Being A Woman 24/7

[Martha G]

I thoroughly enjoy dressing and presenting my self as a woman. I actually feel that I am a woman.

However circumstances at this time would prevent me from doing so.

Transitioning would be a long, very costly process. But if I wanted to, I could handle it.

However simply dressing as a woman 24/7 should do the trick.

The older I get the stronger the urge to dress like and be a woman comes on. I cannot seeing this ever going away.

Ladies, what are your thoughts on this matter.

What course would you recommend?

I need to fulfill my destiny to become a woman in one way or another.

Thanks in advance for your advice and encouragement.

[Kate Simmons]

I think being ourselves in either case has a lot to do with it. If I found someone nice to settle with en femme, I could do it 24/7. Either way I'm good really. :battingeyelashes::)

[PaulaQ]

Everyone worries about the process of medical transition. Its expensive, and care is often unavailable to those who really need it.

It is also the easiest part of transition, in my opinion, cruel and privileged as it seems.

The hard parts are the social parts. If by living as a woman you mean coming out to people as a woman, conducting all your business as a woman, working as a woman, etc., that is transition. There are a number of problems you'll likely face:
1. Social stigma, both from people in your life, as well as strangers. (Getting called 'he' or 'sir' for example.)
2. Problems with customers or coworkers on the job
3. Conducting business with IDs that don't match how you look can be hard - they may not accept that you are the person on your ID
4. Traffic stops are scary when your ID doesn't match you presentation/ appearance
5. Travel can be difficult for the same reasons
6. Public bathroom usage can be problematical in this day and age.

Unless you are genetically gifted, you will likely discover that you don't pass all the time, and some people will treat you very differently.

Getting people to acknowledge that you are a woman is really the hard part. Actually, often it is hard getting people to acknowledge that you are a human being, much less a woman.

The biggest issue you'll likely face, other than people, is your ID.

I wouldn't bet that simply presenting as a woman is going to fix your gender dyhoria. Lots of us need every medical procedure we have done to feel OK.

What difficulty do you envision with medical or legal transition? Or do you mean "24/7 except for certain situations?" Because seriously, the social issues are BY far the most difficult. You may also find that dressing like a woman, but treated as a man is increasingly uncomfortable over time.

I'm not trying to be negative - if you can be fine on no hormones / non op - more power to you. If you live someplace where ID documents aren't tied to medical stuff, that's one big problem you can avoid.

[RADER]

Being that I am 69 years old, yes OLD is the key word here.
Having a lot of surgery at this age, unless it was necessary,
could cause more harm than good.
So I guess I will just continue with being in the "Closet" and
under dressing, and be happy that I can do that.
Rader

[ClosetED]

Martha - what stops you from presenting 24/7 as Martha?
What advantage do you see from getting hormonal therapy or undergoing surgery (facial feminization or full gender reassignment) - actual transitioning?
If what you do now makes you feel you are a woman, then what more do you need?
You wrote that "simply dressing as a woman 24/7 should do the trick"
Do you need to have driver's license that says F ?
Did you want to no longer see male genitals?
Did you want to block your naturally declining testosterone production?
You could dress as a woman and get a face lift / facial feminization combo and look younger and a bit more feminine, for a few thousand dollars.
Some thoughts...
Hugs, Ellen

[arbon]

Facelift and FFS combo for a few thousand dollars? Sure about that?

[Martha G]

After reading the comments, I certainly do not want to transition

I'll dress at home or go out to different places en femme, but keep my male personna.

Since I live by myself I can dress all of the time at home if I want. I can be a full time woman at home.

No I don't need a female drivers license and had only one ticket in my life.

Maybe a makeover and have myself photographed in all types of beautiful clothes. How lovely and feminine that would be.

The facelift would be $10,000 plus at least but as you can see in my photo, my face does not sag nor does it have wrinkles.
CHECK OUT MY BOY to GIRL photos in that section.

I'd rather take the money and get new clothes as well as two beautiful formal gowns.

I think I have the situation solved thanks to you ladies.

Thanks again

[arbon]

Well that was easy!

[Tracii G]

Just be yourself Martha you don't have to do any more than that.

