Was that guy hitting on me? Can't be

[Jenniferathome]

I've been traveling for the last few days and I was able to stop by one of my local favorites, the Vintage Wine Bar on Santana Row in San Jose. I wore a tribal pattern black/white skirt, black top and a long white sweater. My avatar to the left. I was debating between a red (my profile picture) or white sweater and I am always amazed at how one change makes the outfit totally different. I love color pops but I went with white last night.

OK, so I enter the bar and the staff remembered me and welcomed me in but the outside area was packed solid. No seats, so I sat inside happy to do some people watching. A few minutes after I sat down, a group of 5 late twenty-somethings came in and made themselves at home a few seats down from me. Moments later, one guy walks over to me and says hello. I say hello back. I did have my back to him so it s reasonable to think I was a woman of unknown age. Now, if he was confused before, he is not now. I am clearly twice his age and not a woman. He looks me in the eye, gently and briefly rubs my upper arm and walks off. I'm thinking, "That's weird. Would he do that to a woman?" Was he thinking, "WTF, how do I get away from this?"

No worries, he's with his friends now and we're done. Not. For the next hour, he'd come over to me and chat about something. Topics ranged from Pokemon Go to a loud girl in the bar, to not understanding women. Now, he's talking me like a guy, "I'll never understand women," was one of his revisit comments. I'm talking to him like a guy. Maybe I was his first cross dresser and he couldn't let the opportunity go, who knows.

It was by no means a "bad" experience, just on the odd side as I couldn't figure out why he kept coming back to me. It's always interesting going out and always fun interacting with the normals.

Get out there if you want.

[Allisa]

After feeling those guns of yours I'm surprised he came back. Maybe he's into CDers and you do look good en-femme.

[Jenniferathome]

LOL Allisa!

[Dana44]

Jennifer, yeah I think he liked you. But was trying to figure you out. you never know, he may have wanted you. That why he dist the girls and wanted to hear what you said.

[tifftg]

Any chance he was a sister? I know in my early years, ok decades ago, I would have wanted to share but couldn't say, I am in the closet and wish I could be like you-open and lovely.

[Alice Torn]

A lot of rejection, and not much love can make a guy try different things.

[Jaylyn]

He might have been thinking a lot of things about you. Curious, feeling a want to be near a pretty girl, a CD himself, or just wanting a friend to talk to. He could have been hitting on you also as you are a very good looking lady. From the conversation though that you described he could have just been very open to the CD lifestyle and trying to show his support. Who knows...

[Meghan4now]

Jenn,

That's a pretty crowded area, so who knows who'll show up!

Anyway, yeah he was definitely hitting on you. I've had that happen a couple of times, but at a gay bar, so... But in that area? Wonder why. I bet he really was into you. I mean if it were a joke or dare, he might come back twice, but that's it. On the other hand his friends could see him.

One nasty thought is he may have been fishing for a fight. I've seen this behavior before, guy peels of from the group, causes a confrontation or singles someone out, then the group converges, and it gets really ugly. I know your can probably hold your own, but it becomes very dangerous when you are out numbered. Keep an eye open there.

And to touch your arm? Brrrrr, that's awfully bold. Bet he wouldn't if he was alone.

[Lauren Richards]

Maybe he just enjoyed talking with you, and was enjoying the experience of talking without fear of rejection. Sounds like you got to do a bit of people talking as well as people watching! Win win!

[Tina81]

In earlier discussions with my 26-year old daughter, the Millennials or in this case Gen Z are extremely comfortable with those who are gender-fluid. She's told me she knows about a dozen guys who wear skirts to dresses or lipstick and eye-liner to those fully crossdress. It's clearly not a big deal to this generation.
Perhaps the reason he touched your "guns" was to see if they were firm or soft. So who left the restaurant first? and how did you say good-bye and what was the reaction from the rest of the group?
Thanks for sharing your story...

[Meghan4now]

Oh and Jen, Welcome to cougarhood!

