Afraid to go out

[Laceyveil1987]

I've been dressing since I was a teenager and of course it has always been amazing however I can't seem to work up the courage to go outside but I always dream about it. I've never reached out about this before and I feel as though the time has come

[Diversity]

It is challenging to take the first steps and I wish you good luck! Your confidence will grow the more you do this. May I suggest picking a spot where there are little to no people around like a park or even your own back yard perhaps? Evening walks in a safe area may also be a good beginning. Have fun!
Di

[Laceyveil1987]

Thank you for your reply, I work the graveyard shift so I'm up all night long, a walk around my complex may not be too bad

[NancySue]

I totally understand your dilemma...been there, done that. We live in a small conservative town where "discovery" would not be well received, but where there's a will....there's a way. Diversity is right. We have a park with ponds and chairs which is where I go. I take a book to read. The first few times I was nervous, but that went away. Occasionally, a jogger will come by, if I look up, I just nod and smile. I don't overdress or wear too much makeup...shorts, blouse, sandals...no heels or hose, (which I miss). We've found going for drives or
a visit to an out of town shopping mall is good. We've shopped, had lunch and even seen a movie. Of course, I'm always wearing my bra, and panties. Stay with it...things will work out and you'll enjoy the next level.

[Laceyveil1987]

Yea I really should think of new outfits other than the same thing all the time. Hose and flats are my go to but it's time to widen that :)

[Elizabeth G]

That first step is indeed the most difficult. I have described my first experience as simultaneously the most terrifying and exhilarating thing I have ever done. It does get easier though. There is nothing that says you must go out, but for me it is something that makes me feel alive.

Elizabeth

[Helen_Highwater]

Lacey,

If you read through the many posts to be found here relating to that first step out the door you'll find a number of ways folks do this.

1. Go for a drive. Some will be OK with the short walk from the front door to the car, others will under-dress and remove the top layer once away from home and prying eyes. Some will be content with just being behind the wheel and dressed. Others will find somewhere quiet to stop and take a stroll. Many have felt more comfortable when going for a drive to have a man-bag, a change of clothes to fall back on as a "just in case", breakdowns etc.

2. Do your research and find a support group. Going from closet to meeting others in one step can seem daunting but you're going to be in supportive company who won't judge and will be ready to offer good advice. You may be surprised at just how quickly you relax once there.

3. As others have said, find a park, somewhere quiet where you can walk, sit and just get used to the feel of being outdoors. The big trick her is to dress appropriately. 4" heels, a miniskirt and boobs the size of zeppelins will increase the chances of you drawing attention to yourself. Flats, trainers, leggings, you get the picture, will make you look like any other GG out for a walk. Remember to always think about your safety. Parks known for drug dealing and prostitution are places to be avoided. Similarly be careful if there's a children's play area. There are those sadly who make the connection CD/tranny = pervert child molester. We all know people can get very aggressive if the think their kids are at risk.

4. JFDI, Just Flippin Do It. Get dressed, drive to the mall, park the car and hit the shops. I would say if you choose this option then you need to be comfortable in what you're wearing. Again heels, short skirts, zeppelins are going to draw attention. If you've got a thick skin or a just don't care attitude then fine. However dressing to blend makes for a much more relaxed and enjoyable time.

Other things to consider. It's one thing to wear heels around the house, walking any distance can quickly turn into a painful experience. The perennial problem, the need to pee. Finding yourself "caught short" and needing to go can create a real dilemma and depending upon where you live.... well I'm sure you've read the sticky on this. If for me there's one golden rule it's dress to blend.

I don't want to put you off doing this. A little fore-planning can ensure your first adventure out is a happy one, without incident and the start of a long and happy life out and about

[Laceyveil1987]

This was helpful and will help in the future, I will stick to flats until I can practice more with heels

[Lisaleggy]

good luck :P I'm never going outside! Would be amusing at 6ft 6 in heels id be hard to miss.....

[Tracii G]

Best to go out during the day and to a place that is busy(lots of people) because nobody will be paying attention to you and the bad people will be less likely to bother you with people around.
Going out to the park at 3 am in heels and a mini skirt is not a great idea either because the bad element and the good element (police) will assume you are a hooker.
Maybe walk out on the back porch as a first step. Take a drive maybe.
The more you do it the easier it gets.

[Krisi]

The first question is, do you even remotely look like a woman? Would you pass at twenty feet? Fifty feet?

If not, going out in public may turn out to be an uncomfortable experience for you and one you're not likely to want to repeat.

