Does your wife know?

[Andrea Evadne]

Hi all,
I have been married for 6 years, with 2 wonderful children. I love my wife dearly, and she knows full well that I like to wear her panties and dresses when they are off visiting her folks (its unspoken, but she always leaves a couple of dresses for me in the wardrobe. I once got dressed up in front of her, we ended up making out, but she didnt find it at all sexy. She tolerates me doing it, as long is its always on my own. I long for the days when I can wait until the kids go to bed, then slip on one of her dresses and chill out with her. Does anyone have a really accepting wife/girlfriend?

[RADER]

Yes my wife was OK with my dressing; even would order things from
a catalog for me to wear.
One big rule: Do not go out of the house dressed, do not embarrass her.
I Could live with that, I could never pass in any stretch of imagination.
Rader

PS: Welcome to the forum.

[Elizabeth G]

I would give anything to even be in your position. I am currently agonizing over when and how to tell her. Even DADT would be a relief.

Elizabeth

[Heisthebride]

I told my then girlfriend, now wife early on in our relationship. She was Ok with it and said we would see how it goes. That was about ten years ago, now we are married.

Earlier this month we went on a group vacation and I dressed, in public, most of the five days. Last night we walked to a burlesque show together, I was en femme, through our downtown neighborhood. She helped me with my zipper and I helped her. She is now very comfortable with me dressing around her and out with her. She doesn't get "turned on" when I dress but fully accepting is great by me.

I consider myself very lucky.

[sara66]

I told my wife 10 years after we were married. She is ok as long as she does not have to see me dressed. We have talked about me going out of town to spend a Sara day, we'll see. Overall it is better than I expected.
Sara

[reb.femme]

My wife accepts, but isn't thrilled, lets say. However, she often drives me to my group meets and I will/can dress a couple of times a week if I want. She will also help me shopping for makeup, jewellery and clothes I think that makes her pretty special.

Becky

[Maria_mtf]

My wife knows and is somewhere between accepting and tolerating. She's happy for me to wear her underwear during intimate times, but nothing more. However after a long talk recently she is happy for me to wear dresses when I am alone.

We hadn't spoke about my dressing for over a year and we had a long chat about it recently. It was like coming out all over again except this time she was even more understanding than last time. I know everyone says it but I believe communication is key, I am trying to tell her everything from now and so far its working.

It's nice she is leaving you dresses, as long as you are sure that's the case.

[Polypop]

My wife knows but tolerates only kind of DADT, as long as she never sees nothing. If she finds anything it is put away and nothing said, and that's how it'll stay I'm afraid

[Terry V]

Yes she knows and on occations has given me specials things I am into lacy slips and bras and she has picked out some of these for me.

[raeleen]

I think you'll find the total spectrum here, from those who have never told another soul, to those whose wives go shopping and have girl's nights in with them. It totally depends on the couple and what ends up working for them. I think being totally open, and moving along at your wife's pace with incorporating Andrea into your lives will be the key. If she feels like you're always honest and never keeping things from her I wouldn't be surprised if she opens up more one day to it. There's a great blog by another member here named Hannah who has talked about her relationship with her wife and where they're at. I'd suggest you check it out.

https://hannahgotta.wordpress.com/

[Steph_CD_62]

I told my current wife within a week of meeting her. I knew who I was and didn't want to give her a surprise later.

My wife supports me and does her best to tolerate me dressing. I know she would be happier if I stopped.

My wife never says anything when I buy something new, and will go shopping with me once or twice a year.

I can freely dress in front of her, but choose not to do it daily. I do wear panties 24/7 except for when I go to the doctor. I do have one pair of women's skinny jeans and one shirt that is a woman's shirt, but doesn't look too feminine.

My wife doesn't want me going out fully dressed (but I don't want to either), but she doesn't have a problem with my skinny jeans and woman's shirt.

I wear basically lingerie, but do enjoy wearing a maxi dress about once a month. I do not own or wear a wig. I have only had make-up put on me once. I know I could never pass as a woman and I am happy with who I am.

