Question for my fellow CD's

[Leah Grace]

Hi everyone,

I've been crossdressing for awhile, but I'm genuinely curious, have any of you ever experienced dysphoria or the strong desire to be a woman? Because I've been feeling that a lot lately, but if I'm honest with myself, I don't believe I'm transgender. I feel no bodily dysphoria or discomfort in being male in every day life. I relate to men a lot more. But I can never shake the feeling of wanting to be Leah Grace full time.

Has anyone else felt this way besides me?

[Mykaa]

Leah I think some of it comes from the joy of wearing the clothes at least for me, the association right? I find comfort, relaxation, excitement, really nothing but good when I dress. I am really comfortable with who I am, I feel gender fluid if you want a definition. I like guy me & Im also exploring gurl me, I know I like girls and pretty much all about them, I like my guy activities, really If I could present without issues Id dress however I liked most of the time, just me, : )

[Billie Jean]

Couldn't have said it better Mykaa. Billie Jean

[bridget thronton]

The calm that comes when I wear a dress or skirt outfit

[Teresa]

Leah,
Many of us go beyond the basic need to dress, I wouldn't like to say how many have GD, I know I have , now I know I can accept and find ways of living with it . It's just a case of getting to know yourself, coming to terms with it and then move on. I have a constant gut feeling or need but it's been there for almost sixty years so I found ways to work round it.

[NewBrendaLee]

I wish that I had been born a girl ,because I am transgender

[ReineD]

Leah, I can't remember who pointed this out in a thread once, whether it was a GG about her husband or another CD, but they pointed out that while CDers are dressed, they experience mostly the pleasant side of life: the grooming and dressing up in pretty clothes, and if they go out, the shopping, dining out, being with friends, or any other leisurely pursuit they engage in. But while dressed they're not normally dealing with life's pressures: the negative types of work pressures like difficult bosses and coworkers, or money issues and bills if there is a shortage of money, or just general work or economic uncertainly, difficult relationships with family members if they exist, screaming kids in the middle of the night, disciplining older kids, or just plain worry over difficult teenagers, house, yard, and car maintenance requiring a lot of sweat equity (except for the CDers who use housecleaning and cooking as an extension of the CDing) ... you get the idea - all the things we deal with on a daily basis that are hassles and that have nothing to do with how we look or are dressed.

So it's no surprise perhaps that you would be drawn to the things that Mykaa mentions (comfort, relaxation, excitement) during your pressure-free time while dressed? I say this because you did mention that you don't feel bodily dysphoria, you don't feel uncomfortable being male, and you do relate to men a lot more. So to you, dressing up is associated with pleasantness?

[Hazel King]

Hi Leah
If only we could answer your question, we are all different, I have always felt I should have been a woman, I have had to live and cope with that. I am not sure what category I fit into, Transgendered, Gender dysphonic etc I am learning to keep it simple, I am happiest when I am Hazel just wearing everyday clothes, doing everyday things.

Hazel xx

[Kate Simmons]

It's great to look and feel nice but as Reine pointed out most CDers only encounter the "glitter" part of being a woman and that is only a small part of fulfilling the role. :)

[Elizabeth G]

Hi Leah,

I think Reine summed it up well for me. When I dress I feel calm and peaceful and all of life's everyday stresses go away, so why wouldn't thoughts about being a woman creep in? Subconsciously my brain associates cd'ing with all the good things in life and although I am very comfortable with my male role I can't help but feel that life would be perfect if I were a woman.

Elizabeth

[Laura912]

I would agree with Reine that most CDers overlook the reality of living as a woman. However, there are a few of us who would be quite accepting of that reality.

[Tracii G]

Leah the are a LOT of members here just like you.
They enjoy the process or putting on their "woman" side and being a woman in looks only.
I suppose many here have GD to some degree.
I feel like a female more than I do a male so I guess I have GD.

