Sophia Rearen
02-23-2006, 11:27 PM
Nearly to Atlantic City, my mind begins to race. Trying to calm down by breathing in and out of my nose, deep relaxing breaths. No way would I get pulled over for an expired registration. The cops have better things to do. Is the sticker even legal? Perhaps it is, I don't know. I begin to put those thoughts out of my mind as the breathing relaxation exercise begins to take its effect. Just as I begin to relax, there they are, the lights of ... Atlantic City. My mind starts to go nuts again, as is my heart.
Some of you may have read my thread http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=23402 You may have noticed my nervousness or apprehension about checking in enfemme. Through the encouragement and some hard knocks from my sisters here, in this forum, I decided to put my fears aside and check in enfemme, taking the words of my sisters with me.
The buildings get closer, the Casino Hotels looking more and more intimidating. The highway ends and I'm in Atlantic City. I see a pick up truck in another parking lot and my fears begin to get the best of me. I'm in town for business and of course, as I'm dressed, pleasure. The truck belongs to a contractor. The town is full of them. Many know the drab me. What have I done? I could be jeopardizing so much.
I follow the signs to my hotel, not wanting to get lost in this town. I make my final turn and wait at the last light. Oh god, I hope I don't have to use the Valet at the front door. The lights are as bright as any stadium I've ever been to. Fortunately, right before the blinding lights was the self park. With a churning stomach, a racing heart and mind, I pull up to the parking toll takers box. A woman, thank goodness takes my $4 and offers me the customary "good luck" as she lifts the gate to allow me to pass (no pun intended). Good luck, yea, if she only knew how much luck I needed. Good luck would mean my heart not exploding in some concrete garage on the New Jersey shore. Gambling good luck was the furthest from my mind, I just wanted to get to my room.
Driving up each level, my eyes scan the surroundings. I'm looking for a parking spot, the elevator, the steps, lights and all that could go wrong. Most importantly, people. I had alot to do, once I parked my car. I didn't need others checking my actions out. I find a spot. It's as perfect as a parking spot could be, probably 150-200 feet from the elevator. Just enough to calm my nerves by listening to my heels click-clack across the concrete floor. Better to listen to my heels than the thump, thump, thumping of my heart.
Now, how am I going to do this? I have two roller suitcases, a large shopping bag with handles from DSW, two bags from Ross, one from Target, my handbag, and my faux fur. I start packing and moving things around. How do I want to appear? It's cold enough now to wear the fur, should I wear it to save space? I think it's a good look with the rest of my outfit. Or, do I look like a prostitute about to go see her client? If so, I hope a high class, high dollar girl for hire. Which bag to take with me. The large bag? The small bag? I'm so confused as what to do. I calm my self as best as possible. Thank goodness no one has come by, yet. I opt for the fur coat, large bag and DSW bag loaded with shoes, camera tripod, and other smaller bags.
I'm about ready to head to the elevator when a pick up truck pulls into my level. A little panic and fear set in. This is reality. Will I know the people in this truck? I quickly make like I forgot something in the car by turning around and heading toward my safe haven. The truck parks far enough away from me where I can relax. Whew, it's a man and a woman. No problem. I get out of the car and head to the rear, and as I do, another vehicle approaches. We make eye contact, its two guys, I head quickly to the elevator. They park and get out quickly. I chicken out and turn around. The last thing I want to wait for the elevator under flourescent lights and then down the elevator with these young guys. Again, I head back to the car pretending to have forgotten something. The guys are smiling, obviously having a good time. They're looking at me. My mind is thinking all kinds of thoughts. I can do this, do it for my sisters at cders.com, and then I think of Sherlyn and her early experience with men. No wonder we head back to our cars. This is scary stuff.
Last year, my wife asked me on the phone one night, while I was in my hotel room, "why did you take your things? Are you going out somewhere?" I responded, "no, I don't know where to go and don't want to wind up dead in some street gutter". "good", she says, that would be hard to explain to the children.
The guys start walking, still having a good time. I begin to imagine what they are saying about me. Do they think I'm a woman, a good looking woman, a female prostitute, a ******* prostitute, or a crossdresser? All I know is I'm extremely uncomfortable and scared. This is not what I had imagined. Stupid me. What was I doing here? How can I get out of this?
