Passing In Fem

[deebra]

This post is not for the full timers that pass. Being a male to female crossdresser with a non-accepting and negative society toward Cding and wanting to be your feminine self which includes wanting to dress female and go out, do you now buy/dress androgynous? Such as do you wear female clothes that aren't so much clocked as female but allow you to pass/blend unless carefully scrutinized. For example when running errands wearing a bra with no forms and panties, fairly tight girl jeans with passable girl shoes. Tucked with a flat front, maybe even hip pads to make the jeans look and feel more feminine. Fem tee or top. Slight makeup. Fem jewelry. Do you buy/dress this way now where you use to buy/dress only in male clothes? Do you get a sense of satisfaction and "feel good" feeling as you're out in public dressed and passing as described and the feeling you are helping the CD acceptance by society? Also the mental/emotional satisfaction that it's not hurting anyone, it's not unlawful, it's what I want to be and I thoroughly enjoy it.

[Teresa]

Deebra,
I will admit being in a different situation I only go out dressed for a social meeting, I drive the thirty or so miles to the venue which is small hotel and conference centre . So I basically meet other members of the TG community , of course there members of the public who I have met and the hotel staff along with the SAs that run the clothing and makeup stands.

I don't worry any more about the question of passing, I always try and do my best and only wear skirts or dresses . Yes I admit it is a big difference to dressing in those circumstances and walking down my local high street or a shopping centre. I shop all the time in drab but I will say one thing and that's the statement about non-accepting and negative society. All the SAs I've met know I'm shopping for myself, the girl at the makeup counter was happy to demonstrate how to apply makeup on me , in full view of the public. I haven't encountered a negative response yet but I still have to take the next step and go out dressed in that situation, that could change how they respond. I guess I have to really decide why and when I need to do it.

[Rachael Leigh]

Yes Deebra I do this at times, I have a pair of women's shorts that are very androgynous and wear them out and sometimes I will wear them with a ladies tee, I feel comfortable this way and sometimes it's because I just didn't have time to fully dress

[Richelle]

I basically wear women's paints and tops 24/7. I do not wear bras or makeup, but do wear dangling earrings most of the time. I am very comfortable and happy with my look. I have never had an issue with anyone and never a problem trying on dresses

Richelle

[Stephanie47]

I think the answer to your question lays with the cross dressers view of femininity. Until I started perusing this site it really never dawned on me to underdress. I tried it several times wearing a bra and camisole, panty and hosiery. It did absolutely nothing for me. Sometimes I do wear support pantyhose for the neuropathy in my legs. I only wear dresses, heels, hosiery and all the appropriate undergarments. It's what I call the "June Cleaver" 1950's look. Unless I can go full bore I rather wear my comfortable male clothing.

[Dana44]

Feminine instincts, yes we have them and we want to be feminine. Today I have a bra on, shorts and my lady tennis shoes doing work around the house. But when i go out I want to be totally fem and reflect that and have at least a skirt on with a nice blouse. Hair down and makeup. Nice lipstick and be a woman when I go out as one. But if male, I have boots on jeans and a nice T-shirt or other shirt. Hair is in a pony tail, a male one low on the head being as male as I can with nice nails. Yep feminine is what we are in various degrees.

[Stevann]

Other than the rare occasions when I have to wear a men's suit, shirts are the ONLY piece of male clothing I wear in drab (since others notice the buttons being different).

[carhill2mn]

I go out in public frequently. I always present as a woman, totally. I do enjoy being treated as a lady. If I am going out as a man I wear male appropriate clothes, except for my underwear.

[BiancaEstrella]

Passing for me mainly means that my outfit choices are situationally appropriate. It also entails a degree of mannerisms, sitting/walking properly, and so forth. I don't worry about being clocked or changing my voice. My height alone (6'4") makes people wonder, and my voice is about entirely too bass-y to do much about it outside of common feminine intonation. So if I'm neat, clean, presentable, and carrying myself in a way that the average woman would? I'm set.

[Alice Torn]

Bianca, Thanks for sharing about your height, and mannerisms, walk, sit, etc. I am 6'6" and people do wonder right away.

[docrobbysherry]

Deebra, it sounds as if passing to u means looking like a blend of male and female. In my case I would describe myself as a man in a dress.

That is not what passing means to me. It is when a man or male to female trans passes as a female. This has only happened to me a few times. And, I was treated very differently than when I go out as a man in dress!

[deebra]

Let me explain further, dressing as I described will enable a male crossdresser that because of face, height and build will not pass even dressed fully will allow him to buy and wear girl clothes in public, get that being a woman feeling that comes when dressed and out in public and PASSING. For those of us that are into girl clothes daily, want to dress this way full time, love the look and feel of how girl clothes fit and feel on our body, this is just a very good way to live full time with no negative comments or looks.

