Doing things different in guy / girl mode

[missNikki]

Does anyone else have things they do differently in guy / girl mode?
Not talking about how you look, or act, but things you do.

Example, if I'm out as a guy, I'd go to a bar, watch football, order a beer and a hamburger.

if I go out in girl mode, not that I've left the house yet, but am hoping to be going out later this week, I'd order something like a salad and a glass of wine
.
When I'm dressed at home or a hotel, I like a glass of wine, but don't drink wine as a guy.

Is it to feel more femme. I think so.

What other differences do you notice in the things you do....

[Lorileah]

I would hope most here would use the women's room. Make sure they didn't flash people and smile more. Other than that wh would you change what you do in public? You are the same person.

[Laurana]

Nothing changes for me. Why should it?

My appetite doesn't change depending on whether I'm wearing jorts or a skirt. Why should it?

Food and drink and gender neutral.

If drinking wine and eating salads makes you feel for girly then that's on you.

[Pat]

I have to step carefully around a number of landmines here, but in general when people first start to accept their transgender nature they explain it to themselves as having two separate personalities and, of course, they act that way because that's the model in their head. Often they'll have distinct behaviors depending on the personality at the wheel. Again, in general, it's not uncommon after a while for them to find that they are really always the same person with just different presentations. So they start to get rid of behaviors that don't really fit -- maybe you drink wine because you feel for some reason that it's expected of a woman or maybe you drink beer because you feel it's expected of a man. At some point you might abandon one or the other as not being what's right for you. Or you may relax and realize it doesn't mean anything and drink whatever you feel like and eat salads because you want to watch your figure so you look good and burgers when you feel you could just use a good burger (and you'll have the salad tomorrow ;) )

I don't want to say it like it's the only growth path and you're not fully OK if you don't follow that particular path. You may always have the two-personality view and there's nothing wrong with that. It's just I note many people end up following the path that takes them to a single personality with behaviors that suit who they are rather than what they think is expected of them. I know I did. (Still sounds a little self-congratulatory and I don't mean it that way.)

The message is do what's right for you at any given time.

[Jenniferathome]

I use the time to decompress a bit and certainly, I'm not out racing bikes. My makeup wouldn't hold up very well. But while I do more sedate things when dressed, I don' t take on different likes.

[Tracii G]

There is no reason to change what you do.
I don't know of any trans law that says you have to change or stop doing what you like to do just because you are in girl mode.

There are people that think you have to change everything to be "real" or authentic.
Here is an example of this kind of thinking:
I have a friend that started going to church and he ended up selling his two Corvettes,his bass boat/ trailer and pick up because he said it wouldn't look right to the other church members.
I told him well OK but if you ever get the urge to go fishing ask one of the deacons because I know two of them have really nice bass boats.

[NancySue]

As a guy, I have a type A personality and love competition. Dressing offers me the opportunity to lay back and relax. I tend to want to find someplace quiet and low key. We have a park close by where I walk, take my book, find a bench and read or just enjoy the comfort of what I'm wearing. I love to feel the breeze blowing on my face and bare or hosed legs. Dressing doesn't affect what I read, what I eat or drink.

[Emma or Darren]

Seems to be its all about acceptance that darn thing in our heads some stronger than others that if it wasnt there none us would be closeted.
Just my 2c
Emma xx

[Rachelakld]

Male - Rum & coke
Female - sweet white wine
Male - steak
Female - Chicken
Male - Star Trek movies
Female - chick flick
Male - car shows
Female - botanic gardens

[Sharon B.]

How I get into vehicle is different when in female mode, how I walk and bend down, checking my hair and makeup.

[Tina_gm]

Nothing different for me other than the clothes I am wearing.

[MissTee]

In some ways, yes. However, I feel I would do these anyway, but being dressed makes it more fun and fulfilling. Cooking, sewing, doing art are some of those endeavors.

[josrphine]

Hi I am with Sharon B Getting into a car as a women is a art. I hate mussing up my hair. With that said I am a master electrical an a jack of all trades for me now they all blend. Jo

[Kate Simmons]

I'd say a lot of us probably have wine tastes with a beer pocketbook. :):battingeyelashes:

[Krisi]

If I do anything differently when dressed as a woman, it's a conscious act. Things like how I walk or how I sit. I'm doing them on purpose, just strapping on a pair of boobs and a wig doesn't change how I think or what I eat or drink.

Yes, I use the ladies restroom if I'm dressed as a female. Again, it's a conscious decision.

[Sarah Louise]

While my personality doesn't change when I dress, I just think it's more fun to act like a girl and do more girly things when I do.

