Slamming a brick wall

[TSKimberly]

So...

I've done a lot of stuff over the past few years. Bought lots of clothes, worked on voice, learned to walk, mannerisms, been watching YouTube for doing make up, bought the crappy wig at the Halloween costume store, bought the "okay-ish" wig from the actual wig store, researching ways to get my own hair better, taking FAR better care of my nails, lost half my weight, practicing shaving til perfection (except a few spots...) etc. for the physical modifications. Every one who knows me calls me "Kimberly," some variation of that, or my last name (although, debating whether to get another name....).

I'm "living" as a female already roughly 50% of the time, and will go up to 100% some time in the next year or so. But I'll expand on this. I'm DRESSING 50% of the time. "Living" 100% of the time already.

To me, the obvious next step is HRT. But... Can't do it. Simply, I've no access to hormones, and not sure how to get any. I've heard of people going into WalMart or Walgreens and buying some pills that do it. I'm not gonna do that, because I failed my single biology class I had back at high school, and have never even comprehended chemistry in the slightest. So, I'm not entirely sure what to do to take the next step.

I've been at this step for the past few years now and it's wearing me down. Makes me want to give up, despite seeing HRT as the last or second to last step I'll be taking.

Any ideas on what I should do? How to force the next step to start even?

[Megan G]

Ok Kimberly,

There is an age old saying used on here of "don't transition unless you have to" but I am not going to dig into that or say it to you. Only you will know if it is a MUST, not a WANT....

With that said if you feel the next logical step for you is HRT there are two ways to get to that step..

1. Go see your family doctor

2. Go see a therapist trained in gender issues.

But keep in mind either or both of these people will likely send you to a endo to supervise the administration of them. My suggestion is to start with the therapist, with some of your past writings I would strongly suggest to start there..

[TSKimberly]

Well, that sucks because I don't have access to either, and won't have access to the latter the rest of my life.

Also... Did you just tell me to see a therapist because you disagreed with me in another thread? What?

[Karren J]

+1 for Megan's advice.

The single best thing you can do is see a therapist or psychologist. that is where you need to go to begin.

[Zooey]

Well, that sucks because I don't have access to either, and won't have access to the latter the rest of my life.

Also... Did you just tell me to see a therapist because you disagreed with me in another thread? What?

Whether Megan disagreed with you or not, I'll tell you to go see a therapist because it's generally a rather important part of the process.

Why don't you have access to either? Particularly, why won't you have access to therapists for the rest of your life?

[Megan G]

Yes, I did say that some of the stuff you wrote in other threads does make me think that you could benefit from a therapist to get to the bottom of it all. I am not saying that to offend you, HRT is a life changing step and my hope would be that before you started that you go into it with a clear mind and an eyes wide open approach. It would only benefit you in the long run..

With that said if you don't have access to either (doctor or therapist) maybe search out a local LGBT group or trans group and talk to some of the ladies there. Maybe there are some local programs or options available to you.

I don't think you have ever stated where you are located or what your age is. The only thing I have seen is mention of living with parents and not being able to afford stuff. The more we understand the better advice you will receive...

[jentay1367]

There are some really strange disconnects here. A Therapist may help you make sense of what's going on. Good luck.

[TSKimberly]

Zooey: No insurance. Thus, all the therapists near me currently are so far outside my price range that even negotiating a lower price wouldn't help. I'll be moving in either August or January to a location that has no therapists within 100 miles, and no therapists specializing in gender and trans-stuff within 350 miles. A year after that, I'll be moving again and will see both those numbers double. Now, I'll easily admit that I can't see the future, specifically immigration and population movements that would effect where therapists/psychologists go, but I have reasons to doubt any will be near me.

Megan G: I believe my mind to already be clear, and my eyes already open. Tried several LGBT groups near me. They all told me to leave though, for various reasons. One said I wasn't "transgender enough," another because I didn't share the head person's political views.

jentay1367: Where are there "disconnects"?

[jentay1367]

How old are you, Kim? Where do you live? The disconnects come from your being what appears to be purposely vague in your answers. Sort of a riddle me this kind of attitude. Why is this? I would urge you to be clear here if you really are seeking help? Many of these women could help you sort things out. But only if you're willing to be clear about your situation. If you are, their experience could help you traverse your situation. But this obtuse kind of communication won't probably give you the kind of answers you seek. Lisa

[Zooey]

Okay, I mean no offense by this, but here's the deal. If you feel like your "mind is clear, and your eyes are open" and that you need to transition (including HRT, etc.), then you need to fix your life situation. I don't know if it's because of your career or lack thereof, being underage and dependent on your parents, or what, but it doesn't matter.

