"the desire never goes away" ...is this actually true?

[twelvestepemily]

In this thread (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?240727-Confused), OP posted the following

I have been cross dressing for a while now but I'm concerned hows its going to affect my life negatively in the future and i don't want that to happen.

and one of the responses was this:


The only way to avoid ANYTHING negative occuring is to stop doing it. And for most, that's not an option, because the desire never goes away.

This seems like pretty sound advice, but to be honest this is something I personally struggle with because it feels like an awfully big assumption. I hope I don't offend anyone by questioning this, but I can't help but wonder how we really know that "the desire never goes away". It seems like if you accept it as something that is tied to your identity, then its going to create a feedback loop that keeps that desire going. But on the other hand, I can't help but wonder if treating it more as a "bad habit" could make it become more manageable. (Again, I apologize if this offends anyone, its not my intention at all and really just trying to honestly reflect on and discuss the different angles of this. I know a lot of you have worked hard to accept yourself which is awesome and I don't mean to diminish that.)

Just for example, lets consider eating habits. It's no secret that eating sugar and sweets is a delicious and satisfying experience that adds excitement to life. But sugar and sweeteners are also very addictive. I tried cutting them out of my diet for a few months, and lo and behold, I no longer crave sweets at all. If I'm at an occasion where cake is being served, I can enjoy a piece for what it is if I want, but I don't feel compelled to at all. Which is great -- it feels like freedom.

But I feel like this would be so much more difficult if I went around saying, "I identify as a sweetener. I just love sugar -- that's how I was born, so I may as well accept it as part of who I am and love that part of me." Okay, but that's really a cop-out right? It's kind of ignoring the fact that in the long run this mentally is going to cause a lot of problems in your life that will lead to unhappiness and not taking responsibility for dealing with that because "its just how I am". Especially because we know that this is not true, and that it isn't that hard to break the cycle of sugar cravings by not indulging or obsessing over it.

So again going back to the original statement that "the desire never goes away"...is that true? If it is, then it makes life a lot easier because the only path forward is to accept it. But if that's not true, then it gives us a couple options: to accept it as part of ourselves (which is fine - we're not hurting anyone and it feels good), or to reject it as something that doesn't bring value to your life in the way you want. But because it does feel very good, the latter option may be very difficult. Ideally it would be great if there were some studies out there that have determined fairly definitively whether this is something that really is a part of who we are, or if its just a fun thing we've discovered as open-minded people that we can reject but gets wrapped up with our personal identities due to being such a taboo subject.

As you can probably tell, this whole thing is the cause of a lot of inner conflict for me. Not knowing the answer means that I don't feel like I can commit fully to either path. I'm not saying that it's not something that's just a part of who we are, I'm just questioning how we know that. (Unfortunately, part of the problem with this kind of question is that we're probably going to be relying mostly on anecdotal evidence, but most of us here are going to be in the "accepting" group. People who used to crossdress, but no longer, are probably far less likely to be active on this forum. Hopefully we can still have a balanced, honest discussion, but any insight is valuable! :) )

[lmildcd]

I can only speak for myself. My desire comes and goes. I might go at least a month without wearing a dress. I might have a day where I have nowhere to go and I'll out on a dress or top with a skirt. Cross dressing is not a lifestyle for me but I enjoy it when I do it. I can say that the desire does not entirely go away.

[Laura912]

Yes, Emily, it will be anecdotal, and mine is, that after 74.5 years, it has not gone away. Ebbed and flowed, but never gone. "Individual experience may vary and there may be other side effects."

[Jenniferathome]

What you referred to as "...This seems like pretty sound advice,..." is not sound advice at all. Cross dressings not a "habit." I would compare cross dressing to sexual attraction. Does it go away? You ARE sexually attracted to men, women or possibly both. You can choose celibacy but that does not change your sexual attraction. You can be sexually active AND not do anything negative. You can also be sexually active and screw up your life by cheating on a wife, for example. You can give us sex and guarantee that no one ever gets pregnant or gets an STD OR you can behave responsibly and accomplish the same thing.

I've written before that anything in one's life that controls one's life and is at the expense of family, friends, work, etc is when you have a problem.

[ClosetED]

Welcome Emily - this is your first post, but I am not sure how long you lurked. As Laura has the years of experience as well as many others here, the desire will not go away. It is not the same as a bad habit or liking sweets- sugar and fat cause a reaction that the body likes, but can do without. Sugar and fat are also socially acceptable, while crossdressing is not yet.
Crossdressing seems to be an innate part of us, as Jennifer said, and while you may control your actions to limit how you express it, you will still always desire it. A nun may be heterosexual, but may choose to abstain.
It is true that crossdressers who successfully stop would not be on this forum, but those who tried and failed and then returned will be. And there seem to be many of those.
If there was a 12 step program that worked, no one has ever published a paper on it and no therapist is aware of one. The psychiatrists no longer consider it a mental illness.
You are going through the normal questioning, so use this site, probably the largest collection of crossdressers in the world, to help you see a fuller view.
Hugs, Ellen

[samantha rogers]

I think the saying "it never goes away" is anecdotal but based on the experience of just about everyone I have ever known (and I would guess everyone most people here have ever known) seems to be true. But every rule has an exception. And even so, the action to accept yourself IS a choice. Many people either deny this part of themselves (not recommended...that way madness lies) or else do accept it but do not choose to ACT on it due to real life responsibilities that preclude it. Theirs is often a very difficult life, but many make it work somehow.
However, for many it seems to actually increase with age, or, possibly, the ability to block it weakens with time. And, further, only you can know, with a lot of real and honest self appraisal, just how deeply this runs in you and whether it is a CD thing or something more deeply rooted in your identity. Sometimes initial acceptance of self on one level leads to further layers that peel away revealing identity issues you did not realize were there.
That's why we have therapists, right? lol

[Amy Fakley]

I can only speak from my own personal experience, which is that I wasted many decades of my life , struggling to make it all go away ... by any and every means a my disposal. Purging, denial, getting religion, losing religion, attempting to 'replace' this need with other interests, getting married, having kids, moving to a new town, changing jobs (when the one I had afforded too much free time for dressing -- lord, do I regret that one!) ... gawd! You name it, I probably tried it.

At the end of the day it always came back. Actually, that's incorrect. It never left, but I managed to bury myself in the pursuit, and temporarily hide that troublesome part of myself, from myself.

I'm not saying it's the same for everyone. If there's anything you can take from all the discussions here, probably the biggest is that while we all have some things in common, we are all way different.