[krissysSecret]

Very well stated Reine! I have always enjoyed being a crossdresser and enjoying my girl time and what you said really made me stop to think how right you are. In girl mode, there is no pressure and there is no stress so it truly is good times. All those things you mentioned, I deal with in Guy mode on an everyday basis and in girl mode, it all goes away. I often wonder how other people deal with life's stresses..probably drink too much or maybe have a positive activity that they enjoy....for me it's straight to girl mode!

[Ressie]

No, I never get the feeling that I wanna dress full time. I've had the thought but never the feeling.

[BrendaPDX]

Hi Leah, So many of your replies relate to me here. I think Reine comes the closest to me, When in girl mod everything melts a way, and I find myself wanting to stay there. I do enjoy being a guy, while it seems to carry more responsibilities, I think it's the perspective of how I think about those responsibilities. Dressing as a woman takes me about two hours to complete, but I as rushed as I feel while doing it I do enjoy the process and especially the end result, a new and different me, fresh and new. I do at times feel like I wish I were a woman, but for me, I don't want it full time.

[ClosetED]

Reine is right on and always has the most thoughtful responses. Just like Martha's thread on being a woman, and others who use "be a woman" rather than the possibly more correct "look like a woman" and so feel feminine, is that gender dysphoria? What is gender? I see some say it is how you feel inside your head, others saying it is social construct.
I thought this did a good job of showing the many axises
http://itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/2011/11/breaking-through-the-binary-gender-explained-using-continuums/

Hugs, Ellen

[Meghan4now]

Leah, I can't remember who pointed this out in a thread once, whether it was a GG about her husband or another CD, but they pointed out that while CDers are dressed, they experience mostly the pleasant side of life: the grooming and dressing up in pretty clothes, and if they go out, the shopping, dining out, being with friends, or any other leisurely pursuit they engage in. But while dressed they're not normally dealing with life's pressures: the negative types of work pressures like difficult bosses and coworkers, or money issues and bills if there is a shortage of money, or just general work or economic uncertainly, difficult relationships with family members if they exist, screaming kids in the middle of the night, disciplining older kids, or just plain worry over difficult teenagers, house, yard, and car maintenance requiring a lot of sweat equity (except for the CDers who use housecleaning and cooking as an extension of the CDing) ... you get the idea - all the things we deal with on a daily basis that are hassles and that have nothing to do with how we look or are dressed.

So it's no surprise perhaps that you would be drawn to the things that Mykaa mentions (comfort, relaxation, excitement) during your pressure-free time while dressed? I say this because you did mention that you don't feel bodily dysphoria, you don't feel uncomfortable being male, and you do relate to men a lot more. So to you, dressing up is associated with pleasantness?

Sooooo, a Real Life Test might just be a good idea. How revolutionary ;)

Does anyone remember the show Soap? With Billy Crystal playing Jody? Always goes through my mind when I think of RLT.

[NancySue]

Hi Leah, I understand what you're feeling. From my research, I've come to the conclusion that what we do, to any degree, whether certain items to fully dressed, all satisfy the Pleasure principle. Yes, the commonality is comfort, serenity, peace, gentleness, etc. There is so much more pressure, multi tasking in today's world. I welcome this as a way to unwind. For me, at the end of the day, slipping on a pair of nylon stockings on newly shaved legs is instant relaxation. We keep a sense of acceptance, as it will never go away and a sense of humor. Our favorite quip is "I can't wait to put on what she can't wait to take off". She hates underwire bras...that's all I have. She's always in style, and doesn't wear hose...it's not fair !! Guess who wears high heels, full slip, panty girdle? Relax and enjoy. Cheers. Nancy Sue

[ClaudineD]

When you get to the other side.....trust me there ARE battles to be waged as a woman...even though my Mother and Aunt taught me and lived that there was no glass ceiling. IT DOES EXIST. Just glad they guided me to approach life without one. But experience is that it take that extra effort, the in your face approach in the work world to get on same level as male counterparts...tact and artful maneuvering overcomes this problem...but it still takes effort......but....no doubt about it.......prefer this side of life!!!!

[gabyespinotv]

if you are not really transgendered and you know it, then what you are feeling are just the effects of being addicted to crossdressing. Your brain releases endorphins and neurotransmitters that make you feel good when you do it, so you end up doing it again. Some people call it "the pink fog". As long as it doesn't prevent you from living a normal life, don't worry.

