How do you feel?

[Lucy77]

Well I bought a few dresses. Finally found a couple that fit and look good.

Im not sure how I feel. I'll be honest - over the years I've questionned my gender. I've always buried those thoughts and let the male in me rise up. But I know I have a distinct feminine part.

Im not sure what I was expecting when I put a dress on. In my man clothes, I feel bored and wanting to dress up. When I put a dress on (and it's only the second time in private) I feel like a man in a dress with terrible mannerism! I think Im doing this to explore more than just cross dressing.

When you put on a dress, do you, feel different? Do you feel complete? Did it take you a long time to feel comfortable?

What are my next steps to feel more comfortable and womanly? Hair, shoes, make up, waxing?

[Teresa]

Lucy,
If I'm at home I just dress, only lipstick and no wig it's enough to satisfy the need and go about my jobs, yes I'm a guy in a dress but alone it doesn't bother me. Going out is a different matter I need to put the whole thing together , for me the wig is the point when the guy disappears , but it has surprised me how a short wig can still achieve the transformation.

As far as body hair is concerned , I shave every morning whether I'm dressing or not, it's just part of my normal routine , after a while it feels perfectly normal to be smooth.

To be fully dressed fulfills an inner need so to me it feels natural , I don't worry about mannerisms , because it's not an act, I talk in my normal voice and act normally within the restrictions of the clothes and heels, to me it's as a GG would normally do things. It's how most the members are at my social group, no one camps it up or puts on a false voice , we are a mixed group of Cders, and TSs.

[Elizabeth G]

Hi Lucy,

First let me say welcome, and next, wow that was a powerful first post!

Personally I am a comfortable in being male but have a strong feminine side. To that end I can only speak to the dressing part of your questions.

I enjoy dressing, and the more completely I dress the more I enjoy it. Perhaps this is because the more complete my look, the less I feel like a guy in a dress and the more I feel like Elizabeth. This includes makeup, wig, corset, shoes etc. The mannerisms all require work and practice, as does makeup.

Dressing is something that calms and relaxes me and the more I do it the more comfortable it feels.

That being said, I enjoy being male and have no desire to transition.

Enjoy the journey and ask questions. This is a friendly place with lots of good people with a wealth of information.

Again, welcome.

Elizabeth

[Pat]

Hi Lucy -- Welcome.

When you do something for the first time you tend to get hypervigilant and don't get a good sense of what's really happening to / around you. So you might dissociate yourself from the behavior and see it almost from an outside perspective. Don't worry too much about your first reactions. Give the behavior time to become normal. I occasionally get accused of being new-age-y / hippie-dippie or whatever, but I'd say the most useful thing you can do is to get in touch with yourself and figure out what you need from this. Why are you putting on a dress? What are your actual feelings about that? Do you find that there's something about it that is working for you? Do you feel something inside relax? Do you see some part that makes you happy? Yes, you won't look like a porn star, but maybe you like the way your legs look or you like the way the fabric moves. Find the thing that's working for you and move from there. What can you do to make that better? What's the part you don't like the most? How can you make that better? I think we've all done this "stepwise refinement" technique in our time and found a path that suits us.

I'd say specifically don't do things just because you feel they're "expected" of you. Don't say "I'm a crossdresser so I must shave my legs," for example. If you decide shaved legs are important to you, do it; otherwise don't. Keep going to the things that make you feel better and discard things that have no appeal to you. Give yourself time (and permission) to get good at things and understand your presentation as a whole will get better over time. It's a journey not a destination, as they say.

One day, like many of us, you may look in the mirror and see "her" looking back. It's quite a day when that happens -- you see the person you always knew you were but had never seen before. That's when you have to decide if you're going to go down the rabbit hole... ;)

[Lisaleggy]

I do feel different yes, its taken me many years to build up to what i wear but its pretty much everything now. Last was probably jewelry, that makes me feel very pretty! I'm still very much male most of the time though and happy to be so. All of the good and none of the horrible things poor women have to deal with!

[Lucy77]

I've been quite comfortable being male. But Im not an Alpha male. I took stock of my life at the start of the year and realised I don't enjoy it. I need to unpick me, find out what makes me tick, put myself back together and sort some things out. Something happened over the past couple of months where I've found women I've been associating with practically snubbing me as friends because they're women and Im a man, but I find myself wanting to blend in with their culture instead of the male culture. I find it more relaxing, more comfortable, less demanding, more open, more real I guess.

