Going out versus staying home

[Tabitha_Sinn]

When I was younger and just starting my crossdressing adventures, I very much had the desire to go out dressed before I had actually taken that step. I was very nervous about it but really wanted to do it. I think I was looking for acceptance as a girl (especially since at the time I was sure that I *wanted* to be a girl.)

It was fairly easy for me to take that step (albeit, nervous!) because I had several friends who were drag queens to go out with as well as the support of my bisexual girlfriend. After going out dressed many times, the magic quickly faded. I had taken that step and didn't find it to be anything all that great. Not like I thought of it in my mind.

I spent some time in the gay bars to watch my drag queen friends perform...and after that I lost interest in going out dressed. It just wasn't any big deal anymore. I rarely find a reason to go out dressed these days. Not because I have reverted into the closet, as the people close to me know I crossdress and some have spent time with me dressed, but because I have come to two conclusions.

1) I no longer have the desire to *be* a girl. Wait....I stated that wrong. I no longer have the desire to be an *actual* girl. I enjoy my time as a man, and find it very convienient to be able to be a girl or a guy to suit my mood.
2) I have come to the realization that I do this for *me*, because I enjoy it. I don't need anyone elses approval or acceptance anymore.

Nobody enjoys Tabitha more than I do :-)

How do you feel about this issue?

[Nikki.]

I feel like a waffle about this issue.

I think I want to go out dressed, but I'm not really sure why. and it seems like a huge pain in the ass for an indeterminate reward. I'm completely out to my wife and can fully dress around her. Which seems to scratch the itch. I think. I was actually thinking about it today. I had the chance to dress and the main thought in my head was "now what? if I went out like this, what additional benefit would I obtain?"

So I dunno. The desire is there, but intellectually I'm not sure what it gets me.

[Yoshisaur]

I'm still in the phase where I still have the urge to go out. I've only been able to take a quick walk outside for a few minutes before scurrying back indoors. I only did that twice so maybe my opinion will change after I have more experience with going out dressed.

[Jenn A116]

I'm not sure this is an "issue". You dress for your self. Nothing wrong with that at all.

[Mylie Taylor]

I can't where I live due to family, but Portland isn't that far, so I drove there removing one piece of boy mode clothing (Mylie underneath) at a time until I was totally en femme. Put on the hair, makeup and big white sunglasses and drove all over the city. It was terrifying and amazing at the same time. I also noticed how much I drive like a guy! I now drive with much better posture.

[Jenniferathome]

Dressing and staying home is a waste of time to me. I prefer social interaction and staying home is boring. It's not about being an exhibitionist nor about getting some rush. I like the normalcy of being out.

[marlacd]

I've seen a few crossdressers out in my town. And I've seen the reactions from others that have read them. It's not pretty. I live in a reasonably large town, but I just run into people I know just a bit too often to take a chance going out. Until something changes, I believe I'll stay in.

[docrobbysherry]

I can't pass at midnite on a moonless nite in a blackout. Yet, I have been going out fairly often for nearly 7 years. I only go out to be with other T's at mostly T friendly venues. I have never felt comfortable out amongst vanillas and I never will.

For me, being dressed and being stressed going to a Starbucks, Dennys, or Walmart is an unnecessary and unwanted burden. :sad:
If you're TS, it's another matter all together. But, I'm simply a CD.

On the other hand, when I dress at home there r no limits, worries, fisheyed looks, no, "OMG! That was a man"s, or condecending attitudes from SA's!:straightface:

Just good, relaxing fun!:heehee:

[Tracii G]

I go out because I want to...... so there.

[Princess Chantal]

I drink the same water as Jennifer, my crossdressing is mainly done to socialize with friends out in public. I don't find it enjoyable to get all done up to relax at home or to go out to do everyday things by my lonesome. However, I do highly respect those that could.

[Nancy Sue]

This is a thought-provolking thread, Tabitha. Thanks for asking as it got me thinking "why I do, or don't do, what I do when I do, or don't dress?".

I do go out dressed, fully, but not as often as I would like. My home area is a "no fly zone" for me (though I have fully dressed at home preparing to leave on a trip). But I do get to dress femme when I travel for business. If I am traveling by plane I am toned down, and definitely pass as my male self (to match my ID), though I am not wearing anything at all that could be purchased in the men's department at any store. And I wear very light make-up. When I am traveling by car (out of my no-dly zone) I am at least dressed femme (like for airplane travel), and often fully female with hair, make-up and all. 24/7 for several days at a time, which of course means buying gas, food, eating in restaurants, shopping and checking in and out of hotels.