I'm certain there are people in the world for whom cross-gender expression really was a temporary phase. They outgrow it, and they move on with their normal, happy lives. Of course, you won't find many of them hanging around here :-)

I think the question of "is it possible for me to rid myself of this desire?", is inextricably linked to where you are on the trans spectrum. For a whole lot of people, this is nothing more than a harmless kink ... just a bit of sexual playtime, and I don't know, but I suspect it's easier to walk away for a larger number of those people than it is for people for whom the cross-gender expression is a manifestation of internal identity.

For me at least, it's not at all like giving up unhealthy treats.

It's more like trying to change from being left handed to right handed, which is actually something I've had to do a few times in the past (first time in elementary school, and second time a few years ago when I injured my left hand). I can get by using my right hand ... but I'll never stop wanting to use my left hand, because it's just plain instinctual.

That's very much how my girl side feels to me, and finally giving up trying to make it go away, and simply embracing myself for who I actually am has led to a much happier place in my life.

Can you quit? Only you can find out, because only you can ever get a handle on where it originates inside you.

[twelvestepemily]

Jennifer, the "sound advice" was referring to the users comment that the desire to crossdress is not something that ever goes away (implying that to stop doing it is not really an option at all -- I see how this might've gotten lost in context). So I think you're actually agreeing with that comment.

I like your comparison to sexual attraction -- you say "you ARE sexually attracted to men, women, or possibly both". Personally, I'm just as conflicted about my sexuality as I am with crossdressing. Since I went through puberty, I've always been attracted to women. But almost in parallel with crossdressing, I've found a growing attraction to men as well, but this has been something that started as nothing and has increased steadily as I've explored these attractions. To me I guess it does feel to some degree like a choice -- by staying open minded and trying new things, and accepting them on some level, its almost like I've cultivated an attraction to crossdressing and men... but I feel like maybe if I had not been as willing to try new things and had drawn a line somewhere in the sand, and not crossed that boundary into crossdressing/gay fantasies, then I wouldn't feel such a desire to do those things now.

[Teresa]

Twelvestepemily,
Gosh your name is a mouthful !

As you say many of the replies will be anecdotal , my Cding started at the age of 8-9 with some trauma, the circumstances left me with a gut feeling or need continually all my life. Some of that time was full of shame and guilt, the real eye opener was when I joined this forum and saw members older than me not only CDing but also enjoying it . It was at that point I realised my wiring was different so I was born like it and will go in my box like it. It's not a passing phase or a hobby it's part of my being, once you realise that you can start to accept yourself, become comfortable with it and then hopefully people round you can start to come to terms with it.

Like your sugar intake you can try and abstain from dressing but the outcome is you're suppressing something that needs to be dealt with.

The inner conflict comes from social pressures, at the end of the day they can say and think what they like but it won't alter what's inside you head. I personally don't believe that a CDer ever does stop permanently , they may have breaks of weeks, months sometimes years but when it comes back it really does knock them off their feet. You may not read where people have gone away and tried to stop but you will see plenty here that have come back on the proverbial pink cloud.

Handled in the right way you can enjoy what CDing gives, it's not all negative, it's how you make it work and find a level with people round you.

The point about sexuality, most non-cders do think we must be gay, I can only speak for myself but I'm bi-gender, I like women in drab and when dressed , I have no interest in men as far a relationship is concerned. We are all different but whatever you feel try and be honest with yourself. We do have to come to terms with our gender and sexuality which can become confused in the TG community.

[Pat]

Think of it as akin to the statement, "Your left hand never goes away." You can find some cases where that is not true but for the bulk of people it's a reliable abstraction/generalization of truth. I had my first brush with the desire when I was in the early single-digit ages and now I'm in my 60's and it's still here. Do I know it won't go away tomorrow (or even later this afternoon)? No. Do I expect it to? No.

[Jenniferathome]

...for many it seems to actually increase with age, or, possibly, the ability to block it weakens with time. ...l

or is that, with age, one can come to terms with this more easily and therefore, tread where one once hid?


... But almost in parallel with crossdressing, I've found a growing attraction to men as well, ... but I feel like maybe if I had not been as willing to try new things and had drawn a line somewhere in the sand, and not crossed that boundary into crossdressing/gay fantasies, then I wouldn't feel such a desire to do those things now.

So, perhaps you are bi. Something you have long denied or buried even deeper than cross dressing because we all know that being bi or gay is somehow worse than cross dressing :heehee: Introspection is something only you can do but I suspect as I replied to Sammie, with age we can come to terms with things that seem puzzling in our earlier lives.

[ClosetED]

But almost in parallel with crossdressing, I've found a growing attraction to men as well.

Be careful you don't confuse a desire to have a man treat you like a woman (possibly as a way to affirm your femininity), and a desire to have sexual relations with a man with your current anatomy (which could have pre-dated any crossdressing).

Ellen

[sometimes_miss]

Cross dressings not a "habit."
We cannot know. Until we understand the individual's reason for doing it. There are asexual people who have existed, who might crossdress using some particular pieces of clothing simply because they like the way something looks; royals, for example, could wear whatever they want, without fear or even consideration of what anyone else might think. So little prince paisley could perhaps go his entire life wearing fem stuff, and never hear a word about it from anyone else. Habit? Well, sure, MAYBE. We don't know.

And for many, there's such a reluctance to find out, because of the fear of what we might find. Perhaps there are crossdressers out there that DON'T feel guilty about it, and don't frequent online forums, and don't go for therapy for it. What about someone like that? We don't even know about all the types of crossdressers, because there are no hard facts collected, with so many in the closet.

First, whether the desire ever really goes away, really depends upon why we have it in the first place. If you feel itchy, why? Irritating fabric? Sunburn? Poison Ivy? Or just dry skin? Build up of certain molecules under the skin from organ failure? Or parasites under the skin? Like the itch, crossdressing can come from many underlying things. Before knowing any more, we have to figure out what's causing it.

I'm one of those who didn't crossdress for many years, and thought it had just been a phase I was going through. So after about ten years or so of not dressing up or even wanting to, you might think, 'well, I guess I'll never want to do that again'. The thing most forget is that our subconscious mind will suppress all kinds of things, and we're simply not aware of it.

Easy example: You're hungry. So you decide to go out to eat. On the way, you get chased by an angry mob. While you're running away as fast as you can, jumping over fences, running though woods, past angry barking dogs who want to bite you, are you still thinking about that steak you were going to eat? No. It's out of your mind. Because your mind is busy thinking of other things. The desire to eat is pushed out of conscious thought.
Later, you find a place to hide, and rest. The idea to eat comes back and you're hungrier than ever.

