Is your marriage better or worse because of your crossdressing?

[Sarah Louise]

If your wife/partner knows about your dressing, do you believe that your marriage/relationship is better or worse because of it? This isn't a question about whether she accepts your dressing or not - just whether your relationship is better or worse.

Of course, we're not necessarily representative of the crossdressing population as a whole, but I have two questions for you.

Q1. Is your marriage/relationship:

1. Much better
2. A little better
3. About the same
4. A little worse
5. Much worse / we split up because of it

Q2. Did you tell her on your on terms or did she find out herself?


#Edit - see post 91 for a summary of responses.

I'm a 2, and I told my wife on my own terms.

[Joni T]

My marriage IS because of my cross dressing. I'll spare you the details but I was dressed the first time I met my future wife.
Jon

[colleen ps]

Q1 Our Marriage is definitely much better for the crossdressing. We can share so much more and have plenty of things we talk about that we did not really touch on before.

Q2 we discovered the fun side of crossdressing together during playtime one evening. Nuff said LoL

[kittie60]

About the same, we're still married and see one another but haven't lived together in 3 years.
Told her on my terms

[CarlaWestin]

Although we are in a DADT situation and she really hates my CD activity, I can honestly say that our marriage is better because I no longer hide it from her.
Occasionally, I will make sure that she sees me dressed commenting that I look pretty good for being a 60 year old man.
But, she holds fast to her precious hate and denial.
Other than that, we are very close.

[Mykaa]

Well I hate to be a downer but I got #5, have also had this used against me a number of times.

[nikkiwindsor]

Initially it was between a #3 and #4 early on in our marriage. But, then after considerable thought and reflection on her part with no involvement from me she came to accept it and then offered to be supportive of it. After that our relationship became #1 and even better than a #1. She accepts me unconditionally!

And I told her on my own terms before marriage.

[Jessica1983]

It's a 5 for me and I told her wish I hadn't now

[Lee Andrews]

I don't know whether my relationship is worse, the same or better. Crossdressing has been a part of our lives from month 8, 20+ years ago to today. So it is all we have ever known.
I told her because after a previous failed relationship, I knew this part of me wasn't going away and hiding it was not an option. She didn't go running and screaming for the hills after finding out her 'manly' construction worker likes to wear feminine attire. So I guess it was ment to be.

[Claire Cook]

We've been married 47 years. It's a relationship that works on a number of levels, and my CD is just part of all of that. Husband, lover, partner, best friend and girl friend are all part of the package. So ... I guess 1, and I told her early on.

I just wish others could be as fortunate.

[Taylor186]

If you asked me I would like to think it is 'a little better.' If you asked my wife the best answer I could hope for is 'about the same' but she might just as easily say 'a little worse.' Crossdressing adds a lot of complications to a marriage.

[Fiona123]

About a 4 for me.🌺

[Meghan4now]

Between a 3 and a 4. I told her on my terms, but she really doesn't like it.

[Nikki.]

Not a category for me. together for 25 years, she's known forever, we have a great relationship, and it's just part of it; it just is.

[JocelynJames]

Mine is a 1 and I told her on my terms

[Megan b]

It's a 5 for me but I'm the one who told her, just wished I'd shared this with her before marriage so she could have at least had the chance to back out.

[Rachael Leigh]

For me question 1 I'm a 4.
And I did tell her before marriage but I was not where I am now when we got married.
My dressing developed over the years to a point that even surprises me

[JeanTG]

I would have to say a 1. However that did not come without a huge crisis that brought us to the precipice. Having come through on the other side I'd have to say we've learned to respect each others' needs and boundaries and that has made the marriage stronger. She has known about me since before we were married, but it came to a head again much later, which launched the crisis. It's important though to respect each others' boundaries.

[JamieG]

Short answers:

Q1: 2) a little better
Q2: I told her on my own terms.

Long answer:
We recently celebrated our 15th anniversary. I came out to my wife about a year and a half into marriage, before we decided to have kids. We had always had a great relationship, many similar interests, lots of inside jokes, etc., but the reveal put a big strain on our relationship. I would say it was a 5 (much worse) for the first month or so, then a 4 (a little worse) for about a year, but for many years now we've been in the "a little better" zone. I think my wife would agree. I imagine all things considered, she'd probably rather that I wasn't a crossdresser, but she has mentioned that she feels even closer to me now that she is one of the few who knows my closely-guarded secret.

