Crossdresser VS Transitioning

[platinumdoll777]

Hi girls, I think the advantages of crossdresing is that you can date women when you want and when you want to dress and focal on you femme side you can do that as well. If you transitioned you would be limited as to dating men or tranny women believe. I am not sure about that but that's is what I think anyway.

Otherwise I would consider transitioning but in that case I would have to be a tranny lesbian with gg women or other trannys. So I believe in my case crossdressing would be the way for me to go. What do you think?

Cheers,
platinumdoll

[JanePeterson]

speaking for myself here...

transition isn't something you "consider" or ponder over like going to college or changing jobs... its like jumping out of a burning airplane with no parachute.

you don't jump out of the plane because it would be fun, or because you don't like the meal choices, or because the people around you are annoying... you jump out because YOU ARE ON FIRE and there is no other way to escape being consumed.

transition potentially jeopardizes every single thing about a persons life, from their closest relationships, careers, housing, even their lives.

you have to NEED it more than everything else in your life, exhaust all other options, and THEN decide if the fall from cruising altitude is less scary than just burning up. Potential dates would fall into the "kid behind me kicking my seat" kind of problem... not really a big concern when deciding if you'll be bailing out of the plane or not.

just my $.02 - Oh, and i'm about 1% into my transition just for the record. Long way to go yet.

**edit - important to note that being 1% transitioned is the happiest I've been as long as I can remember - its not all flaming wreckage

[docrobbysherry]

I think finding a GG to get involved with an openly trans person will be difficult. My suggestion would be to date without mentioning it. Then, if it looks like u both may be getting serious, let the cat out of the bag!

The last time I dated a nice woman, I didn't mention it. After a few dates she began to like me but I knew we weren't going anywhere. So, I told her at her home as we were getting comfortable. All she could say the rest of the evening was, "I can't believe it. I just don't know what to say!" :eek:

[Stephanie47]

Since I'm a plan vanilla cross-dresser, a guy who likes to wear women's clothing on occasion, I really would not want to toy with the idea of transitioning to womanhood. Maybe it would be great to have an accepting wife or a girlfriend to "girl around" with whenever she or I desired. However, transitioning is a serious subject. I know of a sixteen year old who is undergoing the mental anguish and everything else that encompasses trying to figure out who is may be. And, my wife has a cousin whose daughter is transitioning to being a man.

In both cases I think both would have preferred to have a more conforming life. Me? As a cross-dresser I can slip back and forth to fulfill any momentary desires. That's not what transitioning is all about.

[Jenniferathome]

If this is what you think, you are not remotely a candidate to transition.

[phylis anne]

hmm compared to others here I am way out of my league on this but if you read the many threads members have posted transition has been a real bear ,my own situation is that it would be very devastating to my family to do so in many ways so i dress I keep it just girly enough to please my inner self and not cause issues in the family unit and with medical hrt most of the changes are permanent breasts for example ,so if you feel the need to express your male side ,it might be awkward with the girls present,in my own case I have a small set of the girls which i can pass off to the curious as gyene comastica I am 61 so this plausible age wise basically i am saying if you cannot go the distance many others here have it would be unwise to start MY APOLOGIES to others on board here who have transitioned and know and have experienced far more than me at this point .
hugs phylis anne

[Megan G]

If that's what is holding you back from transitioning, what dating options you have after transition than one of two things is happening here...

1. Your not TS, you fall somewhere else within the spectrum and have no need to transition.

2. You may infact be TS and either not fully realized it yet or have not gotten to the point of transition being a must do..

Transition is about one thing, and one thing only.... Being true to yourself and living life authentically.. No secrets and no closets.

If I remember correctly your 72 years old, I think at that age I would be less worried about dating and making the best of my life..

