need some advice

[Allie]

Hi everyone. I noticed a lot of you said that your girlfriends were supportive, and even let you wear some of their things. How did you go about telling them? and how can i find a girl who would be supportive?
thanks,
Allie.

[crispy]

I can only tell you that my SO was partially accepting in the early days, but hardened against the idea within a few years, even though it was always very subdued.

Frankly I believe it is expecting too much........ :(

[Lily_gg]

Hi Allie!

Good on you for wanting to share this with your girlfriend - I hope it goes really well for you.

In my case, my boyfriend and I had actually broken up (for entirely separate reasons, mostly my feeling he was holding back a lot from the relationship - I assumed he was still in love with his only other really serious girlfriend and didn't love me, never imagined he was hiding the fact that he cd'd! Anyhow, this holding back caused our break up), and he decided he had to talk to me about it all, which prompted a five-hour, very tearful conversation, and us getting back together. I'm not suggesting this as a best course of action! :p

I guess it depends on how long you've been with your girlfriend, how comfortable you are with the idea of telling her, and how you think she'll react (based on her background etc). Don't be surprised if it freaks her out a little - there are lots of stereotypes out there, and I can almost guarantee that the thought "what if he wants to become a woman? What does that mean for us long term?" will cross her mind.

Having said which, it'll strengthen and deepen your relationship if it goes well, so I'd say the best thing to do is to sit her down somewhere 'neutral', not yours or her house, middle of a park or something somewhere, and not somewhere either of you ever spend time, or cherish as a 'special place' (just in case it all goes horribly wrong, or that place has other meanings already). Tell her you need to talk to her about something that's a really important part of your life, and that you feel you can tell her because you really trust and love her, and you want to tell her because she's so incredibly special to you that you want to share all of yourself with her (we love this stuff! ;)).

And then just explain slowly, in whatever order and manner you feel is right. I'd advise against just blurting it out suddenly! Be prepared to answer lots of questions - how long have you been doing this; have you ever worn my things; who else knows; who else do you want to tell; do you want to be able to dress like this all the time; do you want to be a woman; when I'm dressed sexily, is it me or the clothes that turn you on??? And so on and so on. You'll have to reassure her a lot - that you're still 100% hers, 200% hetero, 300% always gonna be male, definitely not going to go and chop off her favourite toys without warning! :D

I wish you the very best of luck with all of this - give her plenty of time and space to get her mind sorted, maybe point her to this site, get her to ask for me (Lily) or maybe Kewt, who's a gg, a therapist, and absolutely lovely!, if she wants to talk to ggs who're with cds, and if you stay together through all of it, cherish her forever, and remember to spoil her just as much as you spoil Allie - no point going through all of this just for her to feel jealous :mad: of 'another woman', even if that other woman is just another side of her bf!

G'luck!

Lily

[Julie]

Allie, I have pm'd you on this.

Julie J

[Allie]

where do i get the message?

[Julie]

At the top of the page on the right hand side where it should say welcome Allie it says private messages there, just click on there.

Julie J

[Wendy-Anne]

Honesty has always been an up-front thing with us. But the line between honesty and omission is never realy clear and firm. So when it came to testing the boundaries of vanilla, it turned out that my wife is just as sensitive and frightened about admitting her own stuff as I was. so Wendy-Anne summonsed the courage to step forward in a sort of truth-or dare.
And guess what? We all became great friends! (and lovers and everything else) I am so grateful. To this day I have never tried to prise open the door of my wifes closet.. When it does open up ... wow will there be a party!!!
Easy does it sweety..
:D

[babe4life]

Lily, that was truly a beautiful post. I wonder if we can't ask Julie to make that a sticky? Puts a whole lot of things in perspective.

I can't stop giggling about this though: "definitely not going to go and chop off her favourite toys without warning!" People are already starting to wonder about my sanity ... And the big knife I carry around with me ... ;)

Love,
Vicky

[Barbguy]

this is not sugested but the way my wife found out i was a crossdresser i talk in my sleep and boy did i have some explaining to do when i woke up but she was glad it was my panties she was finding hide all over the house. i lived with my first wife 7 years and never told her but i didn't get to crossdress much either only on drives. but now that my wife knows i get to wear panties evey day bra's sleep in nightgowns wear pantiehose ect, so anyway however you do deside to tell her (which you should) don't do as i did i learned to be open with her is best. so how ever you tell her good luck and hope everything goes well. if she stays it was ment to be if she leaves you over it then god didn't mean her to be yours. Good luck

[Lily_gg]

Lily, that was truly a beautiful post. I wonder if we can't ask Julie to make that a sticky? Puts a whole lot of things in perspective.

I can't stop giggling about this though: "definitely not going to go and chop off her favourite toys without warning!" People are already starting to wonder about my sanity ... And the big knife I carry around with me ... ;)

Love,
Vicky
Thanks honey! I just want to help if I can - it seems easy for people to forget what their partners will go through once told - the focus is on building up their own courage to tell their partner, without thinking about the fact that the partner will need time and space of their own to get used to the idea - doesn't mean that they're reacting badly, or they don't love you or anything, just that they're processing information, and everyone does this at different rates. I guess the hardest bit is to give just the right amount of space and support to your partner once you've told them!

And yes, my bf would be in a LOT of trouble if anything happened to my 'best friend'!!! :D

[babe4life]

Thanks honey! I just want to help if I can - it seems easy for people to forget what their partners will go through once told - the focus is on building up their own courage to tell their partner, without thinking about the fact that the partner will need time and space of their own to get used to the idea - doesn't mean that they're reacting badly, or they don't love you or anything, just that they're processing information, and everyone does this at different rates. I guess the hardest bit is to give just the right amount of space and support to your partner once you've told them!

And yes, my bf would be in a LOT of trouble if anything happened to my 'best friend'!!! :D

Hi Lily! That is one of the major reasons why I haven't gotten involved with anyone yet ... Never wanted to put anyone through the pains that I have been going through to sort myself out. What a mission!

Lily, you are TERRIBLE ;)

Love,
Vicky

[genevieve_ohara]

This may not be politically correct, but remember, there's still a viable, tried-and-true option:

Keep it a secret.

G

[babe4life]

Genevieve,

*off chair and laughing*

Ooh, wicked :).

Love,
Vicky

[Lily_gg]

Lily, you are TERRIBLE ;)
What, me?! *looks innocent*

Naaaaah, you must be thinking of someone else, Crispy maybe? :p

[Victoria Pink]

This has been very interesting to read. Lily, I was fascinated by your comments. We would all want our SO to understand and accept as you have.

My wife knows. Very early in our marriage I started out by putting on a pair of her panties as a joke to see her reaction. Fortunately, she thought it was funny. I continued to do that off and on, and then my wife realized that this was more serious. We have been married 28 years and we are still working together on this. My wife is supportive (came home with 8 pairs of panties for me 2 days ago and gave me a pink bra for an annivesary gift earlier in the month) but... she still struggles to understand. We have many discussions about it. I try to keep patient in my explanations, and she tries to understand. She is a wonderful person and I love her with all my heart.

Just as it has been difficult for me to understand, it has been doubly difficult for her. Finding this web site has made a lot of difference for me. The girls are wonderful here and everyone understands. It is GREAT.

My wife told me the other day that she needs someting like this for her. She needs to be able to talk to another GG who has a relationship with a CD'r. She needs to talk out her feelings and she needs to hear how other SO's feel and cope or support. It might be good if she could visit with with you Lily or KewT.

Hugs,
Victoria

[Lily_gg]

Oh, I'm not saying I understand entirely, or that I'm any kind of authority on any of this - that's why I'm here in fact - he doesn't know the answers to most of my questions since he's only recently admitted to both himself and me that he cds (30+yrs denial), and I decided it would be best if I got online and had a search for people who did know (some more of) the answers.

Fortunately, I stumbled upon this place, and have been freely gabbing away, dispensing my advice left right and centre! If some of it helps people, good, I'm glad :p

And you sound like you've found yourself a wonderful woman - just make sure you never let her forget how you feel about her :)

[AnnaMaria]

I have come out to my wife to a point. She knows that I wear panties and nighties and nightgowns. She also knows that I like to wear matching panties and tanks or camis. But she doesn't yet know about the rest. I have been trying to take it slow with her so that she doesn't freak and run. Though I don't think she would ever do that but she might say that I had to quit all together if she got to much at one time.
As for a site fr SO's. I ahve found a site that is just for SO's. Though I have not spent a lot of time researching it. It does seem to be a very good site.

www.avitale.com/sotherlist.html

It is called A Significiant Other View. It is from the wife of a CD and she even runs a support group for SO's. I have been thinking about getting my wife to visit the site just to see what kind of reaction she has and maybe to help her understand more about the side of me that I hide.
I should also say at this point that my wife has been very supportive with the things that she knows that I wear to the point of buying me things when she is out shopping and then bringing them to me without me even asking. Though she has said that I am not allowed to buy any more panties for myself unless I get panties for her that match the ones that I buy for me. This is one of the things that we have started to do which has helped ease the tension between us about the whole deal. We often wear panties that match. Even though we wear different sizes we are still able to find panties that we both like and both find comfy to wear. Though occasionally we wear a different cut of panty they are the same in every other respect. And I have noticed that she seems to enjoy the idea of this, even to the point of sometimes getting turned on by the idea that she and I match.

I hope this will give some help or ideas to those girls that are trying to get their SO more involved with this lifestyle and maybe help the SO to be a little more understanding.

Anna

[Lily_gg]

I've done that! I've bought my bf a pair of panties that match a bra&panties set I wear. His are cut differently to mine, but they're from exactly the same range, same colour etc. I'm going to surprise him with them when he visits, and ask that he wears them to dinner so that we match - I'm glad it's not just me that likes this idea!

Lily
:p

[babe4life]

Lily,

Very nice ... :D. But how are you going to enjoy dinner? LOL

Love,
Vicky

[Krissi]

I was lucky as far as telling my wife. At the time we had just started dating, we lived a little ways apart so we spent a lot of time on the phone and computer talking more than meeting and going on dates. During these long talks we would got to talking about all kinds of things, of course feelings about politics, religion, family, you know the normal boring stuff. However we also spent a lot of time talking about sexual likes, fantasies, and fetishes (especially late at night..lol). During some of these talks I felt out the issue with her, she had indicated that she had a fetish for spankings and felt like being a Domme sometimes, and mentioned a curiousity about spanking and Domming another woman. I mentioned in playing that I could be that girl, she said with my legs I might look good in a skirt and I made a confession that I had dressed before. From there it was about 6 months before she seen me dressed. We waited until we had moved in together, and more trust was built on both sides.

This is a little off topic, but I remember that first time she seen me, I was nervous as hell, she had went to the store and pick us up a dinner. I bathed, shaved, and got dressed, I went for what I thought was a sexier heavy dramatic make up look us girls usually like. I wore a black stretchy pencil skirt just about knee length with a dark red turtle neck sweater (didn't shave my chest she liked the hair...lol) black pantyhose, black lace bra, panties, and at the time my only pair of heels a pair of 2" pumps. She walked in and told me how nice I looked, but I could tell something was wrong. Long story short, she hated my make up and right after we ate she took me in and helped me redo it. To this day we still joke about how I looked like a raccoon. She really helped my make up look more real. So remember girls just cause we like the heavy sl*tty make up doesn't mean it flies in public.

Congrats on your trip out.

JJ :)

[jessicadiane]

Hi everyone. I noticed a lot of you said that your girlfriends were supportive, and even let you wear some of their things. How did you go about telling them? and how can i find a girl who would be supportive?
thanks,
Allie.

Allie,
They are truely one in a million.I was lucky enough to find one and I cherish her everyday for it. She first found out when I was completely open and honest with her.The longer you keep it a secret the harder it will be to tell her I think. I told her when we were engaged. I kind of went on a crossdressing sabbatical so to speak lol
:D and then started dressing well she found out when she was going to put some of my clothes away in our dresser where I had a slip and I stopped her and told her she can't get in there. Well I knew this was as good a time as any to tell her that I was dressing again and she had a hard time with it. She cried but eventually came to accept this is who I am and loves me even more for it.Good luck in whatever you do sis and those beautiful girls are out there if you search hard enough.Huggs