why ?

[Bianca73]

I apologize as I bet this has been asked times before . I was interested in your take on why feel the need to dress and feel femme ? As this is a question have battled with all my life .

[leannejacobs]

We just do, there is no answer to that, just accept that it's part of who we are, don't torture yourself with the why's.

[josrphine]

I don't know if any of you have had this experince , but I was told that I was a gril when i was born an lived my begnning yrs as a girl. I latter in life 5 o 6 became a boy.. This I thing is the reason that I am half female. Jo

[Elizabeth G]

Hi Bianca,

I think of I could answer that question I would have a bright future as a therapist. I don't know why, I'm just wired that way and have chosen to accept, embrace and enjoy that aspect of my life.

Beth

[sara66]

I don't believe there is one answer. We all have different live experiences. Different genetics or just like being unique.
I is like understanding our wives & girlfriends.:eek:
Sara

[kittie60]

It's who we are. We all have different levels of what we like,how we feel, what makes us happy. It's who we are...

[sometimes_miss]

Yes, the question has been asked perhaps hundreds of times. For whatever reason, there's an underlying desire to self identify as female, or perhaps there's some connection to the clothing to feelings of comfort or perhaps sexual excitation for those who do it for that purpose alone. The reason it's so difficult to pin down, is mostly because of the huge assumption that it's an indication that we may possibly have homosexual desires, and in most societies, we have grown up being told that to be feminine in any way at all is the worst possible thing that a boy can be. Consider all the insults that people can use against us, and it's those that indicate we might be female that are the worst. , weak sister, fairy, throws like a girl, etc., other people, especially (but not limited to) men will use these words to hurt us the most. One of the amazing things is how much women will do the same thing, while apparently ignorant to the fact that they are denigrating themselves as well by using feminine adjectives as an insult.
Some like to just say that they were born this way, and leave it at that. Some like to create a fictitious female persona and assign their female feelings and thoughts to that, in an effort to distance themselves from anything feminine lest any one, especially themselves, accept that those feminine things are really part of their own personality. All because of the rampant homophobia in our culture.
So, does wanting to dress up like a female always come from some hidden, unknown cause? Nope. Read the link in my sig and discover how you can take a normal little boy and with the right circumstances, create a crossdresser, no genetics, no drugs involved.

[CarlaWestin]

Growing up around sisters and being the youngest and, always in the company of my mother, I was immersed in the world of everything female.
I'm definitely a male and I just operated on the desire to be around woman by breaking through the social taboo to just experience being the object of my own desire.
And yes, it is as simple as that.

[Trish]

Because it just feels natural.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Bianca:hugs:, Welcome to our forum, When you are here you are home.

Whatever your question is there is a 99.785 % chance that someone will have an answer for you.

WHY do I Dress, It's just who I am , And it's just what I do...:daydreaming:...

[NancySue]

I've been asking "why?" since I tried on my first pair of stockings. In college, my major was motivational psych looking for answers. Over the years, I've read books from the library, articles on the Internet, etc. My conclusion is that it's an additional genetic personality compulsive behavior pattern that we have and others don't. Under the column of absolutes like death and taxes, you can add our needs to the list. I've quit worrying about the "why" and have accepted it for who I am. I have no regrets for the time spent searching for the "why". Life will go on, so, I turned lemons into lemonade. I'm fortunate to have a wife who doesn't understand this part of me either, but helps and supports me. Our "secret" has definitely strengthen our relationship. I've traveled the road from one article to having everything I need and the freedom to express myself. Are the urges and needs still there? Simple answer, "Yep". Now let's see, ummmm what will I wear today? 👠💄👗.

