bashed

[kimberly c]

Hi it seems on this forum that most bash you if you are a fetish crossdresser, didnt we all start that way. the love of panties or stockings and garter belts. It seems many started by being aroused by wearing panties. As we grow older we begin to enjoy all things feminine. lets welcome all types of crossdressers.


Huggs Kim

[twelvestepemily]

++++! I agree and though I'm new around here, I do feel like that kind of elitist mentality is really toxic to any community

[phili]

I haven't seen any bashing so far when I sample the forums, but maybe a few hints that if someone's interest seems like a fetish then they are a bit 'less than'. I'm with Kim, -it is worth refreshing our commitment that the really special thing about this board is its gentle inclusiveness. We all have enough trouble in life elsewhere, and here it is safe to share interest in women's clothes however it is for you.

It is people making social norms and then telling others they are less than normal, or out of bounds, that creates the pain in our lives, so lets' not do it to each other.

I'll own up to having to admit that my interest was definitely fetishistic, aroused by panties, sexual release, repeat. But it never seemed fair to me to call it a fetish, dismissing it as an aberrant or exaggerated preoccupation. It seemed deeper to me, and more important and significant, and as it turns out, it was only the fear and closeted frame of reference that led me to this very simplistic and highly charged method of addressing my need to somehow cross the gender-polarized divide in our society.

Today I can enjoy seeing and wearing panties without arousal, but I am generally taking the position that my lingerie, skater skirts and lace dresses aren't women's clothes, they are feminine clothes for men. Is that still crossdressing? Does it matter? The frank and fearless sharing here has shown me that some others come to the same conclusion, for the same reasons, and we are all growing together.

So minority opinions are welcome, and for example, even if I am the only one who thinks there is hope for a 'hairy legs are sexy' look, I'll feel safe saying so here, and we can have a friendly discussion about it!

[Tracii G]

No we all didn't start out because of a fetish.
I can honestly say I don't have any fetishes.
Panties never did anything for me plus I find hose and garter belts kind of trashy looking but to each their own.
I haven't seen any bashing of fetish dressers lately.
I find it weird but you are free to do whatever you want.

[marlacd]

Think back to when you were in school. Were you ever the new kid? Or been around the new kid in class?

Same thing exists here. I don't think anyone really wants to shun you. We just happen to have known one another for a while. Or in my case, I just happen to have been born when Ike was president. We know what polyester is. (And some of us hated it) We remember that new, marvelous invention called panty hose. We remember Woodstock.

Give us a chance to get to know you, and vice-versa.

[Robin414]

Hmmm, if you're not gay and you have a strong femme side how can it not cause some form of 'incorrect erotic targeting' ?

I'm no phsycologist but it actuality makes perfect sense.

Sexuality has nothing to do with gender!

[paintmepink]

I am strictly a fetish dresser. I do not like all feminine things, nor do I like pink as blue is my favourite colour. However, I feel I have an alter ego which can be fun to dress up as. That and some other reasons.

[Leah Grace]

For me it started with a tights fetish and it progressed from there. I tried them on, loved it, and then I went to panties, dresses, skirts, heels, wigs, makeup, etc. By the time I was 20 I more or less had a female persona.

To be clear I still have kinks/fetishes/fantasies, most related to crossdressing, but my dressing up is what gets me going. It's pretty sexual for me, but it's also moved on from being just that.

[Gillian Gigs]

There are many fetish dressers on this site and I am one of them. Don't get offended by what someone may have said, when push comes to shove you may be amazed how fast we will rally around you. Some may write about their panty collection, or another fancy,and thats ok. We just don't want to read about your antics while fetish dressed, if you catch what I am attempting to say! Whatever the reason on how we started, we all need to help and support one another.

[Mayo]

I think that whatever the reason we're here, we're all atypical in our gender expression, and that's our common theme however much we may differ in details.

[Tracii G]

I have no issues with anyone with a fetish in general its your thing but yeah we don't need to hear about how excited you are sexually at any given moment.LOL

[redtea]

it's because us "CD ONLY" people "ruin" it for the people who are trying to portray a honest femme persona.

its kind of funny, if someone caught me CDing, i would explain that im just a big pervert, that being perverted is better than having gender issues
While people with personas/trans will state that they do it for self fulfillment and that its nothing sexual.

[Shelly Preston]

We have a wide spectrum of members here.

They range from the fetish dresser or the member or those who see themselves as a man in a dress to those who have transitioned.