[Teresa]

Jenn,
I'm not sure what to make of the guy, brushing your arm may have been a little too much ?

One question were the other guys aware of what he was doing ? Were they egging him on and watching your reaction or totally unaware of what he was doing ?

I know you've been out there so many times and may have understood it but I'm not sure I can say I would be comfortable with the situation.

[Lana Mae]

Jennifer, it seems to me that at first he was going to hit on you!! Then he seems to not know how to react to you!! May be his first encounter with a crossdresser!!! Any way I am glad to see it did not go bad (sour) or hostile or violent!! Best wishes for your safety as you are an inspiration to me!! Hugs and love Lana Mae

[larry]

I had to laugh at this part- "fun interacting with the normals." hehe

[Kate Simmons]

For some unknown reason I've found that some guys get especially talkative when I'm sitting at the bar en femme. One of life's imponderables I guess. :)

[Jenniferathome]

Any chance he was a sister? ...

I hadn't thought of this a the time but if I had to bet, I think this might be it.


...One nasty thought is he may have been fishing for a fight. ...

No not a chance. He and the atmosphere was quite friendly. It was a WINE bar after all. No beer or hard liquor available.


In earlier discussions with my 26-year old daughter, the Millennials or in this case Gen Z are extremely comfortable with those who are gender-fluid....

So who left the restaurant first? and how did you say good-bye and what was the reaction from the rest of the group?y...

Tina, I think you re right about the younger generation. We're not as weird to them. I left first and said good buy the the staff as well as his group. Everyone smiled and said good-bye


...I'm not sure what to make of the guy, brushing your arm may have been a little too much ?

One question were the other guys aware of what he was doing ? Were they egging him on and watching your reaction or totally unaware of what he was doing ...

Teresa, it was weird to be touched. I would never do that to a stranger but maybe he was just a little too buzzed. As for his friends, yes, they all knew he was chatting with me as we were only about 3 feet away and I could hear their conversation quite clearly, They were just hanging out. Either he was a fellow cross dresser or he was just curious about the cross dresser in the room.

[BrendaPDX]

Jennifer, It doesn’t surprise me, you really do look very attractive when crossdressing, couple that with your self-assured nature and body language. You put more effort into how you look and the clothes you wear than most GGs that I know. I have heard of the term “Gynemimetophilia” that may apply to your new friend. But actually rubbing your upper arm, WOW! There are some epic comments here Allisa’s about your “guns” almost made me LOL; and Meghan’s “welcome to cougerhood”, these precious moments are why I love coming here. It’s a wonderful life to be you, thanks for sharing this amazing experience. Brenda

[CONSUELO]

Jennifer,

The touching was worrisome. Many people don't seem to understand that a touch is a massive intrusion into your personal space.

I do wonder as you have intimated, that this was perhaps more about him than about you.

Finally , congratulations on handling the situation so well.

Consuelo

[Alice Torn]

Jenn, You have a natural look, and have GG confidence, and it is surprising you have not been approached more often.

[arbon]

Maybe he was hitting on you. Some guys are really into trans and cross dressers.

Did you like the idea that maybe he was?

[Lorileah]

Teresa, it was weird to be touched. I would never do that to a stranger but maybe he was just a little too buzzed. As for his friends, yes, they all knew he was chatting with me as we were only about 3 feet away and I could hear their conversation quite clearly, They were just hanging out. Either he was a fellow cross dresser or he was just curious about the cross dresser in the room.


I get the shoulder touch all the time. As long as it stays on the arm I'm fine. Guys who seem to want more usually touch my back between my shoulders.

[Jenniferathome]

It didn't feel like he was a tranny-chaser as opposed to curious. And no, getting hit on is the one component of cross dressing that makes me uncomfortable. It has only happened twice, but I have no desire to attract a guy and yet, I want to look my best and so the confusion for some guys is remotely possible. I have no problem saying, "No thanks, I'm married," but I'd rather not even have that kind of attention.

