Moved all my lady things into bins, after close calls on roads.

[Alice Torn]

Last Saturday, had a close call on the highway, when someone passed me on a curve , and nearly had a head on, and I would have been in the crash. Today, four close calls on my bicycle, as traffic was unusually bad. Decided to finally take all my dresses, sweaters, coats, and skirts, and transfer them into two plastic bins, and all my lingerie and shoes, into a big dufflebag. Purses and jewelry, tops, will go in another bag or box. Not purging! But, one of my worst fears, is getting injured,in the hospital, or a nursing home for recovery, and not being able to go to my apartment, to care for my cats, pay the rent, and bills. I have no roommates or SO. I would be forced to ask my brother and sister, to go in to my place, and if they found my stash, I would never hear the end of it. I taped notes on the bins, that say, "Old neighbor's stuff for charities." But, if they checked inside the bins, they may well see how the dresses are for very tall 20W woman, and find the size 16 womens pumps! I better tape the lids down well! i don't want to spend the money on a storage unit.

[Helen_Highwater]

Alice,

We cannot live life wondering about the "what ifs". This applies equally to both our drab and enfemme lives.

Don't get on a plane/train/bus it might crash. Don't drive as you might be in an accident. Don't eat ......... it may cause cancer.

Life is a risk.

If you're that concerned about someone finding your stash, get wardrobes with lockable doors and hide the key.

[Alice Torn]

Helen, I am not going to stop driving or riding my bicycle. NO WAY! I am just saying it is good to be prepared just in case, like being prepared for my dad dying last week! Something, like, insurance, good to be prepared.

[RADER]

Maybe you might think of getting a female Michelin Suit.
At least you would be partly dressed....LoL
Rader

[Alice Torn]

I am not purging/ I am still going to dress up. only out of my bins, instead of closet hangers and drawers. Just making me lady stuff not out in the open if my brother or sister have to come in, and they get their eyes full of their brothers' lady things!!! This way, if i do get hurt, the stash is in bins, not hanging up easy to see.

- - - Updated - - -

Rader. Do you mean a tire suit, like the Michelin mascot? Or a racing suit. I did not quite get it.

[marlacd]

Put it into a closet, and install a deadbolt. Not just a latch, because that can be jimmied. A deadbolt. If you can afford it, and they're a hard find, get a Lori deadbolt. Lori's have no visible screws, and can't be drilled successfully-If you don't know how to do it.

Oh and by the way, If any of you are in the middle of a divorce, GET YOUR LOCKS RE-KEYED. I work part time for a locksmith. Last month we got a call to go drill a safe. (My company can do that) The owner, a woman called us to do the job. Well, wonder of wonders, just by chance she forgot her house keys, when we got there. Red Flag for us! First thing, we call the police. Waiting for them to show, her estranged husband shows up. We had a ringside seat for that one. Because- she got to pay for one service call that we did nothing on.

[Alice Torn]

Marla, There are no regular closets in my former garage apartment. It is a folding door closet. I am ok with bins and guerilla tape. Chances are nothing will happen,, and having a to charity sign on them helps. Thanks for the ideas, though.

[JaytoJillian]

Just a suggestion--perhaps you can try ditching the toxic family members. It can be oh so liberating

[sometimes_miss]

Locking luggage is another option.

[Sara Jessica]

Just a suggestion--perhaps you can try ditching the toxic family members. It can be oh so liberating

Ding ding ding, we have the right answer.

Seriously, with the passing of your father, what are you waiting for? Time to live your life for you. Time to go someplace where you can shed this paranoia and be free to do what you please.

[Amy Fakley]

What Sara and Jillian said.

Personally, I'd take a different message from those incidents .... They're not "close" calls, they are wake up calls.

You get exactly one trip through the cosmos in this body, hun. Just the one, same as everyone else.

This is your life. You deserve to have happiness. You deserve to live openly enough that you aren't paranoid about leaving your own damn clothes hanging in your own damn closet. Own your life, girl!

I'll leave you with these immortal words from Bob Marley:

http://youtu.be/F69PBQ4ZyNw

[Kayla Marie]

Lucky my mom knows so if I should end up in that type of situation she can come over and move it before anyone else arrives. Although she probably will have an odd look on her face when she finds the French Maid and school girl outfits...:eek:

[Alice Torn]

It is easier said than done, and i know more about my brother ans sister tan nay of you. My sister is mentally a 12 year old, at 68, ha dystonia, a very rare disease like cerebral palsy. She has no one except her brothers now, and lives at my dad's 3 acres, which she cannot take care of. I am hoping the place is sold soon, as is. i have good relationship with my landlord for six years, ten miles from my dad's place. I am looking at some apartment s, but so far have found nothing with much privacy. Wherever i move, I will not want neighbors all over seeing me dressed, especially in this conscervative area. I value privacy above just about everything else, in life! There is a small house i could possibly afford to move into, in a small town of 2200, 23 miles west of here, but there is not one grocery store in the town, only one Dollar general! However, it looks lika moderate neighborhood. Where i live now, traffic is terrible, and too many people. i am thinking of totally cutting off my family, phone number, and address. disappearing. But, that means i would not receive anything if the estate is sold, too. Family matters , after a parent dies, is messy, and complex, not always so pat and simple. I may juss t write them, and tell them to keep my part of the sale, if they sell it. Maybe better to forfeit it, and be completely out of their influences.