[Zooey]

I am still on the fence about having it, but my FFS quote was 30k+, and I wasn't even having the "works" done. Bone work on the skull, especially around the sinuses, is a big deal.

[Martha G]

I make an attractive and passable woman, have a good outgoing personality, get along well and have picked up numerous feminine traits and mannerism.

I think I will stop there and enjoy myself dressed and acting like a woman.

Cross dressing for me is the way to go. I thoroughly enjoy it and love to wear beautiful skirts and dresses and other feminine items along with making myself beautiful with makeup.

I look and feel so much younger. I don't look lie myself when dressed. No one would recognize me when "all dolled up"

Being bald, I can enjoy a variety of beautiful wigs as well.

Thanks ladies for your input.

[MissVirginia-Mae]

They say it ranges from $7k to $24k
Im about to transition and its looking in the HIGH range of those numbers if not over
But, its well worth it and im very very excited about it.

[MissDanielle]

I'm not sure if I want FFS...I think it's a matter of how things look down the road.

[Rachelakld]

As I don't have the money to transition, or the money to survive outside the work force, also I don't want to lose my fantastic wife, I need to keep a testical in both camps

Sorry, a foot in both camps

[ReineD]

I was going to suggest seeing a gender counselor to investigate taking hormones and beginning to align your body with your inner self, but then I saw this:



Cross dressing for me is the way to go. I thoroughly enjoy it and love to wear beautiful skirts and dresses and other feminine items along with making myself beautiful with makeup.

I look and feel so much younger. I don't look lie myself when dressed. No one would recognize me when "all dolled up"

Being bald, I can enjoy a variety of beautiful wigs as well.

It sounds as if you're happy with the way that things are, and so you can simply carry on with what you're doing. :)

[Helen_Highwater]

On the few occasions I've been able to be enfemme for 24 hours a day for up to 5 days what I found was it became tiring. As Dolly Parton says, " It takes a lot of work to look this trashy". After 5 days much as I loved being enfemme the effort required to get the makeup done etc, and then cleaned off at night, left me feeling drained. I felt I had literally walked in her shoes and had a much greater affinity with the lives of GG's. OK not every GG has to put on makeup every morning just to go about their daily tasks but for most? of us it's going to be a necessity.

So going fully time is something that requires in my (limited) experience a big commitment and a degree of stamina and fortitude.

[Heidi Stevens]

Martha, may I suggest you look into attending a convention or conference for transgendered people that are held around the country? It will give you a feel for what it is like to live female for more than just a day. You'll also be surrounded by others who have the same feelings. Nearly all of these gatherings have support for those attending for the first time. I've gone to two in the past year and the experience was very educational. I'm now looking for other events to continue to explore my inner woman. The best thing is conventions can be done for a lot less money than having surgeries done. Look at the big events like Keystone or Southern Comfort for ones with an excellent education program. For a smaller gathering there are events all over the country that allow you to be the woman you want to be for a few days. It could help you decide if you want to take things further.

[Barbara Black]

For those who have made the transition from dressing part time to dressing 24/7, is it easier once you do, not having to undo the hair growth after a week, changing from male to female when the need/urge strikes you, etc. It seems to me that some of those things you would no longer have to do would make it more enjoyable for you daily (besides it just being more comfortable and enjoyable). Is this the case?

[Jenniferathome]

I thoroughly enjoy dressing and presenting my self as a woman. I actually feel that I am a woman.

However circumstances at this time would prevent me from doing so.

Transitioning would be a long, very costly process. But if I wanted to, I could handle it.

However simply dressing as a woman 24/7 should do the trick.

...

This strikes me as the perspective of a cross dresser, not that of a trans person. "Take it or leave it" does not seem to fit the trans people here. It's more a "Do it or die" attitude.

Be happy being a cross dresser.

[Ineke Vashon]

Martha, may I suggest you look into attending a convention or conference for transgendered people that are held around the country? Look at the big events like Keystone or Southern Comfort for ones with an excellent education program. For a smaller gathering there are events all over the country that allow you to be the woman you want to be for a few days. It could help you decide if you want to take things further.

I wonder if there is some sort of a list of those events, with dates. I've read about southern comfort and the one in Port Angeles, WA, but somehow I always seem to be on the wrong side of the country. Poor excuse but that's all I have at the moment.