[colleen ps]

Deebra, I think i fit your ideals perfectly. my wardrobe (s) consist of around 90% female clothing now. most is fairly androgynous and passes in either mode so i dont really have to think about what to wear to appease my feminine self. My wife is comfortable with this but will tell me if she thinks i look too feminine to appear male. all my underwear is from the ladies department as are most of my trousers and tops. Shoes however are the most difficult to get right, nice slim trainers or Plimsoles (not sure if that is just a british word LOL) unisex sandals etc are OK, but formal shoes for women are really just that and don't fit my style. Obviously i do have very feminine clothes for relaxing around the house and i am lucky enough to have an SO that will pick out clothes for me as well as choosing my own. The main thing we look out for is age relevant clothing. No point in a 55 year old trying to look like a teenager! i think i do go out occaisionally a bit to femme, but then the nail polish would have given me away anyway, so don't worry too much. The only comments i have had in public, is "nice nails" so why worry. Its a free world and as Eddie Izzard says, "they are not women's clothes, I paid for them, they are MY clothes"

[CherylFlint]

All the way or no way, but then that's me.
Different strokes for different folks.

[deebra]

Colleen thanks for the thread, there has got to be many, many more that do this and feel so happy and free to enjoy the toned down feminine presentation. If we could do more we would but "it is what it is" and what the Good Lord gave us. Great wife you have !!!

[Tracii G]

Seems you are describing a tweener or a 50/50 person like me.
Very little of my wardrobe is male clothing and I don't really think about it so they are MY clothes.
People sometimes mistake me for a woman from behind just because of my clothes and long hair but I'm OK with that.
I guess that might fall under the blending rule or as it seems you are getting at "passing"to some degree but still being male I never really gave it much thought.

[Lily Catherine]

I've never worn anything overtly feminine in 'male mode' - camisoles and many cuttings of blouses are completely out of the question. For that matter, breast forms would also be too obvious given that I'm extremely thin. Even in male mode, I still try to blend as well.

That said I inconspicuously wear women's T-shirts and jeans when presenting 100% male. It's considerably more comfortable owing to the tighter fit; it's fairly obvious after a while, however. The cap sleeves are the dead giveaway most of the time, but I'm out of cares to give.

I believe in starting from the head down in terms of presentation, and for me I'd rather go all or nothing to blend.

[Kate Simmons]

From what you are saying it's basically a mindset or state of mind more than it is how you are dressed. I personally don't dress to further any cause, I dress because I want to. :)

[Sallee]

I have tried going out with a bra, no padding or very minimal, and pantyhose but found i didn't like always felt someone was going ot clock me with a bra on. But it never happened. I have been out in drab to many places to buy feminine stuff, makeup, dresses, lingerie. Never a problem
I have also been out dressed to blend or maybe a little more to all kinds of places make up counters, malls movies dress stores, never had a problem. I know I have been read but it was no big deal and I had a great time but I hae a great time almost every time I go out dressed.
So for me it is now either all the way or why bother. but what ever works for you. generally most folks could care less

[JoannaCD]

I just got back from my weekly grocery shopping and saw this thread. I am wearing Liz Claiborne stretch jean Bermudas, Aerosole sandals, Bali panties but a men's polo so I do sort of fit what you are describing. Yes, there is a sense of satisfaction doing this because I could never pass. In the right environment I'll also wear a bit of makeup and small clip on hoops. Same sense of satisfaction. My dressing is evolving. I love shoes and finding ones to go with this mode is a challenge as i e. I just got some Rose Petals loafers in black and brown which I wear with peds. They look terrific with shorts or skinny jeans. Incidentally I wear a size 13 woman's shoe and I got a great deal on the loafers on Amazon.

[audreyinalbany]

my guideline is that when I'm a guy I dress like a guy: when I wanna present like a girl I dress like a girl

[Jenniferathome]

... Being a male to female crossdresser with a non-accepting and negative society toward Cding and wanting to be your feminine self which includes wanting to dress female and go out, do you now buy/dress androgynous? ...

I can't follow your assumption from point A to point B. if one wants to dress as a female, then that is what on should do. When you are hungry, drinking a glass of water doesn't really do the trick, does it.

The world is not out to get us and the normals are far more accepting that you assume.

[Teresa]

Jen,
I agree with that comment but on occasions it may only apply to our faces , what happens sometimes when we turn our backs is possibly something we don't want to know about .