[Lana Mae]

Because all males have a female side and all females have a male side!! Most will not admit to it but it is true! Estrogen and testostrogen are found in both sexes. Despite our actual physical sex we have both hormones! We (crossdressers and transgender persons) feel the need to see the other side! Some like the other side so much that they stay there. Some to the point of surgery to become the other side. Crossdressers and transgender persons, as many have said, are "wired" that way (a brain thing)!! Hope this helps answer your question! Hugs Lana Mae

[deebra]

To answer your question for me when I was 3 or 4 and playing with a little girl my age for some reason I suggested we trade shoes. Hers were patten leather with a strap and 100% feminine. When I put them on at that early age a sexual electricity went through me, it was such a good feeling when she wanted her shoes back I didn't want to take them off. At that moment I became a crossdresser. So to point blank answer your question I was born with the desire to be feminine and the clothes that go with it. I have always been drawn to girl clothes especially lingerie. Women dressed just look so nice, neat, attractive and all of the clothes that are available to them just fit them so nice. Then; a nicely dressed curvy woman definitely has a drawing power for both men and women, just look at the women on Fox News. Just wish society would accept gender blending in dressing.

[Fiona123]

I can't explain why I crosdress. For me there is a sexual component and beyond that dressing just makes me happy. I do not ask why any more. I just dress whenever I have the opportunity. That's me. 🌺

[Teresa]

Bianca,
I'm afraid you will have to deal with it for the rest of your life, so at some point you have to find out why, what makes you tick and come to terms with it. Most of us are born like it, call it a female trait if you like , it has needs which you need to satisfy , if you don't it will just get worse. Mine is sexually based and it's a continuous feeling , no ebb and flow like some, it's taken me far too long to realise all this so now I'm trying to enjoy what Cding does for me. My wife still doesn't want to know but she does accept it's a need I have to satisfy so she accepts I do go out to social meetings. Most of her fears have gone but she's never going to participate , I accept that now and work round her for my own sake and sanity.
I don't care who knows because whatever the say or do isn't going to change what's inside my head, this is a part of me that has as much of a need as my male side, sometimes more so.

[Georgina]

I never really wondered why and now I don't care. I love the clothes, and how I feel wearing them, and that's enough for me.

[Jenniferathome]

It is because we are born this way. No different than having blue eyes or being strait or gay.

[Tracii G]

For some of us its just the way we are.
Trying to find a concrete answer is not likely to happen and to obsess over the hows and whys will only drive you crazy and send you down a huge rabbit hole.

[Tina_gm]

Speaking for myself, it is an outward expression of what I feel within myself. If you have a wife, or have had girlfriends, do you stop and wonder why they grow their hair a certain way, or why they color the nails? Wear whatever it is they are wearing? It is their outward expression of themselves. I as acrossdresser feel similarly, at least physically.

[Andrea Evadne]

Hard, hard question to answer, and I might give different answers at different times. Sometimes there is a sexual element to wearing womens clothes, sometimes it is comforting, and mostly that deep down inside I identify as being female. I guess that is the main one :)

[Bianca73]

Thank you all so much for your answers they have helped and is an amazing feeling knowing I'm not the only one and hope one day to be as happy and confident in myself as you seem xx

[CONSUELO]

Bianca,
You are not the only one to wonder "Why?" . It is probably the subtext to most of the threads on this site but unfortunately there are no clear answers to this fundamental question. Nature? Nurture? or a bit of both. We just don't know.
I don't bother to worry about the question any more and just enjoy being my self.

[Dana44]

Bianca, Why? is the question that we get and nobody here has an answer for this. It is what it is. everybody here has different upbringing and experiences and there is no reason why. It is who you are and that is enough. Isn't it?

[BrendaPDX]

I hate to use a cleshay but... I yam what's I yam, And that's all what's I am.

[kendracd]

For me I just feel like myself when im dressed,dont know why or care why, I just feel more at home in a dress or skirt than I do in pants,:)

[Curiouser&Curiouser]

I think it does matter why, for this reason: if all of our reasons were the same, I think it would make this a little bit of a fetish more than something intrinsic. Not that there's anything wrong with a fetish or two, but seeing everyone here coming from different places, on different paths to different destinations means, to me, that this is just another kind of life.

I'm here because I want to explore everything there is about the world, and have for many years shut down this avenue of exploration. I feel very much myself as both boy and girl, I just don't want to hide the girl anymore. Many here have said they only feel at home in women's clothes, and maybe someday that will be me too. Who knows?

All in all, I just want to say, welcome Bianca! Enjoy the love and the friendship!

Sandra

[Amy Lynn3]

I have been around for a long time and I was told by my sister and parents, that before my mind started to record or have memory I would wear my sisters panties and hide them for future use. When my mind started to record memories I have had the desire to wear female attire. It is because I was born with the desire and the desire still remains today. The desire manifest early in some and later in others.