You need to get insurance. You need to live somewhere with access to appropriate healthcare, both physical and mental. Where there is a will, there's generally a way - most people just aren't willing to do what it takes to go down that road. If you need to transition, do yourself a big favor and start adjusting your life to allow you to deal with it effectively.

[Heidi Stevens]

Kimberly, please do not become discouraged or think that we are attacking you in any way. We all want to help you find yourself and your life's path, but you got to be straight with us. If you live in North America, the only way to get further help is to go through a professional like a Doctor or Psychiatrist. You can find us very helpful if you take our advice seriously, but if you continue to balk at answers we give and talk in vague language, we can't help you help yourself.

Take every ones advice and take that first step and contact a professional to get you on track.

[TSKimberly]

jentay1367: Past experiences taught me to reveal as little as possible. All information one lets loose comes back to be used against oneself eventually. Sorry.

Zooey: The job I want to do for the rest of my life (and the only one I could really tolerate) is just going to end up placing me extremely far away from lots of things. I'll have access to standard/basic medical care, but that's about it. So... Now I'm seeing my situation this way... Job or transition. Don't know which I'm willing to give up.

[Zooey]

There are other jobs. There is only one you. If you don't know which one is your priority, that is another excellent argument for therapy.

[arbon]

Since you seem to dismiss everyone's good advice, I'll give you some bad advice - there is a lot of information out there on the internet you just have to take a few minutes to google it. Learn everything you need to know how to do it yourself, that info is easy to get if that is what you want.

[PaulaQ]

I'll be moving in either August or January to a location that has no therapists within 100 miles, and no therapists specializing in gender and trans-stuff within 350 miles. A year after that, I'll be moving again and will see both those numbers double.

Choose a different course of action. This sounds privileged, and it is, but you need to find someplace to live with appropriate medical care if you are going to transition.

Where are you exactly? The group I run would not be so judgmental.

In my area, with a 9 month waiting list, you can get on HRT for ~$150 plus the cost of the hormones, which are cheap. ~$100 / month. Without a waiting list, you'll spend ~$200 on a therapist, (some work on sliding scale), $150 on a doctor, $110 on labs, so less than $500 and about a 4-6 week wait.

Other than people with absolutely no income, most people who tell me "I can't afford HRT" discover "Oh wait, I can afford HRT."

[Megan G]

kimberly,

So let's do a recap, you start a thread about how you have ran into a wall and you can't find your way around it and you ask for help from those of us that have traveled this path before you...

But you won't give us details and when we tell you how to get what you desire you dismiss them as unavailable and again give us vague answers as to why..

It's like going to the doctor and when he asks you where it hurts you say "I can't tell you that but please fix me".

Until you can be open and honest with not only us, but yourself also your never going to get anywhere. Your just going to continue spinning your wheels...

[Marcelle]

Kimberly,

To be honest I am a bit confused what you are seeking by way of advice as much has been given but it seems that none of it fits your current situation . . . no access to advanced health care, job choice, no insurance. You seem to posit that you need HRT "as the last step" but what does that mean? Now I will admit I am out of my depth when it comes to HRT as I have not sought it out as part of my transition so some of the other ladies here are more knowledgeable but the one thing I do know is that HRT is not a step for them but a necessity. Is that what you mean? Or is it you just see HRT as the next step to feminize yourself? I could be wrong here (again out of my depth) but I believe the two may be intertwined but completely different.

I understand your angst in wanting to seek a job opportunity which is important to you which has the net effect of taking you far away from advanced health care and the ability to commence HRT. However, if this is a necessity for you (i.e., you need it to stabilize) then perhaps your job choice may need to take a back seat for awhile until you have the ability to start HRT in situ and then move on with your career choice. In other words, is it possible to investigate and commence HRT before you move? Now I am not 100 percent certain of health services around the world but even in some of the remotest parts of Northern Canada, you can still get pharmaceutical care (i.e., HRT).

Not hacking on you by any means . . . just a bit confused as to what you are hoping for by way of response.