[arbon]

Its strange. Most straight guys wont get to close to a cross dresser or ts (once they realize she is TS). It is like guy repellent.
They have a lot of fear about how that reflects on them. Another crossdresser, or Maybe they were FTM? or just someone outside the norm.

[Lorileah]

It is like guy repellent.


We are after all contagious (or recruiting for the agenda. I only need one more to level up)

[Jenniferathome]

Its strange. Most straight guys wont get to close to a cross dresser or ts (once they realize she is TS). It is like guy repellent.
...

I agree which is why I now think he might have been a cross dresser himself (he was a dude for certain) but simple curiosity still has a ring of truth.

[reb.femme]

He sounds like a real puzzle. The touching of the arm, the eye contact when you say he was aware of your gender immediately are unusual. It takes all sorts in life, says I with a clear sense of irony.

He wasn't put off though, on several occasions too, so a nice experience with a person unknown.

I had a guy ask me my name in a pub. Once he heard my voice, he did an immediate about turn. So you beat me hands down and with repeat visits. :heehee:

Becky - Rejected

[Jenniferathome]

Becky, that was what happened the first time a guy approached me (two guys, actually approaching me and my wife). After I said no thanks to a drink, they couldn't get far enough away, fast enough!

[Meghan4now]

Now I know you're a girl. No dude passes up a free drink! :drink:

[Tina_gm]

Reason # too many to count why its probably a good thing I do not go out.... I would have way too much fun with a clown like this. I would, in a very thick russian accent introduce myself as Natasha, and go on to say how I was banned from the olympics due to steroids... American man, you like this arms??? ya?? this arms squish you like bug.

[JaytoJillian]

Any chance he was a sister? I know in my early years, ok decades ago, I would have wanted to share but couldn't say, I am in the closet and wish I could be like you-open and lovely.

Bingo! My thoughts exactly. The exchange--as described--did not seem as if it was flirty. My take is that the young guy felt a connection and identified with you.

Cheers,

Jill

[Jenniferathome]

...I know you've been out there so many times and may have understood it but I'm not sure I can say I would be comfortable with the situation.

Teresa, I missed this comment somehow, earlier. First, I don't really go out that much, maybe a few times a month but I keep to places where I'm unlikely to have trouble. I think it's different for me in responding as opposed to a women in that in my head, I'm a dude. I'm not thinking, "Do I flirt with this guy?" I would have responded the same way in guy mode. I SERIOUSLY doubt he was looking for a pickup with me but I'm not offended either way. It's his wasted time and he wasn't belligerent. He was kind of like the happy drunk you sometimes see in a bar that strikes up conversations out of the blue. If he was really bothersome I'd have told him to take a hike. Socializing isnt always on your own terms. Your just make the most of it.

[ReineD]

Various members here have had femme profiles on dating sites. They say there is no lack of men out there who want to have sex with CDers or pre-op TSs. My guess is this guy was a trans-admirer.

Have you ever heard of Richard Novic, a.k.a. Alice Novic, L.A. psychologist and author of Alice in Genderland? He believes that trans-admirers are "birds that cannot fly" so your friend could well be someone who has a secret desire to crossdress. More details here:

http://aliceingenderland.com/menwhomightbeinterested.html

[WandaRae2009]

maybe he was one of us. Just chatting you up because you had something in common.

[Jenniferathome]

.... My guess is this guy was a trans-admirer....

Reine, while possible, he was with a group of friends. Seems like a bold thing to show those cards to his friends. I really wish I had asked,"You know I'm a dude, right?"

[ReineD]

Good point. Did his friends notice he put a hand on your shoulder?

[Jenniferathome]

No. He was there before they got in

[ReineD]

Then maybe he was a trans-admirer who was able to show interest before his friends got there? Or maybe they were all very liberal dudes who have many queer friends? This is becoming increasingly common in the younger generation. The NYT weekend magazine had a good article on this, July 17.

[Jennifer-GWN]

Jennifer... You're a tease😜😋 hahaha.