I do it because I feel myself to be feminine, female, and "I want to be me" - so these are the times in my life when I get to dress and feel about myself as I want myself to be. As you and several others have said "I do this for me". I am not trying to impress anyone else - why would I, I don't even know them. But I do enjoy, appreciate, the fact that the vast majority of those who see me gender me as female, and don't give me a second look or second thought. I am not sexy or attractive enough that they would have "those" thoughts about me, but when I am buying gas, cleaning the windshield, and such, you can tell if others around you gender you as female, or not.

When I was younger, and totally in the closet (not only to my wife and friends but also to myself), the rare opportunity to dress and be out (always at night, always away from other people, and always out of my local area) was a rush. But like anything else that rush goes away with familiarity - but in this case it is replaced with what I describe as "an extreme sense of satisfaction and well-being". I feel like I can go out, be me, do things, interact with other people, and be part of the world, without having the feeling of being "wrong" that I have felt most of my life.

What a thought provoking question. Again, thanks for asking, as it helped me think through some of my feelings.

[AllieSF]

I agree it is not an issue unless you let yourself or someone else make it one for you. I love going out and do so 1-2 a week. I encourage others who want to go out or are on the fence about it to give it a try. However, if someone just likes to stay at home, that is more than fine with me.

One thing I think is a big factor for some is their home situation and the frequency and length of time available for them to dress or even go out. Not many opportunities to dress combined with a limited time to do it makes it very understandable to dress at home and enjoy what time is available. More opportunities to dress and longer times to remain dressed may lead to some eventual boredom staying at home and a stronger desire to get out of the house. Do what you can when you can. The most important thing to me is to have fun doing it!

[Mylie Taylor]

Out or not, home is a good practice space for dos and dont's. Usually more dont's than dos.

[Helen_Highwater]

I had ample opportunities to dress home alone. What I found was I needed to go out. It just felt the logical thing to do, to take it that next step and develop me as the person. Also staying in would be fine if all I did was dress like any other GG who was just indoors doing the housework, cooking, cleaning or watching TV. But putting on a dress and heels, makeup etc wasn't what GG's do if staying within 4 walls. If I were to dress in that way then it needed to be in the right context.

Add to that wanting to fully dress and by that I mean a coat, handbag etc. then they are outdoor items so it was inevitable that I would one day set foot into the wide world.

Yep initially there's the rush, the adrenaline, the post venture high but that soon diminishes and this is were going out meets a need that Jenifer and Chantal elude to. It becomes a social thing. Meeting other CD's is one aspect of it, meeting like souls who understand you. Another is just meeting the muggles albeit SA's or restaurant staff. I suppose it says, "Here I am, it's me" and (mostly) getting their acceptance.

Also looking back to earlier days, a can still remember taking that 3 hour walk along a long sandy beach at low tide on a sunny day with a slight chill in the breeze (dressed to blend) and feeling that complete sense of freedom and relaxation. No worries or fears, just out enjoying a lovely day. I was at peace with myself and all was right with the world. Now having moved on I can get close to that even when out around the shops. It's just another normal day doing normal things.

[binair10]

If you love to dress and would like to go out... then go out. Nothing to stop you. If you are afraid to go out then do stop at home if circumstances prevent you. We were all very anxious the first time going out, but most of us get (got) over it.

Julie.

[Sara Jessica]

Choosing to go out & about into this wonderful world of ours is of course up to the individual. However, please know that going out alone will eventually get old. Even as one "graduates" from those late night drives or walks in the part (neither of which I can remotely relate to as a so called milestone) to actually mingling with the Muggles, it cannot compare with the joy of friendship.

[Sarah Doepner]

Go out if you want, stay home if that pleases you. I wish I could explain why I'm attracted to going out of the house and into public places when I get all done up. My best guess is it is one more way of validating my experience and desire to present and be accepted as female. I've been getting out more frequently over the last few years and it's never mundane. And it's not always a shared social event, I often am out on my own. So I still puzzle over it and I dress and stay home more often than not, but it's always in the back of my mind when I have everything in place that there is nothing that forces me to stay in my house now, so I've developed a new level of freedom and that's a good thing.

[Teresa]

Tabitha,
If it's been the other way round for years, finally being out the door is great and I find it more enjoyable. It finally gives a meaning to the effort of makeup and buying clothes, I don't hate it round the house but just getting in the car and driving to meet others and feel comfortable dressed to satisfy an inner need has no comparison .

