Well, I'm screwed

[skylance]

So, yesterday, I found out that my wife is looking to get a divorce because of the possibility that I may be trans. Only reason I say that it's only a possibility is that I haven't yet been able to see a therapist at all (finances being the big issue there), and I'm not 100% sure if I have gender dysphoria or if I'm just completely miserable with my life and who I am.

Unfortunately, the fact that my wife wants a divorce is also going to end up forcing my hand, and going to make it necessary to come out to my family well before I was ready to do so. Has anyone else been through a similar situation at all, and if so, what advice would you be willing to impart?

Thanks in advance.

[JanePeterson]

I have not been in this situation, but recall advice given in similar circumstances that seemed like a good idea.

Take some cash and put it in a safe place - enough to live on for a few days; same with some spare clothes.

Something i DID do at the crux of my tribulations was remove all the ammo from my house, just as a precaution against future states of mind where I might do something irreversible.

I really hope things go gently for you in the near future, but it sounds like you would be wise to prepare for the worst.

Jane

[skylance]

Already did one of those and removed all the firearms from my house and an having ny dad hold onto them for the time being.

[tgirlamc]

Hi Skylance... We speak often here of many situations that share one thing in common... They seem enormous and overwhelming... All in can tell you is take it all one thing, one step, one day at a time... I wish you the strength to do so and all the best!!!!

Ashley :)

[jentay1367]

I can offer platitudes....but, how did you get from here.......



An ex...
I recently got back in touch with an ex of mine, and also a long time friend whom i have known for 10+ years now. Well long story short, we should be meeting up this weekend. She now knows about my dressing habit and is completely cool with it, and so, as a result, when i meet up with her, im giving it pretty good odds that im going to be meeting up with her at least partially dressed . Already talked it over with my wife and she is also cool with the idea, so, all things said and done, I'm looking foward to this weekend and catching up with a dear friend and gettign to go out again! (this will be my second time out!!!)












to here?


So, yesterday, I found out that my wife is looking to get a divorce because of the possibility that I may be trans. Only reason I say that it's only a possibility is that I haven't yet been able to see a therapist at all (finances being the big issue there), and I'm not 100% sure if I have gender dysphoria or if I'm just completely miserable with my life and who I am.

Unfortunately, the fact that my wife wants a divorce is also going to end up forcing my hand, and going to make it necessary to come out to my family well before I was ready to do so. Has anyone else been through a similar situation at all, and if so, what advice would you be willing to impart?

Thanks in advance.








Not trying to ambush you, rather perhaps give you cause for pause. There seems to be more to the story. Can you share a bit more as to why your wife was okay with all of this in 2012 and now wants to divorce you? There seems to be other issues here you may not not have taken under consideration. It's best to look at these situations objectively so you can appreciate where she may be coming from. Without understanding each others concerns, there's probably little hope in finding a mutually beneficial outcome. I hope it all works out for you. Good Luck. I mean that. It's important for mutual respect to exist for anything you may want to come to fruition.

[KymberlyOct]

Well..... you asked what advice would you be willing to impart? I want to tread lightly because I do not know your wife and what your feelings are toward her at this point. If you want to PM me I will shoot with both barrels.

That said, some people are simply generous of spirit and others are not. That is a very nice way of saying it. Anyone that would out you to family member or friends out of spite is a horrible person and IMHO you are better off with out someone like that. Probably part of the reason that you - in your words - are completely miserable with your life.

I was for 18 years. I stayed because I have two Autistic kids. I don't know your circumstance but please don't say money. Live in a one room rental, be poor, it is better than being with someone that makes you miserable.

Yes that was only the 1st barrel, LOL I got PLENTY more. Bottom line some people are just mean, get away from them. I normally would not advocate divorce particularly for someone I don't even know but your post is so self explanatory.

Edited for addition: If you are asking for advice such as strategy how to prevent her from outing you, etc. Forget it. She is going to do what she chooses to do. It took me many years to finally realize you cannot make people think / feel / or act - the way you want them to. She is going to do what she wants to and you can't control it. You can only control how YOU react to it and how YOU handle it.

[skylance]

In short, at the time, I was just into cross dressing, and it hadn't really escalated to the point where I was beginning to question whether I was just a guy that liked to dress, or if I was trans. About 1 1/2 - 2 years ago is when I really began to question that point and talked to my wife about it. She's since been thinking it over and has ended up coming to the conclusion that she would not be able to handle it if I am trans and were to transition.

[KymberlyOct]

My read of your most recent reply leaves me feeling differently about your situation than your original post. Your wife is certainly entitled to make her own choice about whether she is comfortable being married to a transgender person if that is in fact who and what you are. Just as you should be your authentic self - whatever you decide that self is - she also has to live her authentic self and may not be able to see herself living with a transgender husband. She certainly has that right.

Your original post states that she wants a divorce. Again, she has the right to choice. You also mention that will force your hand to come out to family before being ready to do so. In my mind that is being outed against your will which got my back up in a hurry. Sorting what each of you wants with your wife and yourself is key. But most important is determining your authentic self.

My suggestion and I think most on this forum would be to find a way to get into therapy regardless of financial concerns. Finding yourself is one of the most important things you can do in your life. Even if it is only once a month, a therapist can suggest other resources to further your self introspection and personal journey. Maybe you are a CD maybe you are TS of course I don't know but obviously there is some sort of gender issue that in my opinion you need to discover in order to find your own peace and happiness. The only way your path can be found is to discover yourself.

I am relatively new at this but my path is now clear to me. This forum is a great place for support and advice. But in my opinion it should not be your only source. Feel free to PM me if you would like. I wish you peace and happiness, we all deserve it.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

without details Skylance..
I was married almost 20 yrs...2 kids... and i assumed my Cd'ing was cd'ing... but in the end my wife left me because of it and i ended up transitioning..lol
thats the very short story.. i can say it was very difficult and i had to work very very hard to get through in one piece but we all did...

unfortunately in divorce all bets are off... so you have to consider options seriously and try to separate the why from the actual event.....

and it does force your hand...i wouldnt downplay that... whether you are a ts coping with it by dressing or not, there is now an unwanted consequence...that is going to challenge you

just like its your life to live, its hers too...i hope you guys have a constructive outcome for both of you