[Tracii G]

I love buzzwords like endorphins ans neurotransmitters.

[Amy Lynn3]

Lots of good advise here, but what "gabyespinotv" said is the boiled down version of all the comments. Just roll with it and have fun doing it.

[Mayo]

I'd say I have a small amount of dysphoria (it comes and goes) about my gender, and have long wished to be female, but until the last decade or so I've mostly accepted 'being male in everyday life' (though sometimes reluctantly). I've only been dressing for the last year or two, and only in private. I tend to identify more with women. I consider that I fall under the larger 'trans umbrella' but am not TS - I'm now tending to identify as non-binary.

[Angie G]

I feel thewanting of being a fulltime dresser a lot Leah. But life won;t let me. Still working, family and all.:hugs:
Angie

[Danielle t]

I have thought of going to female all the way but I love my wife and kids and there are too many things about being a man that I like as there are so many things being female that I like so I would rather stay the way that I am and live life to the fullest then change who I am and have to deal with the consequences of changing

[Mickitv]

Although I know you should look at it as dysphoria, I also look at it as just a "What If" question. What if I gave up everything and became a woman? What if I just showed up one day fully dressed as a woman? How would I live? I know some people would probably say that it is about time. But I always fear the pain and suffering of those I love and even what it would do to me. Although sadly stated, I would rather make the choice of dealing with it on my own. Sad but true unfortunately. I do have an immense respect for those who pursue it in any other way if it makes them happy and content.

[Jenny22]

Yes, daily.

[Teresa]

Mickitv,
The "what if "question almost became a reality for me, if I had separated I was planning how I could live possibly full time .

Yes I did think very hard and realised my wife would take on the full load of responsibilities, I still have an 86 year old mother, two great children and three grandchildren the hurt it would also have caused and what I began to feel. I accept that my life has to be a compromise, I posted a thread about living a double life, I'm not totally happy with it but I am being respected for the decision I finally came to . I remain a son, a husband, a father and now a grandfather, that takes some walking away from .

[Leah Grace]

Thank you for the replies everyone.

I suppose every one of us has thought about this at some point or another. There are days were I would very much like to be a woman, others where I if I had the choice to be born another way I would.

But I'm not dysphoric in the sense that I feel any dissatisfaction with my body or really much of anything. And sometimes I have to stop and remember that fantasies/fetishes and even crossdressing is not the same thing as being trans. Being transgender is not a novelty or a way to get attention, it's something that they genuinely feel is wrong and need to go through many hurdles to overcome.

It's just hard sometimes. But ultimately it's better to accept life as it is and try to be the best person I can be, as I am.

[Lucy Long Legs]

In some ways there is pressure to transition: it is a question which I am asked regularly and have given thought to. I am physically a very feminine man who is comfortable presenting as a woman but I realise that there is no way I would want to become one. The desire to dress is mainly driven by my femininity but I am still a man even though I often do not look, behave or think as one. I derive great pleasure from my female side, but do not imagine for a moment that I could become a woman. It's all in the chromosomes!

[Janine cd]

I've been there on several occasions. The only thing that's stopping me from believing that it's possible is the reality that I'm too old and too commited to my family to think it"s possible.

[HollyGreene]

I've always wished I'd been born female for as long as I can remember.
I wasn't, and I live with it. I like being a dad, so it has it's good side.
There are days though, when I maybe look at a woman and so wish I had a body like that.
I would never transition though. However much I was reshaped surgically and however many hormones I took, I would still know that my chromosomes were the wrong ones.

[irene9999]

I have days like that but mostly I'd attribute it to having "pink fog" and just wanting to dress up when sometimes I can't due to work or because I am busy with other things

[ReineD]

... and others who use "be a woman" rather than the possibly more correct "look like a woman" and so feel feminine, is that gender dysphoria?