[2B Natasha]

Q1 - is a 1. We get to explore what we both like and indulge in our desires without having to explain the why's. Like watching the red carpet shows or E news etc etc. Without having to put up with the eye rolling or the complaining that is stereotypical of manly men. But I can also go out and chop would, dig a fire pit, build a concrete walk way and it's perfectly normal. Best of both worlds.

Q2 - I told her on my own term. Literally within the first ten minutes of us seeing each other in person.

[cdterri]

Question 1 is 1

Told her on my terms before marriage

[Jennie2]

Mine is a 4 and I told her on my terms, when my wife found a nightie, she wishes I hadn't told her.
It was a relief to unburden myself but at a cost of a more difficult relationship at present.

[Dana44]

My SO and I agreed we are at a 2.

[Jenn A116]

I don't think I can really answer this question. My wife knew about my CD'ing before we got married so its always been a fact of life for us. She has said she appreciates my other side and that it gives me a gentleness she finds appealing.

It also helps me understand why she needs yet another pair of shoes. :)

[Robin414]

For me I'd definitely say much better and Q2, on my own terms.

Anyone hear the old joke 'when did you start crossdressing? When my wife found a bra and panties in my truck! 🤕

Seriously though, she thought I was having an affair (faint perfume, suspicious business trips). She was actually ecstatic when I came out!

[JulieC]

Q1: Probably about 1 to 1.5. There's definitely things it adds to it. She occasionally borrows slips of mine (one of which I never got back, grr ;) ), and will raid my pantyhose/tights collection if she needs something. Our sizes are too far apart on shoes/dresses/skirts/blouses to help her otherwise. She has commented several times that I educated her about pantyhose; she wore grandma pantyhose before she met me. 'But they are soft!' she would say. Now she wears real pantyhose, ones that look great AND are soft. She enjoys that I don't mind shopping for clothes for her with her. She appreciates that I understand that if you find a piece of women's clothing or shoes that are perfect, you don't hem and haw about it...you but it right then and there because a week from then it will be gone and you'll never see it again.

Q2: I told my wife on my own terms, after we'd been dating about 4 months. Two days later, she bought me pantyhose. Nice ones too :) That said, acceptance wasn't total at first, but nearly so. We had a major bump along the way, about two years into our marriage. Worked out well though.

[Teresa]

Sarah,
I took a deep breath on this question , I'm coming up for forty two years of being married.

I suppose the first question for me is how good is it still without the CDing, all I can say is the good parts are better than the bad parts we have a good family around us.

I came out to my wife twenty years ago , we didn't part over over it but it brought the whole question of how much my wife loved me , at the time it didn't look good so I spiralled down to almost ending my life.
Twenty years on and after counselling we nearly separated , the gap was too wide between my needs and her acceptance level. Too many people were going to be hurt if it happened so I was given a little more slack, so now I go out socially. It's not ideal but it's working at the moment.
In some respects CDing has kept me in my marriage, it contains my sexual needs otherwise I may have had affairs and split the marriage anyway, my wife is also aware of this point .

Sorry it's not an itemised answer putting down a number doesn't explain the answer behind it.

[Jenniferathome]

Q1: 1. Much better. The secret I was keeping from her was forcing me to be distant in an otherwise perfect relationship. Total honesty, or no secrets, is the way to live.

Q2: I chose to tell her.

[Kandi Robbins]

Q1: It was always good, now it's great! Way better.

Q2: 100% on my own terms, the secret was eating me alive and did not allow me the ability to explore things fully.

[Anne K]

I told my wife before we were married and after a few of the usual questions she jumped on board enthusiastically. Her acceptance and encouragement has brought peace to my heart and opened our marriage to lots of adventures neither of us expected. My answer is #1.

[sometimes_miss]

marriage/relationship is better or worse because of it?

Oh, that's easy. It's over because of crossdressing. So, 5.

[Emma or Darren]

A 3 for now until she deals with it then it could go either way and I came out to her
Emma xx

[leannejacobs]

Mine is a 2, we're a lot closer now, I was quite distant before I told her on my terms, been married for 27 years but only came out to her about 4 years ago, mind you my dressing lay dormant for much of our marriage, onwards and upwards 😉

[Gillian Gigs]

Q1. It moved from a 3 to a 2 and then a 1.
Q2. I figured it was better to do it on my terms. That was over 22 years ago.