To answer your question, as to why we crossdress. I am no doctor, but I understand, while in the womb each child is washed with both male and female hormones, to determine the sex we will be born with. We crossdressers receive more of the female hormones that we need, so it causes us to have the desire to be the female of our race, along with our birth gender.

To support my answer, as to why we do what we do many professionals label crossdressing as a mental disorder. They know the desire is born with us and with their knowledge, they can only define it as a mental condition. They can not cure it, but they can give advise on how to allow it in your life, when the so called "normal" people put us down as un-normal.:2c:

[Kandi Robbins]

Damned if I know, but I do know, once you accept it, your life will change for the better. It is who we are.

[Tina81]

It feels natural. It feels comfortable. It makes me happy to feel dressed in women's clothes. I love walking in 2, 3 and 4 inch heels/wedges. I love the feel of wearing a bra with my breastforms. There was a little girl in our neighborhood who was somewhat of a tom-boy but every now and then she would run inside her house and come out in a pink princess dress, cowgirl outfit, or dress. What compels her to wear something feminine also compels me to crossdress. Must be in my genes. Live and Let Live!

[Cheryl T]

I asked that question for over 50 years before I finally decided that this is just part of who I am and that's that.
I don't question it anymore and I don't care if science finds a link to a gene, or decides it nurture vs. nature.

I'm me, I love me and that's all there is to it.

[Maria 60]

When I first told my wife about the dressing, I was knocking my brain out everytime I would dress, apologizing and trying to figure out what made me dress. My wife had the best advice and it was, stop trying to cure it of figure it out and just enjoy the time you have when opportunity happens because she seen how much it made me happy. I did take her advice and really felt piece with it afterwards.

[redtea]

To know why you must understand how it starts for most people. It starts out of curiosity. We see a pair of panties, the fabric looks soft and the colors vibrant. Lots of people tend to not be curious enough to let their mind wander, but CDers are more inclined to try something they are curious of. We try on that first article of clothing, For some it's panties, or stockings, or shoes. Immediately we feel the material against our body and make comparisons to the stuff we wear.

CDing is also a taboo, so doing something taboo fills us with excitement and gives us a "hit". Not only do our brains feel good from all the dopamine being released but the clothes really are more comfortable than male clothes. Male clothes are created with restrictions in mind (not too tight, not too stylish, not too short, no laces ever, no frills ever, bagginess for manliness.) Womens clothes are full of different styles and feels, its no wonder women LOVE clothing shopping and men are extremely apathetic towards it. Because men experience everything there is to experience with just a couple outfits. Women get to constantly update their wardrobe because the differences between stuff is more noticeable than mens clothes.

[Alice Torn]

Red tea. You hit it good. About the endless variety in female clothes, and the restrictions in male clothes. It being taboo, did make it so exciting, and I found the fabrics so sliky or stretchy, and more confortable! I wish more religious people, and those in the church org i have been with, would stop tabbooing, and calling cding perversion. When we die, we won't have this thing we do anymore, anyway.

[Alaina R]

I usually ignore this question because everyone has their own opinion and own experience. Since I've had a couple glasses of wine, however, I'll give it a try. My thoughts are based partly on my own experience, partly on my observations of other cross dressers and partly on feedback from my wife who had lots of experiences with cross dressers even before I ever met her.

Although I truly don't know the answer as to why for any given person, there are a few things that I do know:
For starters, males are sexual and visually oriented. Feminine clothing is visually appealing and often connotes sexuality - that makes it attractive. Also, for a lot of males, females and femininity are a little mysterious which makes them that much more interesting. Further, acting like a girl or wearing feminine apparel is generally taboo for boys; this was especially true a few decades ago. Put it together and you have something that is mysterious, attractive, taboo and has sexual overtones. Is it such a shock that it is going to attract interest for some boys? On top of that, you can't ignore the whole psychological bond with the mother and the need to separate from her as a male (getting a little Freudian but I think it is true). If that separation process is incomplete, there may be a desire to fall back into and merge with the feminine. Note: that mother bond was one of the reasons ancient cultures emphasized initiation rites designed to take boys away from their mothers and usher them into the society of men.