[Tracii G]

Teresa that would be living in fear would it not?
People will talk thats a given but its your fear of what they MIGHT do or say so in effect you are perpetuating the fear.
Once you get over worrying about what people think the rest is easy.
Whats the worst thing to happen if they talk anyway? Oh sure they will assume you are gay right but if you have a wife then the thought will be well he must not be gay then.
So where does that lead too? Nowhere because you can own it and get on with your life.

[Jennifer in CO]

can't pass and been dressing that way for close to 15 years. "Girly" fem went out when the oldest daughter asked her Mom why I was wearing her (Moms) jeans. And they had no "bling"; she recognized the cut. Once she got married (and left home), I went back to fem jeans/slacks tops/non-discript blouses, always have fem shoes (don't own any male shoes or underwear) and if not a bra then a cami for nipple patrol (yes they are still big). So my everyday wear is totally from the womans dept but not "fem" looking and I feel great about it. Odd really, not passing now but 35 years ago when people saw me and my wife they assumed she was the "former" male

[Teresa]

Tracii,
It doesn't bother me what they might say, but it must happen on occasions.

I did overhear one comment which made me smile, I bought a pair of heels from Next, one SA couldn't believe I was wearing them to try them out in the shop so she called another SA over, a third SA overheard us and came to have a look. As I left the shop one SA said wow I'd love to see my dad wear heels like that !!

[deebra]

Jennifer sorry you can't follow or understand, re-read my #12 thread, this should clear it up for you.

[colleen ps]

Colleen thanks for the thread, there has got to be many, many more that do this and feel so happy and free to enjoy the toned down feminine presentation. If we could do more we would but "it is what it is" and what the Good Lord gave us. Great wife you have !!!

I love my wife dearly deebra, in fact it was playtime one night after a few glasses of wine that really gave me the bug for dressing. I never really see the pink fog, but over the years, the love of feeling "nice clothes" became the norm for me. around the house i am usually a man in nylons and skirt, or leggings, painted nails (both feet and hands) and my family and friends never comment. My landlady who lives next to us, will make silly comments but has accepted me as i am and has told me so, in fact, she sometimes comments on what i am wearing in a good way and she is almost 70.
Again, Like Eddie izzard, i wear clothes that i am comfortable in and i am comfortable with what i wear. I have never noticed anyone staring or sniggering at me and believe me, neither has my wife. who decided what men and women should wear anyway.

[Rachel Anne]

No in between for me. If I went out fem, passing would be a top priority. That would means situationally appropriate clothes and behavior, because that's who I am trying to be. Even at home, its a consideration, again because that's where I am.

To play the alphabet game, I probably lean more towards TG that CD, but there's lots of blending.

[julie w]

I'm out in the real world a lot ,I'm sure I'm read sometimes but most people don't seem to notice ,I never mix my genders
I dress 100% female or 100% male, I prefer being female

[Taylor186]

Let me explain further, dressing as I described will enable a male crossdresser that because of face, height and build will not pass even dressed fully will allow him to buy and wear girl clothes in public, get that being a woman feeling that comes when dressed and out in public and PASSING.

When you say 'PASSING' in this circumstance I assume you mean continuing to pass as a, more or less, normally dressed male even though you are wearing some visible women's clothing.

I wear leggings and even, at times, tights and women's athletic shorts (always black) to yoga and while walking on public paths. I'm convinced by the relative lack of reaction that I continue to pass as a male, and I'm not seen, even remotely, as an androgynous male or crossdresser. There is nothing androgynous or femme about the way I look. If anything the people I see might assume by the way I'm dressed that I'm gay (I'm not), but that wouldn't bother me in the least.

I should add that I will wear women's short athletic shorts (bike style) without tights too while 'exercise' walking when the weather is warm enough. My legs are long (33" inseam) and lean and tan well shaped and always hair free. The most and only femme part of me.

On the rare occasion that I go out en femme--wig makeup, forms, heels, etc.--I go for it 100%.

[Jillian Faith]

I'm out in the real world a lot ,I'm sure I'm read sometimes but most people don't seem to notice ,I never mix my genders
I dress 100% female or 100% male, I prefer being female

What Julie said

[Claire Cook]

What Jillian and Julie said.

It sounds like what folks are saying is we go with what we are comfortable with. I’m sure that I am not alone in this, but my comfort level has increased over the years, and I’m most comfortable wearing what other women are wearing. (Here in my part of Florida that generally means shorts, jeans or capris and sandals or sneakers during the day.) I’m treated as a woman most of the time, and that suits the woman within.

[deebra]

After reading all the threads I'm sure there is one thing we all can agree on, To each his/her own and what you are comfortable with; and even though we dress differently we are accepting and O.K. with each other, and one other thing, we all wear panties.