[Stephanie58]

For us it is a 4.

I was outed after 46 years of very happy marriage and, obviously, it was a big shock to her.
She is trying hard to be supportive but both of us have bad spells and I feel very guilty to have put her in this position.

However, for those who are critical of those of us who didn't tell, when we met there was virtually no information available about CDing and, if you were exposed you faced total ruin. Additionally, i felt it was just a temporary phase which finished when we courted. I know better now!

[JenniferMBlack]

On question 1 it is hard to answer, I think better because we both have fun with it. She has known since before we were together. How do you know if it would be better or worse if it has always been apart of the relationship? So 2 is my own terms.

[Toni Citara]

1st marriage: 4/told on my own
Prior gf: 4/told on my own
Prior gf: 4-5/told on my own
Prior gf: 4-5/told on my own
Prior fiancé: 5/told on my own

Current gf/fiancé: 1 / own

[ClosetED]

Q1: a 5 - not split up, but kicked out of house once, asked for divorce several times, and she saw lawyer and told kids
Q2: I tried to see her reaction to me wearing one of 2 lacy bodysuits I got for her (us) 2 years into marriage and she was not into it. She found stash a year later and seems to tolerate it as hose/heels a few times a year as bedroom activity and would buy me stuff for those rare occasions. So I was happy with that for 19 years and then she stopped completely since I put on hose while she was out and she came home and found out. This lead to DADT and me exploring my pink fog and making Ellen a reality.
Ellen

[Jaylyn]

A number three and told her on my own terms.
She accepts it and had contributed to the dressing by helping me look better when dressed. She did tell me she didn't want me outed. She has bought Jaylyn clothes and when we are in the makeup section she always asks if Jaylyn needs any makeup.

[NancySue]

Yes she knows.... I'll answer Q #2 first: I told her before we got married..no secrets...honestly believing she'd bolt for the exit door. This didn't happen. Once we got through her "fears", she is very supportive...which leads to my answer for Q #1, we are a definite #1....in fact...better than "much better".

[Thictoria]

Thought I'd say from a GG's prospective hope this is ok :/
Q1, definitely a 1 as he is less distant more relaxed and happy :) Q2, i kind of knew form a few things he had said so asked him a couple of times and told me :) It was the hardest thing he has ever done he says because you are laying yourself bare and leaving yourself open to rejection!

[Barbara B]

A 1 for me

And I told on my own.

[raeleen]

I told her on my own terms, and that was almost 15 years ago. It's been up and down, and I'd say we hovered around a 3/4 for quite a while, but in the last year, we've made a lot of progress, and I think we're inching towards a 2. :) Interesting to read people's thoughts and perspectives on this. Wish we could get the wives/SO's equal rating and see how they matched up!

[ReineD]

On my side of it, our relationship is the same. I support the dressing, and I support the non-dressing. It is totally my SO's decision and not mine and I'm OK with however my SO chooses to present. But, my SO does not identify as a woman and therefore does not live as one. If he did, then I'm not sure where we would be.

On my SO's side I should think the relationship is much easier because I do accept, than if I objected. He doesn't have to hide, he doesn't have to lie, he doesn't have to suppress himself when he wants to dress, waiting for the next opportunity. If he did, I don't think he'd want to stay with me. So for my SO, I'm guessing he would say the relationship is improved.

[Tina_gm]

Q1 It varies. In some ways 2, other 3 and some others 4. Q2, I told her on my terms.

[Sissy_in_pink]

Q1 Yep, I'm a no.5 my wife put up with it for many years , but I could see us drifting apart, I have been divorced now 5 years. I also told a lady that I was dating 2 weeks after we met, all was good at first, then she decided that it wasn't for her, so she ended it.
The lady I'm with now will never find out off me and I hope she never finds out, she lives in her own home 43 kilometres away and doesn't want a live in relationship or ever get married, both are fine with me.

Q2. she found out for herself, she came home unexpectedly.

[Janine cd]

I'm at about a 2. My wife has never been really accepting of my dressing, but she does realize that it is a necessary part of me. She does tolerate it as long as it's not in her presence.