[Tabitha_Sinn]

Tabitha,
If it's been the other way round for years, finally being out the door is great and I find it more enjoyable. It finally gives a meaning to the effort of makeup and buying clothes, I don't hate it round the house but just getting in the car and driving to meet others and feel comfortable dressed to satisfy an inner need has no comparison .

Teresa,

That makes all the sense in the world. *if* I recall correctly, you have reasons for not going out dressed. But I truly hope that you can find/experience what you are looking for :-)

[SamanthaLouiseScott]

I ventured out now and then over the years but only started regular outings when I moved to a job that involved me travelling all over the place. My routine is shower shave, undies and tights on under drab. Pull off the motorway , country road best, change in the car and in real girly mode apply make up in car mirror.

Carry on with journey.

Actually got a wolf whistle and a beep of the horn when I was , elegantly I hope, getting out of the car in a layby.

[susan54]

I have gone out hundreds of times and even stayed for several days in hotels and never had a negative experience - but LOTS of fun. I go out less and less as I no longer feel the need - only once this year including night in a hotel - and I don't miss it. I dress at home most of the time and I have a huge wardrobe. There are no more challenges but is still fun to wear the clothes and much more comfortable. One good reason for going out is wearing a coat and gloves - they look wonderful.

[SamanthaLouiseScott]

One good reason for going out is wearing a coat and gloves - they look wonderful.

now that did make me chuckle because I agree. I have a faux leather jacket with a fur collar. Any excuse to get out there wearing it.

[Petra1]

While I've never gone out socially as Petra, I have driven to work in the wee hours of the morning almost fully dressed. After a while, it just became too much work for too little payoff. Don't get me wrong, I still have the urge to do so but it's only a 45 minute drive and I'd have to change before entering the building (those pesky security cameras). And with the added cameras in the office, there's just no way to extend the dressing during my shift, even though I'm the only one there. I have to make do with under dressing, for now.

There are other things I'd still like to do as Petra but time is just too tight. And dressing at home isn't always an option, even if the wife is away, because of what I want to get done.

My day job does allow me the opportunity to work from occasionally, so i definitely dress then since I'm pretty much tied to my desk and don't have to go out.

[marlacd]

I've been out, and I've enjoyed it immensely. But, that venue closed, and I knew why. I might have thought differently about it, had I known about the various shootings that went on there. That was kept quiet, and it got no media attention. I wouldn't have believed it, but I did see the various bullet holes in the building when I went to re-key the place after they closed it.

[CynthiaD]

I like going out en femme. When I'm at home I'm always fully en femme, and my first motivation for going out was to avoid the trouble of changing just to go to the store. It's so much easier just to grab your purse and go. Then I discovered that I really liked being seen en femme. When stopped at a stoplight, I found myself hoping that the other drivers around me were looking at me. I've been clocked many times, and sometimes that's uncomfortable, but more often than that, I just enjoy the attention. Going out en femme, just to do ordinary things, gives me an enormous feeling of freedom that I really enjoy.

But if you don't enjoy it, don't do it. More than anything, crossdressing is about living your life as you choose. There is no "one size fits all" formula.

[sara.rafaela]

If I dress at home I get bored and put on my male clothes. I like to go out and be seen and interact with people.

[Debra Russell]

Wish I had more time to dress - and go out, the only reason to do it at home is trying to second guess what I want to wear when the opportunity presents it self. I feel a lot like NiKKi on this - too much of a pain in the ass without much reward; Ok I'am all dressed up now what? If I am going to the trouble of presenting "pretty" I want to mingle with the muggles...................................Debra

[SamanthaLouiseScott]

Well Ive been out tonight, and what a mixture it was!

I am near Manchester and its famed canal street, with work. I decided to dress and have a trip out.

I parked my car up and my phone went, a text. Whilst I was sorting that a woman walked past with her other half, looked me up and down and sniggered in a not partic nice way. That was totally sorted within five minute when a very amiable chap started chatting. He wasn't drunk but had had a couple. His best line was "Don't take this the wrong way darling, do you fancy a fcuk" . I wasn't sure whether to be insulted or made up. I went for the latter.

On my way back I was dying for a pee. I stopped and the services, deep breath , head towards the ladies. Some idjit passing by shouted a bit of abuse but once in the toilets whilst reapplying my lippie, a lovely lady struck up a conversation.

The point I'm making ? get out there. Youll get read , youll meet some horrible people but you will meet some lovely people.