There are times when we will disagree but I don't think there is bashing going on.

If you feel there is a problem you can always contact the staff by reporting the post

[Nadine Spirit]

... didnt we all start that way. ... As we grow older we begin to enjoy all things feminine.

Hi Kim-

Uhhh..... no, we did not all start that way. Maybe making that assumption is what is making you feel that fetish dressers are bashed around here. Generally speaking many of the fetish dressers tend to have that same belief, that we all start off there and somehow progress into the different gender variations after we loose that "special" feeling. That is a very narrow view of the gender spectrum.

I personally do not have an issue with anyone who enjoys cross dressing and has a fetish slant to it. More power to you. The difficulty, in my opinion, arises when us non-fetish folk want to go out in public and are then seen as fetish dressers using the public to further a fetish. Most of the public knows two gender variations, fetish dressers, and those who transition. To the uneducated, those are the only two groups. And when searched online, the fetish group has a LARGE presence. So maybe what you are seeing on this board are those of us who are trying to represent another side.

[ClosetED]

I have seen where comments about sexual enjoyment from crossdressing are disparaged. Many of the members no longer are, or never were, turned on by being dressed. That view is usually accompanied by a belief that there is another reason why they crossdresser than sexual gratification. I admit I started out that way and then quickly took off the clothes (never turned on by panties-it was hose). But most boys do not even get sexually excited from women's clothing, so there is something more in us that takes us down this path. If that something more overshadows the sexual aspect, or starts off as the only aspect, then you might look back on the sexual part as a side effect.

The site tries to be inclusive, but I think, IMHO, that the site members prefer to not be a pornographic site or discuss sexual exploits and leave those to other sites. There is date-a-crossdresser site, there are pornographc sites, story sites, and sites that sell to CDers.

I have had members tell me they really enjoy my pictures and are turned on by that. I am OK that they feel I present very well and I understand that sharing their enjoyment is a compliment to make me feel better. But I do not get sexually turned on by their compliments, just pleased. I see their point of view and acknowledge it is valid, not disgusting.

I try to never say someone here is wrong (which would be bashing) but only offer my view of the issues, unless I had well documented literature to back up a correction.

Hugs, Ellen

[CynthiaD]

I started crossdressing when I was 3 years old. I had no sexual feelings of any kind at the time. Once I hit puberty, I was surprised to find that feminine clothing did produce a reaction. By then I had been crossdressing so much that it was "just something I did." The "reaction" period faded rather quickly. For me, the feelings are not sexual, and except for a short period in my early teens, never have been sexual. It's more a feeling of "correctness" that I get when I wear female clothing. In fact, I wear female clothing a lot more often than male clothing these days, so mostly I don't have feelings of any kind. They are just "my clothes."

That being said, I couldn't care less why you wear female clothing. Crossdressing is cool! No matter why you do it. If you put on a dress (panties or whatever), we're sisters. I'm proud of you. Be proud of yourself. You deserve it.

[sometimes_miss]

Hi it seems on this forum that most bash you if you are a fetish crossdresser, didnt we all start that way.
Nope. We didn't all start out that way, nor was there ever a sexual excitement component in everyone's crossdressing. My own certainly wasn't; but what did happen, was post puberty, I was horny so much of the time that inevitably there would be times when I was dressed as a girl and became sexually aroused. But the clothes weren't the cause, they were simply there when it happened. After all, as a teen age boy, I was horny pretty much all the time. 'Self gratification' was something that I indulged in multiple times each day, and even then, unwanted 'hard times' occurred almost daily. I think that's part of the problem with trying to figure out what turns us on; at that age, it will happen no matter what we're doing. I never did figure out why algebra was apparently so sexy....

It seems many started by being aroused
Perhaps you suffer from the same thing lots of people do; wanting to feel normal, you like to believe that most other people are like you. It's a very common mistake. Yes, there are some. But it's by no means universal.

[stlmichelle]

I guess I am still a fetish dresser, simply because I don't have the freedom to dress fully. Even if that opportunity comes along, I will still have my fetish items on. It is these items that in my mind are the epitome of feminine apparel.