[rachelatshop]

My relationship with my wife is a funny one, as it is not totally DADT, she likes to see what I have for cloths and likes to know about my dressing and even asked me how the cloths feel and how it makes me feel, but she definitely doesn’t want to see Rach. A month ago she was in Berkley, CA and she was telling me about some cross dressing men who would come into the Café, and how she talked to one guy who was very friendly. They didn’t bother her in the least. For a while I wondered why she couldn’t just meet Rach and interact with her as a girlfriend, but I do think I understand where she is coming from. She would always know who Rach really was and would not be able to separate Rach from her husband. She doesn’t want me to go out as Rach, because she is afraid, more for me than her. Because this is where I grew up and know many people and have my business, she is afraid that someone might recognize me and I would not be able to live with the consequences.

[Fiona123]

My wife knows because I told her after hiding it for almost 30 years. Sadly is strictly DADT. I know it's my own damn fault.🌺

[Gretchen_To_Be]

Hi Andrea and welcome to the forum!

My wife knows and is fairly supportive, going so far as to participate up to a point. I came out to her after 11 years of marriage. She will indulge me by putting on a dress with hose and heels when I do, which we call our "fashion shows." She enjoys the smoothness of shaved legs under the covers and appreciates how much her wardrobe has expanded. She doesn't mind seeing me completely dressed, but drew the line at wigs and makeup. I'm hoping her attitude about that will soften over time.

You can see some of our posts dressed together if you look at my history.

Cheers

Gretchen

[Rachael Leigh]

My wife knows, mostly DADT and does not participate, she has seen me a few times but really feels it's not something she cares for and would much rather Leigh was not around.
She knows I go out from time to time as well.

[Nadine Spirit]

My wife knows, has always known, and is fully supportive. We go out together all the time.

[StacyCD]

After I told her it was DADT. Now she has progressed to seeing me dressed around the house. I'd say she is tolerant rather than accepting.

[jaimesilvertv]

Hi gretchen---love your posts....def inspiration.

[SharonDenise]

I told my wife while we were still dating. She accepted and supported my crossdressing for the 40 years that we were married. Unfortunately, she passed two years ago. Since then, I've become much more open about my cross dressing to others. I've told my daughters but they prefer a DADT relationship

[Stephanie47]

Yes, my wife knows. It is DADT. When we were first married we ended up with some "bedroom play" with nylon night gowns and hosiery. She and I enjoyed it. I started buying other nylon lingerie such as slips and panties, which she knew about, but, did not enter the bedroom play. One day our daughter (toddler) open the bottom draw of my armoire and pulled out a vivid red Vanity Fair bra. Well, we had a discussion about that. My wife could not understand why a man, who has nothing to "pack into a bra" would ever want to wear a bra. Well, the bra episode and discussion turned her off to any further bedroom play. She does not know the extent of my wardrobe. Under DADT I have no obligation to tell her. Don't take my advice if you're in a DADT marriage and buying clothing will make a hit on the family budget.

[binair10]

Mine is tolerant (on rare occasions), but it would be wonderful if she would be more accepting.


Julie.

[alwayshave]

My fiancee knows and is encouraging. She has given me jewelry, several pairs of earrings and a pearl necklace. She often asks why I have not dressed in a while.

[Crystal Beth]

My wife knows and LOVES it! She likes to help me pick out sexy outfits, prance around, and take pictures. She calls me her real life Barbie doll :o She has no problem with me buying shoes, clothes, make up, and wigs

[leannejacobs]

My wife and I have been married almost 27 years and I only came out to her about 4 years ago, this was due to us going through a rough patch where she knew I was hiding something and thought I was having an affair, she knew a few years previous I dabbled after finding my stash of underwear but it still came as a bit of a shock to learn that I dressed fully en femme, it was rocky for a while but now she fully accepts that this is something I have to do, she even encourages me to dress when she knows I need to, not only that, I think she likes socialising with Leanne, I'm much more relaxed and open with her when I'm dressed and she seems to enjoy giving me the time to do it.

she's a fantastic wife and my only regret is that I kept it from her so long, I did go many years where it lay dormant and I never gave it a thought but life could have been so much easier if I came out earlier, I now also have a GG cousin who I shared my secret with, she lives in another city and I've visited her on a number of occasions dressed en femme, she's so accepting and has even asked if I would mind meeting her teenage daughter while dressed, she's apparently very open minded and loves to see people express themselves, I intend meeting her next week when I'm away from home for 5 days, can't wait.