Seems to me, all or any of these items could potentially trigger cross dressing. Add to that, the male tendency to fetishize, including fetishizing and worshipping female beauty and those things associated with female beauty, and you have enough ingredients for males to start cross dressing under various circumstances (I think female beauty is important as I don't think many guys fantasize about being an ugly woman). That's a lot of stuff to negotiate so maybe it isn't surprising that there are more males into cross-dressing than one might expect.

So what happens? As a kid, the factors listed above get you curious and you start cross-dressing on the sly. It is exciting and shameful all at the same time. The fact that it is sexually exciting reinforces the desire. Add to that the cultural requirement that you have to suppress and hide it and the need just gets stronger. Finally, a life long cross-dresser is born. Later we come up with all these theories about genetic components, hormone washes and all sorts of other crap. Overall I'm pretty skeptical about genetic components for most cross-dressers (whereas I do believe most gay men are born that way). Certainly some guys are just naturally more feminine and that likely is genetic but most cross-dressers are not that way; I've met too many to believe otherwise. Most grow up interested in the same things and behaving the same way as most boys but with the additional cross-dressing desire.

Again, just one person's opinion.

[ReineD]

Because it feels good?

[Pat]

Occam's Razor says Reine is right. The follow-on question of why does it feel good? is a completely different topic. ;) Though the answer is likewise simple. We don't know. Yet.

[Meg East]

I've learned not to over-think the matter and go with the flow.

[Bruce64]

When I was a Teenager about 15 years I want to be Girl, I grew up and love being a Man, yet I admire Women clothing, I can be hours on Lingerie sites looking, I still don't know why. I love to dress up like a Lady but I keep it strictly private.

[phili]

There are so many reasons- some conscious, some unconscious, and this is true about everything, like why we do or don't like oatmeal for breakfast!

The desire to understand and explain is of course in response to people- especially loved ones, not liking it and wanting to have an explanation that at least means we are normal in some way- so it is ok to love us. Not that any number of reasons are enough when a loved one doesn't want to love us as we really are. For anyone who loves us, as was pointed out below, it isn't really necessary to explain. They may still want an explanation to give to others when they defend us, or defend their love for us, but any simple reason will do- from 'He likes it!' to ' It's harmless- doesn't your SO have an embarrassing habit?'

[lovetobedani]

Bianca...................

This is a question that we all ask. There's no one answer to it. You need to ask yourself what makes CD so attractive for you. All I can say is that for as long as I can remember I personally identify with being more female than male and the clothes just better express who and what I am. At this point in time I've stopped asking and just accepted this about me.

Most others who are like me will agree that it's nothing to be ashamed of. Relax embrace celebrate and enjoy who you are. Before there was the internet and forums like this for us to connect I felt like I was the only one. Just remember that you're in good company here.

[Confucius]

I believe its a combination of biology and life experiences. The result is that your brain is hard-wired to release feel-good neurotransmitters when you crossdress (or just think about crossdressing).

During the first three years of your life your brain is making neural connections at a feverish pace. At three years old you have about 3X the number of neural connections as an adult. This process is called synaptogenesis. Then through the process of learning, some neural connections are reinforced while others are cut in a process known as neural pruning. (The same thing occurs again in puberty.) What we know for sure is that most men can wear women's clothing and not feel anything special. On the other hand, people like us (crossdressers) experience a host of wonderful sensations when we wear women's clothing. Why?

I believe my brain is hardwired to interpret crossdressing as actual contact with a female and it releases all the sensations expected with that experience.

[LelaK]

At a very young age, I saw my parents and noticed that Mother was much prettier and dressed prettier, and I wanted to be like her.

Also, my natal Moon is at my Midheaven.

[JenniferR771]

Alaina has it right in my mind. Good thinking and well-explained.

Confucius also has a major contribution.

[Adriana Moretti]

my favorite answer to the classic "WHY" question is "Why Not "

[Dree Yer Ane Weird]

If you're happier when you can crossdress than when you can't., accept yourself and get on with your life. You can waste years trying to find a definitive answer only to realize you don't really know and you don't really care.