You've been given some good advice, especially about what not to wear and I won't bother to repeat it. Don't go where a woman would not go and don't go when a woman would not go. Walking around at 3:00 AM is sure trouble. Also, walking around your neighborhood might get you recognized.

When I go out dressed, I do in broad daylight and I go where there are other people around. I dress and act to blend in.

[I Am Paula]

My answer is always the same, and it worked for me (back in the dinosaur era).
Go to gay bars. Fun, accepting, safe.
NO!!!! You don't have to be gay. NO, you probably won't get hit on, and if you do, a polite no will suffice. YES, you can use the lady's washroom. NO, gay men's pheromones won't turn you gay, but may stir up some fun feelings.

[Allisa]

Since you work graveyard why not try going to the grocery store, should not be crowded and no need to be dressed to the nines and accomplishing a chore needing to be done.

[Jenniferathome]

The first question is, do you even remotely look like a woman? Would you pass at twenty feet? Fifty feet?...

No, this is not the first question. In fact, it is not a question to even ask. It's irrelevant because passing as a genetic woman is a virtual impossibility for all of us. So forget that notion.


DO dress for the time, location, event and you will be fine. Head up, eyes up, shoulders back.

[StacyCD]

Lacey,
Your worst fears about going out are unlikely to be realized. Once you overcome your fears and realize that most people really don't care, you'll find that going out becomes really enjoyable! Best of luck!

[I Am Paula]

As usual Krisi's answer made me shake my head.

[cdterri]

I agree with Jennifer on this. 99% of us do not pass very well if at all. Just get a thick skin, smile, dress for the occasion and have fun.

[Teresa]

Lacey,
Going out happened in stages for me . I undredressed when walking the dog and when I thought it was safe I took the drab layer off and walked in a skirt, Tshirt and wellies ( not not very elegant but practical ) . I was caught out several times and dealt with it so I became more confident.
As others have said try going for a drive, I did several at night into my next town , again it builds confidence knowing you're being seen by other motorists, I remember my first close encounter when I had to wait at a pedestrian crossing, the people past right in front of my car.

My first time truly out the door was this year when I went to my first social evening, surprisingly I wasn't nervous at all, I guess I was ready to do it. I meant more than previous times because this time all my family knew I was doing it, no secrets being truly out for the first time is wonderful.

[Karen RHT]

My first time out happened because I really wanted it to happen and planned for it to happen. Knowing that I wouldn't/couldn't possibly pass close scrutiny, my plan involved going out of town for a complete makeover, (from someone who specializes in working with cd's) purchasing a new wig, (from someone who also works with cd's) then enjoy a bite to eat and visit to a mall. A bit ambitious by some standards perhaps, but I wanted to test my resolve and had things I wanted to accomplish. I also chose to dress as a business professional for the occasion, in appropriate skirt, blouse, and heels.

I realize you're reaching out to us for ideas and support Lacey, but only you know what your specific fears are. Perhaps if you provided us with more info about what they are, we could better assist you.


Karen

[Alice Torn]

My first time out, I rented a motel, and at night, was petrified, but went out the door complete in dress, hose, heels, under male pants and coat, got in the car, drove to a part of the parking lot where no one was near, took off guy clothes, put wig on, and heels, then drove down into town, went to three gas (petrol) stations, and pumped gas. Several people saw me, Stopped by a grocery store, and walked around my car, got back in, and went back to the lot, put on guy stuff, Drove to my motel, where a bunch of young people were outside next door, and nervously walked in to my room. Just driving to go pump gas is a good start

[Tina81]

What about going to a B&B that caters to LGBT (JMB transformations)? Not sure where you live but heard about a place in Asheville and there's a gay-owned hotel in Lost River, WV where children aren't allowed.

As others have said, dress for the appropriately and BLEND IN.

[Alice Torn]

Lisa Leggy, I can relatel I also am six foot six, and only go out less than ten times a year. My size makes me clocked in less than five seconds.