[Stephanie47]

I've wondered about that happening to me. I have it set in my mind, if I go first my wife will "discover" the extent of my wardrobe. I think she would like many of the 144 dresses I have and keep a good number of them. She is currently wearing my size. If she passes on first, then I have to prepare for my own demise. I think I would purge down to a number of dresses I truly need and like and hang them in the closet. Same size as my wife, so my kids hopefully will think dad could not part with all of mom's attire. The size 13 shoes? That would be a problem. My stash is in 20+ Xerox boxes. I guess if I'm outed after death..Amen!

Alice, I think you have a legitimate concern. However, after reading about your family, I'd "divorce" myself from the entire lot. If I had to move and not tell them where I went...so be it. I'm talking from experience. I "divorced" my mother years ago as she was totally toxic. She wasn't even worth the airfare when she died.

PS: If you're concerned about getting your share of any estate give your new address to the attorney holding the original will.

[Alice Torn]

Thanks Stephanie! That is a good idea. I feel sad doing it, and sometimes my brother and sister and I got along, but it may be best, to never see them again. My sister will be most broken, as she just lost the only man she ever loved, her father. And to lose me, now, and her dog is about to die, maybe i should wait a few months, so she can recover from losing her dad. They know where i live, but do not come here often, or go in. But, before the big banking collapse happening soon, i ought to move further away.

- - - Updated - - -

I regret starting this thread. My dad is not even in the ground yet, funeral is Monday. I share way too much personal stuff on here, and everywhere, asking way too much , without all the facts. Mod squad, I apologize for this thread. End it if you would. Thanks.

[Sara Jessica]

Alice, we might seem cavalier about the armchair advice we offer but it is based on (literally?) years of hearing of your trials & tribulations. You are approaching the time to fish or cut bait, so to speak.

Based on what you have shared, I'd hang around for long enough to dispose of the estate. You deserve it. If there is any grumbling about not liquidating the assets, have nothing to do with it (assuming there is a will and you actually have a say). Liquidate and then be gone. It may take months but when all is said and done, one would guess you will come out of it with the assets to make a move, start over and maybe have a couple bucks to indulge yourself without guilt.

Again, you deserve it, you earned it and you owe nothing to your siblings if those are the kind of people you feel detached from.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Whatever makes you feel safer is a good thing.

Have you considered a gun safe? An old one wouldn't cost too much I'd think, though getting it installed could be a challenge!

[fun_girl]

Alice,

We cannot live life wondering about the "what ifs". This applies equally to both our drab and enfemme lives.

Don't get on a plane/train/bus it might crash. Don't drive as you might be in an accident. Don't eat ......... it may cause cancer.

Life is a risk.

If you're that concerned about someone finding your stash, get wardrobes with lockable doors and hide the key.

I highly agree with Helen, you can't live with what ifs just be you and enjoy life!

I am glad to hear that you weren't hurt in any of the accidents!!!

Take care,



Caitlin

[Jacqueline85]

This reminds me, I was taught to always leave the house wearing clean underwear in case you have an accident and have to go to hospital. I've often thought about that as I put on my garter belt and stocking and my nice soft pink panties to go for a ride on my superbike.

[CarlaWestin]

Alice, right now I believe your emotions are very high. Calm down and just concern yourself with closure. In a couple of weeks, start looking for a confidant. This could even be an online friend. Just find someone you can trust. There has to be some kind of outreach available. But, for now, Hon, just try to calm down a little.

I learned a long time ago, you can do whatever you want, you just can't do it alone.
I think this is half true.

You'll be OK.

[Anne K]

One thing I am learning from our forum is that we can learn to be comfortable with ourselves and not fear ourselves. So, I think it OK for you to do what makes you comfortable. My wife's uncle was a bachelor and passed away a couple years ago. When the family cleaned out his apartment, they found boxes of items that pointed to a CD "hobby". Every once in a while that comes up when his name is mentioned followed by smiles. Nobody is perfect. Should we worry about those who think we should be? The important thing is to find peace.