[Sallee]

If it is something, transitioning, your are just considering don't forget the down side. A third less pay and thats minimal, the alienating lots of old acquaintances maybe. there is no going back at least not easily and the great expense. I am sure there re many more reasons too.
I have never considered it but thats me I have spent days enfem and after about 4 days I am ready for pants. good luck on your decision not something to be taken lightly

[Piora]

An online friend here on this site started off with the belief that she was a crossdresser. As time progressed, she discovered that she was in fact, trans. But, Platinumdoll....there is no choice here. Why do you think you can simply choose? Either you are a crossdresser or you are a woman who wants to transition. Those who transition already know they're women. Transitioning is simply the next step. But you are who you are. Weighing the advantages of one over the other really isn't particularly constructive.

[pamela7]

"what Jane Peterson said" - it's not a lifestyle choice like a boob job.

[TSKimberly]

Weird. I have always thought it was a choice to transition. Anyway... I don't believe transitioning or not affects dating prospects. Can't see why that'd be a factor.

[Piora]

Well, the choice I was talking about was between being a crossdresser and a transsexual. Of course it's a choice on whether or not to transition.

[flatlander_48]

If you transitioned you would be limited as to dating men or tranny women believe.

This is not the case. Sexual orientation and gender identity are not tied together. A person of any sexual orientation can have any gender identity.

DeeAnn

[sometimes_miss]

Otherwise I would consider transitioning but in that case I would have to be a tranny lesbian with gg women or other trannys.
See, that's one of the big, big problems. There are a number of MTF's that would transition, but know that there are basically ZERO GG's who could ever accept a MTF TS as a mate; you're basically sentencing yourself to a lifetime with no intimate partner, unless you're into men. Lesbians want real GG's, other GG's want real men. The only market for MTF TS is males, and those basically just want sex, not any kind of relationship. The number of women who will accept a MTF crossdresser is virtually nil; the number who will accept a TS is even far less than that.

It's a tough life, no matter what we choose.

[Megan G]

you're basically sentencing yourself to a lifetime with no intimate partner, unless you're into men.

OMG like really? The last time I checked I am married and it is to a woman, and there are a few others on here that are married to women.

Is dating tough after transition? I have no experience with that (and hope that I never do) but the few people I talk to yes it is. But that does not mean your going to be sentenced to a lifetime without a intimate partner. It will most likely be more difficult finding one but it's not impossible..

I would much rather live my life authentically and alone than be in a relationship and have to hide my true self as you are still alone.

[TSKimberly]

I would much rather live my life authentically and alone than be in a relationship and have to hide my true self as you are still alone.

Have you ever been alone for a long period of time? And I mean, literally, no one; no family, no friends, etc, for several years? I have. Not worth it. I'd much rather hide and have superficial friends than go through another decade of it.

[Alexa CD]

I have a question for everyone. This thread seems to too similar of a topic (almost in title only) for me to start my own.

In my username (for crossdressers.com) you'll see I wrote "CD", now I haven't been to a therapist or psychologist yet and have sort of half self diagnosed myself as gender fluid for now even though I am as certain as I can be that I'm transgender and have been transitioning in my own little uncertain way for some time now. The reason why I wrote CD is because I think I am on that level right now, where I am essentially just physically male but dress in woman's clothing regularly. Is that correct, am I a crossdresser for now or should I be referring to myself as something else (like trans)? Although I more or less understand the labels I don't like them very much.

(Also "tranny" to me is in bad taste)

[Piora]

Time, it seems, is the key to that question, Alexa. I have mentioned in other posts, about someone I was friends with on this site, who thought she was 'just a crossdresser'. After a while, she realized that it was much more, and she was actually female inside. Transitioning was the next step for her. So, maybe don't worry about labels for now. Just be you, and things will eventually fall into place.....that's what I believe, anyway. I'm no therapist, and certainly no expert, but from what I've seen, the right choice will show itself in time. Don't be in a hurry to 'define who you are' .....just be happy being you....right now. :hugs:

[AllisonS]

The number of women who will accept a MTF crossdresser is virtually nil.