Ineke,
ps: written in the dark side of my closet, wishing to come out.

[Martha G]

I think that I will simply dress as a woman when the urge comes on.

[arbon]

For those who have made the transition from dressing part time to dressing 24/7, is it easier once you do, not having to undo the hair growth after a week, changing from male to female when the need/urge strikes you, etc. It seems to me that some of those things you would no longer have to do would make it more enjoyable for you daily (besides it just being more comfortable and enjoyable). Is this the case?

Not really clear if you are asking full time cross dressers or transitioned women? or maybe you don't think there is a difference?

From my transitioned woman pov it is not about cloths or any of that. I am who I am regardless of how I dress. And most days I just roll out of bed and get on jeans and a top and don't do much at all with makeup. If I wear jeans a tee shirt it is not a male mode, it is just me mode and I still assert my female identity to the world.

[Zooey]

What Arbon said. Women don't "dress 24/7", we just live. The clothes I wear are a consequence of who I am and what I like, not the other way around.

I get the impression that people think I/we are being pedantic when we point these little choices in wording out, but they are often deeply indicative of how someone views something.

[Candice June Lee]

I have to ditto a few of the questions and comments others have made. Personally I was in your shoes. Now I'm transitioning. It's a long process and for me well worth the time. Start seeing a psychologist and go from there. Insurance should pay for that. Then if transitioning is for you you'll be a step ahead. I've been much happier since Imade that decision. It's not only about the clothes.

[MissTee]

I prefer the option to dress male or female when I want and as I want. As with Helen, I find dressing sometimes tiring and don't want to do it. I am content being CD.

[sometimes_miss]

I've found that as I get older, I have more free time. And more free time, leaves more time for the mind to wander, and the gender monster comes out to play, so I have to deal with it more often. I see my friends going through the same thing, I can only guess what they have to deal with. As we approach retirement, when nearly all day is free to wonder what to fill our time with, it's no surprise that if we enjoy dressing up, we're going to want to do it more and more often.

[pamela7]

Martha, I don't have any man-clothes now, so I'm dressed en-femme 24/7, and I'm in a long process of waiting for physical transition. However,I find myself treated as a woman in almost all circumstances, like train stations, shops, even if I have a few days non-shaving. It's how you radiate emotionally that sets up what happens with other people.

[DebbieL]

You should probably start following the transgender group. Transition can happen in two flavors. Option one is "toe in the water", make small changes and spend more and more of your free time (non-work) living as a woman, with little bits of "bleed-over" into your male life. This is the best way for those who have a stable environment and don't want to jeopardize all of it. It also gives you a chance to make controlled corrections as you transition.
The other is "Dive in head first", which is often the hardest way and usually done when the rug is pulled out from under us. For example, a minor who has been kicked out of the house may HAVE to start living as a girl full time in order to hide from parents, to get back to school, or to survive. Really not the best way to go.

The first thing to understand is that there WILL be losses. There WILL be hardships. On the other hand, if you can manage and control your transition, the rough patches don't last as long, and it becomes easier to replace what was lost and/or minimize the losses.

When I transitioned in 1989, I did everything wrong. I wore a maids dress to the Halloween costume contest at work in October of 1988. It was obvious that I KNEW how to walk in 3 inch heels, and didn't have much trouble with it. I was too effeminate, coming off more like a gay drag queen than a transgender girl. Then I went to a bunch of social events as Debbie and struggled with my wife's rejection. When we went to a couples counselor it was for "Sex therapy" because we hadn't done anything for 2 years. Leslie blurted out that she couldn't stand my "Wardrobe Problem". The therapist then talked to each of us separately and he realized that I wasn't just a cross-dresser, I was a transsexual, so severe he thought I would commit suicide if I didn't transition (I later told him I'd already tried several times). Unfortunately, it was also clear that Leslie was actually repulsed by my feminine side, whether I dressed or not. So I knew that the marriage was going to end.

Over the next 12 months, I lost my wife, my children, my job, my home, and had to move 70 miles away to Denver where I had a better chance of getting a technology job. I had to live is a hooker motel for a few months, but I found a job where they would have supported my transition, met a girl who loved that I was transgender, and was bisexual. Before long, I was living almost 100 hours a week as Debbie, and was preparing to find a new therapist who could supervise my transition.