Crossdressing can work the same way. We can shove it out of our minds, and because it's not a physical need that comes back, sometimes we can suppress it for much longer periods of time. If you're a crossdresser who links it with sex, though, it might come back faster because you get sexually aroused and THAT is what pushes the idea to the forefront, your horniness is dragging the crossdressing along with it. Then sometimes the guilt because 'I'm not man enough to stop myself from wanting to do this'. We can't stop wanting things; we can only stop doing them, but the desire to do it will always be there, deep down, suppressed until 'next time'.

But back to the non sexual version, because I'm pretty sure that's there in all of us, perhaps even buried further in our psyche. It remains. We keep it bottled up. Until.....our minds become overwhelmed with other stresses. Then, we are no longer able to suppress the desire to crossdress, and it comes to the forefront, stronger than ever. We struggle with whatever other things are stressing us out, and the desire to crossdress competes with all the other thoughts we have to deal with. No longer able to suppress them all, we gradually lose control and things start to slip out; some, like me, will start to get short tempered, things we put up with happily now annoy us much more. We walk past the Victorias secret store a thousand times, but today all we can think about is that incredible bra and panty set, AND IT'S ON SALE! So we buy it, bring it home and now feel, 'What the hell am I doing?? I thought this was over with'. So we throw it away. Then a day later, before we take the garbage out, we fish out bag out of the bottom of the trash barrel, and hide it in the rafters of the garage.

It doesn't go away. Maybe another way of putting it, is it becomes 'dormant'. But like a hibernating bear, it's just waiting to come out and bite you on the ass. Might be only a few hours. Might be 20 years. Or if you're lucky, you might make it the rest of your life, if you've resolved whatever it is that makes you want to dress up. But you won't be able to know, until you figure out what makes you want to dress up in the first place. And that can be so, so hard to do. It took me about three decades, and I read every psychology book I could find, piecing it all together, bit by bit. And there were many times where it didn't make any sense at all, and I gave up trying to figure it out for a while, because I thought my head would explode, struggling with seemingly paradoxical thoughts. Luckily, I figured it out, no thanks to any of the therapists I had gone to: They were all 'trained' to only think in a limited direction, you know, like blaming the mother or mother fixations on everything for example, refusing to consider what I had though of, possibly because I wasn't presenting it like a research paper, or maybe they simply couldn't accept that a patient had figured out something that a 'real' therapist couldn't. I had to put together a sort of psychological 'unified theory' to fit it all together. Then it all became very clear. It was like the stuff we see in cartoons, the light bulb goes on, the ah-HA! moment hit me. And suddenly it all made sense. The next therapist I went to, I brought my findings, and together we realized that maybe I was onto something. But with something as complex as the human mind, who knows, maybe there's something else going on, too. It's one of the reasons I stay here, and read everyone else's stories. I might pick up new information that I never considered before. And I share what I've learned with anyone else who wants to know.

But, as far as we know, for most of us at least, it never really goes away.

Read my sig. It's an important concept. it might start you on the road to understanding. Or it might not, but you won't know for sure until you try.

[Nadine Spirit]

But on the other hand, I can't help but wonder if treating it more as a "bad habit" could make it become more manageable.

Something that has interested me greatly as of late is how therapists don't eradicate this behavior. Instead they assist gender variant people with being more comfortable with their gender variations. This can be very troublesome to a few and especially their partners (who often would like this behavior to cease.) If it is so easy to decrease the occurrence of gender variant behavior, then how come these "human professionals" don't take this course of action?

[ReineD]

Cross dressings not a "habit." I would compare cross dressing to sexual attraction. Does it go away?

No, but libido does diminish with age, for some people sooner than later. :p

... and the crossdressing does diminish considerably for some people, who in their younger days might have thought of dressing 24/7 and did so at every single opportunity, to then only dress as they age a few times per month or every few months, even when there is ample opportunity. YMMV.

[Dana44]

I agree with Nadine, Therapist seem to try to help in your gender issues, but I think may push some on where they may be on the border of transsexual. Which is a problem far greater than typical CDing. But in reality, we can suppress it for a while. However it seems to come back with a vengeance aka pink fog and that is an issue also. So, if one keeps things in perspective it can be balanced and keep yourself happy. Some tip towards the female role and some keep a balance of masculine/feminine and stay that way. While others are very masculine but still cross-dress. Me thinks it can never go away though unless you are chased by an angry mob.

[Rachelakld]

my take on it

my dad has depression - it's not "a habit" that he can just give up
my crossdressing issues also stems from my brain, and hypnotherapy couldn't fix it, but I'm sure one day someone will invent a drug to make me normal. Until then I'm going to enjoy my mental illness

[Tina_gm]

Just saying it never goes away is too simplistic. It is likely that a gender variant person will always at some point feel different. It may not be a feeling that is present at every single moment of their life. It may go into a sort of remission and some members on here have stated that they have gone years without the desire, but then it still returned. I would say that certain circumstances in their life may have been a factor. Even with circumstances though, each individual who is gender variant is so unique to themselves. Those who are TS will always feel wrong until they transition. Those who are CDers mostly due to a sexual nature will find the CDing heightened during arousal, or when there is opportunity or some sort of change in their sexual habits, partners, etc etc.

With age it is likely to change some, even for those who are not overly sexual with their CDing. It may go from highly intense but rare to less intense frequently or the opposite, depending on the individual.

The negative impacts of it if there are negative impacts are because of how the individual reacts to their gender variance in according to how they are living their life. The term balance is used a lot on here. The "balance" is the action of incorporating gender variance into your life without major changes to your life. For example, you continue to have your job, you stay with your partner, you maintain your friends, have good relationships with your family....

For some, especially those who are TS, major changes to their life are unavoidable and for the most part are welcome. although there will likely be some personal loss. Painful often, but the quality of their lives will often improve despite of these changes and perhaps losses.

What are you gaining vs. giving up? Each individual needs to make these types of decisions. Each relationship where gender variance is an issue has many such decisions relevant to the relationship, from both partners. In the end it usually comes down to what we really all need in terms of who we are and our individual self expression. There is no one right or wrong way to do this, but for the individual, there may be better or worse ways to do this. When, where, how long, to what extent. Who knows, who doesn't? Even for someone transitioning, what is better for one individual may not be better for another.