[Anita Cosmolover]

I'd say we are a 3. She of course has a much deeper understanding of me now though. My wife barely tolerates my cross-dressing and I can't wear lingerie in front of her - she spits the dummy big time! I've tried wearing a slip in bed - putting it on when I think she is asleep - no good! I've let her "catch" me a couple of times in the house when the kids are at school - no good either sadly.

My wife found out when she found a Cosmo I'd accidently left around. I've been reading and collecting Cosmo for many years and have a huge collection, which I had kept secret from her. I hated keeping my Cosmo's secret, so at least this is out in the open. She reads my Cosmo's from time to time, so this is a big improvement in my life. Overall my life is better having the secret out. My wife would say her life is a little worse, so it balances out I guess.

[PaulaQ]

Q1: 5 - well really more like 11 (3 years later, the war between us goes on.)
Q2: I told her on my terms

She will never forgive me for what happened. I know that now. I begin to question my ability to forgive myself for what happened. 3 years later, and I still haven't managed it.

[mickynylons]

I told her about my affection toward wearing pantyhose before we married and she's was ok with that. You are who you are was her response. After may years of marital bliss she still has no issues with me wanting to wear pantyhose. But when I sprung a pair of ankle strap pumps on her, that didn't go over as well as I had wished. I was allowed to keep the pantyhose but the heels had to go.

[Teresa]

Thictoria,
I have to say your last line is so true, the feeling of rejection is a killer, it did drive me to almost ending my life, so it can't be discarded lightly.

[renaej7]

Reading everyone's post. My heart goes out to those who's relationship did not survive and/or barely hanging on. The notion of being rejected existed before I told my wife. She is supportive and we do some shopping together but there is a balance. The fear of her waking up one day and saying "I can't" exist in my mind. I would say, 1. It has made our relationship stronger. My dressing has evolved. I started out in Victoria Secret panties, now I am full make-up. I'm just glad I was able to tell her and we have been able to evolve as my dressing has.

[Jolynne Wynn]

I am gonna answer in reverse.
Q2. Did you tell her on your on terms or did she find out herself?

I told her on my own.

Q1. Is your marriage/relationship:

1. Much better
2. A little better
3. About the same
4. A little worse
5. Much worse / we split up because of it

My marriage was about the same when I told her. She was supportive of the crossdressing, but was less affectionate with me at the same time. Hence the balance of a positive and a negative.

But as time went by and I felt CD'ing was just not enough. I sought help in the LGBT community and figured out I am more of a Transgender than a CD. Confirmed with a few therapy sessions with a specialist. Then decided to tell my wife, first, before coming out to my friends and family. That's where it all went downhill. Her attraction for me changed when presenting as female went to identifying as a female. Her exacts words were "I married a man, not a woman."
Still going through our divorce. Glad it's not a messy one. We are both being very civil about the whole thing. We have 19 years of wonderful memories. And will have more as friends, just not as lovers...

[richelle1]

Mine is 1. i have so much more cloths and panties then ever. On top of that she ordered 3 new wigs for me.

[Brenda Freeman]

I told my wife late in our marriage as I was needing to dress and could not hide it any more. She was at first in shock, but once she realized it was just crossdressing for me not transitioning or telling the world, she has been supportive in a prefer not to see me way. Our marriage was great but now much better as my only secret is out and we can talk about it even talk fashion and accessories, and she has seen me and is okay I have even received a few compliments. I think we are even closer in ways as I can relate to her in ways some men cannot or choose not too! I guess it was on my terms as I chose the time and place. I feel so blessed that it worked out for us.

[Majella St Gerard]

My wife was very accepting of my dressing and would often buy me clothes. I'd dress and we'd fool around. I'd dress and we would go out together. Unfortunately we just broke up, nothing to do with crossdressing, she said we drifted apart, but she was seeing someone new right after she moved out. She broke my heart, I had been replaced even before she was out the door, sorry for the rant, it just came out.

[JulieC]

My wife was very accepting of my dressing and would often buy me clothes. I'd dress and we'd fool around. I'd dress and we would go out together. Unfortunately we just broke up, nothing to do with crossdressing, she said we drifted apart, but she was seeing someone new right after she moved out. She broke my heart, I had been replaced even before she was out the door, sorry for the rant, it just came out.

:( :( :( :(

[Shayna]

She found out. In general I would say our marriage is about the same. Two exceptions to that, first is it's better because the truth is out there, but at the same time she has hard time with it so it's a little worse in that regard.