[bridget thronton]

Yes she does - she buys me clothing and jewelry as gifts (I mostly buy my own clothing) - her only concerns seem to be ensuring her family does not find out

[Jenniferathome]

My wife has known for about 5 years. We go out on occasion, my clothes hang in our closet, it is our normal now.

[Gerrijerry]

my wife is very accepting, however wearing her clothes is just wrong. You need to get your own. Wives like there clothing for their own use.

[Dominique12]

I have an amazing wife. I was helping her in the sewing room and I was wearing matching bra and panties, mini skirt and a red cami top. (Its hot here). And she did not say a word. She is accepting up to a point which I thank her for. I realize how lucky I am to have her.

[Jenn A116]

I told my wife about my CD'ing while we were still dating. I proposed to her about 3 months later. We've now been happily married for 19+ years. She shops with me, helps me fill out my wardrobe, and sees me dressed every couple of weeks.

[NancySue]

Yes she knows, accepts and helps. Women's intuition is never to be underestimated. Early in our relationship, she sensed I had an extraordinary attraction to hose...pantyhose, thigh highs and nylon stockings. I would look and feel them as often as possible. One night, after getting home from a party, she was taking her thigh highs off and caught me looking and smiling. she suddenly tossed them to me and said, "here you can have them". My heart almost stopped. It was then I took the big leap of faith and told her of my desire to cd....expecting a violent reaction. She just smiled and said she had suspicions and it was OK. We had several discussions. Her main concern was if I was gay, transgender, bi, etc. I'm totally straight. She totally accepts me and helps. I now have a complete wardrobe and mostly dress completely. She says I'm passable. We live in a small town, consequently I have to be very careful. We occasionally travel out of town together to shop, see a movie...two girls out on the town. At first I was very nervous, fearing getting "read", but so far...so good. Yes, life is good.

- - - Updated - - -

It's great, isn't it?

[SamanthaSometimes]

Yes, my wife knows but is not accepting or tolerating. It's pretty much DADT with infrequent and necessary discussions. She found out after 35 years of marriage which was a shock to her. When I was dating her (1979) I had never heard the term crossdresser and thought I must be the only guy on the planet that sometimes liked to look like a girl. After (MUCH) time passed, my feminine desire grew and I realized it was not a 'kink' but an identity. My feminine propensity is as much a part of me as my hazel eyes and being right-handed. If I had know then (dating my wife) what I know now, I certainly would have told her about my gender dysphoria. I simply didn't know how deep my feminine feelings ran and how much deeper they would become over time.

[claire1d]

I told my wife a few years ago when I realized that I wanted to dress fully. She is very accepting and let me dress at home. It took a year or so for her to be comfortable seeing me fully dressed. It might not be the norm, but she is fine with me borrowing her clothes and often tells me when we go shopping: "don't buy that, I already have one of those" :)

[Bruce64]

My Wife knows all about me, I don't wear her clothes anymore, I buy my own. More fun that way.

[Sascha Marie]

yes she does, she shopped for both of us yesterday. (hanes.com is best website ever)

[Robin777]

I told my wife before we were married. At first she thought it was a little strange, but grew to like seeing me dressed. We will be married 37 years this fall. She totally accepts it now and we shop together all the time. She finds me clothes she knows I like. We go thrift store shopping all the time. It's perfectly normal for her to see me dressed

[Sometimes Steffi]

Yes, my wife knows but is not accepting or tolerating. It's pretty much DADT with infrequent and necessary discussions. She found out after 35 years of marriage which was a shock to her. When I was dating her (1979) I had never heard the term crossdresser and thought I must be the only guy on the planet that sometimes liked to look like a girl. After (MUCH) time passed, my feminine desire grew and I realized it was not a 'kink' but an identity. My feminine propensity is as much a part of me as my hazel eyes and being right-handed. If I had know then (dating my wife) what I know now, I certainly would have told her about my gender dysphoria. I simply didn't know how deep my feminine feelings ran and how much deeper they would become over time.