Unfortunately, my kids found out a bit about Debbie, and it got back to my ex, who first decided she couldn't take care of the kids, so they spent the summer with me, and we added another woman to the household who helped with child care as well as working. We all took turns taking care of the kids, but they would often call me Debbie around the kids, and would ask to borrow my clothes. When the kids told Leslie, she then wanted the kids back, along with the child support increases, and then she handed me a letter from a counselor who had never met me or the kids recommending that my visitation be revoked. I had to abort transition, and after that, I moved to New York for a 6 month contract to get my finances sorted out. I started to transition again, and when my son was being disobedient to his step-dad, Leslie asked for pictures of Debbie so she could shame my son into hating me. Instead, I talked to him on the phone. I told him that it was true, I was a girl inside, and I still loved him. I also told him that since I couldn't be there with him, he should sit in his step-dad's lap and tell him everything he would tell me, and then give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

I didn't see my kids face-to-face for another 5 years, but my finances were so incredibly tight that I wasn't able to transition to full time. I ended up in a leadership position and was told to "butch up" by my boss, and I had to abort again. After that, I gained a LOT of weight, and my health got bad. I couldn't even stand to get dressed. I had reached 330 lbs, and had a heart attack.

A few years later, I went on Atkins and dropped down to 250 lbs, and I started to dress. The improved self-esteem motivated me to lose another 25 lbs on Weight Watchers. Then, with my second marriage, the cross-dressing was OK, but the transition was now off the table. My health began to suffer again, I gained 50 lbs, to 270 lbs, and had a stroke. When my daughter got married, I started to think about transition again. I was on the road and packing for both Debbie and Rex, and spending most of my free time as Debbie. At 50+, my short skirts and too tight blouses were getting noticed in a bad way. My wife did a "What not to wear", throwing out all of my girl clothes, and taking me to Avenue, Lane Bryant, and Catherine's for a new wardrobe. Almost immediately, I noticed that I WASN'T being noticed. I could walk through the mall and not even get a second look. Not only did I "pass", I had learned to "blend".

With a more professional wardrobe, I was able to start hormones and started to work as a "gender fluid" male, obviously feminine, but I was open about being transgender and intending to transition. When I got to the point where I could only pass as a guy if I wore a really baggy dress shirt made of thick material and a sport-coat, I told my boss that I wanted to transition in about 6 months. Two weeks later, he had be working for my next client as a woman. I hadn't yet changed my name, so I had to go by "Rexxie" for about 6 months. The next client only knew me as Debbie and I have had a happy career ever since.

Eventually, I was fully accepted by my wife's family, by our church, by several social groups, and some support organizations. I have also written three books, which I won't plug here.

[JanePeterson]

Transition can happen in two flavors.


From what I've seen and experienced so far, transition is driven by the intensity of Gender Dysphoria... it authors its own timeline and you respond as necessary to stay alive - I don't really agree with the idea that there are "choices" or flavors... different paths perhaps, but thinking about it like selecting a curriculum or something might not be the best way to approach it.

[BillieAnneJean]

I wouldn't bet that simply presenting as a woman is going to fix your gender dyhoria. Lots of us need every medical procedure we have done to feel OK.

Paula Q wrote this.
To me, this has got to be the most powerful thing I have ever seen posted on this subject. Not saying that the other side of SRS is bliss but just to feel OK.

Kudos to you, Paula, for what could be the key for anyone considering transitioning.

But I don't know anything for sure as I am just a CDer and don't consider myself any kind of an expert on transitioning.

Hugs to you Paula.
Billie

[PretzelGirl]

My kind of thread!

[sometimes_miss]

I need to fulfill my destiny to become a woman in one way or another.
If you believe in destiny, then you don't actually have to do anything. Things will work out no matter if you act on it or not. So you may as well just do whatever you want, and go along for the ride. It's certainly less work that way.

[NancySue]

Hi Martha,
I could "ditto" your entire message. My wife helps with make-up, feminine mannerisms and style choices. I enjoy practicing how to walk, sit, etc. like she does. My frustration is I love hose of all kinds, but they're not "fashionable". I don't care if I'm out of style, I wear hose. So there ! Ha !