I can't get out of this. I'm hundreds or maybe thousands of feet away from my hotel room and thus, my destination. It's the damn fur, I have to take that off! Not looking like a call girl is the best I can do at this point. I remove it and place it into the top of the trunk. Mustering up as much courage as possible, I walk to the elevator. Third time is the charm. I press the down button and wait. Then, another wake up call. There is other riders on the elevator. I feel like a stripper working the booth in a peep show! All eyes on Sophia! I step in and scan the buttons. Casino is pushed, its lit, the car heads down. Ding, bell sounds and I exit. I'm such a mess, I get out of the elevator on the next parking lot down! Doh! Turn around, push button, wait. This time, no one on board. I'm pleased, to say the least. This time, ding, I make it all the way to the casino interior. As the door opens, I am greeted by people, no problem, I am out of there like a race horse leaving the gate.
I head toward the never ending blur of noise, that is the casino floor. And people think we crossdressers are outrageous? These places are insane. What a hodge podge of color and gawdiness. Top it off with mirrors everywhere, though, I like that, I get to check my hair, outfit and walk, as I go past. I look at the people sitting at the slots, most pay me no attention as I pass them by. Following the sign to the front desk, I get there without incident. I arrive at the cattle chutes with an old man and a young man in front of me. The young man has a friend with him, he is nearby to the side. Are these the guys from the parking lot I wonder? I try to remain as innocent looking as possible. I stand their with my best female posture, though me feet were killing me. I shuffle my stance from time to time. There is two women working th efront desk, thank goodness. After about 10 minutes, the closest desk girl asks for me. I hand her my itinerary, she tells me what kind of room I'm getting. I think it's what I wanted, I'm not really listening. Just get me to my room, please, now! She needs my i.d. and a major credit card. Oh boy, here we go! I reach into my pocket book and pull them out and place my big bald mug face on the counter. She says nothing, she is very courteous. Thank you.
I get my room keys and she points the way. She didn't even inquire about me needing a bell boy. That's ok, didn't want one. I head through the halls and to the elevator. The female security smiles and I smile back. Another elevator ride. Thankfully, no other passengers. I get to my room. Walk in and to my delight is a huge bathroom. It's what I wanted most in a hotel room. Two sinks, huge shower, a toilet, and a large makeup counter with magnifying mirror and a plush chair to enjoy while I take an eternity to apply my face. Yes, I'm in girl heaven. A room to myself. I can spread out my stuff, yeah!
I drop my things and check my look. Not bad for 8 hours after my shave. I sit at the desk and call room service. They'll be up in 30-40 minutes. Perfect, gives me the opportunity to go back to the car and do it all again, ugh!
This time through, I'm feeling much better. I make sure the security guard sees me. I noticed my place in the casino and took a short cut. Headed back to the elevators and to the car. At the elevators, oh no, which floor did I park on? In my stress induced crossdresser coma, I had no idea where I parked and there was more confusion, the levels were color coded as well as numbered. I dug deep and kind of remembered yellow paint as I waited for the elevator. I pressed the corresponding button and, yes, the right floor. You go girl, now, I'm thinking. I go to the car, get my things, make sure it's locked and put on the fur coat. This time the coat stays. I pull the smaller bag and head up to the room. Let them think what they want, F'em! The security woman and myself exchange smiles again. I make it to the room. Done, I'm exhausted! Mentally wiped out and haven't eaten for 12 hours.
Knock, knock, room service. Here we go again. I let the guy in. He's funny looking. Hell, I'm funny looking! Looks like Buckwheat! I haven't seen a fro like that in a long time. What an awkward exchange this was, but I did fine. I sat and enjoyed food and beer, ah!
Now, the mirror in the bathroom is calling me. Do I dare go out again. Its been a long day. Do I really need to do this? I've never applied makeup over makeup. I'll give it a go, and if it works I'll wear my first ever out enfemme outfit as a celebration of my accomplishments. I apply, its borderline. Previous to this trip I tried the outfit on at home. It stirred so many memories and feelings. If it feels as good, I'm hitting the casino floor. It does feel good. Though, what do I know its 1:30 in the morning. I'm not sure I can feel a thing. I head out anyway. In the casino I'm still overdressed. Is there a place where a cd can go while dressed nice, so as to fit in? I wonder. I walk the casino floor. Past the annoying slot machines and around the tables. I'm bored. I did it. I head back to my room where my new nighties are waiting for me. I do a fashion photo shoot.
I remove my face and keep my forms on and in my favorite purchase, the light pink/peach chemise. My forms fill it perfectly. Now, hopefully get some sleep for my big day with the contractors.