My situation is almost exactly the same.

My wife tolerates. She found out after 29 years of marriage. I dated her from 1976 to 1978. My eyes are brown.

I do go out locally fully en femme about twice a month and I've gone to the Keystone Conference for the last 6 years. My wife has never seen me dressed, seen pictures of me dressed or seen any of my dresses or any other girl clothes. She doesn't even know my girl name. I'm not expecting any changes on her part, but I decided to live (the rest of) my life (more) as I please.

[Angie G]

Yes my wife is very accepting And even buys thing she knows I'll like. I dress infront of her 7 days a week.And dress for bed.Been doing this for 10 years now. And have been married for 48 years.And very much in love.:hugs:
Angie

[Melody A]

Does she know? Yes. Does she like it? Not really. Another DADT here.

[MissTee]

My wife knows and has bought me clothes over the years. We go shopping together, get couples mani-pedi's together, etc. That said, I never go out dressed. Instead, it's only when we are together inside. That's enough for my needs.

[TrishaLake]

I didn't tell my wife for years but I think she always knew. I told her four years ago and slowly worked some clothes into our "time together". During the time I didn't tell her, it was bad for me. The lying eats you up inside after while, and leads to mistrust...as they know something is going on. After all you are married to this person for a long time!

Today, we have worked it out where I can do out once or twice a month to parties, she has bought me a few things and I can wear everything but wig and makeup in front of her. Thats her line and I respect it. I should have told her up front but didn't have the guts too...women live in trust ....

I am not telling anyone to tell, I am just explaining that they will know and it will causes issues for both you and your relationship.

[Jane G]

Yup my wife has known for many years. She buys me dresses etc. But she still worries about others knowing. Crucially I love my wife, even more that seeing Jane in the mirror, so it's the closest for me.

[Shely]

Like most of the responses here, my wife knows and and has known for many years. we have been married for all most 45 years and she is accepting to a point. DADT is kind of the rule, although she has in fact bought me dresses and high heals a time or two. I have for some time wanted to have a real discussion with her about our feelings and desires, I need to reassure her that CDing is the totaly of my gender desires. I don't go out dressed and don't know if I really even want to. But i would love to have a discussion of how we can fit this into both of our lives. I asked her once if She would be OK with my dressing in the evening when we were alone, she said she didn't want to be around. I took that as a NO. Good luck to all.

[UNDERDRESSER]

GF knows, told her before we started dating, sitting in front of her on the computer in skirt right now. Don't completely identify as one now though, even though I wear skirts pretty much full time. Sometimes opaque hosiery, but not female tops, or bras, or padding. Just a dude in a skirt. I think she was a little taken aback when I started wearing them at work, mostly because I just put one on one day without saying anything. (we work at the same place) Did ask the boss first. She has given me some of her old yoga pants for lounging around in, and has accepted some warm tights from me. Sharing underwear or the like is not on though.

[~Darla~]

My wife has know from the beginning. She took me shopping the first time I bought panties. She is accepting of my CD but she says it does nothing for her which I can accept. The only time she seems to get upset about it is when she sees something new and she was not there when I bought it. I remember when I wanted to buy a dress, was a little unsure if she would be ok with that. I finally ask her and all she said was, what kind of dress do you want. A few days later we went shopping. Love my wife. 💋

[Maxi]

My wife has known about my dressing, since I first met her. The first time she walked into my bedroom, and saw a half slip laying on the bed. When she asked, Who's is this, and I told her, It was mine. We have been together for 12 years now, and she fully supports me. We even do a girls day out, shopping at times.

[CynthiaD]

My wife and I are sitting on the back porch together. I'm wearing a lavender dress, breast forms, wig, and high heels. We never talk about cross dressing, but I think she's beginning to suspect something.

[Melissa_59]

I'm lucky in that Roxy not only accepts me, but also is very helpful as well.