[kate473]

It's complicated. My motivation to dress can vary and often has some element of suppressing communication. This might be a good thing to find the right words and search through feelings--on both sides.

[pamela7]

all remains the same, except apparently shopping is a much more enjoyable experience :-)

[abby054]

1. A 4.5 -- much worse but we are still together.
2. I told her on my terms. She uses it against me often. I will not do anything that stupid again.

[Jane G]

Impossible to answer your question. All I can add is, my wife did not know when we married. it was a few years until she caught me out. LoL. There was turmoil at that moment. We worked it out and have been very happily married in the 35+ years since. I remain a closest CD largely as she wishes that to be so. If I was out of the closest to the world would my life be better or worse, than it is? It pretty good now and has been for many years, so I doubt it.

There is more to life than being a CD.:eek:

[CONSUELO]

I told all before we were married. Resistance grew after getting married and although I dress openly it is not completely comfortable. She believes that my cross dressing has diminished her femininity.
Lesson learned- just telling your future spouse that you are a transvestite (the term I used back then ) is insufficient. You both need to first thoroughly understand what that means and how it manifests itself and explore what it means in some detail, if necessary with professional help. I did not understand that my cross dressing desires would grow over time and that my sexuality would change as it grew.

So the net result right now is about a 4 to 5 though not all of that is due to cross dressing.

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

i am 4.5 not divorced but really a marriage in name only

- - - Updated - - -

oops question # 2 i just blurted it out after i was late picking her up from work(i had been at MAC store getting a makeover)
that after 27 yrs of marriage is the WRONG way to come out to your spouse

[lisa_vin]

#1 - 4 and strictly DADT.
#2 - She found out. I did try to subtly tell her for years but she either ignored me or got angry and simply refused to go there.

[Samantha54]

#1 - 4, but not only because of dressing, but it didn't help
#2 - she found out through playful sex, and it was a mistake, but she accepts and likes that I'm not guy's guy either.

Such a predicament to be in!

[Katya@]

Q1: My wife thinks (I think), it makes no difference on our relationship. However, I think she is like 3.5 (wish I was just a guy). However, I think it is 2 because I feel I am better, more understanding and caring person because of my dressing.
Q2: Said on my terms.

- - - Updated - - -

My heart goes out to all 4s and 5s...Don't lose hope folks!

[Zoe B]

Q1 is a 1
Q2 Apart from CDing when I was a lot younger it been something I had suppressed during previous relationships and I had just considered a phase. We discovered (rediscovered for me) it together and I am forever grateful that that's the way it happened.
I have a policy of total honesty between us, nothing to hide. It really is the best way to be.

[Meg East]

Maybe a 1.5 and I told her on my own terms. We have been married for 43 years and she has known for the last 19 years. In the beginning things were rocky (the old i married a man line) but she soon saw I wasn't as depressed which was a positive for the marriage.

[Julie1123]

For question one, a little better and a little worse. On one hand, it sucks to have this thing that I can't share with her, that I have to keep out of sight. On the other hand, we haven't had very many big issues in our relationship so seeing how we are handling this and being able to handle this is really strengthening our relationship.

I told her on my terms.

[Athena_]

Q1. Is your marriage/relationship:

1. Much better
2. A little better
3. About the same
4. A little worse
5. Much worse / we split up because of it

3 is my answer. DADT currently, and that is better than 4 or 5. I respect her and her feelings. I have tried to shake the desire to dress, but I cannot. I still love the feeling that I get when dressing.

Q2. Did you tell her on your on terms or did she find out herself?

She discovered my stash and was ultimately relieved that I was just a cross dresser. She did allow me to move my clothing and accessories up to our room. I have even gotten the rare, would you like this clothing item before I give it away? Progress certainly.

[Cheryl James]

5 - Though, we have not split up.

[jo_ann]

Between a 1 or 2. I think my wife realizes how balanced on the gender scale I am (literally down the middle), so I'm understanding from both sides and I'm a much more understanding person. It is amazing how many of her female co-workers are divorced, or on the way because the husbands are jerks, or don't pull their weight, or simply don't listen to their wives. She's very happy in our marriage, so much so sometimes she's afraid of me going to the store in fear I'll get in an accident (always 5 miles from home). She's never had an issue with me dressing, in fact sometimes she'll get upset when I do it when she's not around because she feels like it's being sneaky, or somehow she thinks that I think she doesn't accept it. Honestly sometimes it just feels good on your own because of being slightly weirded out having a wife that's so accepting.