[Dana44]

For me, as a male I do things in moderation. Now, I drink red wine. But I like beer and when girly, I drink wed wine or the beer, no difference except I may be a beer drinking lady. But there are a couple things different. When in heels in particular I walk like a woman. don't really do that in male mode and makeup... well there are things a woman does that men do not do. But beer and wine, I know many women that drink beer.

[kendracd]

absolutely, when in girl mode I do girly things cross my legs when sitting, sip drinks instead of gulping..even tend to sit when in the rest room(even if I don't need to sit),don't get into action movies tend to gravitate to love comedies so yes, the dress changes you completly

[ReineD]

if I go out in girl mode, not that I've left the house yet, but am hoping to be going out later this week, I'd order something like a salad and a glass of wine
.
When I'm dressed at home or a hotel, I like a glass of wine, but don't drink wine as a guy.

Is it to feel more femme. I think so.


I'm a GG.

Why are you so strict with yourself as a guy? Men drink wine and women drink beer. It's OK for you to drink both, whether you're in guy or girl mode. I don't drink now, but I used to love a good beer at a game or on a hot day, or with more casual food, and a good wine with a more elaborate meal.

The choice of drinks or food really has nothing to do with gender. Men do eat dinner salads, and women do eat steaks, baked potatoes, pizza, you name it.

I know a lot of guys who have a huge range in behaviors and dietary habits. Only in this forum have I seen such strict interpretations of what men can and can't do. I don't know why CDers limit themselves so much when they are in male mode.

[Majella St Gerard]

I don't really dance too much in male mode but in female mode I can't stop and my bad knee is still swollen from last weekend.

[Pat]

I don't know why CDers limit themselves so much when they are in male mode.

Personal opinion? Because they're pretending to be men in male mode so people "won't suspect" they have a female side. So they take very stereotypical male behaviors and enforce them on themselves. Then when they let the female side come out they choose stereotypical female behaviors and presentations they've been suppressing so tightly. The answer for me has been to find and inhabit the middle ground where I can express all the behaviors that make me happy and not have to express any of the ones that make me feel caged/trapped. Not saying it's an answer for everyone, just me.

[Krisi]

Personal opinion? Because they're pretending to be men in male mode so people "won't suspect" they have a female side. So they take very stereotypical male behaviors and enforce them on themselves. Then when they let the female side come out they choose stereotypical female behaviors and presentations they've been suppressing so tightly.......

That may be what you do personally, but I really don't think most of us are "pretending" to be male. We are male and have been all our lives. We do what we watched our fathers, uncles and brothers did. We do what we've seen other males do.

When we dress as women, we are pretending to be women. We hide our male body parts and put on "fake" female body parts. We try to imitate women in the way they walk, sit and act. It enhances the image.

[phili]

The whole guy/girl thing is arbitrary and children have to be policed to stay within the lines. To ReineD's point, I think it is exactly because we stayed within very emotionally restrictive lines that we so deeply need to break out.

Now I am coming out to people this changes rapidly. When I wear a skirt and cute top, and then people go - ok, fine- getting back to our conversation... means that I am no longer spending energy trying to manage staying within the lines. The feelings can flow as they come. The outcome so far is that I now have the outlook of many women who decide whether or not to wear a skirt and cute top based on all sorts of reasons other than needing to claim the right to feel.

[Lorileah]

The choice of drinks or food really has nothing to do with gender. Men do eat dinner salads, and women do eat steaks, baked potatoes, pizza, you name it.



:yt:

I do think so many here like the TG world because they think they can do things the couldn't do as men. In today's world, I don't really know any behaviors that are exclusively male or female. This week the Olympics start, they have male and females in most the of the sports (although still divided by gender). The even have female Greco-Roman wrestling.

We get stereotypes embedded in our minds and we have trouble breaking them. For the last 50 years people have been promoting that women can do anything men can do, and they have taken that to heart. Yet men seem reluctant to take on anything they feel may be feminine. Just shows that women care less about limits. They seem to strive to break barriers. Men tend to be afraid of what their peers will say.

[Meghan4now]

Of course,

I drink less to avoid a trip to the bathroom.
I eat less because my corset won't let me.
I eat less messy stuff so I don't ruin my makeup.
I might be slightly more inclined to have a wine, but that's a cover/blending issue if I feel out of my element. And if they don't have better beer. Or if it pairs better with dinner.
I don't stand to pee, a cover thing or lack of urinal, plus it can be a mess with girdles and hose.
I call myself Meghan, cause it fits better and is fun.

[ReineD]

Personal opinion? Because they're pretending to be men in male mode ...