~Melissa

[AnnaMarie]

My wife knows as of around four months ago. It came as a shock and although we are DADT about this I do get to go on nights out with other CD'ers who I know and I've become good friends with. Unfortunately though that hasn't happened for a couple of months due to a few unforeseen circumstances (not relationship related) but hopefully normal service will be resumed very soon!
Unlike a lot of what other people advise on here, I'm glad I waited until when I did and not when when first met or we probably wouldn't have been together now. Living a lie? Yes I was for over ten years, but I had valid reasons of which I'm sure some will frown out but it was the right thing to do for me! There is no right or wrong for anyone!

[RobertaFermina]

My wife and I are sitting on the back porch together. I'm wearing a lavender dress, breast forms, wig, and high heels. We never talk about cross dressing, but I think she's beginning to suspect something.


Soooo glad I wasn't sipping my drink when I read this.....


Met my wife on this site....so...there's that.

Since then, I've stopped and boxed, and except for forms and maybe a few wigs, tossed.

If I should lose the extra 160 lbs and considered dressing again.....how would that go....I dunno.

[Lululover]

My wife knows. I'm a full time pantie wearer and cold weather bra wearer. All my clothes are my own. I only wear girls jeans and nobody else knows. She is very accepting to me dressing in skirts and dresses but only around the house when the kids aren't home. She helps me pick dresses out at stores when I want to shop. She's not to crazy about a wig, and definitely no makeup. I would love to go out sometime, but I don't see that happening. I love her dearly and wouldn't want to embarrass her.

[CassandraRae]

My wife does not know.

All this is so new to me, it still seems like a phase that might go away. My wife is a wonderful woman who I'm certain would accept me, even if she couldn't enjoy the new me. I'm also certain she would be disappointed in me as a husband and that would really hurt. So, no telling for now.

[Anita Cosmolover]

My wife has known about my cross-dressing for about 2 years now. I'd kept it secret from her for many years. I've been reading and collecting COSMOPOLITAN since I was 14 - she also did not know this. Anyway, I accidently left one I had been reading out in the back yard when she was working, which she found. I then confessed all to her. She had many questions (all the usual stuff) and I told her all about my cross-dressing as well. She is fine with the COSMO collecting, but not happy about the cross-dressing. We've compromised in that I do not do it in front of her. She's caught me a few times though. I think she's mainly worried out others and the kids finding out. I dearly wish she was more accepting. Maybe this will happen in time.

[suchacutie]

My wife and I discovered Tina together. She not only knows, but she literally taught Tina how to be a girl physically and emotionally. My wife is constantly trying to learn more about who Tina is, just as I am. I adore my wife and life is terrific.

[Dresser&SO]

Yes my wife knows and is supportive. We do have limits as to how far I dress in front of her. She doesn't like the makeup or wig. But when the kids are off and about we can chill out in girl mode.

[Stephanie58]

My wife found a picture of me dressed earlier this year and confronted me with it. So, after 40 years plus of a wonderful marriage AND keeping my CDing hidden from her, my secret has been exposed.
She has been very shocked and struggles to understand why I have this strange compulsion. I, after the initial awful feeling of being exposed and highly embarrassed, felt a sense of relief that I no longer had to hide my compulsion.

She has tried very hard to to be positive about my "hobby" and lets me dress when she is out but cannot bear to see me en-femme. So she is now very upset that she cannot be more supportive of me. I, on the other hand, feel awful for shocking and hurting her in this manner, and for burdening her with my secret.

And now that I can dress regularly I cannot help but feel frustrated that I cannot be more in the open and "share" this part of me with her. As a result there is "shadow" hanging over our relationship

However, we love each other dearly and hope we can both find some peace with the situation.

In the circumstances I am no longer sure that it is wise to let your wife know your secret.

So, to answer the initial question, Yes my wife knows, Yes she partially supports my CDing, but both of us wish she had never found out.

[BillieAnneJean]

ABSOLUTELY.
I am a late bloomer so I talked to her about it before the first time I ever dressed. It wasn't easy for her until she stopped researching on the net and started to listen to me.
Because she is EVERYTHING to me, I have a standing, repeated often, unconditional promise to her. I will stop, start, do more, do less of anything she requests, no exceptions. Once she figured out that I am still the same devoted husband, her life got sunny again.
My circumstances are unusual and I don't consider my situation a standard for anyone.