I used to think about that. But I think there are more GGs open to it than you may realize. If someone loves you, they love you as you are. A woman that freaks out about CDing, is someone that wouldn't dig me anyway, for reasons unrelated to gender expression/ID, so I don't really feel the population is narrowed, for me. Its the women that are open to it that I'm interested in anyway, not because they are open to CD, but because they are open to life, as it actually is. Finding love can be hard, no matter what your circumstance. There are plenty of "normal" people that struggle to find love. I'm not suggesting that being CD doesn't throw a curveball into the dating scene. It does.

[Alexa CD]

Thanks Piora! That's such a good answer! I really appreciate that, it can feel like a rush alot of the time, and maybe it is a little, there's alot of "you are or you aren't" so I get a little caught up in that sometimes. I often get the impression that everyone should just pick and choose and be following a specific timeline or sequence of events and forget that we're all different and we all have our own unique situations. We're not so easily definable by labels or other peoples opinions and standards.

Thanks again,
Alexa

[JanePeterson]

There are a number of MTF's that would transition, but know that there are basically ZERO GG's who could ever accept a MTF TS as a mate;

Stay on the burning plane cause it doesn't look like there are people down below that would like you? I don't think so!

[MissVirginia-Mae]

Im transitioning to a woman full time very soon and fully expect to date either men or women because I am bisexual.
Its going to be about what feels right to me.

[Ressie]

I think there are many crossdressers that have pondered and maybe even examined the possibility. At least at a younger age confusion about gender is pretty common for many that fall within the TG spectrum. Mabye some of us still aren't sure. After all, we are all unique.

[Zooey]

The OP and many of the CD responses to this thread are so emblematic of everything that I've been talking about lately that it's staggering.

[Alexa CD]

Elaborate in my case Zooey? If you'd like.

[Zooey]

Alexa, I actually wrote that last night and apparently my mobile browser didn't submit until this morning when I reopened, which caused me to miss your post (and a few others). I've clarified my original post a bit, but...

Define what identifying as "transgender" and "transitioning in your own little way" mean to you.

[Lorileah]

Oh wow. And I thought the semantics fight of CD vsTG was inflammatory.
This thread is going to get bloody....quickly so walk carefully

OP. You don't have a clue what TS is. But you are new so we'll let it slide. Might be a REALLY good idea though to do some background research on being a TS and why people are TS. And you really need to get over the If you are a man you have to date a woman or if you are a woman you have to date a man. You date/ marry who you love, not the gender.

Which brings me to TSKimberly. Whose name implies she is TS. I hope it was a typo when you said it WAS a choice and we CHOOSE to transition (here we encompass all phases and transitioning isn't the GRS...it is being TS even if you don't do surgery or hormones). You scare me. You say you are TS and then say stuff like that? Maybe the TS stands for a physical location like "The South"


Things like this are why I suggest using the search feature here so you don't jump into the shark take with an open wound then wonder why they are circling you.

[flatlander_48]

Useful terms:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?162497-Some-Common-Trans-Related-Definitions-and-Abbreviations (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?162497-Some-Common-Trans-Related-Definitions-and-Abbreviations)

DeeAnn

[Martha G]

Well I thoroughly enjoy dressing as a woman. When I do I become Martha and I have become very feminine and am trying to perfect my walk.

I enjoy at that time being a woman.

However, I would not transition. I still like my male self as well.

If I wanted to become a woman full time I would have noting but women's clothing and accessories and dress and act as a woman full time.

[Alexa CD]

Oh ok, you know I'm just curious, I like to ask questions and hear, or read peoples thoughts on things.