[Laura28]

Q1 Number three, she is fine with it. She has known since we were dating some 40 years ago. Never was much of an issue and i wasnt into it as much then you know the story life kids work etc,,, But would dress in her stuff on ocassion and she liked me in Panties and thi highs . About 6 yrs ago went full tilt, have numerous outfits shoes wigs make up. She is ok with it buys me make up and cloths and such. She doesnt mind seeing my pictures but doesnt want me to see me fully dressed.

Q2 i guess it was on my terms,we were dating i was about 18 she was 17 at a drive in following around int he front seat, had a little to much to drink and i told her i like to dress in womans cloths, she oh ok. that was it never really discussed again till about 6 years go when i told her i wanted to dress more she said ok.

[Tina81]

Q1. 3 (she understands I was born this way)
Q2. I told her and explained what I discovered about why do men crossdress.

[Yolanda]

Q1. My wife did my make up tonight. She put in her extentions, and I had a dress on. I already have long hair with an up cut. I looked amazing, and it almost brought me to tears. She got kinda freaked out by my reaction. I think she feels that it is some kind of goof off thing. I haven't dressed in over 8 years before this week. All I know is that telling her and dressing has brought out a wonderful sensitivity that had been missing from my personality for over 3 years. I feel like a girl today. I feel that I am gender fluid, and have a very masculine side and a wonderful feminine side. And, if accepted I know I can flow back and fourth all the time, dressed or not. My hope is that it enhances our marriage.

I'm long winded lol.

Q2: I told her on my terms. It came out when she had me try on a maternity shirt she wanted to send to her sister. I have a large chest, and her sister is busty, and I told her then. She wasn't surprised, because every now and then I put on her panties in the bedroom... So she kinda thought it was sexy.

[AnneForever]

Hi:) 1: I can honestly say that my marriage has improved because of it, because it forced us to really talk in a way that we haven't really been good at. So she knows me better and I know her better. After much tears and me not being able to concentrate at work (that also forced me to come out to my boss!! Luckily she didn't mind at all and said that everyone of my colleagues would support me no matter what:) she has accepted it at least to the extent that I can wear a bra and panties and also women's jeans and shirts whenever I like which is pretty much all the time...

2: she more or less found out on her own when she discovered my panties hidden in my drawer. I then had no choice but to confess about the whole thing. Our relationship went really downhill for a period after that and for some horrible months I was genuinely worriedly that she would leave me... But, as we have talked and I have seen a therapist, she has gradually come to terms with the situation. She even gave me one of her old jackets for me to wear:)

Ps: my wife and kid just left the house for 4-5 days and I going to try to venture out in my most feminine attire so far. I am scare and excited at the same time. She also took the car so I can't just run in there and go somewhere far away. I have walk out the door, wander all the way to the subway and from there take a train or bus... Wish me luck:))))

[Jane G]

Q1. 3 (she understands I was born this way)

This is a very good point. Happily my wife also understands and excepts this. Even though she prefers the male side of me mostly, she excepts the female part of me and occasionally praises the benefits it brings. :)

[LisaJ1]

My relationship with my fiancé,#1 and I did tell her.We say our relationship is this way because of my crossdressing and she shows her support.Says Lisa is a great friend in her life and shopping partner.I do admit my life has been great since I met her and know I can dress around her as Lisa

[cdterri]

#1 here, told her before marriage and she accepted me wholeheartedly. Her take on it "Its who you are"

[Faye56]

I am sorry to say it is a 4 from me.

[Maria 60]

My wife believes our marriage is much better because of the dressing. She compares us to our other married freinds and can't believe that nobody communicates with each other and she loves to shop and share together. Thirty plus years something must be going right. Q2 I told her on my own terms, but I was alittle disappointed I did it after we were married. I guess I thought once married I wouldn't dress anymore and I was tired of living as a fugitive and didn't want to live the rest of my life as one either.

