Evolution of perspective

[JanePeterson]

Yeah, so anyway....

I just got my latest blood test results back from the endocrinologist, and she's happy with my levels. I a happy with my levels.

The interesting thing for me is looking back at my thoughts on HRT and transition in general. I remember hoping that HRT would provide "relief" of my GD enough for me to scrape through another year onboard my boat; I was dreading physical changes and hoping for some kind of "low dose" and slow changes.

Now I can see that none of my desires or thoughts or bargaining made a damn bit of sense - most of it was just the dying layers or fear I was still holding onto... Today I embrace the changes HRT brings, and despite the turmoil and uncertainty, I realize that transition is like a glacier that moves across the landscape of your life - you don't steer, you don't dodge, you just watch as it does it's thing.

And just for kicks, here's the changes to my face after 5 months:

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[becky77]

That's quite an amazing change Jane, you've done alot in a short time.
I already know your personality is lovely and your outside is quickly matching the inside :)

[arbon]

I love that 5 mnth hrt photo of you, you just look so happy!

I was wondering if you have been starting to get comments from crew about your appearance changing and how you have been dealing with that?

[JanePeterson]

I was wondering if you have been starting to get comments from crew about your appearance changing and how you have been dealing with that?

Nobody has said anything yet, but then again I'm the boss so they may just be talking smack when I'm not around - I've also decided I'm not going to bind my breasts, so well see what happens between now and whenever I transfer :/

[tgirlamc]

Hi Jane!!!!

The incremental changes are hard to gauge day to day... Like the glacier.. It doesn't look like it is moving but,... it is!!!..and it can't be stopped!!! You are looking GREAT!!!.. Looks like some impressive reduction of the masseter muscles giving your face a beautiful shape... I never did binding to my breasts when I was trying to stay on the down low at work at first but wore oversized shirts and safety vest... I was working as an unexploded ordnance tech clearing military munitions... Still a few of the folks there guessed where I was going with my life and it was not a big deal... Let those girls out!!!

Onward we go!!!

Ashley :)

[Megan G]

Jane,

I see some remarkable changes in those 5 months and you look great but more importantly I see a smile and you look very happy!

[Jennifer-GWN]

You've come a long way kiddo. Good for you. Physically yes... Emotionally light years.

[PretzelGirl]

I love the glacier analogy.

I was worried about binding at work and talked with my therapist about it. In truth, I could have gone an additional year without worrying. I would deal with it when it comes.

[Heidi Stevens]

Great progress, Jane, even at the glacial pace! I'm 16 months down the HRT road and have not really done anything to hide changes so far. I still present male for my wife and her world. So far no one has asked if anything is up. I did go thru a life threatening illness that started 8 years ago. It caused great changes in my body and appearance. Luckily it has been under control for 4 years. Maybe they think my current body changes are a consequence of that illness. I still am not at full HRT dosage, by my choice, but I have slowly increased it over time.
Bottom line is my dysphoria has "left the building" and the body changes I can live with. I think you'll find the same a year from now, but as they say YMMV!

[Barbara Dugan]

I totally relate to your experience Jane ....what I am getting from Transition is very different of what I was expecting, the disphoria still there but its by my side and not chasing me. Everyday is getting better, there is not more hidding and I am more honest to myself...Its a very liberating kind of feel and experience.

[KymberlyOct]

THANKS for the pics Jane. This is silly but it almost made me cry. I have noticed that a lot lately like when watching touching stories on the conventions. The funny thing is I don't even see the HRT doc until August 17th LOL so it's not the hormones, I just think that I am thinking differently.

Anyway back to your pics. You looked pretty bad ass, and now you look pretty and happy. There it goes again, ready to cry but smiling. You are doing great Jane, I hope I change as much in 5 mos. On a happy note I am so thrilled with my new electrologist just had a treatment today.

[Badtranny]

Well, after sitting across from you I can attest that the dude in the bottom pic is long gone.

[Zooey]

Exactly what BT said. Long, long, long gone. Also, it was so great to finally get to meet you in person! :)

[MissDanielle]

You definitely have changed in the time since we met a few months ago.

[JanePeterson]

So I had to scramble after work to go rent a car from the airport a little over an hour away....

I wasn't dressed or anything - just ugly tired after work me...

But i swear the colors were brighter on my drive... And I could smell those perfect country summer smells, and the music blasting from my radio was just that much better... I felt HAPPY. It kind of surprised me.

[tgirlamc]

Awesome!!!... That's what all this life stuff is about!!! Findin' da Happy!!!! :)!!!!!!!