If you don't mind I'll add a little to your "looking like a woman and therefore feeling feminine". You have a good point: constrasting "feeling feminine" to "gender dysphoria". Maybe this can be food for thought for the OP:

I've no doubt that any CDer feels differently when dressed than when in guy mode, else he wouldn't dress. And it is true that a dress or skirt is considered to be more feminine in our society than guys' pants, because usually it is women who wear the dresses and so dresses are associated with femininity in our minds. So I can understand why a CDer might say that dressing up makes him feel more feminine. But, men wear dresses too in our society (i.e. kilts in Scotland) and they're not thought of as being feminine. Why? Because kilts are associated with men. When we think of the femininity from dresses, skirts, makeup, etc (all these things that are normally associated with women), what we are really thinking about is the femininity that is inherently associated with women. And I hate to say it, but women don't need dresses, skirts, or makeup to be feminine. These things might make her look more attractive to some people, but she is still fundamentally feminine without them (think of a woman, naked in bed).

So if you were to actually try to describe the "feminine" feeling you get while dressed, how would you describe it. Feeling good? Feeling some degree of well-being? Feeling lighter maybe? Relaxed? Happy? Like on vacation? Proud or happy to have pulled off a look that you enjoy? And for some of you, maybe there's attraction or arousal sometimes? Or maybe some level of excitement?

These are all things that many of us feel (men and women) under all sorts of different circumstances not associated with wearing dresses and makeup, and so they don't really describe "feeling feminine". They rather describe various positive feelings. To me, feeling feminine is the way I felt when I found out I was pregnant (that my body could incubate a life like that), but not the way I felt when my colicky baby spit up all over me in the middle of the night. It's the way I feel when my SO looks at me appreciatively, the way only men can look at women (and this does not require any clothing or makeup on my part). It is the way my ex husband looked at me right after I had given birth (I was wearing a hospital gown and my hair was plastered to my head). It's the way I felt when my SO and I were walking along a street on our recent trip abroad when three men began following us and my SO protectively placed himself between me and them and hurried us along. Well, I don't know if that was feeling feminine, more like I felt safe, but I didn't feel fear with my SO there. The "feminine" part might have come in subconsciously, thinking there was no way I could have defended myself against three men.

As to things like being more nurturing, caring, giving up a career to stay home to raise kids, etc, this may have been described as "feminine" during a time in our culture when men worked and women stayed at home, but gender roles have narrowed considerably since then. Women work now and so lots of men nurture and care for their kids now too. So I consider these things just part of living up to our responsibilities, for both men and women.

Anyway, I can put on a pretty dress and some makeup, but that's just packaging and it isn't my fundamental femininity. The pretty dresses and makeup might make me feel like I'm more attractive (in the eyes of people who appreciate these things), but they don't make me feel feminine in a fundamental way like the other things I mentioned. All the times I have felt most feminine in my life have not involved dressing up and wearing makeup, although dressing up and wearing makeup do make me feel as if I have enhanced my looks (I've smoothed out my skin, enhanced my eyebrows, put a glow in my cheek) and so some men might find me more attractive, which was something that I enjoyed when I was younger (you might consider this feeling positive about fulfilling my genetic destiny). And I say "men" because frankly, women really don't care whether other women wear pretty dresses or makeup when we're together, it doesn't change the way we interact with one another and it doesn't make us appreciate our female friends more or less based on the way they're dressed. :p

So back to CDers feeling more feminine when dressed - is this the same femininity that I feel as a woman? I don't think it is. But certainly, putting on dresses and makeup does make a CDer look more feminine compared to being in guy mode. And looking feminine makes you all feel good. :)

Gender Dysphoria, on the other hand, is something entirely different than that and people who experience GD have not described it as a pleasant feeling, if you read the threads in the TS section. This is a description of Gender Dysphoria from the NHS:

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Gender-dysphoria/Pages/Symptoms.aspx

[Crissy Kay]

Very interesting topic. For myself, no I would not want to be a woman or dress 24/7. It would be too much work!! I am very happy to be a guy who cd's part time.