[docrobbysherry]

I hate to say this, Jenn. Because I really don't know for sure. Judging by your avatar and posts, some folks may just find u approachable. My guess is he wasn't hitting on u.

In my experience, it's not uncommon for me to be approached by curious women when I'm out dressed. (Almost no one starts conversations with Sherry!) But, men never start a conversations with me unless they r interested in more than just talk.:devil:

And, doesn't take long for them to get to the point!:doh:

[Shayna]

If he was with friends, it could have been a dare, and he stuck around when he saw you were willing to engage him in conversation.

[Jenniferathome]

Jennifer... You're a tease hahaha.

and what a comedy THAT would be.

[irene9999]

Like others said, it was likely a "sister" or a guy who finds crossdressers or trans girls attractive. That said, if there was touching involved he probably liked what he saw ;)

[Jamie Lynn]

Shoot Jennifer, you know that half of us here would hit on you if we could, Right?! (teasing, of course!)

[Georgette_USA]

Men will use a lot of cues to check a woman out. Ask the time, offer to buy a drink, others to listen to you, to see if they want to proceed, I guess he used the rubbing to see if you are soft or hard muscle. There are plenty of younger men who like an older woman. I get men some 20 years younger hit on me.

Never had any use body touching without some idea that you would be responsive. He may have been trying to check you out, as he may not have had any experience with a Trans Woman before. Not sure if his thoughts were either CD or TG/TS.

In a non-LGBT place I would never touch another woman unless there were some clues back to me. In LGBT places I will talk/chat with women, and may include touching hands, or ask them to dance. Not all women in LGBT places are Lesbian, so do have to be careful.

I get a lot of men in LGBT places that get bold. I usually tell them that I don't have what they may want, or that I am mainly interested in women.

If you were in a LGBT place, I would try to get to know you better, as you seem to be very attractive. In a non-LGBT place I would not bother you unless you wanted some exchange.

Those are reasons why any woman has to be careful in public places. Men can be very forward at times.

[Jenniferathome]

After talking to my wife and using more words than in a post, she offered up this possibility: he was just trying to make me feel good. He saw a person sitting alone, turns out to be a cross dresser and he was just trying to make that person feel like they belong.

Could be. Makes as much sense as anything else, and if you apply Reine's comment, "...Or maybe they were all very liberal dudes who have many queer friends? This is becoming increasingly common in the younger generation..." This could make sense. My wife even said the same.

For sure, if there is a next time, I will ask!

[deebra]

Jennifer, this is an after the fact thought but since neither of you knew what was going on in the other one's head would you have wished you had offered him a seat and quite frankly said to him, I am a male that crossdresses, I enjoy it; what do you think of me, have you ever thought you would like to dress as a girl? This could have drawn him out, if he said yes he could have learned from you and you figured him out.

If the twenty something age group is accepting as said here perhaps they are smarter than the older's who haven't changed with the times. Jennifer as you are dressed and conducted yourself with decency toward others why should anybody say anything bad about you or your clothes? All of society should see it as being no different than seeing someone wearing blue contacts over brown eyes. Only insecure negative minded people would find fault.

While on the subject of acceptance just thought I would throw this in; I was in Penney's yesterday looking at women's shoes dressed in tight girl jeans, panties and hose and the SA walked over and started a nice conversation and suggested I look at several different brands of women's shoes. As we continued to talk I asked her if she remembered me, she said oh yes, you wear a size 11 and purchase some black boots, she also said her inventory was low but 11's would be in shortly for fall. We both started looking for 11's for me in the reduce rack. I found four pair, tried them on showing I had hose on and walked around the store in them. Then went to PayLess and had the same friendly experience. A few months earlier I was in Penney's and received a compliment from another SA that said my boots and boot cut jeans looked very nice, she saw absolutely nothing wrong with a man wearing women's boots, I mean they are just leather and zippers and your choice of foot wear.

[Krisi]

It happened in a bar. Alcohol can make people do strange things. It's an interesting story and it's good that you handled it well.