Cheers

Marcelle

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Sorry Kimberly...you can't have it both ways
time to grow up and stop complaining about consequences of your choices and actions, and start accepting those consequences and dealing with them


moving far away and making big decisions is a horrible idea when havent solved for what you want to be when you grow up
thats just a fact of life for everybody no matter what gender

[jentay1367]

There's another intersting point, Kim. You mentioned that you're living as a woman 100 % of the time, yet you're concerned about letting too much information out on a site where you are essentially, anonymous. Not calling you out....just want you to see that there's a lot of subconscious confliction in your statements. Therapy can only help with that and regardless of what you do, your own words and thoughts should show you that this is your next logical step.....no matter how you accomplish that. When you have no one to bounce your thoughts and ideas off of, everything you say and think starts to make perfect sense. Don't ask me how I know....l.o.l.
I do wish you all the happiness in the world. Good luck, hon. Lisa

[Badtranny]

jentay1367: Past experiences taught me to reveal as little as possible. All information one lets loose comes back to be used against oneself eventually. Sorry.

LOL

Used against you for what? The only people who complain about past comments being used against them are people who aren't exactly making honest comments.

[TSKimberly]

Okay, fine...

Zooey: Personal life and job are equal in priority in my mind. I'm good at one thing, and one thing only, and that's researching and talking history, thus, museum work, with the possibility of writing books. I cannot bring myself to teach, because I believe I lack the tolerance to handle even college students. My main area of interest is Native Americans, specifically the Ogalala/Lakota Sioux of South Dakota.

Arbon: I tried that. Couldn't find nor understand the information I wanted to find and understand.

PaulaQ: Currently St. Louis, Missouri. But will be in South Dakota within the next few months.

Megan G: Happy now?

Marcelle: I see HRT as the last-ish step, because it is my understanding that with my specific previous medical issues, no doctor in their right mind would ever perform optional surgery on me. SRS is still classified as optional surgery. I've come to accept that. I do not believe work can be put off for me any longer. I already feel a decade behind every one else in life (and in virtually all aspects of life, I AM a decade or more behind every one else), and quite simply, I need the income and insurance. Neither will be acquired for a year and a half though, as I still have one year left of college to get through. I'm hoping for a response other than "Do it the way I did it, or no way."

Kaitlyn Michele: I did not choose to get infected with a bacterial abscess. I did not choose to have a mutated superior left vena cava. I did not choose to get fired from every job because of my hearing impairment. I did not choose to be hearing impaired. Many here argue that one does not choose to be on the transgender spectrum. I am grown up, and I know exactly what I want to do with my life, as shown above.

jentay1367: It is my understanding we are not anonymous on this site. I see threads every so often of people worrying about even general Google searches popping out things from this site. And most importantly, I lack the knowledge to prevent the various forms of attack (id theft, credit card theft, whatever, etc) through a computer. You'll have to forgive me if I don't want to reveal information as well because in person, people have used that information to justify getting rid of me. I stated in an earlier post that an LGBT group told me to leave because of my political views. "Friends" used my coming out of the closet as a B and T to cut off all communication with me. Employers have used my hearing impairment to justify firing me. I see no conflicting in my statements. Maybe you might because of a lack of data, but hopefully, that is now dispelled.

Badtranny: Sweeping generalizations aside, people have used my past comments to justify treating me poorly.

[LeaP]

Exactly right, Misty. People will try to turn your words around on you on occasion, but if you were honest to begin with, it's still not an issue. It can be embarrassing to have your own contradictions thrown in your face, but who doesn't have them? Step on this path and get used to embarrassment ..l

[jentay1367]

I'm hoping for a response other than "Do it the way I did it, or no way."

Given everything you've stated.....then yes, get your job, get your Insurance, get a therapist. see below....

https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_results.php?state=SD&spec=187

(I currently drive over 400 miles both ways every week for 4 hour electrolysis sessions. So it's doable if you want it.)

get your HRT, then make decisions from there. Based on your own criteria, this is the road forward for you. Not impossible by any means...just difficult. A longer time line than you wanted. You yourself have limited your choices. So choose or choose not. But there's no magic bullet for what you want short of ordering hormones on line and playing Russian Roulette with your health. Lisa

[arbon]

You couldn't find it ? Or found it and did not understand it?
I'm not sure what you after here. Were you hoping we would give you all the answers to do it yourself?