But this is what I cannot understand. If a CDer wants to drink wine or eat a salad in guy mode, AND he wants to pretend that he's a guy, why can't he pretend to be a guy who drinks wine and eats salads. Lots of men drink wine and eat salads.

[Tina81]

I'll eat pizza with a knife and fork when crossdressed and will use a napkin instead of the back of my hand.

[Georgette_USA]

Tina
I assume you are joking.
My father was taught to eat everything with a knife and fork. My mother was of the type that some foods can be eaten with fingers, just not be a slob about it. I would hope a parental unit would have taught you not to use the back of your hand.

[Pat]

But this is what I cannot understand. If a CDer wants to drink wine or eat a salad in guy mode, AND he wants to pretend that he's a guy, why can't he pretend to be a guy who drinks wine and eats salads. Lots of men drink wine and eat salads.

Because he's afraid he'll give himself away. We see a pretty constant stream of questions in this forum that basically fit the form, "If I do <x>, will it 'out' me?" Where <x> can be almost anything -- what food they can eat, what clothes they can wear, what places they can go, etc. The key is they want <x> but fear allowing themselves <x> because it might reveal they are crossdressers.

To me, that argues that they are playing a male role -- they're asking the other actors around them if <x> fits the character they're trying to project. Sadly the answers are often couched in fear and paranoia. An actual cisgender man wouldn't even be able to formulate the question. He doesn't have to consider if some act projects manliness because anything he does projects manliness by virtue of the fact he's doing it and is a man. ;)

I understand this isn't an insight that people are going to flock to. I just offer it because it was a truth I learned about myself. It might resonate with a few people or give them a branching off point in their own journey of self-discovery. I fully understand that there are folks whose world view says they can be 100% cisgender men who just happen to own $1,000 worth of crossdressing paraphernalia that they use on a regular basis. That's OK.

[Krisi]

The only people "playing a man role" are FTM crossdressers or transsexuals. We don't play a role, we are that role. We have been it all our lives.

If I drink wine or eat a salad, it's because that's what I want to do, not because I am playing a role. Same for if I drink beer and eat a steak. When I dress as a man, I am not playing a role, that's how men dress and I've always dressed that way. It's when I dress as a woman that I am playing a role.

[ReineD]

Because he's afraid he'll give himself away.

I understand this, but my point to the OP was to stop living in a CD-induced, severely restricted world where guys can only do certain things else others will "guess". How would the OP's friends or the other people in the restaurant "guess" that the OP enjoys feeling feminine if he drinks wine and eats salads, when scores of other men drink wine and eat salads without anyone batting an eye. The idea that others might "guess" based on whether a CDer likes art, dancing, salads & wine is all in a CDer's mind! It's a distortion of reality and it seems to me that if a CD enjoys these things he should feel free to enjoy them just like the rest of the world. Otherwise, a weird type of pressure will build where he will only feel free to eat what he wants and dance while he is dressed, and he will continue to split himself in two, eventually feeling as if he needs to make choices about living exclusively as one or the other, which will make him hugely unhappy if transition is not an option.

The only thing that causes others to guess that a CD crossdresses is appearance: clothes, makeup, jewelry, plucked eyebrows, shaved body, etc. Nothing else (personal interests, food choices, career choices, etc) is gendered. So he can either own it, tell selected people and go out in public attired like a female, or continue to dress in private.

[BrendaPDX]

Male - Rum & coke
Female - sweet white wine
Male - steak
Female - Chicken
Male - Star Trek movies
Female - chick flick
Male - car shows
Female - botanic gardens

I loved this post! You hit the nail on the head for me. Brenda

[Pat]

Reine -- I think we're in 100% agreement. ;)

[Lorileah]

Because he's afraid he'll give himself away. We see a pretty constant stream of questions in this forum that basically fit the form, "If I do <x>, will it 'out' me?" Where <x> can be almost anything

and they said I would never use algebra

and the whole...car show as a guy but botanic gardens as a woman? I hope you're joking.


I get so confused by CD lifestyle sometimes. I want some of that magic fairy dust

[Pat]

I get so confused by CD lifestyle sometimes. I want some of that magic fairy dust

Oh, sweetie, if you've never experienced that, believe me, you don't want any of that dust. That dust is horrible bad. ;)

[ellbee]

When I put on my women's workout stuff, you better believe I'm exercising like a chick! :D


On many levels, it's simply "easier" & I feel more free to do that, than if I were wearing men's clothing.