I'm going to try to be brief. Transgender is essentially not identifying with my assigned or physical gender, so for me I am mentally (and spiritually I guess) the opposite sex, female. This isn't something that I have decided, it's not a choice and for as long as I can remember I have always felt this way. For me, while I have always in some way known, it had taken me years until I truly figured out what was going on. I have at times been in denial and experienced confliction. I experience BDD and dysphoria related to this daily. That is more or less (less) my personal definition of what transgender has been for me so far. (I think I slightly misread your question, I in a way incorrectly don't fully identify as transgender, but slightly less, not as in undecided but as in uncommitted)

Transitioning in my own little way. My mind is my worst enemy, I am always second guessing myself or not taking myself seriously when it comes to being transgender even though I have strong feelings about it. So rather than take action, see a gender therapist and begin what is generally referred to as an MtF transition I have continuously put it off by essentially trying to ignore myself, which has had drawn out negative consequences. So what I have been trying to do is express myself and relieve some of my feelings by giving in to my inner self to a degree. It's not HRT, and so it's not much but it's what I'm capable of right now.

I see alot of transgender people say that transitioning is an easy decision and if you can't just make that move then you're not transgender. That to me is not true.

[PaulaQ]

So there are so many things I could say about this thread. Really there are. But I thought I'd start here, with this rather dour and oft repeated sentiment:


There are a number of MTF's that would transition, but know that there are basically ZERO GG's who could ever accept a MTF TS as a mate; you're basically sentencing yourself to a lifetime with no intimate partner, unless you're into men. Lesbians want real GG's, other GG's want real men. The only market for MTF TS is males, and those basically just want sex, not any kind of relationship. The number of women who will accept a MTF crossdresser is virtually nil; the number who will accept a TS is even far less than that.

Against my better judgment, I have become one of the lead organizers for a large, long running CD / TS meetup group in Dallas. It has several hundred members, and has sort of filled in where Tri-Ess and the metroplex cross dressers club used to be - neither of them are really around anymore. I intend to do what I can to make it a better group, events have been a little sparse in the group lately.

So we got the following request from someone who wanted to be an organizer in the group. I'll just let you read excerpts from it, and you can judge for yourself the truth of the statement I quoted above from the thread. I also want to point out that I know several trans men and trans women who have cisgender women partners. See for yourself:


I'm a genetic girl who loves CD's and TG's. I just joined the Meetup group, but I have been organizing CD/TG activities through *******. I would be happy to organize more fun girly things to do.

There are many female dominants who enjoy crossdressers and trans girls. It's their kink...as it is one of my biggest kinks. I have found many lovely and amazing people through ******* and I found the CD/TG groups and started getting involved. It has been some crazy, intense fun, so far.

I've been giving makeovers and taking gurls out en femme for their very first time. We go shopping, go to Station 4..

...but to be honest, this is way more than a fetish to me, now. It's a community of amazing, creative and open minded individuals who I'm thrilled to have as friends!

You be the judge.

[Zooey]

I see alot of transgender people say that transitioning is an easy decision and if you can't just make that move then you're not transgender. That to me is not true.

That is an unfortunate misinterpretation of what most of us say. I've never known anybody, including myself, to say that transition is an easy choice. We simply say it's not really a choice. The so-called choice is often between transition, a lifetime of unbearable misery, or death. Transition is not an easy thing - far from it - but when those are the alternatives, there really isn't much of a choice at all.

Okay, so, I would not say that you're transitioning at all. You're in a state of trying to avoid the possibility/realities of transition. I get that. No matter what the conclusion, please see the therapist. Keeping all of this bottled up is never healthy.

As to your identity, I will only say that I worry a bit about people who identify as transgender. Transgender is an adjective, and it applies to me, but it is not my identity. I am a woman, who happens to be transgender. I would always encourage anybody to think primarily about who and what they actually are, not the adjectives for the way in which they are it.

People get focused on HRT and physical changes. They're visible, and for a lot of people (myself included) they're a really big deal and carry a lot of weight. That said, if you ask most people who have transitioned, the mental/emotional/etc. adjustments and changes are by far the most significant, and the most challenging. Some of them are tied to HRT, some of them are not. The most important transition is the one from living a life of shame, hiding, and lies to living a life full of openness, honesty, and genuine happiness.

[Nigella]

The original post was about cding and relationships vs TS and relationships, some have taken this to be cd vs TS and taking it off topic. Thread done.