I sleep pretty well. It's lunch time before I meet everyone at the convention. Upon meeting the guys I'll walk the floors with, I take my hand out of my left pocket and with it, my wetslicks cyrstals lip gloss. Smack, it hits the floor, everyone hears.
Some of you may have read my thread http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=23402 You may have noticed my nervousness or apprehension about checking in enfemme. Through the encouragement and some hard knocks from my sisters here, in this forum, I decided to put my fears aside and check in enfemme, taking the words of my sisters with me.
The buildings get closer, the Casino Hotels looking more and more intimidating. The highway ends and I'm in Atlantic City. I see a pick up truck in another parking lot and my fears begin to get the best of me. I'm in town for business and of course, as I'm dressed, pleasure. The truck belongs to a contractor. The town is full of them. Many know the drab me. What have I done? I could be jeopardizing so much.
I follow the signs to my hotel, not wanting to get lost in this town. I make my final turn and wait at the last light. Oh god, I hope I don't have to use the Valet at the front door. The lights are as bright as any stadium I've ever been to. Fortunately, right before the blinding lights was the self park. With a churning stomach, a racing heart and mind, I pull up to the parking toll takers box. A woman, thank goodness takes my $4 and offers me the customary "good luck" as she lifts the gate to allow me to pass (no pun intended). Good luck, yea, if she only knew how much luck I needed. Good luck would mean my heart not exploding in some concrete garage on the New Jersey shore. Gambling good luck was the furthest from my mind, I just wanted to get to my room.
Driving up each level, my eyes scan the surroundings. I'm looking for a parking spot, the elevator, the steps, lights and all that could go wrong. Most importantly, people. I had alot to do, once I parked my car. I didn't need others checking my actions out. I find a spot. It's as perfect as a parking spot could be, probably 150-200 feet from the elevator. Just enough to calm my nerves by listening to my heels click-clack across the concrete floor. Better to listen to my heels than the thump, thump, thumping of my heart.
Now, how am I going to do this? I have two roller suitcases, a large shopping bag with handles from DSW, two bags from Ross, one from Target, my handbag, and my faux fur. I start packing and moving things around. How do I want to appear? It's cold enough now to wear the fur, should I wear it to save space? I think it's a good look with the rest of my outfit. Or, do I look like a prostitute about to go see her client? If so, I hope a high class, high dollar girl for hire. Which bag to take with me. The large bag? The small bag? I'm so confused as what to do. I calm my self as best as possible. Thank goodness no one has come by, yet. I opt for the fur coat, large bag and DSW bag loaded with shoes, camera tripod, and other smaller bags.
I'm about ready to head to the elevator when a pick up truck pulls into my level. A little panic and fear set in. This is reality. Will I know the people in this truck? I quickly make like I forgot something in the car by turning around and heading toward my safe haven. The truck parks far enough away from me where I can relax. Whew, it's a man and a woman. No problem. I get out of the car and head to the rear, and as I do, another vehicle approaches. We make eye contact, its two guys, I head quickly to the elevator. They park and get out quickly. I chicken out and turn around. The last thing I want to wait for the elevator under flourescent lights and then down the elevator with these young guys. Again, I head back to the car pretending to have forgotten something. The guys are smiling, obviously having a good time. They're looking at me. My mind is thinking all kinds of thoughts. I can do this, do it for my sisters at cders.com, and then I think of Sherlyn and her early experience with men. No wonder we head back to our cars. This is scary stuff.
Last year, my wife asked me on the phone one night, while I was in my hotel room, "why did you take your things? Are you going out somewhere?" I responded, "no, I don't know where to go and don't want to wind up dead in some street gutter". "good", she says, that would be hard to explain to the children.
The guys start walking, still having a good time. I begin to imagine what they are saying about me. Do they think I'm a woman, a good looking woman, a female prostitute, a ******* prostitute, or a crossdresser? All I know is I'm extremely uncomfortable and scared. This is not what I had imagined. Stupid me. What was I doing here? How can I get out of this?
I can't get out of this. I'm hundreds or maybe thousands of feet away from my hotel room and thus, my destination. It's the damn fur, I have to take that off! Not looking like a call girl is the best I can do at this point. I remove it and place it into the top of the trunk. Mustering up as much courage as possible, I walk to the elevator. Third time is the charm. I press the down button and wait. Then, another wake up call. There is other riders on the elevator. I feel like a stripper working the booth in a peep show! All eyes on Sophia! I step in and scan the buttons. Casino is pushed, its lit, the car heads down. Ding, bell sounds and I exit. I'm such a mess, I get out of the elevator on the next parking lot down! Doh! Turn around, push button, wait. This time, no one on board. I'm pleased, to say the least. This time, ding, I make it all the way to the casino interior. As the door opens, I am greeted by people, no problem, I am out of there like a race horse leaving the gate.