[Katie Oxford]

1, pretty clearly. Learning from earlier mistakes and consequent regrets, I told my then girlfriend, now wife early on. It isn't naturally her 'bag', but she loved the trust I showed in her by this. At that time I still had things to process regarding it - there was me, and there was secret me that loved to hang out at home in feminine clothing. The two didn't overlap, and the disconnect caused me stress. She learned details quickly, showing an absolute trust in me that permitted me to trust myself, and in the 6 years since (we married last year) I've put me and secret me back together, chatting with her about where my thinking is on the subject regularly. This is still something for doing at home, but now I understand and have confidence in the limits of what I do and don't want to do with it - and perhaps most importantly, don't feel terrified of the secret leaking out in some unexpected way. I am one person with an interest rather than two people.

So yes, a 1. It provided a means to show full trust and that let us move easily to the highest level of emotional intimacy, which is an integral part of a good marriage to me (I know some work differently and well with it; no judgement). I think we'd have got there without it, but what initially felt a nerve-racking confession turned out to be a short-cut to where we needed to arrive. Like I say, it wasn't something she was into, but she prefers trying to understand to reflexive judgement - and happily loves shopping for clothes and giving people gifts; adding me into that round came to her very easily. I crossdress at home regularly, most of my feminine clothing was bought by her, and it is just a part of what I/we do. I'm a more complete person than I was before we were together, and we are more complete together - both things intimately tied to how we react to my crossdressing.

If that sounds a bit saccharine, I apologise. But it's true.

[Krisi]

I think the choices are a little odd. Specifically "A little worse" and "Much worse". The language implies that the marriage was not good in the first place. Normally, we would like to think of our marriages as "good" without the crossdressing thing.

Time changes a lot of things so more than just the crossdressing effects a marriage over a period of years. Also, a marriage can get better in some aspects and not as good in others.

To answer your question, crossdressing has probably not made my marriage better or worse but it has changed it.

I told my wife on my terms. I've written about it here.

[wendy]

Our marriage has always been very good, so my CDing did not make things better or worse as it has always remained the same.

I told my wife about my CDing, however I think she had an her suspicions for the longest time.

[Angie G]

She knows and my marriage is much mush better. We shop for girl thing together all ghe time. And I dress 100% at home with her there.:hugs:
Angie

[jacques]

1 - much better
2 - on my own terms - i had to build up a lot of courage (and Dutch courage) to tell her and my wife just said "what's the problem? - it's only clothes!" (see answer to question 1)
luv J

[Louise DK]

Our marriage is about the same. It has allways been a very good marriage, and me comming out hasent really changed that fact.
I came out on my own terms.

Louise.

[kristinacd55]

1 for the first question for me, and she knew and accepted before we got together.

After my first marriage dissolved in part because of this (and drinking among other issues) I made sure she knew front and center! This relationship now is fantastic and I am sooooo lucky to be with her.

[Trishpdxcd2]

It is a bit mixed but overall I would say it has definitely brought us closer. While my wife doesn't want to have me dressed in her company, I think she appreciates the insight I have to clothes and always asks me for opinions on her clothes. I also am trying to bring some of the more feminine characteristics into the marriage, more communication, feelings, etc. and she likes that.

[Sarah Louise]

Thank you to everyone who replied. While I don't think we can make any concrete conclusions, just over half of those who replied said their marriage was better while about a quarter said it was worse. I was a little surprised by the latter as reading the various threads, my perception was that there would not be so many where things have got worse.

Maybe it goes to show that coming out to your wife is not always as good an idea as many on here think? Totally unscientific of course, but interesting none-the-less.

[CONSUELO]

I came out to my wife before we were married and she did not see my cross dressing as a barrier to proceeding with the marriage. Afterward she began to object to my dressing around the house. Now I do as I want and dress as I want but being in the open about my cross dressing well before we were married did not seem to help us at all. Looking back I realize that she did not really understand transvestism and as this was well before the availability of the Internet, it was difficult to be properly educated about the subject.

So, my being a fetishistic transvestite (a more thorough description of my "condition") has not helped my marriage at all but I am glad that I am being open about it and not creeping around in the shadows of shame.

[Dianna_ericka]

I told my then girlfriend on my own terms very early on our dating time, her reaction was great, she started to give me gifts related with like panties and pantyhoses, even she performed the pierces on my ears.
I am a very hapy CD-girlish man, I always wear something from underwaear or nail polish, we are a very happy couple.

[shellybme]

Mine is a 3 hopefully in the future it could be a 1 but I am not rushing it. I told her myself, I made a promise to myself that if we got married there would be no secrets.

[michiganjenn]

Divorced twice over it but happier now