[Zooey]

Zooey: Personal life and job are equal in priority in my mind. I'm good at one thing, and one thing only, and that's researching and talking history, thus, museum work, with the possibility of writing books. I cannot bring myself to teach, because I believe I lack the tolerance to handle even college students. My main area of interest is Native Americans, specifically the Ogalala/Lakota Sioux of South Dakota.

Who's talking about personal life? I'm not talking about dating, hobbies, etc. I'm talking about YOU, and YOUR IDENTITY. There is no work or personal life without you. You need to prioritize you.

[Starling]

Kimberly, many people here have medical issues and disabilities, or practical problems which complicate their journey. They may not ever be able to achieve a complete social, medical and surgical transition, but they have found a way to live in the meantime. But to get the help you need, you must be forthcoming. Thank you for finally opening up a bit; and I'm sorry it was such a painful process for you, but it will become easier as you gain trust. I've been here seven years, last I looked, and I have not heard of one person on this forum who was outed by something they revealed here. Unless you tell a "civilian" your screen name, or reveal unique and widely-known, public information about yourself, the chance that anyone out there can discover your identity, and use information you disclose here against you, is minuscule. You are among friends.

:) Lallie

[TSKimberly]

arbon: Could not find an explanation of the biochemical and molecular reactions occurring in the body at the micro and macro level. Still looking a bit, but like I stated in the first post of this thread I'm not good at chemistry and biology, so slow going.

Zooey: Sorry, already getting beat up enough about my responses around here, so... Gonna have to fly by this one.

Starling: I think I'm missing something here. "Gain trust"? Me trusting all of you or you all trusting me? Because I doubt either will happen, looking at how it's going thus far.

jentay1367: Don't know how to respond, so...

[jentay1367]

Well....I'm out. Too many co morbid issues here for me or anyone else here to be of any real help to you. I hope you find someone to work through things with.....I really do.

[Megan G]

Ok Kimberly,

No one on here is going to tell you how to access horomones without getting them thru a doctor. Self medication is extremely dangerous, HRT is a very powerful substance that alters your body chemistry and also can come with some serious side effects and huge risks that can kill you if you don't do it under the direct supervision of trained professional.

And I'm sorry if you feel we are being too harsh on you, but if you can't take some questioning on here from people that understand do you really think your going to be able to do this in real life?

[TSKimberly]

I believe I'll be able to handle it better "in real life," because most people don't usually accuse others of being a potential rapist/abuser, insane person, or essentially say "Tell us stuff about you, but we don't have to tell you stuff about us, trust us. You have a trust problem if you don't" ten seconds after meeting another.

[Zooey]

No clue who called you the first two things or how/when, but...

What are we asking you for that we ourselves are not sharing? Anybody who knows me knows full well that I can't help but share Too Damn Much™.

[arbon]

No one asked you personal details about yourself. But some general information would have helped. But it does not matter you dismiss everything anyone says.

[dreamer_2.0]

I'm "living" as a female already roughly 50% of the time, and will go up to 100% some time in the next year or so. But I'll expand on this. I'm DRESSING 50% of the time. "Living" 100% of the time already.

This is such a confusing sentence to read. How can you be "living" as a female already roughly 50% of the time....but then say, in the same line, that you're "living" 100% of the time already? Perhaps I just don't understand your wording.


To me, the obvious next step is HRT.

Why? Why is HRT obviously the next step? I recall reading a fair bit in your post about doing makeup, dressing, and learning to shave perfectly...but nothing about actually struggling with your assigned gender. How do you experience gender dysphoria?


But... Can't do it. Simply, I've no access to hormones, and not sure how to get any.

Why are hormones so necessary? There are many trans women who don't go on HRT for a variety of reasons. Why is it so important to you?


I've heard of people going into WalMart or Walgreens and buying some pills that do it. I'm not gonna do that, because I failed my single biology class I had back at high school, and have never even comprehended chemistry in the slightest. So, I'm not entirely sure what to do to take the next step.

I'm surprised pharmacies would allow people to just come in and pick up some prescriptions a la carte, especially some random "dude" coming in. However, the fact you recognize self-medicating is a bad idea as you simply don't have the knowledge is probably the wisest part of your post. Don't self-medicate. Even if you did have knowledge of biology and/or chemistry, it would still be recommended to seek professional assistance.


I've been at this step for the past few years now and it's wearing me down. Makes me want to give up...