I head toward the never ending blur of noise, that is the casino floor. And people think we crossdressers are outrageous? These places are insane. What a hodge podge of color and gawdiness. Top it off with mirrors everywhere, though, I like that, I get to check my hair, outfit and walk, as I go past. I look at the people sitting at the slots, most pay me no attention as I pass them by. Following the sign to the front desk, I get there without incident. I arrive at the cattle chutes with an old man and a young man in front of me. The young man has a friend with him, he is nearby to the side. Are these the guys from the parking lot I wonder? I try to remain as innocent looking as possible. I stand their with my best female posture, though me feet were killing me. I shuffle my stance from time to time. There is two women working th efront desk, thank goodness. After about 10 minutes, the closest desk girl asks for me. I hand her my itinerary, she tells me what kind of room I'm getting. I think it's what I wanted, I'm not really listening. Just get me to my room, please, now! She needs my i.d. and a major credit card. Oh boy, here we go! I reach into my pocket book and pull them out and place my big bald mug face on the counter. She says nothing, she is very courteous. Thank you.
I get my room keys and she points the way. She didn't even inquire about me needing a bell boy. That's ok, didn't want one. I head through the halls and to the elevator. The female security smiles and I smile back. Another elevator ride. Thankfully, no other passengers. I get to my room. Walk in and to my delight is a huge bathroom. It's what I wanted most in a hotel room. Two sinks, huge shower, a toilet, and a large makeup counter with magnifying mirror and a plush chair to enjoy while I take an eternity to apply my face. Yes, I'm in girl heaven. A room to myself. I can spread out my stuff, yeah!
I drop my things and check my look. Not bad for 8 hours after my shave. I sit at the desk and call room service. They'll be up in 30-40 minutes. Perfect, gives me the opportunity to go back to the car and do it all again, ugh!
This time through, I'm feeling much better. I make sure the security guard sees me. I noticed my place in the casino and took a short cut. Headed back to the elevators and to the car. At the elevators, oh no, which floor did I park on? In my stress induced crossdresser coma, I had no idea where I parked and there was more confusion, the levels were color coded as well as numbered. I dug deep and kind of remembered yellow paint as I waited for the elevator. I pressed the corresponding button and, yes, the right floor. You go girl, now, I'm thinking. I go to the car, get my things, make sure it's locked and put on the fur coat. This time the coat stays. I pull the smaller bag and head up to the room. Let them think what they want, F'em! The security woman and myself exchange smiles again. I make it to the room. Done, I'm exhausted! Mentally wiped out and haven't eaten for 12 hours.
Knock, knock, room service. Here we go again. I let the guy in. He's funny looking. Hell, I'm funny looking! Looks like Buckwheat! I haven't seen a fro like that in a long time. What an awkward exchange this was, but I did fine. I sat and enjoyed food and beer, ah!
Now, the mirror in the bathroom is calling me. Do I dare go out again. Its been a long day. Do I really need to do this? I've never applied makeup over makeup. I'll give it a go, and if it works I'll wear my first ever out enfemme outfit as a celebration of my accomplishments. I apply, its borderline. Previous to this trip I tried the outfit on at home. It stirred so many memories and feelings. If it feels as good, I'm hitting the casino floor. It does feel good. Though, what do I know its 1:30 in the morning. I'm not sure I can feel a thing. I head out anyway. In the casino I'm still overdressed. Is there a place where a cd can go while dressed nice, so as to fit in? I wonder. I walk the casino floor. Past the annoying slot machines and around the tables. I'm bored. I did it. I head back to my room where my new nighties are waiting for me. I do a fashion photo shoot.
I remove my face and keep my forms on and in my favorite purchase, the light pink/peach chemise. My forms fill it perfectly. Now, hopefully get some sleep for my big day with the contractors.
I sleep pretty well. It's lunch time before I meet everyone at the convention. Upon meeting the guys I'll walk the floors with, I take my hand out of my left pocket and with it, my wetslicks cyrstals lip gloss. Smack, it hits the floor, everyone hears.