[TakaraYu]

I've had some desire to be a woman, but I have more of a desire to have a trappish body. just seems more fun in the long haul

[ChristinaK]

Hi Leah,

I went to the description that Reine linked to. With the exception of removing my male part, I'm pretty TG. Kind of a revelation actually.

I've always felt unable to connect well with males. I'm not very competitive and dislike the harshness males exhibit so often. I've never liked the one upsmanship and bragging by so many males. Haven't ever liked sports, other than cars.

When I was young, I wished I could wear dresses like my sister and her friends (did it in secret).

I have always loved to go through the women's section of catalogs. Sexual and nonsexual reasons.

I have ways liked having female versus male friends.

In male mode, my feelings about my looks is one of mild disgust. I have never had a manly body and men's clothes are ugly. I could never understand what would be attractive to a woman considering most male bodies.

In female mode, I feel pretty. My self image makes me happy. I love the beautiful fashions, colors, prints. I love the way my face is transformed by makeup. I love women's hair styles. I love to use feminine body language.

Most of my life I thought it was just sexual, but even in puberty I used to fantasize about living in San Francisco as a girl, a lesbian actually. A girly one.

As I get older, the desire has grown stronger. My male hormones have reduced. It's really the thing that provides me with the most happiness in my life right now and when I cannot be Christina for an extended period, like now, when my family is home for the summer, it really does make me long for it and wish my family could disappear for a day (very selfish).

So, I guess that's dysphoria if someone wants to name it.

Reine, you are correct in saying that we can never experience being a real woman, but is that really a problem? We feel the way we feel, right or wrong, realistic or not.

[Nikki.]

Christina, I'm pretty similar in terms of personality type, etc. No issues with my plumbing either. Is it GD? I dunno. But I do know there's a frequent nagging in my head about presenting as a female and gender. Right now I'd describe it as being 50-50 and the desire to present as either as the mood fits. But I never identified as a girl as a child, though I had occasional feelings of wanting to be one. And my best friends at times have always been female. Never had close male friends.

[Andrea Evadne]

I understand how you feel. In my late teens I felt it very strongly, and even considered a sex change, but the feelings went away as I went into work, and traveled, and had a family. Now I am older, it is coming back, stronger all the time. I am afraid the day will come when I want to be my wife's wife, not her husband...

[Lily Catherine]

At the surface level, I definitely wished to look like a girl. That is, in appearance, attire and shape - preferably as attractive as I could plausibly be. All dressed up, I probably fulfilled my desires to 'feel pretty', and hopefully look the part.

This being said, when I crossdress I don't need to go all the way to hyperfeminine clothing and excessive make-up. Just a wig and lingerie at least. I don't really care if I'm unattractive if I'm not in front of a camera, although I'm still quite dependent on the hair and undergarments for some tactile reassurance.

I have had many moments of wishing to possess a female anatomy, even and especially when naked. The lines here have been blurred and inconsistent ever since I was a teenager. They oscillate from highly sexualised thoughts (given the focus of these moments), to the occasional dissatisfaction with my own scrawny body, to reflections about vanity and misguided desires for beauty.

I wouldn't say I'm facing extreme dysphoria despite this; I still socialise for the most part as a man. Yes, I study and play instruments and read and work and make phone calls and text while crossdressed, but when it comes to communicating with others that side of me still isn't visible. I do get frustrated when I don't get to dress, but that part could also be partially attributed to simply missing a form of gratification.

While I have also given due thought to living full time, it is merely that for now. I don't wish to let my selfish desires take over at this point, much less letting a single part of me do so. It isn't as if I crossdress to escape, given that I still have to face reality even with a bra, panties and a wig; but this side of my identity and habits does not sign her name to anything yet.

As for the prospect of transition? It's much too grave and life-changing to be rushed into or even lightly considered, so I'll lay off any definite answer. I genuinely doubt my level of dysphoria warrants this irreversible process, at least for the time being.

All of the above can only reflect what it's been for now. I do anticipate a fair amount of change will follow.

[susmitha]

Yes. I think my situation may be similar to yours. During intimacy with my partner, I like to be in the female role always. And, like to dress as female always in private.