I, as well as probably everyone else here, understand how much all this can wear you down. If you continue to do what you're doing and just spin your tires, how long will that be sustainable? What would happen if you did give up and not transition? What would life look like for you?


...despite seeing HRT as the last or second to last step I'll be taking.

I think there's a few other steps beyond HRT...


Any ideas on what I should do? How to force the next step to start even?

You've received plenty of ideas and advice on what you should do but have shot them all down with various excuses. You've got some big obstacles in your way, you need to figure out how to either overcome them or circumnavigate them all together. How you do this is 100% your responsibility. We can't tell you how to do every little detail because that is your life, as we have our own lives with our own details to figure out. We can only offer steps that are common to virtually all trans folk (women or men) if they are serious about transition. The fact you have obstacles is irrelevant to needing to speak with a professional gender therapist AND medical doctor (preferably an endocrinologist).

If you're unable to find a gender therapist, see if you can find any who do online sessions and skype or facetime with them. Or, if you can't find one, go to the library or buy books on the transgender subject. Read as voraciously as you can on the subject, does it actually fit you? Maybe you'll discover that you don't actually have gender dysphoria and something else is going on. The trouble with books is that you can't actually communicate with them which is why it's so important to find a gender therapist. There aren't really many, if any, ways around this step. Therapists are often called "gatekeepers" for a reason; you have to pass through them if you want to transition. HRT often requires a thumbs up from a therapist and I'm confident in saying that SRS always requires approval from a therapist.

The fact that you have obstacles is irrelevant. We all have them and need to figure out a way passed them. Their existence doesn't change the steps so many of us must follow, and these steps are integral to moving forward.

[TSKimberly]

-It's a collection of poorly worded statements. But, I've encountered a wide variety of definitions for what "full-time" actually means. I attempted to include all possible definitions, but extremely awkwardly.

-From my perspective, HRT is the next step towards being more female. I don't know how to explain it. It's the pattern I see every one (Well, TS's... Maybe others... You know what I mean) doing. I do not believe I am capable of explaining my dysphoria. Especially to this audience.

-Because if I'm understanding the effects of hormones correctly, it would get rid of the things I hate about myself. Well, except for one specific thing. But have never seen much about that, so... Eh.

-I don't know. I can't see the future.

-There might be steps after HRT for many people. But as I've explained earlier, those steps are most likely cut off from me, and there's not much I can do about it.

-I've read tens of thousands of pages on virtually every aspect of transgenderism. I believe I fit fairly deep on the transgender spectrum, inside the transsexual part. I appear to be asking about every little detail of how to do all of this because I have overwhelmingly encountered transgenders who absolutely demand I do exactly the same thing as them, else I am not transgendered in their eyes, and will refuse to aid, some even going out of their way to prevent me from transitioning and even dressing.

I asked the questions I asked in the sticky thread, not because three or four people gave me that impression that was how things were done, or those were the warnings they had. I asked those questions in that thread because HUNDREDS of trans-peoples said these things to me, or simply out loud on various chat rooms, forums, etc.

Arbon: The past two paragraphs and my earlier posts in this thread explain my seemingly hostile attitude. I feel very strongly that I cannot even reply to everything and say all the things I want to say to Dreamer_grl because of how previous members of the LGBT community has responded to my thoughts. Combine that with the assaults felt by those who accuse me of not being a "true" transgender, I'm simply not gonna say much, and will forever be on the defensive.

Zooey: I don't know the slightest thing about you besides you liking the word/name "Zooey." And that you're either some where on the TG spectrum, or are a relative of a person like that, hence you being on this website.

[dreamer_2.0]

-It's a collection of poorly worded statements. But, I've encountered a wide variety of definitions for what "full-time" actually means. I attempted to include all possible definitions, but extremely awkwardly.

It baffles me that there are different definitions of "full-time". You live your entire, complete, 100%, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, as yourself. You are full-time. Where is the variation?


...I do not believe I am capable of explaining my dysphoria. Especially to this audience.

That's fair. There's no harm in trying to describe it however, might feel good to get some thoughts out. But if this audience isn't the best place, then more reason to find a therapist.


-There might be steps after HRT for many people. But as I've explained earlier, those steps are most likely cut off from me, and there's not much I can do about it.

Because you choose not to do something about it. Again, several ideas have been presented and yet you shot them down. These obstacles are always going to remain in place unless you actually do something about them.


