Does misgendering get easier or harder through transition?

[JanePeterson]

Basically just what the title says...

Got misgendered a few by a very well meaning but absent minded family member and it SUCKED - like turning on the emotion faucet - will I get tougher? Or will all the hardships of transition just make mistakes that much more upsetting?

[Badtranny]

It gets harder as it becomes less common.

Then it gets easier because you don't care so much anymore.

Timetables vary but as with everything in transition, being confident and comfortable helps immeasurably. All you need is time.

...and wine

[Jennifer-GWN]

Call it situationally irritating at times.

[Donnagirl]

Once you gain enough confidence it worries you less and less. I could not care anymore and occasionally even misgender myself!!! I know to some this may sound a little wierd but I kinda miss getting 'clocked', having that quiet smile to my self or an opportunity to talk and educate someone.

So yes, it does get easier :-)

[tgirlamc]

Hi Jane!

It seems like it can be easier or harder based on your mood at the given time, your confidence that day...etc ...but, I think we also need to be aware that relatives, especially older ones have been using the old pronouns for a long time when they refer to us so it may take a while for their minds to adapt to the changes!

Take Care!!!
Ashley :)

[arbon]

I don't like it at all and can be very depressing.
Most people in my life that were not getting it got kicked out of my life.
Work though....I still have the issue with the guys I work with keep having to confront them which makes me feel like an idiot. I don't like having to force people to recognize who I am and it hurts they don't see me as a woman. Been going on for years. And it still agravates me to no end. It is harassment. But I choose to stay so the only one to blame is myself.

[tgirlamc]

When it moves into the area of intentional disrespect... That's another matter entirely... I'm sorry you are faced with that kind of workplace environment Arbon!!! That just sucks!!

[PaulaQ]

It depends on you and how you feel about yourself. It depends on the source too. Random bigots and haters mostly bounce off me. For one thing, i expect it because I'm often in their face. It helps that other than feeling bad for them, I don't have much regard for their opinion. (In fact basically none.)

Getting it from my ex on the phone still hurts though, on the rather rare occasions when I'm forced to speak to her. She dead names me, misgenders me. That still hurts somehow.

The only other place it happens sometimes is the phone. That doesn't bother me do much anymore.

[Nicole Erin]

If they always knew you by the previous name and gender then you kind of have to give plenty of leeway.

But like other things for mis-gendering or people making rude comments etc...
Early on it is really painful but eventually it is annoying only for a moment then you go about your day and don't even think about it.

Yeah it is cause you do get more confident, eventually to the point where you just do not give a damn what anyone thinks. It is actually kind of boring by then.

[PennyNZ]

Personally, I don't take offence mostly.

It does annoy me when on the phone, and I have already introduced myself as Penny and they still call me sir or mate.

I guess my name is less memorial than my voice at this time

[Marcelle]

Hi Jane,

For me it got easier once I accepted myself with all my flaws. I know what I look like to the external world and the kid is not fooling anyone so I try to take being misgendered in stride. Most people are good at getting it out of politeness but some still slip up now and then which I politely correct. However, if someone is being rude then I will call them on it.

Cheers

Marcelle

[becky77]

You toughen up but at the same time it can throw you more when it happens less frequently.

It hadn't happened for ages then last week at work out of the blue I got Deadnamed, I just ignored him till he corrected himself.
Thing is though is he a lovely guy with no prejudice, some people are not phased by trans people unfortunately as a consequence of their openness they don't register the significance of misgendering. You could say it's because he doesn't truly see me as a woman but seeing as he knew me from before how can you blame him.