It will likely never go away permanently. it may change, become less relevant, or more. Our needs may change, needing less, or more. Can we choose not to do anything about it? I am sure if you could go back in time a couple hundred years and ask someone who was TG back then, they would of answered, yes you can do nothing about it. But that was then, this is today, and why go through that if you do not have to.

[CynthiaD]

We have no way of knowing whether it ever goes away. The information we get is mostly from members of this forum, and if you're active here, it's pretty certain that for you it hasn't gone away. We don't hear from those for whom it has gone away. And if we did, they're still alive, and it may come back eventually.

But if you want my opinion, it never goes away. ... Why on earth would you want it to?

[AllisonS]

If you want to try to see if you can have more control of crossdressing by treating it as a habit, then get a copy of the book "The Power of Habit". The book is based on science, not psychological theories for which there is scant evidence. I think it is fair to say that CDing is not a habit just as sex is not a habit. However, people do develop habits of sexual behavior and of crossdressing. In the book, the author asserts:

1) 50% of ALL human activity is habitual.
2) ALL habits have the same structure.
3) The structure is;
- the "cue" that starts the behavior
- the behavior
- the reward
4) Habits cannot be eliminated, they can only be modified.
5) In order to modify a habit, you first have to understand the structure of it. Of the three parts of the structure, the "reward" is often the most difficult to discover. It can be discovered by experiment.

I was able to lose 35 pounds after reading the book, simply by identifying, then modifying, habits of eating and exercising. And, yes, I do have Allison to thank for that. Nothing more rewarding than dropping a dress size :)

For me, I see that crossdressing is not a habit (I am a crossdresser), but I do have habits of of crossdressing. Another way that crossdressing relates to habit, in a very positive sense, is that crossdressing has revealed habits I did not know I had. Allison has many fewer habits than my male self which is a part of why, as hard as it is, I would not wish my crossdressing away if I could. It is a blessing and a curse, but more of a blessing, for me, for now.

[Brynna M]

Im comfortable saying that I don't know why I like ice cream but the desire to eat ice cream will never go away. All I can do is chose when I do and don't eat ice cream.

Im not sure why I have a desire to cross dress but I see no signs of the desire ever going away even though I chose to moderate my behavior so as to not screw up my life.

[Ineke Vashon]

In

but on the other hand, I can't help but wonder if treating it more as a "bad habit" could make it become more manageable.

Just for example, lets consider eating habits. It's no secret that eating sugar and sweets is a delicious and satisfying experience that adds excitement to life. But sugar and sweeteners are also very addictive.

As you can probably tell, this whole thing is the cause of a lot of inner conflict for me. Not knowing the answer means that I don't feel like I can commit fully to either path. I'm not saying that it's not something that's just a part of who we are, I'm just questioning how we know that. (Unfortunately, part of the problem with this kind of question is that we're probably going to be relying mostly on anecdotal evidence, but most of us here are going to be in the "accepting" group. People who used to crossdress, but no longer, are probably far less likely to be active on this forum. Hopefully we can still have a balanced, honest discussion, but any insight is valuable! :) )

Emily, what a thoughtful post. And welcome as a new member, starting out with some valuable questions and ideas to be considered.

Ref "desire" - From my perspective dressing female is not so much a desire as a blossoming and expansion of my real personality. One that I've spent a life time denying with all the negativity it created, but was necessary for my professional and personal survival in days when CDing and anything LBGT was cause for trouble. Now I feel somewhat like a saguaro, a cactus that doesn't create an arm until it is seventy years old (I'm quite older) and only displays beautiful white blossoms once a year. Accepting crossdressing for me is, as I've said before, an outer expression of an inner feeling, long subdued. It is part of me and I am content with what it creates - more creativity, more relaxation, more empathy, more emotion, much more comfortable with women, and women with me, less rough manly stuff. The latter likely is enhanced by my aging. I would not consider dressing as a "bad habit" for the purpose of beating it out of my system. I don't believe it is a bad habit. If there is a negative aspect to crossdressing it likely is the reaction by those not involved with it or not (yet) openminded enough to accept it.
Continue your search, glad to read your OP.

The comparison with sugar addiction is good, but CDing won't give you diabetes.:D

Ineke

[audreyinalbany]

on a forum such as this, as on any forums, it's pretty easy to 'over think' the specific subject matter. I'n a crossdresser...I like presenting as a woman..it's fun..I get a good feeling from doing it.It causes some stress in my life..but I keep doing it anyway.Could I stop???? I dunno. I quit smoking and that is probably way more physically addicting. I don't have a great desire to stop & I've pretty much given up on trying to analyze why I like it. It's just the hand I've been dealt.

[Stephanie47]

Will the desire ever go away?

Good question.

I'm almost completing my seventh decade on this planet. I've had some interest in wearing women's clothing for the last fifty-five plus years. I've stated many times on this site I do not know why I do what I do. If I knew why, then maybe I could cease wearing women's clothing.

There was actually only one period of time I had absolutely zero interest in wearing women's clothing...nada, nothing, zero. I was in the infantry in VietNam and was totally preoccupied with staying alive. I would guess my male dominate hormones or whatever circulates in the blood was sending out the necessary hormones to think and act like an animal intending to stay alive.

Outside of that time there always has been some desire or interest to wear women's clothing. Sometimes, like lately, it is no more than keyboarding on this site. Other times it has been 24/7 for several days. I usually do into hiatus for the summer because my wife is a teacher. This year she had a back operation so Stephanie is locked away for an extra six weeks. I have no desire to wear women's clothing, but, I still check eBay and other sites for nice clothes.

I believe whatever makes you tick will be the guide for whether or not you can stop wearing women's clothing. For sure you will not forget the memories. They will always be there, and, if cross dressing was pleasurable, then it probably will sneak back into your life at some time.

[marlacd]

You may as well accept that it's part of you. Just for a moment, consider what part of your personality would go away, if you could remove the desire to dress. Suppose some of your ability to care for others went away. You may get more aggressive, cold, and indifferent.

I tried to stop, to please my then wife. I got more edgy, impatient, and negative. Part of me was cast off, and I truly hated it. Without thinking, I was making hateful comments towards my wife, and my sex drive went away for a time. And why not, the person who wanted me, didn't want that part to exist. I was fighting a battle that she just didn't understand, or didn't want to. Talking did no good, because there was places she didn't want to go, and in turn, I wasn't wanting to deal with her issues. How can two people discuss personal issues, when some are off limits and can't be mentioned?

