Some of you may have seen this coming...

[Caden Lane]

Some of you may have seen this coming...Alas, I didn't. I had spent a great deal of time deluding myself into thinking that I was "merely" a crossdresser. After several years of therapy, failed relationships, personal frustrations and all the usual drama, I have concluded that the only true solution to the feelings and thoughts I have are transition. I'm suspecting partial transition for the time being; although I'm not closing the door on full transition. I have no interest in men, and am presently in a relationship with a GG. I am not dysphoric concerning my male genitalia, it still serves a useful purpose to me, and I simply have no desire to be penetrated by anyone, for any reason. So equivalent female genitalia would be a moot point for me.

However, living as Cadence really does feel like I'd be living for the first time. I've come to the conclusion that at my next psychologist appointment on June 9th, 2016 will be the day I ask to go on hormones. I'm at a point in my life where if I do not seize the opportunities before me, they will slip away. I wish to do this with evidence of youth still on my side to some margin of a degree. Wish me luck ladies, I'm moving forward.

Ever & Always,
Cadence Lane

[Debra Russell]

Best of everything to you Cadence ... with youth on your side don't let any more time pass, hope all goes well.........................Debra

[pamela7]

good luck, Caden, makes sense to me :-)

[Jenn A116]

Wishing you good fortune on your journey. You seem to have a good grasp on who you are and that should stand you in good stead as you progress in life.

[MissDanielle]

Best of luck.

[Suzanne F]

Good luck! It is a difficult journey.
Suzanne

[ClaudineD]

Best of luck on exploring each step of this journey....for some it leads to total transition, which has been MARVELOUS over last 5 years....we each have a level and just need to embrace that which makes us happy-with good advice along way- chase your needs....embrace whatever level....it you go HRT route always..always...always go with advice, counseling, testing of endo/internist.......enjoy the ride !!!!!!!!!

[Caden Lane]

Thank you Claudine; I do intend to follow the Doctors advice strictly. This doesn't seem like something that one could get creative with.

That said, is there any other advice anyone would proffer as I begin my journey?

Ever & Always,
Cadence Lane

[ariannavt]

Keep an open mind in regards to your transition. Things you expect to like now, you may not like after you are on HRT for some time. Conversely things you have no interest in now may suddenly become important to you. Just try not to hold that door of denial closed and listen to yourself. :)

Congratulations on taking this step!

[Brooklyn]

I never know what to say... "Congratulations" doesn't seem quite right to me. Maybe "Welcome to Thunderdome" better fits the situation? Two go in, one comes out - and probably with some serious wounds.

[Caden Lane]

Thank you Arianna and Ashley:
Arianna: What would be some examples of things you liked and now don't and vice-versa? Why do you feel the HRT impacted those likes/ dislikes?

Ashley: I do like the Thunderdome analogy... I am certain there will be pain and wounds. I've already suffered enough loss, and that is only due to coming out to women who I cared about. I've yet to come out to family and friends.

I recently posted a thread in the Transgendered forum where I announced that at my next meeting with my psychologist, I am going to request hormones to begin my transition. I've come a long way from when I first started lurking here on the forum to when I started posting. At one point I was simply content to occasionally dress in lingerie, more-so because I was only able to. Then I began to yearn for more.

Then I divorced, eventually entering into a relationship which was nurturing and understanding. I began to dress more and go out as Caden. As that relationship progressed, I began to be more aware of who I was. My relationship ended because she too was becoming aware of where those feelings and thoughts may lead.

A few months down the road, and here I am, ready to move forward. I did not say I decided. To me there is no decision to make. I can accept who i am, or deny it. But I am a woman, not a decision. This is something that's been ingrained in who I was since birth, demonstrated itself as early as three years old, and has been symptomatic my entire life. It is time to move things along, and stop dragging my feet. I'm only growing older, and I must do this, before I get too old to truly enjoy my womanhood, and before I get to an emotional breaking point that I feel welling up in the very essence of who I am.

It's Cadence's time.

Ever & Always,
Cadence

[vinette]

I will say congratulations and best of luck. You are about to do something that most of us only ever dream of. I am certain that I speak for many others here when I wish you the best.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Cadence :hugs: , I would like to wish you all the best in your new life's journeys:love: and

May all of your paths be covered with rose petals and sunshine...:daydreaming:...

Please keep this thread going with updates as you move along .

[Mollyanne]

I will not congratulate you for the simple reasoning that you have come to this decision on your own after years of trying to come to some sort of compromise. I think you have come to accept the fact(s) that you will truly be happy when you have attained your goal; WOMANHOOD!!!!! The road ahead is NOT PAVED WITH GOLD, but it is paved with promise. Never let them see you cry!!!!!!

Molly

[Kaitlyn Michele]

i would say that in the short term you can work to balance your relationship focus vs your gender focus..

Alot of your situation seems driven by the relationships and in my not so humble (heh) opinion, you can take good care of yourself and don't let your gender situation get caught up in a rebound.

transition is destructive and consumming...its hugely challenging for others, and loved ones especially..and compromising is not a good strategy, you will have to overwhelm their doubts with actions..
the results can be dismal to wonderful and usually lots in between... plus you can't control everything so you have to really work hard to control what you can..

i think you are doing the right thing by exploring and getting out there, thats huge. What are the nuts and bolts of your plan?? Is it start HRt and see? I think that makes sense but you shuold also be considering long term things like hair removal, overall health, job situation etc...

[Robin414]

I wish you all the best Cadence, and thank you for sharing your story, I find it inspirational!

[ariannavt]

Arianna: What would be some examples of things you liked and now don't and vice-versa? Why do you feel the HRT impacted those likes/ dislikes?

For me? Here are just a few:

I had no intention of transitioning when I started on HRT. My goal was low-dose, changes as minor as possible. The goal was to make myself feel better, but to essentially continue hiding. Several months into HRT and I decided I wanted more changes, and my dosages increased. Several more months, and another increase. I'm coming out at work/publicly a week from today. Heading towards part-time presentation and now have a general idea of full time before the end of the year... I could probably link this to slippery-slope, but honestly I think the process of HRT and changes made me accept myself more, and let me start honestly ask for what I wanted. The easiest person I've ever lied to is myself. Even when I knew I was lying, I still somehow was able to do it. It's not the same anymore.

Through this process I also discovered that I am pansexual. I suspect that I always was, but I wasn't willing to consider the possibility that I liked men prior to HRT because I couldn't see myself as a woman (yes, I know there was some internalized phobias there that I'm not happy to have to admit to). Now my sexual expression and interest is so much more varied. Or, maybe, HRT really did open up sexual doors for me. I really have no idea other than not really liking the idea that sexuality could be changed through the change in hormones.

Here's an inexplicable one. I used to HATE tomatoes. A year ago I would have turned up my nose at the mere thought of a raw tomatoes. I now love them. Especially grape or cherub ones! Yum! I have no idea if this is a function of age and taste changing, or HRT.

Mostly everything over the last year has taught me to be willing to pick things up, examine them with a fresh eye, and try to decide if I like them or not without being influenced by the past. :)

[PretzelGirl]

Cadence,
Here is my advise. By you and let every bit of you flourish. You can't control other peoples reactions but you can allow yourself the freedom, no matter what other people's judgements are, to be every bit of you that you wish to be. We don't do this to hold ourselves back once we complete transition. Be as 100% real (and you just might find more acceptance too).