A Hunger for Humanity

[Emma Beth]

I’ve been working on a writing project that is an interesting one that I would love to thank everyone here for the idea behind it.

I’m currently calling this writing project “Second Self Adviser”.

The premise behind this writing project is I’m exploring the psychological issues that Super Heroes could be dealing with. Especially those that have an alter ego.

Much like what some of us Ladies do with our lives as we transition. Which was where I got the inspiration for the story.

I’m also exploring other psych issues related to the genre, like the PTSD that can result from coming into their powers and so on.

Any way, I noticed that in this genre of story telling that the Heroes sometimes have to deal with their humanity.

For me, growing up I have never quite felt like I was a human being. Sometimes less than human, but all the time never quite human.

I’ve always felt like I had something wrong with me, yet every time I turned around I was being told that there was nothing wrong; very frustrating to grow up this way.

The other day I was shaving my legs and I suddenly wondered if I was shaving my legs because that was the feminine thing to do; or was I shaving my legs to rid myself of “The Bugs” I imagined were quite real on my skin. It wasn’t intense, but the thought was there.

This thought got me to thinking about GD and how much we might do because it is the Feminine thing to do, or is there something more insidious lacing our thoughts.

How many of us feel this way about themselves? I know that this is how I feel about myself in my case. But I was wondering how many others might feel this way.

Now, to make things interesting. A few weeks ago I had a small taste of feeling like a human being for the first time in my life and I have to say, I don’t want it to stop.

I was getting ready for work. I had just shaved and I was sitting on the edge on my bed. I had on my jeans for work, and only my bra. I was brushing my hair off to the left side of my head and I noticed how long my hair is, it barely touched my breast. I could also see the color I had on my toenails too.

I suddenly felt like a human being and that hunger to keep feeling that way has been with me and I have been busting my hump to hold onto that feeling.

I had another thought while thinking about all this so I can discus this with my Therapist in our next session.

Everyone experiences the same things differently. I was wondering if this is just how my mind experiences and defines my GD, and how many others out there might feel similar but not the same.

[LaurenS]

Simply fascinating. There may be a lot of similarities to super heroes, especially like Hancok and even The Tick.

After going through a lot of personal tragedy and accepting my GD, I fing myself much more empathetic and compassionate to all humans, and no longer "see" race, gender, socio-economic status. I simply see a human with characteristics.

Make sense?

[pamela7]

Totally agree with the superhero correlation, which is something i posted about 15-16 months ago or thereabouts. if you look into it further, the wig+make-up plus femme clothes make many of us completely unrecognisable, which is the superhero mask purpose; protecting those we love, from the CD perspective.

I'm not so sure it fits the TS profile though, as then one is "out" and integrating the true self as the public face. Then there's no alter-ego in my reckoning.

[JanePeterson]

I can definitely relate to the fleeting moments of... Something... I wouldnt say that I've ever felt "not-human" but then again how would I know? Those moments of wholeness that come with being accepted as female and when I can actually accept myself... Is that what human beings feel like all the time? Kinda spooky to think about....

[Emma Beth]

LaurenS, makes perfect sense to me. I think there might be something to what you're saying. Could it have something to do with the fact that earlier in our lives we adopt the male persona, habits, and behaviors; observing the behaviors to emulate them. Then later, we still observe the behaviors of those around us to break ourselves of our old habits and behaviors.

Pam, I see how it fits the TS profile. Some of the terminology we use and the way we talk about our lives on here is where I see it; especially from those that are early in our transitions. Not to mention the strength and determination that we need to have to look at ourselves in the most brutal of ways. Asking ourselves hard questions and answering those questions for ourselves honestly.

The way we "put our hair up" when we get home from work for those that are not out at work. It's bits and pieces that do seem to fit into place well enough.

[L0vleyme]

LaurenS, makes perfect sense to me. I think there might be something to what you're saying. Could it have something to do with the fact that earlier in our lives we adopt the male persona, habits, and behaviors; observing the behaviors to emulate them. Then later, we still observe the behaviors of those around us to break ourselves of our old habits and behaviors

I have recently begun the have similar revelations, realizing that I learned to mimic behaviors of guys to better fit in with them, and became so effective at it I think I even fooled my self.

I recently find myself looking at my reflection on the mirror and looking in my eyes wondering how I let this male figure Have control of my life and feel I have nothing in common with him.

[KymberlyOct]

Simply fascinating. There may be a lot of similarities to super heroes, especially like Hancok and even The Tick.

After going through a lot of personal tragedy and accepting my GD, I fing myself much more empathetic and compassionate to all humans, and no longer "see" race, gender, socio-economic status. I simply see a human with characteristics.

Make sense?

I really agree with Lauren's take. I feel that this transition is making me a better person. In recent years I have evolved due to having 2 severely autistic children, cancer and heart problems of my own and my loss of a great career due to layoff. These challenges have opened my eyes to all people. We are all equal just with different challenges or benefits for different reasons. The start of my process of transition has also helped my growth as a person to see the world and everyone in it with much more empathy and sympathy and understanding. In short I feel I am growing as a person and dealing with GD is just another step in that growth.