[Rachael Leigh]

Deciding to go out is a very personal decision and while you read many positive experiences on here you have to find a comfort zone within yourself. There is good advice here and ultimately you have to decide and it might be you do it and that's good enough and you won't go again but it might actually just become routine once you figure out most people are friendly and as long as you act like for you it's no big deal most will respect that

[Andrea Evadne]

yep, going out dressed is challenging! I have made my first few forays into the outside world, a few trips to the supermarket, first couple of times covered up in a male jacket, next couple of times wearing one of my wifes jackets. Just a few days ago I walked into a convenience store (not in my own town - not brave enough for that!) wearing a pear of floral print leggings and a VERY feminine jacket. The old woman behind the counter gave me quite a look :D But you gotta get through these things, if you don't push through it, the fear wont go away

[phili]

If I can go out freely, anyone can! I can be criticized for being a man in a dress, but many people understand we aren't GGs even when we try hard, so I gave up worrying about that. People really don't care, and they understand it, so if you aren't acting all silly and flirty with strangers it is just something that most people accept without focusing on it. Sometimes someone may laugh, or a child may ask why is that man wearing a dress? But that is really not a problem, and you can find lots of safely anonymous places to be if you are near any moderate size city or even a civilized small town. If you can't afford for someone you know to recognize you, then forays at night in safe areas where the light is dim offer a first step, and it was years before I realized this isn't something that is wrong. Going out and taking small but manageable risks of being with people will let the excitement of crossing the taboo go away without the enjoyment of dressing going away. What happens is that we get to feel like ourselves in a very nice way. That is something to look forward to!

[BettyMorgan]

No, this is not the first question. In fact, it is not a question to even ask. It's irrelevant because passing as a genetic woman is a virtual impossibility for all of us. So forget that notion.


DO dress for the time, location, event and you will be fine. Head up, eyes up, shoulders back.

You are so right Jennifer!
I have been slowly coming out of the house. It was a terrifying experience at first. Now it's not so bad. I don't pass 100% but it's rare that anyone actually looks at me in public. They pass by, that's all.
I went to a city three hours away bc my GF had a conference there. I went out dressed, shopped, ate, wandered the city. No one gave me a glance except for a 5 yr old boy. It was great. But in the evening when I went out to dinner with my GF, and we passed groups of people on the street, I lowered my head to hide my Adams Apple. My GF said, don't hang your head - be proud of who you are. So I agree with Jennifer, head up, eyes up, shoulders back.

[Curiouser&Curiouser]

No, this is not the first question. In fact, it is not a question to even ask. It's irrelevant because passing as a genetic woman is a virtual impossibility for all of us. So forget that notion.


DO dress for the time, location, event and you will be fine. Head up, eyes up, shoulders back.

Preach!

The sage wisdom of a self-assured, beautiful person to another beautiful person coming out of her shell.

Good luck Lacey, I hope to join you on the outside soon!

Sandra

[Lisaleggy]

I have massive respect for anyone with the guts to go out!

[Laceyveil1987]

Thank you so much everyone for all of the information, suggestions, and support! This will be challenging given my extreme anxiety and panic attacks. It is very scary to even think about but talking about it helps a lot

[Krisi]

As usual Krisi's answer made me shake my head.

Glad I could entertain you today.

Realistically, if you look like Hulk Hogan in drag, you will have a much harder time blending in with the crowd than if you are closer in size and shape to a woman. If you're not uncomfortable with people laughing and pointing at you, that's one thing but we're talking about someone who is afraid to go out. Being laughed at could make this outing the first and last outing.

In my experience, a lot of "advice" given on the Internet is self serving or given with an agenda in mind. Lets try to remember that we are dealing with real people with real feelings. That's what's important here. Helping this real person.

[BrendaPDX]

Hi Lacey, Lots of good advice here, I like following Jennifer's posts, always has great advice. My first attempts were pretty pathetic, 4" stilettos, way too short skirt, big breast forms, a cheap wig, and no purse! My makeup looked like a grade school girls first attempt. I didn't know how to walk in heals outside, or what to do with my arms and hands (I still have problems with this). My posture was poor, and I walked like a lumberjack. I am much better now, but the bar was pretty low back then. Use the advice that works for you, but I think the most important thing is to keep your posture stright, chin up, look around but no eye contact, walk like you know where you are going and you belong there (you do). Revel in the feeling of being out!!! Please share your experiance with us. Good luck, Brenda

[Rachel Anne]

I was in exactly the same spot...well, still am to some degree.

My first time out was by accident...I'm always en-femme at home, and I was in casual mode...tank and shorts...and went to take the trash out. Was half way there before I realized what had happened.

Fortunately I'm OK at 20 feet, and it was night...soooo.

I've made a few forays beyond the mailbox, but never further than a few blocks, and never in the day. I had the begezzus scared out of me my first drive around and that put me off for a long time.