When the end of our marriage came, I felt like I got paroled. I'm now free to pursue me. It may be a taboo subject for others, but I wouldn't be me if I had to sit on my CD'ing again.

[Kate Simmons]

The desire can indeed go away but only when we base it on honest choice. :battingeyelashes::)

[Fiona123]

I've been a closet CD of and on for 50 or so years. The desire comes and goes for me. I don't think it will ever go away. Right now I am in drab and I would like nothing better than to be en femme.🌺

[PattyT]

CynthisD made a great comment:

"But if you want my opinion, it never goes away. ... Why on earth would you want it to?"

In my case, after decades of crossdressing and trying to stop, it has nver gone away or abatted in the least.
The rather lengthy comment by sometimes_miss is well worth the read and I really recommed it.
The general impression I have got from dozens of comments on this list is that for most people it never goes away. However, I wonder if it does go away for some people. After all there are always exceptions. CDs who have stopped completely don't seem to post about this on this forum and might well exist.
It is safe to assume that it really never goes away.

[Judy-Somthing]

My desire to dress somewhat faded as my children were growing up but, now that they've moved out dressing has come back strong.

[Mykaa]

Emily I have thought long and hard about this and me, I have made a conscious effort to quit, I did very well with that for a long time, when the thoughts arose, I simply changed the channel in my mind or the subject, Yes I do associate this with sex, I had become celibate. I think about women and dressing comes to mind, I dont think I can accept being this way (celibate). Im not young anymore but Im far from being dead too. I dress at least in something once a day most days now, the urges have become less, but I think some of the relation will always be there. Leaves me with quite a quandry doesnt it? I want to try a relationship again but most women are not very accepting of this kind of behavior to say the least. I also dress more when stressed, I also relax when dressed. I enjoy the clothes in general, I enjoy looking nice, pretty whatever you want to call it. Ive been this way as long as I can remember. This is a part of me , it is me. I know its not going to go away Emily. I accepted this in me when I joined the forum Emily, I let go of all the bad feelings and I have never felt better, I express myself better, Im happier by far. Im at ease with myself. Im still seeking balance in my life, Ive not been real successful previously with balance but Im going in the right direction more than I ever have been before. If your curious as how I see me Im what we refer to as gender fluid, I like being both a guy and appearing feminine, Im straight, I suppose this is fairly typical, I can say no 2 of us are exactly alike from what I can tell. I wear girls jeans, belts, sneakers out in public and sometimes a nice shirt along with it. I mix my clothes male/female and Im quite happy being that way. Im currently trying a new haircut, Im working towards the end results as the top isnt quite long enough yet, I had my eyebrows cleaned up, waxed last saturday 1st time. Im a feminine guy what can I say : )

[ChristaB]

Does it ever go I away? Can't say for sure but for me it hasn't. I first dabbled in this in my teens, typical stuff, occasionally trying mom's panties on, etc. It went dormant for a long time as I established my career, raised a family and took on the middle class suburban life style. In my early forties, my marital situation changed, I moved, alone, to another country and realized I really wanted to do this again. Since then my actual dressing has ebbed and flowed, largely depending on living arrangements and opportunity. I have often purged, not out of any sense of self doubt or thoughts that this is wrong, but more out of a feeling that is currently inconvenient and possibly the fear of being found out. Now, I'm more leaning towards making it more consistent part of of my life and damn those that may condemn it (but still not quite there).

[sometimes_miss]

Something that has interested me greatly as of late is how therapists don't eradicate this behavior. <snip> then how come these "human professionals" don't take this course of action?
Because it doesn't work. Way back in the mid 20th century, therapists tried all sorts of methods to stop homosexuality, crossdressing, and transsexual feelings. Nothing worked permanently. Studying crossdressing in particular, I came across trials done using electro convulsive therapy. It worked; but only temporarily. The subject would need repeated treatments, eventually causing decreasing mental capacity, to the point where they stopped the treatments for fear of leaving the poor patient unable to function at all. And those were only the experiments that were published anywhere that the public could find them. I hate to think of what was done in private institutions where there was little oversight, and perhaps parents brought their TG children to be 'cured'.

I think that at this point, the mental health community has settled on accepting that gender is something very basic in us, and, once we have developed a self concept of gender, there's no way to change it. For crossdressers, we're all just either really more female than male, or have lots of conflicts that we aren't able to accept, much less resolve, because we can't even face the possibility of what it might mean as to who and what we are.

Further, you can eradicate the behavior, but you can't eradicate the thoughts that cause it. Just stopping the somewhat harmless crossdressing behavior would just end in increasing frustration on the part of the crossdresser; keep anyone frustrated enough, expecially males, and what you wind up with is usually violent behavior instead. Not a good trade off.

[Maria 60]

It's in our blood and yes its scary. When I was about 18 we were moving house so I had to do a purging, to make my life easier I threw out all my pantyhose and slips during the move. I didn't believe it my mind was so occupied that I didn't have a pair of pantyhose in my position that I had to buy a pair at a store and hed them in my car until we settled into our new home, and then when I got married another purge thinking I will never wear pantyhose again. Then one week back from my honeymoon I was wearing my wife's pantyhose. At that point I knew it wasn't going anywhere and that same night I took a big chance and told her and thank God it's now thirty years later. It's unbelievable sometimes months go by without dressing and then out of nowhere it all comes back and bigger then ever.
When people on this site leave that last message that there leaving and stopping the dressing, my response is, " it may not be tomorrow or next week or next year, I wish you luck but you will be back". Well to make my point it was easier to quit smoking, I get the craving now and then but I can control it, I can't control Maria.

[BrendaPDX]

I have been crossdressing pretty much all of my life and gone through many purges, each time thinking this is it. I have always returned, sometimes with such an overwhelming urge that I changed in the parking lot of the store I bought my cloths at. It comes and goes in waves, it can be as long as months or wash back in a week. I have given it a lot of thought, usually leading to a purge, but I always return. The insight of the people on this site surprises me, they are deep thinkers, considerate, and very literate. I am thankful I found this group. I don't believe the desire ever goes away, at least not for me.

[Rachael Leigh]

I've never actually asked a counselor about this in particular if this could ever go away but I know that once I decided to accept the fact that this is a part of me it made things easier for me in accepting the fact it probably won't go away.
Yes I think we can make certain choices about what we do with that self acceptance just like anything but I think for most this is a very special part of our personality and we can choose how far we want to go with it.