Just the way it is. :idontknow:


Heck, before I got back into the whole dressing thing, I didn't even want to workout. These days? Totally motivated! :thumbsup:





How would the OP's friends or the other people in the restaurant "guess" that the OP enjoys feeling feminine if he drinks wine and eats salads, when scores of other men drink wine and eat salads without anyone batting an eye.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XttdO1yipo


4XttdO1yipo

[GBJoker]

There is no real behavior difference for me. I'd still lay around, watch YouTube, play games, smoke, etc. No difference when it comes to bathroom stuff either.

[Marcelo]

I can actually dance in girl mode. Don't ask me to dance in male mode unless it's at Whole Foods behind a shopping cart with Godzilla playing over the PA.

[rockerreds]

I am told that I give off an androgynous aura at all times but my movements are more feminine when dressed.

[suchacutie]

From my experience, the whole notion that we a consciously thinking about limiting ourselves about what we do in each of our gendered selves misses the point entirely. When my wife and I realized that "Tina" really existed, we wanted to know who she was. When Tina cones to "visit" it is as if we both step back in amazement, watching her decisions, interests, likes, dislikes, etc. As has been mentioned above, my male self can't be in the same room with a chicken flick, so when my wife wants to watch one she either warns me, or she asks Tina to visit so they can watch it together! Tina has her own set of adult beverages, her own set of books she enjoys, musical instruments she prefers to play, crafts she prefers, foods she prefers (to cook and eat), and frankly, she's left handed while my male self is right handed..no kidding!

None of these preferences is a contrivance, but simply her choice. As a male, he makes his own choices, not at all worried about how that relates to Tina. Ok, so it is a very wild world, but now that we know who we are, we are very comfortable with this natural duality.

[ReineD]

Tina, I've read your posts for years and I'm amazed that you and your wife continue to see your expression while dressed as a third person, even after all this time. If it works for you this is a good thing, but I don't think the personality split is something that most people go for?

[LilSissyStevie]

But this is what I cannot understand. If a CDer wants to drink wine or eat a salad in guy mode, AND he wants to pretend that he's a guy, why can't he pretend to be a guy who drinks wine and eats salads. Lots of men drink wine and eat salads.

Because gender is ultimately subjective. The minute you are born the Dr. slaps your behind and announces "it's a boy/girl" and that begins your training in gender. Everyone's training is slightly different depending on the milieu they are raised in and their interaction with it. These ideas are imprints and although we can intellectually understand that "pink" has no inherent gender, many of us will still viscerally associate that color with femininity. There isn't really anything you can do about it except to use the intellect rather than the gut when making the important decisions. This is the cognitive dissonance we all live with in a changing culture. The intellect believes one thing and the gut believes another. Try not to take it too seriously. If someone wants to act out their silly notions of gender, what is the harm? This generation and it's ridiculous notions and stereotypes will soon die off and be replaced by something equally dumb.

[char GG]

The one thing that I wish guys would do in girl mode is sit with their legs together. My husband's support group has guys that spend a lot of time and effort to look good as women but the dead giveaway is sitting with their knees three feet apart. Otherwise, no one really notices what they eat or drink.

[ellbee]

Totally agree with the knees thing! :laughing:


Would be really interesting to read a "pet peeves" thread, where everyone (GG's included) could chime in with this sort of helpful feedback. :)

[Lana Mae]

Some females do some mannerisms and gestures and postures different than males. However for every rule there are exceptions! I have seen girls albeit with jeans on sitting with legs sprawled out! Women who gulp down food and drink!! And the type of food and drink makes no difference both eat and drink the same things!! I have seen women walking like male farmers (no offense to farmers) It is a diverse world we live in and we can just strive to do our best!! IMHO Hugs Lana Mae

[suchacutie]

Hi Reine. One reason I just posted as much as I did is the current discussion about a new forum about gender-fluid, bi-gendered, etc folks, and one of the themes seems to be this very issue of gender separation. Like you, I thought there weren't too many of us, but now I not so sure. It will be very interesting to watch the direction of that discussion. Lastly, the very gender separation that seems to be who I am may very well be why it has always been so easy for us. My wife kept her husband and gained a loyal girlfriend who is not trying to encroach on her marriage. It really is fascinating for all of us.

[Alice_2014_B]

I refrain from really scratching my face with makeup on, if I can help it at all.
Though I've never drank in a bar or club en femme, I would most likely still get my usual drinks, I just love whiskey too much.
Definitely careful about my hair and how I'm sitting (I only wear dresses and skirts in girl-mode).
:)

[susancheerleader]

I notice that when I go to pick something up from the floor, how that I imitate how I girl would do it. Gracefully.

