Story

[Abraxas]

Hey all. I write stories (fanfic) on a site called http://izzardnoire.fateback.com
I wrote a new one up, dealing a lot with transvestism (from my angle and from Eddie Izzard's). There's a lot of non- pronographic sex scenes (implied sex), strip teases, even a fight. I think it's quite good, as did the webmaster, Amy. This story is called 'Completion' and is in the Novella section. The other two I've written for this site are called Pig Farmers and Midnight Phone Call, and are in the Story section. They're... not bad. Slightly shorter. Anyway, I'm open to feedback. Let me know what you think, please :)

[Abraxas]

Thanks very much! Glad you liked what you read. I'm really more of a musician, but enjoy writing on occasion.

[Abraxas]

Awww, thanks! My music is better, actually. IMO. Too bad my music writing isn't all that great. I can't manage to write lyrics to go along with music. It's one or the other but I seem to have trouble combining the two. I'll let you all know when I get it finished so you can buy a copy if you want to. I'll of course put up some Mp3s so you can listen before you buy. :-D
Glad you liked the story! :D

[Jen_TGCD]

I just read Completion. Excellent!!! If I feel like I'm watching a video (in my head) while I'm reading a story, then it's well written.

I'm not sure if I was drawn into it because I'm TG, or because I knew you were writing it or if I just got emotionally involved. It was compelling, romantic... and you sure know how to bring fantasy to life!!! The violence in the beginning started to turn me off... but only because it was "real". I thought, Oh, crap! What is this... but stuck with it. It was necessary but I don't think Damien would have recovered from such a brutal beating so quickly. If you ever re-write it... I would make his recovery a few days longer... or use stronger drugs to ease the pain. :rolleyes:

Since I have an understanding of "reincarnation and karma", I know how the attraction and the intense feelings of love could happen so quickly, but, that too, could have been drawn out... to further explain the inner knowingness that connected them from the very beginning.

Oh! And I loved the conversation between Damien/Courtney, Eddie and the mother!!! Fantastic!!!

The ending feels like it was rushed... or preparing for Part II. Guess I wanted more ! ! ! I love the... "and they lived happily ever after" endings. Waiting for more, Eddie... especially when you have his children!!! :eek:

Looking forward to buying your music CD, also!!! Keep us posted!!!

[Abraxas]

Good points :)
I think I will maybe try a more comprehensive editing thing!
I'm young and do recover from beatings quickly, maybe I should not have myself 'wake up' quite so soon. A few days' sleep rather than just one night.
I thought about writing a part two, but am not sure exactly where it would go. On the one hand, I like that the ending is open to interpretation and imagining what happens to the characters. On the other hand, it'd be interesting to write more of the struggles that would go on between Demian and Eddie re: demian moving and Eddie's career. It might make it interesting in that way.
Yes, I do think you're right. I'm a relative novice at story writing. If you have any more suggestions or ideas for a second part, I'd be more than happy to hear them.

And I agree about the love thing being drawn out-- at least from Eddie's perspective. Even though the Demian character is me, in actuality, and I do feel these things toward Eddie. If he didn't feel the same about me in the story, at least at the beginning... It would be more believable. I suppose if I'd been writing a screenplay it would've gone that way to build more tension. But I was overly eager to write out my fantasies and such. Now that I've actually written them, I suppose it would be easier to add stuff that builds more realistic tension and stuff. More from my point of view (or Demian's), more exposition, rather than the actual events. Perhaps looking at Eddie and just being amazed at him and that sort of thing. Could be good. I'll work on it and re- submit.
About the fight... Yes, it almost happened, but got broken up by an outside party before it could come to blows. There were about 7 or 8 older guys more than willing to smash me to the floor. It could've turned out bad.
I thought the ending was a bit rushed as I wrote it. I just couldn't think of any real way to draw it out more. Any advice on that front? Perhaps more thinking and not so much action? Not sure. Anything to make it better!