[RADER]

I love to dress, but because of my large size, I could never pass as a female.
I also have a Mustache to contend with, and I do not see it coming of either.
I have gone out to a drive through a few time to get something to eat,
dressed in a skirt and top. No one noticed. and I was thrilled.
Rader

[Desiree2bababe]

I was compelled to go out and be seen, especially loved it when I was made by GG's. However today, I would be worried more for everyone has a camera at the ready.

[AllisonS]

I was really bothered by my fear of going out. It seemed irrational. Going out, for me, at least the first two times, was largely about overcoming fear. I did have fun. It was a thrill. I probably will continue to do it. I don't feel as stressed about it, or as needful of it as I did.

A male friend of mine, in a bit of random conversation, said that he thought he was too self-conscious and he had decided he was going to intentionally put himself in "socially awkward situations", in order to help overcome it. We were in a bar in San Antonio. The bar was full of rowdy Spurs fans watching the game against Oklahoma City. I said, what do you mean? Give me an example. Just then, Oklahoma City made a basket and he jumped up and shouted "OKC !!!". Everyone in the bar turned to look. He said, Like that.

[Rachel Anne]

I've been slightly expanding my horizons...a very little bit. Backyard, mailbox and so on.

The one time I decided to try a bit wider I got startled, and went straight home. Not outed or anything, but the moral of the story is if you don't want attention, you need to blend (not something everyone is concerned about, granted), and that means being out when people normally are out. Going out at 3am, even if just driving around, because there's no one around, simply ensures that those who are around (and there is always someone) see you.

[SamanthaLouiseScott]

I've been slightly expanding my horizons...a very little bit. Backyard, mailbox and so on.


Good for you. I think you'll find we have all don't the long walk to the post box in the dark.

I remember in the early 1980s as a 20ish year old, I bought my first decent wig. That was worthy of parading outdoors on its own lol. By coincidence I had bought some lovely sheer stockings that showed up every bit of fluff and hair on my legs. One thing led to another and after careful preparation, a long bath, legs shaved, fully dressed, possibly the best make up Id applied up until then and of course wig prepared to perfection. Jewellery on ,scarf on ,coat buttoned up and brolly up against the rain. I was ready for anything.

I had a 500 yard walk to the end of the street to post a letter. lol

Made me feel good though.

[Rachel Anne]

Good for you. I think you'll find we have all don't the long walk to the post box in the dark.

I remember in the early 1980s as a 20ish year old, I bought my first decent wig. That was worthy of parading outdoors on its own lol. By coincidence I had bought some lovely sheer stockings that showed up every bit of fluff and hair on my legs. One thing led to another and after careful preparation, a long bath, legs shaved, fully dressed, possibly the best make up Id applied up until then and of course wig prepared to perfection. Jewellery on ,scarf on ,coat buttoned up and brolly up against the rain. I was ready for anything.

I had a 500 yard walk to the end of the street to post a letter. lol

Made me feel good though.

My first foray out like that also had to do with the mail..with the car at 3am. I figured no one would be around. Nice, but ordinary outfit, like I had come from a meeting, nothing fancy. Hopped in with my letters to drive a few blocks over to the mailbox.

As soon as I turned the corner, I see a police car, and he starts following me aggressively (3am right? nothing else to do). I forgot about mailing the letters and went straight for home. Just as I pulled in the driveway, he blasts past me.

It's been a long time since I got spooked like that, and it ruined what should have been an otherwise fun moment. Oh well. Live and learn I suppose, and I can make fun about it now, but wasn't fun at the moment.

[SamanthaLouiseScott]

My first foray out like that also had to do with the mail..with the car at 3am. I figured no one would be around. Nice, but ordinary outfit, like I had come from a meeting, nothing fancy. Hopped in with my letters to drive a few blocks over to the mailbox.

As soon as I turned the corner, I see a police car, and he starts following me aggressively (3am right? nothing else to do). I forgot about mailing the letters and went straight for home. Just as I pulled in the driveway, he blasts past me.

It's been a long time since I got spooked like that, and it ruined what should have been an otherwise fun moment. Oh well. Live and learn I suppose, and I can make fun about it now, but wasn't fun at the moment.

That's such a shame. Hopefully you've had more positive experiences since ?

[Rachel Anne]

Not really. Keeping close to the mailbox at home ;)

[Piora]

I've never set foot outside my place dressed. I don't have any desire to. Maybe back years ago when I was in my 20s and 30s I might have wanted to try, but I was a fetish crossdresser back then. I hardly think it would have been appropriate to step out in just a corset, panties, and stockings!! :heehee::eek: