sister probably knows

[redtea]

She knows but won't say anything or bring it up. Except for some Coy comments she made to hint that she knew that i could brush off as a joke.

It would be easy to tell the family about my fetish, but you see there's the problem, its a fetish and not just a "gender identity" or "femme side" thing. For me it's really sexual and perverted. admitting my desires for CDing is the same as admitting i'm a pervert, and lots of perverts tend to get painted with a broad brush and demonized by all.

Ok so that isn't really the problem, im confident that my mom and sister are accepting of me because im a good person with morals. My real concerns are what comes after and not knowing if i truly want my twisted side exposed for them to exploit (go shopping with us). I value the time i spend with my mom and sister as the older brother. Im fairly sure they already know but you see just because they see the can of worms doesn't mean it's opened yet. They probably understand how i feel and don't say anything.


Ok so the real problem, I have to change my pants every time i want to leave my room to get food or a drink. It gets really annoying and it feels like a completely irrational fear...But then i rationalize it with the paragraphs above and act normal around them. I also get really triggered when we go for a walk and my sister wears short shorts like it is nothing and for me it would be the greatest level of shame and excitement! Also triggered when they go clothes shopping and i have to sit out because i wouldn't dare cross that line of shredding my male card to buy something from the womens section in front of them...

I have to lie to myself and lying to yourself is the worst feeling.

[Rachelakld]

Okay I'm lost - what is perverted about such a fetish (if you were hurting someone, then maybe I would use the word perverted)
Okay that they don't know "EVERYTHING" about your sex life - that's not what family are for, except your SO
Wear the nice stuff, strap the boy down (or wear a pretty girdle) so as not to poke anyone in the eye and have fun out in the womens section (just don't get creepy while there)

[redtea]

Okay I'm lost - what is perverted about such a fetish (if you were hurting someone, then maybe I would use the word perverted)
Okay that they don't know "EVERYTHING" about your sex life - that's not what family are for, except your SO
Wear the nice stuff, strap the boy down (or wear a pretty girdle) so as not to poke anyone in the eye and have fun out in the womens section (just don't get creepy while there)

I guess our definitions of "perverted" are different...Mine is just "sexually devious"


I was fine with letting them not know, Then i wore womens jeans... They make me feel like im on cloud 9 even though they are fairly unisex. i have to take them off and put something normal on when going out with them or just getting food from the fridge. It makes me feel like i would have enjoyed this trip much more in those jeans than in these pants.

I have no problem going to a store by myself and buying what i want....Well i do have to overcome extreme amounts of fear in my head but don't we all? So far ive been to Kohl's target and a local lingerie shop. My problem is that when we go to a store i feel the desire to browse the womens section but keep the desire hidden cuz like you said "they don't have to know "EVERYTHING" about your sex life". It feels so bad seeing things i may want and knowing just how easy it would be to buy it if they weren't with me... I could always shop solo but that's not the point, I will always feel the urge to look at those sections when out and i will always have to deny myself for the sake of being "male and normal" to them.

"dont get creepy while there", too late i already picked out jeans while wearing sunglasses...It didn't even bother me being a bit shady, Sunglasses got this magical power to block shame from getting to you =)

[lingerieLiz]

Well I'm not sure why you think it is perverted. A simple explanation would be if you took something good and converted it to bad. The fact that you are attracted to fem clothes more than male isn't necessarily bad. Why should it be? Yes most humans who wear women's clothes are women, but where is it decided that only they can do it. So you find sexual satisfaction while dressing. I've known women who found sexy lingerie stimulating. We accept sex toys as a reality. So why should lingerie be different.

Too many spend too much time dictating what is right and wrong. They use it to control people and subvert them.

[Julogden]

Sounds like you're pretty darned young.

Don't assume that just because your dressing is strictly sexual now that it will remain that way. Many of us went through a sexual phase when we were young and had an abundance of testosterone coursing through our veins. It may change as you get older, or it may not. Try to not be self-judgmental and also try to keep an open mind to future changes in how you feel about your dressing.

I'd also urge you very strongly to work on your dressing issues before getting into any serious relationships. You owe it to yourself and any future partner to work on knowing who/what you are and what you need before getting serious with anyone. Once you're in a relationship, making big changes in your life regarding dressing and gender issues becomes massively more complicated and probably more difficult.

Good luck and have fun. :)

[redtea]

Well I'm not sure why you think it is perverted. A simple explanation would be if you took something good and converted it to bad. The fact that you are attracted to fem clothes more than male isn't necessarily bad. Why should it be? Yes most humans who wear women's clothes are women, but where is it decided that only they can do it. So you find sexual satisfaction while dressing. I've known women who found sexy lingerie stimulating. We accept sex toys as a reality. So why should lingerie be different.

Too many spend too much time dictating what is right and wrong. They use it to control people and subvert them.

Perversion is the act of doing something socially taboo for sexual pleasure. CDing is a social taboo or this website wouldn't even exist. Taboo's are created out of thin air from social media and trends. A few people believed something to be weird, then a few more, and then suddenly it's accepted that doing X is weird and taboo.

Id rather be honest with myself and just admit to being perverted than try to make some lie about "(girl name) is my alter ego, and i dress up to express the alter ego". Those kinds of people exist im sure, but it would be a big insult for me to pretend to be one of them when im just a pervert who discovered tight clothes which are taboo for me to wear.

- - - Updated - - -


Sounds like you're pretty darned young.

Don't assume that just because your dressing is strictly sexual now that it will remain that way. Many of us went through a sexual phase when we were young and had an abundance of testosterone coursing through our veins. It may change as you get older, or it may not. Try to not be self-judgmental and also try to keep an open mind to future changes in how you feel about your dressing.

I'd also urge you very strongly to work on your dressing issues before getting into any serious relationships. You owe it to yourself and any future partner to work on knowing who/what you are and what you need before getting serious with anyone. Once you're in a relationship, making big changes in your life regarding dressing and gender issues becomes massively more complicated and probably more difficult.

Good luck and have fun. :)


Im not capable of getting into a serious relationship so i don't really have to worry. Im 25 and have had 0 intimate relationships/kisses/ or even friends who are girls for that matter. CDing is a way to fill that void without having to approach real girls. CDing is more rewarding than real girls, When i risk my sanity going to a store to buy something, or maybe not sanity but im certainly very uncomfortable and scared...When i go to the store scared out of my mind yet still courageous enough to get what i came for i am rewarded with the object in question. Women aren't objects which means the outcome is unpredictable and the risk/reward just isn't worth it for me. If a girl were to reject me my misogyny grows, it grows from the frustration and hatred of the double standards i have to accept.


I don't feel like this is just a "sexual phase", but what do i know, im only 25. I did think of something similar to your post. I thought "what if i'm in hardcore denial of being a girl and im just using sexual fetish as an excuse to keep my man card". Well i don't think that's the case, i mean if i ended up becoming a full CDer (right now im only panties, sometimes bra,jeans,shorts,leggings, T-shirt) i don't have any desires towards shoes, dresses, nail painting, make overs (i would probably pass but i don't want to explore too deep or i could lose this wonderful hybrid thing i got going) I'm like soft clay right now, very easy to mold into something through a few experiences.

But my original post was really trying to find advice on what to do in the situation of having a accepting mother and sister but not wanting this acceptance to turn into deeper exploration. Encouragement would become a catalyst to try even more new things... But if i don't tell them then i have to hide everything, even if they already know, we can still pretend like it isn't real.

[Lori Kurtz]

Im not capable of getting into a serious relationship ..l.

Dear friend, there is no one who is not capable of getting into a serious relationship. There are some very unattractive people in serious relationships, people deformities and disabilities and disfiguring injuries and all kinds of mental illnesses. Please don't give up on yourself.

I don't mean to imply that your dressing fetish is the same as mine, because we all are different. But your attitudes about yourself as a crossdresser seem to include a lot of negativity. I suggest that you get some counseling to help you understand and come to terms with yourself as a crossdresser. My dressing up was always an intensely sexual experience, and nearly always concluded with a session of masturbation. It took me a long time to understand that I didn't need to make negative judgements about the way I enjoyed my own body, and the kinds of fantasies that helped me with that enjoyment. I no longer feel shame about that kind of pleasure. Counseling helped, and being here in this site, years later, has also helped. I hope you can reach some kind of a place of peace within yourself too. Other people, including your mother and sister, even if they know about and accept some of the things that excite you, need not be a part of it.

[SharonDenise]

redtea you are fortunate to be living in the age of the internet and to be able to go on to forums like these and realize that you are not alone. I'm 70 years old and access to information like this was not available when I was young. I was fortunate that I married my wife who accepted and supported my crossdressing. If your still in school, especially college there is free help that you can turn to. If you're in a large city their are support groups that you can join.

[leannejacobs]

I so want to tell my sister, I just don't know how to broach the subject? I'm sure she'll be fine with it but she lives hundreds of miles away so not an easy thing to do.

[AutumnEve]

Im not capable of getting into a serious relationship

I sorta beg to differ. It's not always about looks, injuries, or even personality. Yes people of types and appearances get into serious relationships but at the same time many people don't. Some people lack the confidence and ability to get over their fears and do even what's base necessary to get into a relationship. I have an utter mental block when it comes to speaking to women I have an interest in, I can't easily do it without sounding like a fool. Nevermind me asking someone out whom I am even acquainted with, and utterly forget going up to a complete stranger and introducing myself and trying to start something. I'm unable to do it; it's like I was born without that part of my brain. Yeah, yeah, "something will happen when it is time," is what I always get. But at the same time, there's plenty of people who live their entire lives alone and miserable. Pretty much what I feel like I'm in. I'll never be in another relationship again.

[Ressie]

I see where redtea is coming from. At 63 I feel pretty much the same. Of course, I told my sister back in 1980 (I was 27) that I liked to wear panties. And I also told my girlfriend who was happy to share my fetish during sex. She even bought me a few pairs of panties for Christmas!

I still crossdress primarily for sexual pleasure, but not solely. If I were to come out to family, friends and coworkers, I don't think I'd mention the sexual fetish stuff! I've had many relationships throughout my life, and most of my girlfriends were told about my CDing and why I do it. Most didn't want anything to do with it, but a couple were OK with it.

The more you can open up about CDing, the more free you will feel. So, telling us about it is a good start. Stop imagining worse case scenarios.

[phili]

It sounds like you like and trust your sis and mom, and I think you might want to try talking a bit more with them about fashions you see, their tastes, and get more involved when shopping with them. I think they will signal safety to you by saying, 'Here feel this fabric" or some such. You can ask them to accompany you to buy some clothes, and gravitate to the new tunic tops or perhaps some short sports shorts that are in the men's dept but start to move the boundary a little in the right direction, and keep your man card in force. Then you'll be able to relax a little more. If you wish you could carry both man and woman cards, then the first step will be for mom and sis to say you can wear your preferred pants around them. When that happens you'll see the sexual tension drop for you and life will feel a lot less tense and restricted.

[Jenny22]

Redtea, you are not a pervert. We've all been down the road of sexual self-satisfaction. It is NOT something you have to confess to anyone! Keep you fetish and sexual fantasies to yourself, at this stage of your life. There is absolutely no reason to tell your mom or sister! Don't do it! If you need to reveal to them that you enjoy dressing in female clothing, that's another matter. There is a wealth of 'how to do it' information on this forum that will and can help you. Use IT. Good luck!