[Carmen]

Jennifer I had a similar experience. I was at a small friendly bar sipping on a drink and watching whatever was on the screens.
There was a group of 3-4 in a booth across the room, a family. The 20-something son came over and asked to sit down, I agreed. We chatted for a while. He made no references to my gender or asked me any personal questions.
He had to leave when we saw his family get up to go. He explained that his mom was flying in and they had to go to the airport to pick her up.

I was wearing a white sleeveless tight fitting tank dress and 3 inch heels...basically I was dressed for clubbing. He gently touched my arm before he walked away. His family did not appear to notice anything.
It was a pleasant time, I felt he just wanted someone outside of his family to talk to.

[Madilyn A.]

Jennifer, My guess is he was more than curious, he was hitting on you for sure. Had you seemed a bit interested I believe he would have escalated his advances. I have seen numerous photos of yours, you always look amazing and very passable. So the question is, why are you not hit on more often, even though you send off signals to the contrary. You handled it wonderfully and have gained confidence and some experience for the next time it happens. Enjoy !

[Jenniferathome]

Madilyn, I think pictures are deceiving. Great distances and darkness would be required to pass for me but that's ok and it answers your question: "the question is, why are you not hit on more often,"..

A middle aged dude, dressed as woman, is probably pretty close to last on the "get hit on" list:heehee:

[ReineD]

A middle aged dude, dressed as woman, is probably pretty close to last on the "get hit on" list[/COLOR]:heehee:

I dunno about that. Middle aged women don't get hit on all that much either. lol

What kills it is middle age. :straightface:

[PaulaQ]

A middle aged dude, dressed as woman, is probably pretty close to last on the "get hit on" list[/COLOR]:heehee:

Wrong. There are men who are highly attracted to trans women. He was probably one of them and attracted to you. If he'd approached you, and you'd accepted, you'd have been a ONS, his guilty secret, objectified and fetishized. He'd probably have hated himself in the morning.

This isn't super common, but some men really dig trans women, middle aged or not. Sadly, this isn't so true for middle age cis women - ageism, misogyny, and sheer numbers reduces their opportunities. It's not that a Trans woman can expect lots of attention, some of us are very lonely, and while finding a guy may not be so hard, finding one who won't treat you like a piece of meat IS hard. (BTW, there are great odds that even if you'd gotten his number, odds are, he'd have chickened out.)

Ironically, the better you pass, the fewer these opportunities. Men see me as a middle aged woman (which I am), and ignore me too.

[Lori Kurtz]

My best guess (although the rest of you have offered a lot of other good "best guess" scenarios) is that he either is a CD or has some unexpressed CD urges. Although I've said elsewhere that you look quite credibly feminine to me, Jennifer, I'll accept your certainty that he must have read you as a male in female clothing. So for some reason he singled you out--the only dude in a dress--to make some kind of overture to. And yet he wasn't pushy or overtly sexual. Timid, maybe ... uncertain ... tentative? Wanting something, but afraid to say it explicitly. Sure, he might have had sexual feelings toward you (I admit it, I think I would), but I think it's more likely that he felt that you had something in common with him, and he wanted to express some commonality with you, because he could see that you are comfortable and happy with your place on the gender identity spectrum, and maybe he thought that touching base (or arm) with you might help him understand something about himself, and feel more comfortable about who he is.

[Jenniferathome]

...Middle aged women don't get hit on all that much either. lol

What kills it is middle age. :straightface:

and THIS is why I can't get to "he's hitting on me." In the end, of course, we'll never know but back in my days of actually trying to meet women (there were no cell phones back then and people actually had to talk), I would never try several random conversation topics over several visits to that woman. It was kind of swing for the fences and get a hit or strike out.