[Savannah_Skye]

In girl mode, I used to be more expressive and maybe a little over the top with the gestures, especially the hand gestures. Now, I am the same no matter what. Clothes might change but nothing else:)

[ReineD]

... is the current discussion about a new forum about gender-fluid, bi-gendered, etc folks, and one of the themes seems to be this very issue of gender separation.

Being non-binary or having gender fluidity (as opposed to being either male or female), does not mean separating yourself to have one personality that is male and the other, female. It means permanently-all-the-time being non-binary (neither male nor female), at the very core of a person's being. If this makes sense. So someone like this might say things like "yesterday I presented as a boy and today I am presenting as a girl" (note there are no third pronouns like "he" or "she"). Whereas you always choose to talk about Tina in the third person. Does this make sense?

[Vale]

This is a fascinating thread, and it has me thinking. I do in fact tend to behave differently when dressed, but I think for me the cause and effect are reversed. For example I love to cook, and if I'm cooking a elegant dinner for my wife and myself I prefer to do it dressed. When I feel that way and I dress up I then tend to put extra emphasis on the meal's presentation, the ambience, and put more care in the details. I do seem to act more tender and less harsh in those circumstances.

So I guess I have different behavior modes, some of which include crossdressing.

Love,
Vale

[Krisi]

I notice that when I go to pick something up from the floor, how that I imitate how I girl would do it. Gracefully.

I remember many years ago, my ex wife read about this experiment:

Back yourself up against a wall. If you are a female, you should be able to bend over and touch the floor. If you are a male, you will fall forward before touching the floor. We tried it and it was true.

- - - Updated - - -


............ For example I love to cook, and if I'm cooking a elegant dinner for my wife and myself I prefer to do it dressed. When I feel that way and I dress up I then tend to put extra emphasis on the meal's presentation, the ambience, and put more care in the details.

If you cooking while wearing a synthetic wig, please keep in mind that synthetic wigs can not only be damaged by heat, they are extremely flammable. Getting too close to a heat source or open flame could set your wig on fire and when you naturally grab it and toss it off your head, you could set the house on fire.

Just trying to keep you safe.

[Mickitv]

I am much more submissive in femme mode. When dressed I would absolutely try to seduce a man to have sex.

[Karine]

No, I just do, think and like the same things. I do change my mannerism but it is for me a part of the "game".
I do take a lot of pictures while in guy mode I hate pictures (I don't find myself photogenic).

[irene9999]

The times I have gone out I find I really enjoy shopping for clothes en femme, as a guy it feels boring and more like a chore

[Samantha_Smile]

As for the drink thing - Yeah I drink wine too, but I also drink it in guy mode. The only difference is when I drink wine in guy mode, you know that I'm drinking to get shit faced.
But in guy mode I also have no qualms about ordering the girliest looking cocktail and drinking it with a straw. (Let's be honest with ourselves - does anyone really like the taste of beer?)

As for other stuff, shopping - If I'm looking for boy clothes it pretty boring. I just make it a mission to find geeky/funny slogan t-shirts and jeans/knee shorts.
But shopping for girl clothes is... actually pretty fun (if a little long winded sometimes), trying to plan outfits based on what I have at home and things I can buy on any given day.
Then there's the accessories and jewelry. There are just so many options!

My body mannerisms are fairly similar in either presentation while I'm at home and in general public ie I know I'm pretty limp writsted and that I stand still with my weight on 1 leg making my hips tilt.
I'm sure there are more, but these are the ones I am most aware of if I'm in public among a heavily male gendered group. As such, I find myself making genuine effort to avoid these traits.

Eating, yeah, when I'm in female mode or feeling my female side more, I won't pig out like I do in boy mode. Eating out invariably means a steak and the plate leaves the table clean.
But at home I will be less prone to eat past 'full'.

Interesting side note, I find that a lot of my postural changes to be with my hands and how I hold my vape or glass, how I type, use my phone.
I have noted that a lot of this is to do with my love of having long nails on when I dress, they're a beautiful hindrance that I feel like are helpful in training feminine hand movement.

I think the most important thing here is that we recognise that most of these replies will be based on fairly stereotyped ideals on what women do/are.
Of course, walking with a swagger, shoulders forward, elbows out, palms back in your prettiest sun dress is never going to look right no matter how natural it is to you.
And you may feel ridiculous going one foot infront of the other (tightrope style), cocking your hips, shoulders back, elbows in and palms slightly forward facing.
So how about you just shoot for a comfortable middle ground and stick with that?
Some thing that works for both. Doesn't have to be blue, doesn't have to be pink.
Have you ever tried purple?