[Candice June Lee]

I've seen a bit of bashing. Not in the crossdresser vs trans realm. But that's not why I'm posting here. The fetish idea of getting started isn't that bad IMO. I know some folks who started that way. They find it a way of dealing with their desires. For me I found some support in the fetish community. Even though I knew i wasn't a fetish dresser. It allowed me to get my feet "wet" and progress. There truly is nothing wrong with whatever way or reason we all get going. Some start very young with different agendas trying to fit in to societal normalcy while others embrace it early on. Some people, it's nothing more than a home fetish, or once a month outing with fetish friends. Others its more than clothes, it's who we are deep down. We have to progress and be the woman we were meant to be.
I personally welcome being able to have friends on both ends. But when I need help with my transition I have to turn to my trans sisters. With the exception of work I'm full time now days. Work is coming close to being told. Speaking of work, one of my co-workers is a fetish dresser. We met at an outing. No troubles at all.

[JanePeterson]

that being perverted is better than having gender issues

care to elaborate on this a bit?

[Yoshisaur]

For me I started crossdressing when I was around 4-5 years old, I just really liked to look cute and pretty. The fetishes and arousal didn't come up until my teen years and even now I still get turned on when i'm wearing something I find sexy. I don't really see a reason to bash or harass anyone who is a fetish dresser, we should appreciate the fact that we all have something in common that we enjoy. So lets just accept and support each other.

[TrishaTX]

I am a fetish crossdresser too, I think. I don't think anyone needs labels, you are what you are!

[MsMissy]

I started crosdressing around age 14 dont honestly remember if i started out as fetish or not.

I did have a few fetishes when I dressed up, wanting to be that girl in the romantic moment, being taken to some fancy place to eat, whine an dine, make out...etc.

But thats it. I also used to get excited when i slipped into womens underwear, but that has since passedsomewhere around 2008. I have had bisexual thoughts more than once, never acted on them though.

I simply cant remember everything, heat strokes have taken parts of my memory.

I dont recall seeing anyone here bashing persons who cd for fetish, everyone is different this is what makes us unique.

[Molly James]

I should imagine that most of us have or still are struggling with some form of acceptance of our CD side whether that be our own acceptance of our femme side, our partners, families or friends acceptance & of course society itself which is why this forum is such a great place to be yourself & connect with other people who share a common desire to explore a femme side - whatever part of that wide spectrum. I think the golden rule is that if you read a post that you don't like, just move on to another post & forget about it or, if you feel someone is having a go at you then contact the moderators. Otherwise, have fun & enjoy yourself.

[becky77]

I agree with what Nadine said.

I see no bashing rather than distancing.
It's the same Hierarchy issue again. If we could only accept and embrace our differences then we could all get along nicely.

For those with strong feelings and needs to express their gender it's pretty hurtful when someone dismisses them as doing it for sexual reasons, so they distance themselves from that activity which leads to being accused of being elitist or bashing.

So we try to stick to some definitions so we can all get along with greater understanding of each others differences.
Unfortunately someone then inevitably takes offense to labels, someone else takes offense because they think they are being somehow excluded and further someone else tries to manipulate the known definition until it's meaningless and then we are full circle back to the mess of bickering and misunderstandings :(

[sometimes_miss]

care to elaborate on this a bit?

I'll have a go. Women seem able to put up with all kinds of things in their mates. They'll put up with drinking, drugs, dishonesty, cheating, thieves, murderers, physical and mental illness, you name it. Why? Because they're still seen as strong, virile men. Time after time, we see women who are ignored, abused, some even get killed by the guy they just can't give up. Ask them, all you get is, 'But I love him!' Put one in a dress, however, and it kills the sexual attraction, and the love can soon follow; once that's gone, she will look elsewhere for a strong male in her life, and love can easily grow with someone else.

[Sandra]

I think at times people get differing opinions mixed up with bashing. Just because people don't agree or can't understand what you do doesn't mean they are bashing you, they just have a different opinion.

[Crissy Kay]

I will have to comment on this one. I am and remain pretty much a costume, or fetish dresser. No one on this forum has bashed me because of that, the entire time I have been here. This is the best CD forum on the net. The members here, are the most supportive or any that I have seen. I will not stand by and see any of them treated badly. I have always felt welcome here, and consider this forum my home on the net.

[adrienner99]

Although it had nothing to do with fetish dressing, I got bashed so vehemently here once I left the forum for about a year.

Beyond that--because of bathroom laws and other controversial TG issues, I feel the hatred and bigotry aimed at us is escalating. While civil disagreements here are fine, and actually can be useful, fundamentally we all should be united and supporting each other.

I don't want to preach. But there are people out there who hate us. Let's not help them tear us apart from within.