-I've read tens of thousands of pages on virtually every aspect of transgenderism.

Then you should understand the significance of finding a gender therapist and medical doctor as your steps.


I believe I fit fairly deep on the transgender spectrum, inside the transsexual part. I appear to be asking about every little detail of how to do all of this because I have overwhelmingly encountered transgenders who absolutely demand I do exactly the same thing as them, else I am not transgendered in their eyes, and will refuse to aid, some even going out of their way to prevent me from transitioning and even dressing.

Whether you are transgender or not is not up to any of us here. You don't have to do everything exactly the same as us, and anyone who says that is ridiculous. All transitions are different...BUT...they very often cross similar points, like therapists and doctors. No one here has refused you aid either, in fact the opposite has happened. The other "transgenders" you've met sound like really toxic people and perhaps you should be thankful that they didn't help, you could have ended up like them. The group here can be abrasive but we are trying to help.

[Zooey]

See, I disagree with a few things you've said here. One, you haven't read everything you can, and certainly not what's available here. I'm a trans woman - it says so right there on the left - and my story is littered through this forum (so are my real first name and some info about my career). My general location is under my avatar (which is actually me) on the left there. You had quite a bit more information about me available to you than I did you - you simply chose not to look at it, for reasons unknown.

There are lots of stories here. You should read them, because it might help. Most importantly, it might give you some context for the feedback you've received here.

I think you're misinformed in a few ways, but more importantly I think you're taking a pretty reductionist stance on your gender identity issues. You may be a woman, you might not. I don't know, and I don't much care. What I do know is that you're all over the place, and my experience and the experience of others here suggests that the paths you're currently talking about taking in your life probably aren't going to help you figure them out and do what you need to do, whatever that may be.

[TSKimberly]

Dreamer_grl: My readings have convinced me of the opposite. Seeing a therapist could be the worst thing I could do. And again, the word "choose" comes up. I already explained that many choices have already been made for me.

Zooey: Already been told to ignore all the stories.

[dreamer_2.0]

Then it's very possible you won't ever progress passed where you are now. Sounds pretty crappy, if you ask me.

[Zooey]

Okay, I'm not sure who told you to ignore all the stories, and I doubt it was any of us. Some of us may have told you not to assume that the stories will map perfectly onto your life, or that not everybody will have the same story. Still, the stories are valuable. If they weren't, you wouldn't be asking people with experience for advice.

Also, if your reading has given you the impression that seeing a therapist might be the worst thing you could do, then you've been reading the wrong shit. Really, really, REALLY wrong.

I'm not sure why you're taking this tactic of trying to trap us in some kind of logic box. If you're trying to prove that we're a mess and giving you conflicting messages or something, then I guess good luck with that, but it's not going to help you with anything that matters.

[Badtranny]

"Tell us stuff about you, but we don't have to tell you stuff about us,

Total mis-characterization of the TS forum.

So many of us have been brutally honest about so much of our transitions that a researcher could do several case studies by just reading our posting history.

Between this forum and my blog, (www.badtranny.com) you people know more about me than my own family does.

Also, in regard to people trying to manage your behavior, or your cross dressing, or your transition goals, I would advise you to grow a spine and tell these people to go F themselves. Transition is a hell of a thing, and you gotta be strong as a mule and twice as stubborn to survive it.

[TSKimberly]

Zooey: I've no intention of creating a logic box. I only intend to answer your questions accurately, state what I know, state what I think... All without encountering the problems I've encountered both here and else where in the past. It's a tight rope. I don't think any of you are a mess. But again, I don't feel I can safely respond to everything in your post.

It was some one here.

Dreamer_grl: I suppose so. Oh wells. I will still consider myself a TS though.

[Zooey]

Okie-dokie... Best of luck in your journey.

262115

[Kris Avery]

Perhaps I can actually offer some advice - since I am regionally familiar with your area.

I know of a I.C. clinic that is easily drivable for you from STL. 5 hours one-way and no therapist is required to get on HRT.
This place was actually my plan C - should my plan A not have worked out (or my plan B).

No, I don't live close to there now, but did grow up in that area and personally know people who go there.

http://www.emmagoldman.com/services/TransHealthInitiativeinfo.htm

Good luck, they can take care of you.
I have found that once someone prescribes hormones and gets you regulated - many physicians will continue your care. Even in places like SD.

