are gone!

I wonder...............................

[wendy]

good luck and have fun !!:D

Definitely go for it, but once you do venture out it is hard to stop !:)

[geegee2]

you will never go and get the excitement of going shopping dressed. go out girl and enjoy being who you are love hugs and kisses GeeGee2

[Holly]

Rachael, I know you well enough to know that you will do what is best for you. Just be careful not to over think this. Your friends and family already accept you. Are there others in the town who could negetively impact your life shoud you become known to them? If not, do it!

[Rachael Warren]

Thanks Holly, I have resisted the temptation, the fact it is now snowing may have something to do with it! :cheeky:

I did tell Freya that I wouldn't so I am being a good girl, for now...............

[Kierci]

Open that door step out and keep going, dont bother to shut the door you dont have time you have too many places to go. So GO!!!!!!!!!

[Rachael Warren]

Thanks Jenny, soon hopefully!

[Kierci]

Have you gone yet??? we want a story with pictures.. Where is it girl talk to us we are all waiting to hear about your adventure c'mon now dont keep us hanging LOL :hugs:

[Rachael Warren]

Not yet, my friend had a change in circumstances and had to get another job.

Soon though, we are still planning to make a show of it.;)

[Kierci]

I am eagerly waiting for the details and Photo's Have Fun

[annekathleen]

I only venture out after dark, but I find myself desiring to dress more often, impatiently waiting to come home from work and put on my feminine attire.
Wanting to wear articles of feminine clothing for longer periods of time.
I feel like I'm going through some kind of transformation.