[Katey888]

I don't think it's as much bashing per se, as that some folk can be highly opinionated and dogmatic about aspects of this... it occasionally comes out in sweeping generalisations similar to:


didnt we all start that way.

:)

As you've seen - we didn't - and while it may have been an aspect of many folks during puberty (my first CD experiences began at 5 or 6 so while fetishy feelings may have come later, it certainly didn't start for that reason...) it's clear there are many different origins and ways of developing that make it impossible to make rules for.

But I hear you about dogma... it niggles me when some folk just keep coming back and shouting about their opinions as if they were gospel and there are rules to be followed - there aren't. :) The members here are predominantly what I would describe as TG/CD femulators - because they hold a majority view their voice is the loudest, but it's clear there are substantially more sites (and probably CDs) that lean towards the fetish rather than the TG end of things...

Personally, I believe that even our fetish friends have something of a little gender wobble going on or they wouldn't have even some aspects in common... so we should all get along on that basis... :hugs:

Katey x

[Lori Kurtz]

I think at times people get differing opinions mixed up with bashing.

True. But sometimes the disagreements have gotten a bit bashy. I've never been the direct victim of any such comments, but some things have come close enough to home to make me feel the sting.

I think the best we can do on this forum is understand that most of us, earlier in our lives, have had a hard time dealing with the things that make us different from the mainstream, and that some of those wounds still influence us. If we can try to understand the pain that underlies a nasty comment, we can forgive, or at least not respond in kind. And when we ourselves are in need of support, we can seek out those who are able to give it.

[ReineD]

its kind of funny, if someone caught me CDing, i would explain that im just a big pervert

I wish you wouldn’t use the word "perverted". They used to think of it in this way over a generation ago, but that went out when they stopped believing that homosexuality was sinful or pathological and that couples living together without being married was a sin. Attitudes have changed. Now the medical and psychological professions know that people do have a wide range of sexual preferences and because of this, such a diversity is indeed all a part of the normal human fabric.


I should imagine that most of us have or still are struggling with some form of acceptance of our CD side whether that be our own acceptance of our femme side, ...

I think this lies at the bottom of threads like these. If a CDer hasn’t worked it all out internally (even if he thinks he has), then he’ll believe that others are criticizing him even when they aren’t. If he believes that most people are critical of dressing for sexual reasons, he will read his own misgivings into other people’s words. If to this CDer, anything other than absolute agreement with a statement means "bashing", then of course he will feel bashed if people write about having different perspectives.

Also it makes sense that if a person dresses for sexual reasons they will have difficulty understanding the motives of someone who dresses for identity, and the same is true in the reverse. But, understanding and agreeing with people whose motives are similar to our own does not equate to bashing people whose motives are different.

So to those of you who say you’ve been bashed, did people actually say you were somehow less worthy? And if one person did say that (there are always people who are bigoted), was this sentiment shared by the majority of people who posted in the thread?


————————————————†”——————————

And to those of you who say it didn’t start out being sexual because you started crossdressing before puberty, you need to know that it is developmentally normal for children to begin experiencing their sexuality before kindergarten. Young children know what makes their bodies feel good even if they don’t know what to call it and they are not old enough yet to produce semen. You should read up on childhood sexual development:

http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/publications/201-lessons

[Lorileah]

Your honor if I may introduce this into the evidence as exhibit Y


All members of the forum have the right to post and reply to posts and generally take advantage of the features of the forum without abuse from other members. If the board Administrators and/or Moderators believe that any abuse is taking place, the offender will be warned and their posts may be moderated. If the abuse continues, the offending member will be removed from the forum for a minimum of 7 days to 1 month. If on return, the abuse still continues, the offending member will be removed from the forum permanently.

We can allow discussions here. We can allow disagreements (like I do disagree that fetish people get bashed a lot...not on my watch). Buty just because someone doesn't do a happy dance doesn't mean they are bashing. If you think they are, down in the lower left corner are some symbols, one is "report this post." or you can send me or another mod a PM.

[gabyespinotv]

Everyone here is a fetichistic crossdresser, some people just don't even understand what that means and get offended. Also, if you even suggest something about crossdressers having fantasies or sex with men, the moderators will delete your posts until hey make it look like that sort of thing doesn't happen, maybe their wives read this and they don't wanna worry them, but yeah, you will find a lot of censorship and ignorance here. Who would have tought .-..right?