[sara.rafaela]

I go out often. I dress to pass as best as possible. I would say I pass at a distance. Walking in town, into a restaurant or bar, I can do so with comfort. But, yes, if someone scrutinizes me or stops to talk to me, they will figure it out. I would not say my dressing routine is comfortable. Corset, hip pads, gel bra to make cleave, contouring makeup. I really enjoy the look. But would I say comfortable? No.

[Rachel Anne]

I go out often. I dress to pass as best as possible. I would say I pass at a distance. Walking in town, into a restaurant or bar, I can do so with comfort. But, yes, if someone scrutinizes me or stops to talk to me, they will figure it out. I would not say my dressing routine is comfortable. Corset, hip pads, gel bra to make cleave, contouring makeup. I really enjoy the look. But would I say comfortable? No.

I don't go out (well, a drive to the mailbox doesn't count) but if I had to guess, 30' in the daytime, 15' at night, I'd probably be good. Once I say anything, though, all bets are off. I can get away with just a waist cincher, but things would be better if I could lose that last pesky 15 lbs. It's amazing the difference a few pounds makes.

[susmitha]

I am not a full-timer at all. But passing is important to me. I know I look very beautiful when dressed. Nobody can believe that a male body exists inside the fem clothes. Maybe, any man who sees me in fem mode might get "good ideas" about me.

[Brandy Mathews]

I have to say, I have dressed for a lot of years. When out in public, it takes a lot more, your movements, your body, clothes, makeup, everything. I have met or have seen very few girls that are actually "passable" as I would look at being passable. But they were just beautiful girls! The ones that I have seen that are "passable" , are just so beautiful. I wish that I look half that good. I try to perfect my look more all the time, but even after so many years, I am still trying to perfect things, all I can do.
Hugs,
Bree :)

[Ceera]

My default 'male presentation' mode these days is closer to 'feminine androgynous'. In male mode, I prefer to wear women's jeans that lack a lot of obviously feminine detailing. I wear women's flat or slight wedge sandals or women's sneakers. I wear panties under the jeans, and a fairly unisex t-shirt. No bra, forms or hip pads, and usually not tucked. I keep my nails painted 24x7, and wear at least a simple gold ball stud pierced earrings at all times, even in male mode. In short, if I can find an item in the women's section that serves the same function as the male version and will pass as male for a casual glance, I'll buy and wear that rather than the male version. But if it gets clocked as female clothes, I couldn't care less.

Contrast that to when I am en-femme, and doing my best to pass, with the forms, hip pads, being tucked, wig, makeup, perfume, and a fully feminine wardrobe that may range from 'soccer mom at the grocery store' to 'hot babe at the nightclub'. I pass pretty well when I chose to do so. As for being definitely feminine or being more androgynous when en-femme, as opposed to when presenting male, that will depend on where I am going and what I am doing. I don't 'tone it down to be more accepted'. I also don't dress inappropriately to the venue. A miniskirt and 5 inch heels at the grocery store is right out, unless I am on my way back home from a night out dancing.

Tomorrow for example, I'm going on a hike that will be attended by a bunch of people with their dogs. Not all will be LGBTQ, though the group that is sponsoring the hike is for "LGBTQ-accepting' folks. I'll be wearing all women's clothes, and will be fully en-femme. But my clothes will likely consist of some nice capri-pants type jeans, running shoes with anklet socks, and a blouse, worn under a women's rain jacket. Every stitch I'll have on will be obviously feminine attire, yet suitable to going on a hike with my dog.

[Eryn]

My male presentation gradually drifted toward androgeny. I wore mostly unembellished women's items that could be taken for male. Lots of cargo Capris and T-shirts. After a while I was pleasantly surprised to find that people gendered me as female anyway.

Since then I've gone full-time, but that androgynous period was important to my development.

[Richelle]

My male presentation gradually drifted toward androgeny. I wore mostly unembellished women's items that could be taken for male. Lots of cargo Capris and T-shirts. After a while I was pleasantly surprised to find that people gendered me as female anyway.

Since then I've gone full-time, but that androgynous period was important to my development.

My story is much like Eryn's. I never thought of transitioning or go full time until I started to notice that I was always greated as a women by people that I met for the first time. I was just dressing the way I wanted to and I liked how I looked

Richelle

[JamieQ]

I'm either present as 100 % male or 100% female. I don't mix them together. As for "passing"? As I'm out I think most people are so wrapped up in their own little worlds, are so busy, or just don't care so I pretty much blend in. I really think the passing term should be changed to blend in. I really don't care what others think so I guess that makes going out rather easy for me. I'm sure I'm not that passable but I interact quite a bit with people. I would say the close interaction outs me in a split second...but I've never had a problem from a rural town of under 100 inhabitants to large cities. I think mannerisms, etc are just as important as looks...