Being "Caught"

[Allisa]

Just had to vent this. I've noticed that many use the term being "CAUGHT", this implies one is doing something wrong or inappropriate. Neither is correct. Maybe the term "found out", or "discovered" is more apt. I know this has to do with the shame we feel for CDing, drop the term and the shame will fade(hopefully).Any thoughts?

[Aleca]

More about how much guilt and shame one has. Someone might apply that to themselves when they feel like they have done something criminal. Breaking trust with one another, lying then yeah one will feel guilty until able to prove themselves innocent.

[Angelofsomekind]

I think being caught implies you were trying to hide something more than you were doing something wrong. But I see where you are coming from.

[NicoleScott]

Guilt and shame aren't caused by, and won't be alleviated by, using caught, found out, or discovered. How about busted? No.
I have used all those terms to describe that event. If I were to get nit-picky I would use caught if discovered in the act. In my case, a windstorm blew a garbage can over, and my [ex] wife found a pantyhose package not in her size. Evidence was discovered. She confronted me and I confessed.
By the way, I didn't dress secretly because of guilt and shame, but because of probable consequences. I was in the "reveal trap", a different topic.
But needing to vent over choice of words others use?

[JulieC]

Yeah, there's a negative connotation to "being caught". I agree. But, I don't know there's any positive way to say it. When it happens, a piece of information about you was given to someone whom you did not want to know. It's usually negative, rarely positive. Certainly stressful.

The only time I've "been caught" was my mother finding my stash when I was a young teenager. I got read the riot act, and passages from the Bible. My mother, rest her beautiful soul, wasn't equipped to deal with me being a crossdresser. Her efforts, of course, were in vain. I just learned to hide my stash better. I found I could remove the cover to the cold air return in my room, and keep a smallish bag there, half an arm's reach down the vent. That was never discovered.

[Nadine Robles]

I think the use of the term Caught has more to do with the fact that you were hiding/lying/deceiving and thats whats actually "wrong" not the dressing itself...

[Teresa]

Lisa,
This a good point being caught implies what you describe .
I don't feel ashamed or guilty with my CDing I guess living so many years with those feelings before I came to terms with it does take some shaking off .
What we should really say is you've discovered the other part of me.
I suppose what we fear most is a bad negative reaction to our appearance , it may be their problem but it still hurts .

[Tracii G]

Discovered is a good way to put it Teresa I think that sums it up perfectly.

[Jenniferathome]

no, it also implies one is hiding something

[Teresa]

Jennifer,
The truth is I still am, she doesn't want to know so I have to work round her, I'm afraid that's the way she wants it !
To be totally truthful would possibly end everything, when we decided not to separate , I told her straight that I would be living a compromised lifestyle .

[Pat]

I think you may be over-thinking it. It's just a figure of speech. It means you were observed when you didn't want to be, but I don't think it carries a value judgement on your actions. For example, "My kid caught me playing tooth fairy." Or "They caught me slipping a donation into the poor box."

[Amanda M]

Allissa - I like your approach. Care to expand?

[Allisa]

I see I have to maybe explain my angst over the use of terms associated with CDing. Seeing how we use language to describe our trials and tribulations associated with this part of our lives, in my opinion using "negatives" to be associated with our dressing is just one way to enhance our shame,not all feel shame, but I know I did at one time, and until I read positives and had positive reactions to my CDing I thought negative thoughts of what I was doing. Words can and do influence on many levels. Maybe I 'm not getting my thought process across. I'm not a linguist so this is not my forte and maybe I should stick to just being a solitary think tanker. But thanks for all the input for me to process.

[LilSissyStevie]

One thing you're up against is that the "getting caught" theme is a staple of erotic TG literature. It usually goes something like the CD gets caught messing around in the wife's lingerie drawer. She blackmails him in to dressing 24/7, taking hormones, etc. Then she puts him out on the street to earn the rent money or something like that. LOL! "Getting caught" is also a staple of gay erotica. "Found out" just doesn't have the same emotional impact.

[Kate Simmons]

My thoughts exactly Allisa.:)

[Krisi]

Society says that a man wearing women's clothes is something wrong or inappropriate. That's why many use the term "caught". Does that explain it?

[Janine cd]

I prefer the term discovered also. In my own experience, It's when my wife discovered my desire to crossdress that I came to accept that it was not something to hide and be ashamed of.
I have always believed that I had a social problem until I discovered that I was not alone. I found a loving community of supporters to reassure me that I was not alone.

[Anita Cosmolover]

I totally agree that the term "being caught" implies there is something wrong with what we do. I do though love being caught by my wife!

[AprilR]

I guess it can go both ways but I understand what is is being argued. So if I were ever to get caught than maybe I'll use a different word.