Then I remember films such as Different for Girls and The Danish Girl and all the other transgender programs and thought, you know what, I've got to do something about this. I think ultimately, for me, this is going to be more than cross dressing. It is about discovering who I am, finding out if I have a female side, and whether I need to do more.

I was almost expecting a transformation - I'd put on a dress, and feel like a woman. How does a woman feel? How does a woman act? This stuff really does take time? It doesn't occur overnight? It makes me worried that this is simply a fad! I've had enough of those in my life, and don't want to let anyone down. But I think if I discovered it wasn't for me, this forum wouldn't be upset about it.

I've stupidly shown as many people as I can the pictures and talked about it with people at work! Some are scared that Im doing it for attention. I don't think I am. I just think life's too short and I have few boundaries, if they can't handle it, so what.

Thanks again.

[Teresa]

Lucy,
I understand your last comment about people thinking you're doing it for attention, I know that all changed for my wife and family when they realised I had the courage to go out dressed and meet other members of the TG community. It wasn't attention seeking it was to find me.

I may disappoint you but no matter how you dress, you will still feel like you, you may say I can feel or sense my female side but your brain won't change, it will hopefully feel more content once you finally find yourself. Many of us say we feel happier in female company , I must admit I talk as much to GGs at my meetings as I do to the CDers.

I've checked your profile but I don't know your age, but I know that at my age now I've had enough of proving the male side of me, and trying to bury the female side , at some point it has to happen, the denial can't go on forever.

I often show people my pictures, there are several reasons but the majority of people have the image of a guy in a badly fitting dress with terrible makeup and a hideous cheap wig, yes they get a big surprise. All the GGs are very complementary , most are amazed that I have the ability to put an outfit together. Most of the guys are amazed I have the confidence to do it, I don't see it like that , I need to satisfy an inner need .

[Lana Mae]

Lucy, hi and welcome!! I had similiar thoughts and am searching for my feminine side. I enjoy dressing and it does make me feel feminine but I do not have a wig or do makeup so my journey continues!! I have looked in the mirror when I had my earrings on and caught a very fleeting glimpse of Lana Mae! It only lasted a brief second. Now I know she is there I will continue on my journey to find her! Wig and makeup lessons in September!! Then I will take a good look in the mirror again and decide which way the journey is headed!! But, I am just a crossdresser for now and do not anticipate going thru transition! (getting too old!! LOL) But who knows the future? Hope my little rant helped somehow!! Hugs Lana Mae

[JaytoJillian]

It took about three days of watching internet mtf makeup tutorials. I figured out how to paint, and I felt like a bag of money.

Cheers,

Jill

[CynthiaD]

Lucy:
You are who you are. Female clothing won't change that. Neither will makeup, breastforms, wigs, or anything more drastic. If you're not dressing in response to something that is already inside you, then dressing probably isn't for you. (That "something" can take many forms.)

As for myself, when I dress I look in the mirror and I know why I'm doing it. I don't have to ask why, or what more I need to do. I can't describe it in words. I just know I'm doing the right thing.

[Curiouser&Curiouser]

Lucy, while it may be helpful to get a survey of experiences, remember that no two journeys are the same - your response to your dressing is bound to be different than mine. I am a very emotional man, and have a lot of stored up emotion associated with women's clothing: how it felt when I was young, being discovered and hiding it after that, being jealous of men who could express femininity in small ways in public without fear of ridicule, the sensual nature of much of womens' attire, and many other things. These all combine to create a very strong emotional response when I wear these clothes - i feel more feminine, I feel free, I feel able to express something about myself that I never could before.

I felt this way about other things too, and age and personal therapy have gone a long way to helping me attain more and more freedom to just be me. I would say: no matter how it makes you feel, enjoy the journey of self-discovery and don't let anyone tell you to do otherwise.

Also, today was my first day doing the whole dressing, and each little thing made such a difference. Hair. Barrettes. Nails. Bracelet. Oh my god, mascara... what a difference! Hose, dress, shaper, and, of course, heels! I still feel a little strange, and my makeup needs a lot of work, but at the end I felt very feminine.