[wanda66]

It stays with you all your life enjoy it while you have it

[suzanne]

The anecdotal evidence is overwhelming. Everyone in this forum who writes on the subject of purging or walking away from crossdressing say the same thing. It appears to come back every time, sometimes with extra vigor. Those who have tried to purge suggest its more prudent to just put the clothes into storage because of the expense of rebuilding their wardrobes when it does come back.

I believe our gender feelings are so deeply ingrained and mysterious that its more like being left or right handed. You are what you are and attempts at "fixing" it only cause damage. IMHO, the best thing for you to do is find a way to embrace who you are. Good luck!

[Taylor186]

If your question is limited to those of us who are active on crossdressers.com then the answer is, obviously, no: it doesn't go way. If the desire had gone away for me, after 60 years, I wouldn't be here.

[Suzetta]

I did some past life regression a few years ago and found out I had been a female who died (by accident) in the prime of her life. This left many feelings of incompleteness, not having achieved goals etc. CDing was thus a subconscious effort on my part to try and complete those incomplete goals. I am now no longer obsessed with wanting to CD but rather I make a far less frequent, conscious choice to to it for fun, when I'm in the mood. I am now in control of it rather than being the victim of an obsession I could nothing about.

[ReineD]

If your question is limited to those of us who are active on crossdressers.com then the answer is, obviously, no: it doesn't go way.

This is true. There's no point asking the members here if the desire goes away, it obviously hasn't for them. :)

But, what of the tens of thousands of people who joined here over the years and who no longer come around. Some may have transitioned, some may have become bored with the forum and they may still crossdress (like my SO). And some have passed away. But I bet there are thousands upon thousands of people who don't dress any more. A friend's husband (in my town) came out to her decades ago. They were deeply involved in Tri-Ess at the time and he even did some pro-bono legal work for them. The crossdressing was cyclical over the 25 years, with periods of intensity where the husband wondered if he wanted to transition, to less intense times, and back to intensity again. There never were any purges because my friend accepted. Their kids knew. Their church community and friends knew. And then he just stopped. Cold. Hasn't dressed in seven years. He doesn't see the point any more.

I think that a crossdresser will only reach that point once he has achieved complete freedom and has gone out at will for years and years. I guess it's hard to stop as long as there is some form of repression (a wife who doesn't totally accept, the need to hide from the kids, living in an area that makes it hard to dress, or living with any amount of internal angst about it), and so as long as these conditions exist there is a need that never really becomes satisfied.

Also, some people just can't get away with dressing in public and dressing alone at home can get old. They cannot pull off blending in, it's hard to keep trying if they feel stared at constantly and so eventually they give up, if they cannot bring themselves to stop caring about what people think.

I think it's wrong to assume that every person who has crossdressed will continue to do so all their lives. Some will, and some won't. YMMV.

[Shayna]

For me it never disappeared but was less strong at certain times to the point where I really could ignore it. It did always return.

I used to wonder if I treated it like an addiction could I control it, but ultimately realized that I didn't want to.

[AllyCDTV]

Figured that now might be a good time for me to add some thoughts. I haven't been active in this forum for a while. A few years ago for a variety of reasons, I decided that I had to stop crossdressing and did. I haven't engaged in the behavior now for a couple of years. Still it was a part of me and will always be, so I like to see what's going on in the forum from time to time.

In my case, yes the desire to crossdress goes away, but from time to time, it does come back. How could it not come back? It was something I enjoyed and occasionally I remember the enjoyment so the desire comes back. Still I don't allow the desire to control my behavior. Now granted, the desire might be stronger in some than it is in me and their motivation for stopping the behavior may not be as great as mine or even exist at all. But everyone is different in that regard.

Will the desire ever go away permanently? I won't be able to tell you that until I'm gone permanently and that will be kinda hard to do.

[Mollyanne]

I am well past 65 yrs of age and I can tell ya that the desire(s) may diminish from time to time but when they return WATCH OUT!!!!! They return with a vengeance. I have just accepted the fact that I prefer female clothing over male clothing and I also look better when I am "all prettied up".

Molly

[Pat]

But, what of the tens of thousands of people who joined here over the years and who no longer come around. Some may have transitioned, some may have become bored with the forum and they may still crossdress (like my SO). And some have passed away. But I bet there are thousands upon thousands of people who don't dress any more.

It's the old absence of evidence problem. Certainly it's something that should be studied at the funded academic research level, but that probably won't happen soon.

What I'd note is that if you're willing to accept the crossdressers are transgender (no, I'm not trying to start that up again) and if you accept that their level of dysphoria differs from folks who need to transition more in degree than in type then we can look at the research that has been done to support the idea that treatment by trying to change a person's inner model of themselves is ineffective to the point where it's considered medically more effective to modify the body, then that might argue that a consistent history of gender dysphoria is a good predictor that the dysphoria will continue into the future (i.e. it never goes away.)

Or you can just say we don't know the answer. ;)

[Jenny22]

For me, it never went away; though I surpressed it for many years, the desire was almost always there. As I aged, I started to dress more often until now, its daily and for longer periods of time. And, I dress much younger than my age to try to recapture what I could have done in my younger years. I've also become Bi-curious, and I now fantasize of being with a man and taking care of his needs.

[Piora]

I never consciously suppressed my desire to crossdress, either. It just went away for a very long time. But in recent years, it came back far more strongly than any other time in my life. I'm 65. I used to only dress on weekends. But in recent months, I have the desire....no, the need to dress on week nights, which I never have done before. It's just such a relief to get everything on, and sit and relax. A wonderful feeling.

[Maria_mtf]

I think it is the same as with everything, the desire comes and goes. I have the desire to go running some days, but not every day. I have read stories of some people not dressing for years, then all of a sudden the need coming back to them. I agree with your original post about dressing being more of a need sometimes, but some days I also "need" chocolate, so I eat it!

[Dana44]

As a Gender Fluid person, wow I would say that it will never go away. In fact with both sides of my brain open I think that it is a bio rhythm trait that switches or something like that. But it will never go away and I often wonder what it would be like to be Cis gender. But will never understand that either. But my fem side is as strong as my male side and it seems right to express your gender when you are male or female and it will never go away, but under serious circumstances I am sure we can suppress it for some time. But it will come back stronger.