[Lori Kurtz]

I think this lies at the bottom of threads like these. If a CDer hasn’t worked it all out internally (even if he thinks he has), then he’ll believe that others are criticizing him even when they aren’t. If he believes that most people are critical of dressing for sexual reasons, he will read his own misgivings into other people’s words. If to this CDer, anything other than absolute agreement with a statement means "bashing", then of course he will feel bashed if people write about having different perspectives.]
I've thought some more about my earlier comment, where I said, "sometimes the disagreements have gotten a bit bashy. I've never been the direct victim of any such comments, but some things have come close enough to home to make me feel the sting." I think Reine is right. I think that my feelings in response to what others say might well be the residue of my own negative feelings about my crossdressing history. Maybe I'm not 100% comfortable with it yet.


And to those of you who say it didn’t start out being sexual because you started crossdressing before puberty, you need to know that it is developmentally normal for children to begin experiencing their sexuality before kindergarten. Young children know what makes their bodies feel good even if they don’t know what to call it and they are not old enough yet to produce semen.
Definitely true of me. Dressing up was always a sexual thing for me, even though it started years before I was even capable of understanding what sex is.

[Gillian Gigs]

Personally, I believe that even our fetish friends have something of a little gender wobble going on or they wouldn't have even some aspects in common... so we should all get along on that basis... :hugs:

Katey x

I will agree with you on this one, but only in talking about myself. Each one of us has to determine if that is true about them. I have no problem recognizing that I am not a macho man, or really masculine in any particular way. I have both masculine and feminine traits within me, and thats ok too.

[DeannaS]

I agree. It all started with panties for me. I was super turned on by them. Then it just sort of grew into who I know as Deanna now. I enjoy crossdressing for every reason other than a fetish

[Meghan4now]

Everyone here is a fetichistic crossdresser, some people just don't even understand what that means and get offended. Also, if you even suggest something about crossdressers having fantasies or sex with men, the moderators will delete your posts until hey make it look like that sort of thing doesn't happen, maybe their wives read this and they don't wanna worry them, but yeah, you will find a lot of censorship and ignorance here. Who would have tought .-..right?
How do you figure that? What is the definition of fetish, and how does everyone here fit that definition?

As far as threads about sex, and sex with men and fantasy goes, there are plenty and still active. Getting graphic will get censored, but the topic is more open than many others.

[JasmeVee]

So everyone is ignorant, fetishistic and have to conform to your definitions or interpretations? And i thought posting about moderation was against rules........

[LilSissyStevie]

Let's not be like those people that huddle trembling in their safe spaces lest they hear hurtful words. Besides, fetishists don't get bashed here as often or as hard as do Christians or "rednecks." Count yourself lucky. I think this site is analogous to a fishing forum where you can discuss any aspect of fishing except graphic descriptions of killing, cleaning and eating fish. Of course, there is a built-in bias in favor of catch and release type fishing. Catch and releasers can blather all day long about their style of fishing whereas the fish eaters have to tip-toe around the subject of theirs. But so what? There is still lots to talk about: equipment, deep sea vs stream fishing, fishing off boats vs fishing from a pier, etc. There are plenty of other places where you can discuss cooking and eating fish uncensored. For the crossdressing fetishist, just for example, there are dozens of subs on reddit - some more serious than others. As for us all being fetishists, I don't think that's true but some of the self-delusion, denial and hypocrisy one reads here is amusing. There's no reason to call anyone on it unless I'm attacked directly. Otherwise, it's not my job to set the world right.

[Confucius]

I wouldn't exactly call it "bashing". It just doesn't fit our personal experience or suit our hopes for social acceptance.

The way I understand it, there is a wide spectrum within the crossdressing community. For some of us it started in puberty and it was erotic. While for others it started in early childhood without any understanding of sexual stimulation. So the erotic side of crossdressing doesn't fit us.

For some of us, the "sexy transvestite style" is harmful to our social acceptance. We want society to be more accommodating to crossdressing and it won't happen if society thinks we are all dressing up in order to sexually stimulate ourselves.

[Petra_Briar]

Many words have different meanings, here is Webster's definition of the word fetish.

There are several people that pointed out they were too young so they could not have started because of a sexual feeling.

If you look at the fist definition I think we can all agree that we all probably fit into that with some degree....so by definition we all started because of a fetish (a strong and unusual need or desire).


Webster's Definition of fetish

: a strong and unusual need or desire for something

: a need or desire for an object, body part, or activity for sexual excitement

: an object that is believed to have magical powers