Ack, I'm gushing about me again... Enjoy!

Sandra

[rachelatshop]

Lucy:
You are who you are. Female clothing won't change that. Neither will makeup, breastforms, wigs, or anything more drastic. If you're not dressing in response to something that is already inside you, then dressing probably isn't for you. (That "something" can take many forms.)

As for myself, when I dress I look in the mirror and I know why I'm doing it. I don't have to ask why, or what more I need to do. I can't describe it in words. I just know I'm doing the right thing.

Your post is not helpful to a member who is just searching to find out who they are. Just because you have discovered who you are and why you dress as a woman that doesn't mean that everyone else here has done the same. SHAME ON YOU FOR PUTTING ANYONE DOWN. By the way I am not trans in anyway but I am a cross dresser and love to dress as a woman and feel the wonderful feeling of soft women's cloths.

[franlee]

rachelatshop I actually think you are totally off base in two ways on the response to CynthiaD. First that was a valid feeling shared by herself and others including me. And second chastising someone for sharing their feelings, you are like I am in regards to thinking that we are the authority on things that we really need to Listen to before responding. I feel almost exactly like CynthiaD described on this situation. And feelings are just that. Opinions are feelings that have been verbalized or shared on a given media and are personal and no right or wrongs until you attempt to impose them on someone else. The satisfaction on my level is when I dress in what ever fits the bill for the situation, I am me in a dress or even pants outfit and that is enough to make me feel good even if it leaves room for more. If I ever quit getting "some" satisfaction from dressing that is the day I will stop it for good.

[Teresa]

Franlee,
I agree with you, it has to come from inside, yes we are all different but I wouldn't CD if it were just the clothes, OK they feel good to wear but I wouldn't have put myself and my family through the agony for the sake of wearing women's clothes, it's fulfilling an inner need and it's part of me I'm expressing.

[Lucy77]

Hey, it's good. I think I get both sides of the argument Cynthia and Rachel.

Ultimately I guess being feminine and being female doesn't come from changing your clothes, it comes from within. The clothes reflect the inside. From my own perspective, I've always been a shy type of person (late 30's for the person who asked), I've never pushed the boundaries, always conformed, always buried my emotions and feelings, fitted in. Ultimately Im not happy and I know I have a feminine side - how far that goes is another question. But I think I want to release that side of me, give it wings, allow it to grow, see what's there.

Im unhappy in life, so Im spending this year really trying to push myself and see what it is I enjoy. I simply don't know. So Im going to give it a try and explore this other side to me. I don't know if anything is there. But Im going to see if it feels right and try to accept that part of me.

Lucy

[Kiwi Primrose]

There are so many steps to take if you are just setting out.
For me No. 1 when wearing a dress is shape - no visible pubic bulge accompanied by breast shapes, even small bumps will do. Get the body right and you can take some photos to work out what to do next.
At this point you may give up in disgust but on the other hand you may decide to shave, especially your legs.
You have a long way to go - don't rush it, just enjoy the journey.

[Mollyanne]

The first thing to do is to accept who you are. We all are not as beautiful as Catherine Zeta Jones but we all are beautiful in our own special way. When I finally accepted who I was I felt totally different whenever I dressed. My feminine side dominated my male side and I feel soooo much more at ease, I enjoy getting dressed, going out and meeting others like me.

Molly

[Georgia Rose]

I guess we are all different. When I dress I feel like a woman. However I don't want to be a woman (whatever that means!) I'm happy being a man. Dressing has brought out different aspects of my personality and these have changed over time. It's being yourself that counts. I love the clothes, much more glamorous than men's clothing but I also love jewelry, makeup, heels etc which satisfy some feminine part of me. Whilst I'm a closet dresser (my SO knows and is supportive) that 's my choice. Everyone needs to make their own choices.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Lucy:hugs:, Welcome to our forum, When you are here you are home.

The more that you dress the better it gets, At some point it will fell normal when you look
in the mirror and see that lady smiling back at you...:daydreaming:...

[SarahleeNH]

When I dress I know I am finally not masking who I am. Oddly, I see a man in a dress smiling back at me, but I see no contradiction. This should be totally illogical, as I could never pass. But I love what I see...