[ReineD]

What I'd note is that if you're willing to accept the crossdressers are transgender (no, I'm not trying to start that up again) and if you accept that their level of dysphoria differs from folks who need to transition more in degree than in type then we can look at the research that has been done to support the idea that treatment by trying to change a person's inner model of themselves is ineffective to the point where it's considered medically more effective to modify the body, then that might argue that a consistent history of gender dysphoria is a good predictor that the dysphoria will continue into the future (i.e. it never goes away.)

Treatments that attempt to change people are indeed ineffective for both gender dysphoria and homosexuality.

But, (many? most?) crossdressers don't have GD. They don't want to be women. They live their lives as men. These are the people for whom it can diminish over time or stop entirely. And sadly, there's a paucity of research when it comes to the crossdressing because so many CDers are not seeking medical help and they are not interested in leaving their closets.

You mention transgender, and I don't generally use that term any more to describe any group of people, for the simple reason that everyone has their very own personal definition of what it means - whether it is equated to TS, or somewhere between CD & TS, or as it's very own gender, or as a general term to describe everyone from those who only wear panties to those who are transitioning no matter their motives for doing so.

[Kiva]

For myself, it has never gone away, even during that decade of denial. Deep down, you already know the answer.

[Rhonda Jean]

For me, I don't think the desire will ever go away. Change, yes, but not go away. Be manifested in different ways, yes. Ebb and flow, yes.

Strictly speaking for myself... For a few decades it was like pushing a car up a hill. The hill was composed to a large degree of my everyday public "look", and also to the degree I took things when en femme. Looking at some of the boy mode vs. girl mode pics, some can transform so beautifully and completely that they can push that car way up the hill for their en femme times, and pretty much let it roll down to the bottom for every day. I didn't do that. I had long hair, long nails, shaved legs, and wore panties and feminine-leaning clothes when I was a teenager, so I was already part way up the hill. When I got married, I just kept pushing. Instead of letting that car roll back down, I'd throw something under the tire to keep it from it. I started wearing makeup, and threw a rock under the tire. Started wearing nail polish, and threw a rock under the tire there. Started wearing a bra every day, and again, threw a rock under the tire. You get the idea. I've hit a few obstacles that caused that car to roll back down out of control, but I've always started pushing it back up. I never knew what was beyond the top of the hill. I didn't really want to know. No matter how hard I pushed or how far, it seemed there was always a little further to go, and I liked it that way.

Particularly when it came to my wife, I was always afraid of losing ground. Once I got her used to me rolling my hair, for example, I was afraid to retreat an inch, even if I wasn't all that into it at that particular time. I threw a rock under the tire there very early on. Not a good move, BTW.

Handled correctly, which I did not, this can add a lot to the adventure of life. Utterly harmless and cripplingly destructive at the same time. I don't want the desire to go away! Along with it would go a lot of the joy of life.

[Saikotsu]

I, like many others, can only speak for myself. I hesitate to say it never goes away, but it transforms.

Originally, I used clothing to help me come to grips with my gender identity. As a genderfluid individual, I had to find ways to manage an internal gender that wasn't constant. The more feminine I felt on the inside, the more I had to reflect that on the outside. I struggled to find a way to come to terms with it.

But eventually, I realized that who I am on the inside is the real me. The clothes, be they male or female, were just that: clothes. They are a tool of self expression. Regardless of what gender I feel on the inside, I can wear my clothes and be comfortable.

Sure there are days where I experience dysphoria, where the me on the outside is so out of sync with the inside that I feel I have to wear feminine clothes to sync back up. Today is one such day. But for the most part I'm okay wearing whatever clothes are clean. My desire to dress hasn't gone away. It has merely changed.

[Katey888]

You, Emily (and others) have made some good points here... speaking from experience - as all of us can only really speak from that - I've had ups and downs and changes in motivation of how and why I've expressed this barmy, inexplicable condition... Periods of several years where it's declined substantially, but never totally gone away - and shorter periods like recently, where the urge has diminished and my male side has come back very strongly (Watch out, girls! ;)) but I know that I can still both have some fun and derive some benefit from the expression...

So I think the answer must be: it depends :)

I have to say, I see much more acceptance from the younger members here of a future life that potentially mixes the two aspects of our nature more frequently and publicly - some of that I think is a generational/ cultural perspective, where there are less penalties to reveal this nature, then the tendency is likely to be that expression will be made more freely and more completely. It's us oldies that have the behavioural barriers programmed in...

Then again, I'm sure that there are those for whom the feelings decline completely and this just becomes a phase in life... and few of those will bother coming back here to share that view (although one or two have and do) as they struggle to gain airtime between those who are firmly on the track to the Big-T and those who are at least shrouded in Pink Fog for the present... As with everything here, it's difficult to draw generalisations as so much of our perspective is influenced by childhood, culture, age, etc.

Enjoy it when and if you can - I for one wouldn't mourn if the feeling passed from me one day and never returned... (well, other than mourning for the opportunity to dance like a girl while more-or-less properly looking like one...)

Katey x

[MissTee]

I frame it as a "calling" rather than a "desire", and in that is a huge difference. A desire is something I would like to do and have a measurable amount of control. A calling is something much more powerful. Think of birds and migration. Hard to fight the calling.

[audreyinalbany]

I"ve wondered this myself. There was someone locally who had a really nice website years ago called "Yvonne's Place for Crossdressers." She had thoughtful essays and shopping tips & advice for the local community.Then, one day she announced on line that she had 'done everything' she wanted to do as a crossdresser & was giving it up. Website closed. Hasn't been heard from sine. i've often wondered if she was really able to quit or whether she just stopped being so public about it.

[Jane G]

Put simply it's true You can ignore it for as long as you like but it will never go away IMHO.

[twelvestepemily]

Thanks for the thoughtful reply Ineke! You're right that CDing won't give you diabetes and that the negative effects are mainly from other people that aren't willing to accept it (though admittedly I also think about the time and money I've put into CDing, and those resources could've been spent doing something more "productive"). But those negative external effects are real in our society today ... if I could make a choice to rid myself of the desire, I probably would because I see it making relationships and life in general more difficult... but if it is something that I'm stuck with, then I'd rather just enjoy and accept it for what it is, rather than spending my life floundering in the middle.

[Julie Mehn]

i hope it never goes away

[bimini1]

My mom used to present me with that same "sugar" analogy. If you know it's bad for you why can't you think about it. If I do "x", it could lead to "y" and is not good. My response was cd is not what I do, it is who I am. Tied into my identity. What I had to learn was that it did not define me, but a part of me.
It's deeper for me than a substance like sugar that goes from the outside in. This is already inside and wants to come out. They said 99% of the people attempt to deny 99% of the truth 99% of the time(ie, we all live in some form of denial about reality), be it survival or whatever.