[Jessica Watanabe]

I vividly remember the first time out, and the second, soon they all blend in. I travel for business. I find that stepping out of your room (Don't forget your room key) or flip the bar so it doesn't close behind you. I would walk up and down the hallways a few doors each way. What a thrill it was. As your get more comfortable, try walking to the ice machine or soda machine. Just be confident. Once I was returning to my room from the ice machine and a man was coming the other way. I just smiled at him and continued to my room. Of course once in the room my heart was racing.

[Alice_2014_B]

The confidence does grow each time.
I started by going to the post office, in high heels, at night; then I ventured to department stores at night.
Start slow and at your own pace.
:)

[Stephanie Lynne]

I agree with Alice. The you go out, the more confident you become. Start slow and in places that you're comfortable with. The more than be learned to dress to blend, the easier it has become. People really are too involved with their own errands, stiff, or phones to notice. Those that do tend to just look and move on. Enjoy life and have fun!
Stephanie

[ellbee]

My answer is always the same, and it worked for me (back in the dinosaur era).
Go to gay bars. Fun, accepting, safe.
NO!!!! You don't have to be gay. NO, you probably won't get hit on, and if you do, a polite no will suffice. YES, you can use the lady's washroom. NO, gay men's pheromones won't turn you gay, but may stir up some fun feelings.

+1

Also helps if you can go with a GG or gay male friend. :)

[docrobbysherry]

Lacey, going out is NOT for everyone. I go out a lot. And yes, it's easier the more u go out. But, I never go out in vanillaville without being stressed!

The only time I remotely enjoy being out is when I'm with other girls. I would never go out to a Dennys, Walmart, mall, etc. during daylite hours. Or anytime by myself. It's just not much fun. Wondering who is going to say what. Or, where's the next chuckle or fish eye coming from? When it comes to those venues, I can go there or anywhere, anytime, in drab without a care in the world!:)

I'm a closet dresser. For me, that's where dressing is all fun with zero stress!:D
Not all of us want the hassles and the dressing compromises necessary to go out amongst muggles.:straightface:

[Eryn]

I'll tell you what NOT to do: Don't do anything that a GG wouldn't do. Don't go wandering around alone at night.

You also don't want to go to someplace where you're the only person to be watched.

Better to go someplace where there is a moderate number of people who have something to do. A shopping mall is a good choice. Everybody there has something to do, so you can go about your business pretty much unnoticed. It also gives you the opportunity to make limited and controlled interactions with people if you want to.

[DaniT]

I'm with you, although I repressed all this for many years. I feel not only an intense need to go out but also an intense need to come out to most of the people close to me in my life. My fantasies about it are both vivid and enticing. So far my intense fear of rejection has stopped me but I am working through the fear and hope to get out on Halloween at first and then work my way up to a regular thing after that.

Dani

[Rachel32533]

You are all right! I went to the casino last night and took time to really look at the women! There were all types big and small, tall and short some very feminine some very manly. Some very beautiful some not.. There were all types.. I could not guess if some were real or if some were not. I guess what I am saying is their are all types and unless you really want to stand out, you can disappear in a crowed. Stay out of bright lights and we all can look great! Good luck

[Stephanie47]

Halloween is on a Monday this year. I am assuming there will be parties galore through the entire weekend at many venues. My first forays among the masses was on Halloween. I figured "What the heck!" I went as a tastefully dressed woman in a black dress, hosiery and heels and a blond wig. A different Halloween I went in a knee length jade and black dress, heels and blond wig. Full makeup and nails. I went into a doughnut shop and Safeway and just drove and strolled around. Mentally, it was more relaxing because it is a day for dressing up. On another thread I suggested going out this Halloween weekend on all the days and even getting a female based costume for Halloween such as a princess or witch.

Any other days I will only offer "Do what makes you comfortable." Do pay attention to safety. I've found I am more relaxed taking evening strolls when there are still sufficient numbers of people around so you are not the only woman on the street. I love the rain in the Pacific Northwest. The rain offers an opportunity to use an umbrella which will hide your face and somewhat detract from your height. It will shield you as you pass in front of people. Makeup small trips that will force you to get out of a car. I dropped off books at the night return slot at the library. I grab a newspaper from one of those free paper boxes. I mail a letter.

I've found going out alone become boring. If you do not have a place to go or something to do, then after awhile I have satisfied my urge to explore that new part always seemed challenging. I actually do prefer being an in-home cross dresser because I actually do accomplish many domestic chores and enjoy emulating a woman.