[Krisi]

What are my next steps to feel more comfortable and womanly? Hair, shoes, make up, waxing?

I would agree that hair (a wig for most of us) would make you feel more "womanly", but boobs and a butt play a big part as well. Just putting on a dress doesn't do a thing for me, it's the whole package that does it. Actually, I have just a few dresses. I wear mostly skirts and blouses.

I don't wear a lot of makeup, just beard cover and lipstick unless I'm going out. Looking in the mirror or a photo and seeing a female with a beard shadow turns me off.

It's taken most of us years to get to where we are as far as having everything we need and knowing how to use it. Unless you hire someone to do a makeover, you won't go from male to female (looking) overnight. And yes, you will have to work on how you walk, how you sit, how you hold your arms and hands, etc.

[NancySue]

When I put a dress, skirt, or anything, I immediately feel a feminine rush. Even though I wear panties, a bra and sometimes hose daily, they always make me want to dress completely....which I do. I think, until you reach the "completely dressed" level, you will continue to experience these feelings.

[Lee Andrews]

When you put on a dress, do you, feel different? Do you feel complete? Did it take you a long time to feel comfortable?


When a dress or skirt goes on I sure do feel different. Sadly I feel more attractive than my male side does just sitting around in shorts for some reason. I even miss painted toes that I have during the winter months. Even sitting around in boy mode and seeing that makes me feel good.
As for feeling complete? Not sure about that but I feel better if I have something going on, so I guess that's a yes.
Comfort about all this is years in the making. Slowly over time I have accepted this is who I am and I feel good about it. Everyone's journey and circumstances are different. Hopefully you will find what makes you feel good one day.

[Lori Kurtz]

Welcome to the site, and to the world of crossdressing. There's a limit to how much you can learn about yourself by asking others--there is so much diversity in what our crossdressing (and/or transsexuality) means to us. I think you're doing just fine. You're exploring and experimenting and trying to discover who you really are and what works for you. Keep that up, and relax and enjoy it. Listen to what your sisters here have to offer you, and make use of whatever feels right to you. And at some point, you might also want to get some professional help, too. That has been very helpful to many of us. Look for a psychotherapist (not necessarily a psychiatrist) with expertise in gender issues.

[sometimes_miss]

But I know I have a distinct feminine part.
It's not 'a distinct feminine part'.
It's YOU. Trying to separate those female type feelings from yourself by insisting that it's not really who you are, will just result in internal frustration, and, most likely, an increase in the desire to crossdress as a result of that frustration.

[EffyJaspers]

When you put on a dress, do you, feel different? Do you feel complete? Did it take you a long time to feel comfortable?
What are my next steps to feel more comfortable and womanly? Hair, shoes, make up, waxing?
You pointed out that you out and showed people what you are trying (CDing) to learn about yourself right away, damn gutsy but lucky for you to not think of hiding it.
When I put on a dress the first time, I don't remember. When I recently put some dresses on (layering to see what of my clothes formed okay outfits) it felt cool to experiment in what I usually would not. I am a guy to put on shorts and a shirt, period. I don't think of matching or layering or such much at all because almost any shirt goes with blue jeans or athletic shorts. When I dressed up recently it was fun to pull out clothes and mix and match them to the current dress I was trying on. Flipping through iterations of dress was fun and kind of rewarding. I haven't really tried makeup or jewelry but when I do.... I will totally spend a long time mix-&-matching. First to come out to the family though so I don't have to be a ninja about this stuff, but nerves and willingness to voice it always fail or are forgotten.
-edit-
So I actual want to experience the shaving/waxing of legs because I do like smooth skin, I have thought plenty of buying and wearing shoes out but haven't really gotten around to it. It isn't a science to what will get you 'in tune' with this experience you are at least trying out, so if you got the guts go out and try whatever might catch your fancy, but.... some restraint is needed because obviously things like shaving take time to grow back or money doesn't necessarily grow on trees so don't need to splurge unless you like won the lottery!!!

[Jane G]

I don't ever recall feeling like a man in a dress. Not one single time. I enjoy dressing up. A can feel good in a sharp suit or a ball gown. I just prefer the ball gown. There was a long time when I hated male clothes, but I'm well past that. It's just knowing and accepting your self for who you are and it took me many many years. Good luck or should I say good look.