Duality

[Helen_Highwater]

As I was walking home from sharing a few beers with male friends for some reason I became aware of how I walked. It’s a man’s walk, which I suppose is hardly surprising. It has it’s own rhythm and gait and I felt comfortable in myself as I strolled.

I began to contrast that in my head with how I walk when enfemme. As you’d expect differently but also when out there, just as comfortable with me.
It’s about this point the word duality came to me. I don’t see myself as in anyway Trans. I suppose you could argue that I “Transform” from one public image to another but the preferred terms such as transgendered just then didn’t seem to fit.

Duality seemed to be a more fitting description. I like both the male and femme me equally. I feel as much a female when dressed enfemme as a male in drab. I don’t have to think about switching mannerisms, it just happens. One half is always aware of the existence of the other but in some way in the same way you’d be aware of a sibling or even twin.

Today I’ve a rare chance to dress for a few hours and yes, just getting dressed switched on the femme walk and gestures. No conscious thought, it just happens.

So is duality a good way of expressing how you feel? Does this resonate with anyone else?

[Allisa]

It's very difficult to explain "duality" to others but I know and live what you are saying. It just happens is a very good way of explaining it. Sometimes I have to keep control of myself when in male mode when I see something that stirs my femme self as not to "click on" that switch.

[ClosetED]

We act differently with infants and adolescents and casual friends and professionals. These are learned over time until you no longer think about it. So drab and enfemme are the same - we added one more style of body language and thinking/talking to our repertoire. We did not have this when just starting out, but built up with experience.
Hugs, Ellen

[AllisonS]

I feel that way. I don't know about the label you are proposing. Bi-gender or Gender-fluid not good enough?

Re: not seeing yourself as in any way Trans:
Trans- does not imply transformation. It means "crossing over", or "going beyond". If you are like me, it sounds like you are, you are crossing over and there must be something in you, and in me, that "trans"cends the concept of gender. There is something, or someone, that is this and that. "Gender" simply means "kind", from the French "genre". The simplest interpretation of transgender, for me is, "Does Not Fit the Conventional Kinds. But I know what you mean about all the baggage that comes from that word. I prefer Gender Variant. It's descriptive and I think its harder for people to just presume they know what it means.

[gina shiney]

Duelity if I must though I much prefer Allison's Gv as a label if one is required to have one.
Ellen to my current way of thinking your on the money with the explanation.
Thanks all for your thinking
gina

[rachelatshop]

Hi Helen, I think the term you are searching for today is "gender fluid" and indeed many cross dressers that I know feel just the way you describe. You could be talking about one of best friends from this community. Hugs and happy dressing

[sometimes_miss]

I don’t have to think about switching mannerisms, it just happens. One half is always aware of the existence of the other but in some way in the same way you’d be aware of a sibling or even twin.
But was it that way from the start? The first time you put on female clothing, did you automatically start walking like a female and instantly adopt female mannerisms?

Probably not. I'll guess that like most of us, you most likely had to study females and consciously learn how to behave like them. Over time, like, oh, learning how to ride a bike, it gradually became second nature, so eventually you no longer had to think about 'switching mannerisms', it just happenned automatically, like switching from walking to pedaling.

So as far as duality, it's more that you are able to adopt behavior spanning the entire male-female spectrum at any given time.

[Rachelakld]

For me - some people study females, then mimic females but for me, my dualality has me with different likes and dislikes, different interests (same voice, same body, just different interests).

[Andrea2656]

Helen,

I really like your concept of duality. Certainly many individuals in our community are on a path of transitioning or exploring there blended selves. However, for me I like your "duality". It is really two modes. When I am in male mode, my mannerism are male in my walk, posture and importantly attitude. However, en femme I am much more lady-like in my behavior. For me, the differences are binary. Certainly, in male mode with my "male attitude" I do not ignore the occasional "pink fog" and notice some GG's wonderful shoes or even pickup an outfit to wear. I wonder if the notion of "duality" applies to many in our community.

[sabrinaedwards]

I so feel that way. As I have posted previously, I sometimes say I am a light switch, turned one way I am very feminine, turn another way and I am very masculine. I do not seem to have a middle ground. Right now I am so Sabrina and loving every moment of it.
Love, Sabrina

[Bobbi46]

A very clever and thought provoking thread this one, duality seams to sum up our life style beautifully, certainly there are two sides when en femme I concentrate on a more feminine way of walking for example I suppose in time I wont have to concentrate on mannerisms as they will be automatic. But being able to switch mannerisms without having to think about them sounds so wonderfull, I look forward to that day when I can do the same.

[desertrider]

I'm the other flavor on the inside, I feel somewhere in the middle most all the time. I try to dress the part too most of the time, but let's face it, girls clothes are just more fun! I admit, I do also feel safer going out at night if if I'm fully fem vs. rouge. As far as mannerisms, my pattern of speech was mostly set when I thought a had to be a guy, but my body language feels like it changed naturally, and quite immediately, once I quit policing myself for "masculinity violations" =)

Hugs, Summer