[TSKimberly]

Thanks, but... Eh... I give up.

[MissDanielle]

I'm gonna chime in here. Every one of us that is trans seeks out a therapist when we first start questioning or if we start coming to terms and know we need to start hormones. There's nothing wrong with seeking out a therapist.

I just did a search on Google for IC clinics in St. Louis and found this page (https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/32noal/informed_consent_in_or_near_st_louis/) and this page (https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/3x5jda/trouble_finding_a_therapist_or_informed_consent/). This might help with SD (https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/4bcfx5/desperate_in_sdakota_looking_for_informed_consent/).

If you are truly a woman, you would not give up.

[TSKimberly]

If you are truly a woman, you would not give up.

Thanks. /sarcasm

[jentay1367]

This may have been the most accurately titled thread I've ever encountered. And I think Zooey may have it just exactly right in her last post.

[TSKimberly]

I get it. I'm a frustrating POS. No need to reply any more then. My last post was simply because Miss Danielle provided great evidence of what I was complaining about for several posts.

[becky77]

Kimberly I've read this thread and I'm a little baffled at what answer you are looking for?

Reading between the lines you don't want to visit a therapist or open up about your feelings of Dysphoria because you are afraid to be told you are not TS? Or that transition and HRT isn't right for you?
It's sounds like you have made up your mind who you are and can't bare that being questioned.
Which I understand but if you are right then it doesn't matter however I suspect you are unsure and that's making you unnecessarily defensive.

The thing is most everyone here are not looking to shoot you down. Imagine going full-time and you start hormones and soon find everything is not what you expected, you feel worse than ever but now you have blown your world wide open because everyone now knows.

Lots of people don't just misunderstand us some actively hate us, Transitioning can ruin jobs, friends, family, health, finances etc etc. Most of us think that's worth it because it's right deep down in a place no one else can truly understand, but that feeling of being right only comes after stripping away all the denial, lies and whatever else it takes to find the truth, that requires a lot of honest introspection typically with therapy and often with the help of shared experience with others.
But imagine how awful it is if you jumped straight to Transition then realised it was the wrong move, that Gender Dysphoria and Transsexual is not what you are suffering from its something else entirely.
It's too late by then and I for one don't want to see that happen to someone, so we probe and ask questions, I don't care about personal details, don't need your name or location or where you work I'm just looking for how you feel and what makes you tick, a little history on your Dysphoria.

You get used to reading beyond what someone is writing and pick up what we call warning bells when what someone says doesn't sound right so the questioning changes to find out the reason to that warning bell. We've all been there and had our own 'warning bells' pounced on then you have to admit to yourself whatever it was might be an issue, you go away think it over maybe discuss it with your therapist then hopefully learn something new about yourself or get some kind of enlightenment and come back here to challenge further, you then realise this stuff isn't said to catch you out it's to make you think and not make costly mistakes.

Of course we have plenty that only see criticism and not what's really being said they disappear and are free to curse the world and feel misunderstood.

Maybe realise it's not for them (phew we did our bit and they didn't make the wrong choices),.
Maybe they come back and challenge us some more (phew we did our bit and they have grown in character).
Maybe they go off ignore us as being nasty then make a huge life mistake (oh well we tried).
Some may go on and do it their own way despite what we say but I hope for those it's an easy journey because I'd hate to think how they cope day to day as a Trans woman if they couldn't handle some strangers on an internet forum!

The only brick wall here is the one you have put up. We will gladly help but we need something more to go on but we will never blindly encourage because it serves nothing.

If it's the public forum that is currently an issue why not PM someone you feel OK to talk with?
Either way if you truly need help it's here for you and anyone but you won't get pandered to it's frank and to the point but we'll intentioned.

[Sandra]

Wow it sounds like you only want everyone to agree with you and give you all the answers....then when they try you are not happy. This is not a game and it's not handed to you on a plate, if you can't cope here then you have no chance in the real world should you transition, grow a pair and get on with it!

[Nigella]

Oh sometimes how I wish there was a "like" button. :D

This forum is a support forum and each member has offered you advice and support, that does include questioning. You appear to want to do nothing but throw a brick wall up, when that advice/questions does not fit in with what you already have in your mind.

There is always a way when there is a will, if you do not at least want to listen to advice you have asked for, at least take the time to read it for what is is, a response to you and your questions.

Thread done.