Thanks very much for your comprehensive and honest review!
I'm glad you liked it despite its obvious flaws. :D

[Jen_TGCD]

Eddie wrote: But I was overly eager to write out my fantasies and such.
That's kind of the impression I got. I kept thinking Damien was going to wake up in a hospital and that it was just a dream... or trauma induced vision.

Eddie wrote: I'm young and do recover from beatings quickly.
That wasn't a beating... that scene was almost homicide!!! Like I said, maybe more powerful pain killers! <LOL>>>>


Eddie wrote: On the other hand, it'd be interesting to write more of the struggles that would go on between Demian and Eddie re: demian moving and Eddie's career. It might make it interesting in that way.
Yup! Agree. From what little I know about Eddie and his "problems"... those challenges vs. the intense love could be interesting. Plus... Damien's new career and Eddie's growing popularity. The age difference... yikes!!! But true love has to win out... in the end!!!

It would be a fantastic stage play... can you imagine!!! And played by the original characters!!

You have enough going on right now... I wouldn't bother with a re-write unless you were truly going to submit it for publication. It's really a great story as it stands. But... if you do get to Part II... the baby thing would be wild!!!

[Jen_TGCD]

And I agree about the love thing being drawn out-- at least from Eddie's perspective. Even though the Demian character is me, in actuality, and I do feel these things toward Eddie. If he didn't feel the same about me in the story, at least at the beginning... It would be more believable.No... you explained that at the end of the story. At least, the impression I got. He "knew" from the very beginning...from when he first saw you in front of the restaurant... it was Damien that was holding back. Like I said... the karmic connection!!! :)

[Abraxas]

Hmmm. Stage play. Interesting.
But only if I could get Eddie to do it, and that's tough. I'm writing a couple of screenplays with him in mind, but it doesn't HAVE to be him-- it'd be nice, though.
I'm not that busy... I oculd re- write. Not sure about publication, as I don't know who'd want it and am not sure Eddie would be comfortable with having it published. Some people might take it as an actual account and that would be bad.

Hmmm. I just had an idea. Maybe, Demian could really be in a coma or something, and wakes up. But instead of being alone, Eddie is sitting there in the hospital and the actual story continues from there. Then there wouldn't be any reason for a re- write, as it'd really be a fantasy and therefore not too realistic. Hmmmm. I think that could work for a part two. Whatcha think?
Basically, Eddie really would've rescued Demian, and instead of taking him to his house (as he was obviously in need of medical attention), took him to the hospital. Hmm. I think that could work!

Age difference... Yeah. Well, it's a case of I don't mind but Eddie might. Then again, I talked to somebody who (and I've got other eye- witness accounts) actually spent the night with him. She's only a few years older than me. So, it's possible. Anyway, I'll have to write a part two and see what happens. :)

[Abraxas]

Hmmm. Demian holding back. Interesting! I'll have to churn this in my head and see what I can come up with.

[Jen_TGCD]

Hmmm. I just had an idea. Maybe, Demian could really be in a coma or something, and wakes up. But instead of being alone, Eddie is sitting there in the hospital and the actual story continues from there. Then there wouldn't be any reason for a re- write, as it'd really be a fantasy and therefore not too realistic. Hmmmm. I think that could work for a part two. Whatcha think?
Basically, Eddie really would've rescued Demian, and instead of taking him to his house (as he was obviously in need of medical attention), took him to the hospital. Hmm. I think that could work!
Eddie... you are brilliant! Perfect ! ! ! Start writing... :D

[Abraxas]

Cool! Thanks :-D
I'll get started once I sort my brain out and see what happens.

(Watching Whose Line is it Anyway now, so am a bit goofy. Not good for a serious story, but... whatever)

[Abraxas]

Thanks very much! :D
I am writing, at the moment. I take short breaks by going online when I need to churn over some details. I'm continuing "Completion". I've got 4 1/2 pages so far. Started... Yesterday, I think. It's coming along pretty well. :)
I will let you know when I'm finished, maybe I can get a few critiques this time before submitting it.