So it's part of us we are afraid to own.

You can easily become overtly analytical about it until it racks your brain but at the end of the day it boils down to what are you getting out of it as to whether it will continue or not. Any time somebody tells you some absolute like that you have to question it. It is different for everyone of us and it is your own motivations that will determine your destiny with it. These motivations need not be absolute either, they can be be fluent and in a state of perpetual flux as you go thru life things can change.

As you get older and grow you are not the person you were years ago even last year. Just try to go with your own inner vibe and let reality unfold unfettered.

As for Audrey's reply at #55, I also was a big fan of Yvonne's site for CDers. Same thing with Gina Lance of the old GirlTalk magazine. It's like they reach a ceiling. Been there done that nowhere else to go with it. Sometimes I envy these folks, and feel it's not a conscious decision they make, it just happens.

I am fascinated by the extremely public CDers that seem to go down this route. Who was it that used to do the videos, Jessica Who? There was a CD who wrote this book years ago called The Bliss Of Becoming One, name escapes me. Same route, one day she woke up and it was over. No desire to continue. I've come across a few more like that.It could happen to me or you, you just don't know. A girlfriend asked me 20 years ago did I see myself cd in 5, 10 years from there.

I just could not even conceive or wrap my head around there being a time when I no longer did it. Not so much so now. Some progress some digress some get to a point where what is the point in continuing.

[Pat]

Any time somebody tells you some absolute like that you have to question it.

Must we absolutely question it? ;)

[redtea]

I once tried to stop CDing, back in 2013 i felt immense shame one night and decided i would not do it anymore. Course i didn't Purge so i guess i was destined to fail but i went a solid 63 days without dressing. After two months this thought came into my head and told me that i was making myself deprived of this forbidden fruit for nobody. Ever since then i accepted the fact that my fetish is here to stay and never tried to quit again. Life would be too boring if i tried to live the normal male route.

The issue the OP is having is that there is this mental wall in your head that tells you what is weird and what is normal....And crossdressing is in the weird wall. You just have to realize that life is short, and being weird of conforming to standards really doesn't make a difference in the end. I also feel its not healthy to repress your inner desires when they are harmless

[HollyGreene]

A girlfriend many years ago was reasonably accepting of my CDing. She sometimes let me wear her clothes including her panties.
As our relationship got more serious, I decided to give it up because at the time I thought my desire to dress was to compensate for not having a woman in my life.
I lasted about a month, and I underdressed with a pair of her panties. Later that day, she asked me if I was wearing her panties (I guess she had noticed a particular pair missing). I said that I was. She didn't mind, but said that she thought I'd given it up. I just told her that I tried and tried, but the desire is just too much.

On a couple of other occasions I have got rid of all my female clothes, but just ended up buying more fairly soon afterwards.

So for me, yes, the desire never goes away.

[Stephanie58]

Sixty years after starting I am still crossdressing. The urge has recessed from time to time (possibly due to other pressures, lack of opportunity etc) but always returns.

So for me the answer is yes.

[Lana Mae]

I can only relate my experience and thoughts. Started very young (preschool). Again as teen. Future wife said only can be 1 woman. For 34+ years no cd! Then wife dies and it hits me again like a ton of bricks! It is wrapped around me somehow. Do not know if its mentally or emotionally. Just know we are all male and female some have more of one or other and some of us have both and we crossdress. Those are my thoughts right or wrong. Hugs Lana Mae

[NancySue]

Since the age of 6, when I put on my first pair of nylon stockings, the pleasure, serenity, and warmth has never gone away. At times the desire is intense while there are other times of a lesser degree...but the feelings are always there. My development has been progressive as I became involved with wearing additional things....panties, a bra, a slip, makeup, heels, skirts, blouses, dresses, wigs, jewelry. When I get that "tingle", my first choice is always hose whether underneath or completely dressed. While dressing is very comforting, it carries many negative elements...discovery, acceptance which can involve personal and social consequences. We live in the Midwest where dressing is mostly viewed as a "no-no". I took the proverable leap of faith and told my wife early in our relationship...expecting her to bolt for the exit door. Shockingly, she accepted my dressing compulsions...happiest day of my life. Neither of us understand my needs, but it's here to stay, so we enjoy. Her help has been fantastic. We value our "little secret".

[Fiona123]

For me it's true. The desire never goes away. I woke up today thinking I'm not going to wear panties. Too much bother. And yet here i am underdressed in floral cotton undies & loving it.🌺

[nikkiwindsor]

I'm an older gal and the desire hasn't left...woke up this morning at 5:30am and immediately and completely transformed to present my feminine self...feel so much more content and happy!

[NancySue]

LOL I did the same thing. Ahhh, yes. It's a good day. I'm wearing a new blouse. It's beautiful.

[Georgette_USA]

Have not read the whole thread. Not a CD but do know many on-line and maybe 100 in real life. I know quite a few in their 70-80s.

Problem with a question like this is. If the desire goes away forever, why would they still be on here. And/Or do they tell others.

The real question is, "Does anyone know someone who has stopped, and do they know if they still haven't started again". Would go along with the idea of purging, Yes or No.

This forum has been around a while, so some might know if any stopped or just disappeared from here.

Most I know if the dressing stops, would others know as most don't make the same friendships outside of the shared dressing. Of the CDs I know, have only met a few in their male mode, but have not made any friendships outside of their dressed selves.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

It's fun to see you getting into the crossdressing world Emily. You have a balanced head on your shoulders and I know you'll follow a path which is sensible and true to your feelings.

For me the desire to dress ebbs and flows. Currently it's just panties and girly-shorts- I haven't put on make-up or a wig in more than a year. I don't question it and I certainly wouldn't purge the clothes etc, because I feel pretty sure one day the urge will sweep over me again. I no more understand it than I understand gravity...

...and that's just fine.

[Lacey New]

There are a lot of thoughtful responses here and I won't try to be as deep as many. I can and will only speak for myself and as such, my thoughts about the urge or desire to cross dress is my own opinion and certainly not science. As I age, I find that the urge ebbs and flows. Sometimes it is quite strong and requires that I do something about it. Generally that means a journey into the pink fog, shopping,dressing and achieving some some self gratification out of it. Other times, it is in the back of my mind and even though I remain interested, it is something that can wait. However, I think that as long as I can or will respond to sexual stimulus, a desire to cross dress will always be present.