If this guy was trying to hit on me, he's really bad at it. I prefer to think my wife was right and he was just trying to make me feel comfortable because I was the only cross dresser there:)

[Lori Kurtz]

I prefer to think my wife was right and he was just trying to make me feel comfortable because I was the only cross dresser there:)
I usually find it easy to agree with a lot of the things you say, Jennifer, but I can't go along with you on this one. You're saying some guy in a bar spots a dude in a dress, and says to himself, "Aww, look at that poor crossdressing guy. He must feel so awkward ... I've got go over there and comfort him." And then instead of comforting you, he seems to be in conflict of some kind himself. I think the awkwardness was 100% his, and that the reason was his own secret, which he wanted to reveal and was afraid to reveal.

- - - Updated - - -


Middle aged women don't get hit on all that much either. lol

What kills it is middle age. :straightface:

Oh really? I'm way too old for you and for Jenniferathome too, but I find you both wonderfully appealing, and I wouldn't hesitate to hit on either of you if it weren't for your apparently wonderful relationships with your spouses. In spite of the envy I confess to feeling about that, it does my heart good to see how you and your spouses embrace the lives you have together, including all the unique quirks and kinks of your identities and pleasures. Each of you is a good person making the best of your relationship with the person you love. This is what life is all about.

[ReineD]

Lori, that's so sweet, thank you. :)

Jen, maybe he wasn't hitting on you then. Maybe he was instead intrigued by what you do and has an unrealized wish to explore it himself. Touching your arm was the clincher though. If he hadn't touched it then it wouldn't have occurred to me he might be a trans-admirer. But on the other hand, maybe he's just a very touchy-feely type of person. I have one (female) friend who constantly touches the arms of the people she speaks to, which frankly I find mildly annoying.

[Lori Kurtz]

But on the other hand, maybe he's just a very touchy-feely type of person. I have one (female) friend who constantly touches the arms of the people she speaks to, which frankly I find mildly annoying.

Interesting observation. But I think the mode of relating that includes lightly touching the arms or hands of people one is speaking with is much more often a woman thing than a man thing. And that brings me back to the possibility that the guy has some kind of "feminine side" that he has not fully come to terms with, or that he might not even be fully conscious of. I'm stickin' with that theory.

As for annoying, if someone were doing that to me, I might be uncomfortable if it were a man (unless I were en femme), or if it were a woman I didn't find attractive. I'm not much of a touchy-feely person myself, but if an attractive woman were doing it to me, I'd love it. Might even love it if it were a fully en femme CDer.

[Pat]

Poor guy. I wonder if his ears are burning? There's always the chance that it was exactly what it seems like -- a friendly guy being friendly.

[Kristy 56]

I don't know, but if he's still around send him to me in fl

[Sallee]

I have to agree with Jillian and Tiff maybe he is one of us I too may have done the same

[NicoleScott]

I have one (female) friend who constantly touches the arms of the people she speaks to, which frankly I find mildly annoying.

My brother does this. He touches my arm with one finger right at the time he's making a point, I suppose to make sure I'm listening. It's annoying, but I think it's so automatic that he is no longer aware he does it. Some people touch a lot, some don't.

[Tina_gm]

O.M.G. if this person was an actual CDer, I am fairly certain being that they were not afraid to talk and be seen talking, somehow they would have clued Jennifer in to also being a dresser. It certainly isn't hard to do. Now, maybe this person is a wannabe dresser.... but even then, why the arm touch?? Guys don't do the arm touch to each other. And if they have zero sexual interest in a woman they aren't doing the arm touch to them either. There WAS some sort of interest. Now, this person may not have actually had intentions, but there was some sort of interest there.

[Artchick]

for our engagment day, my boyfriend now fiance and i got super dressed up, had our makeup done, wore heels and cute dresses. i wanted him to have a day he could be totally himself and nyc is the perfect place for that. we got hit on a lot. and i'm not the kinda girl that realizes when she's being hit on. i'm a plus sized girl so i always assume guys aren't into me. (which so isn't true btw). all summer really he has dressed a lot, and even wore a bikini to the beach a few weeks ago. so its becoming a common occurrence. i personally don't see him as a girl per-say when hes dressed, hes just my amazing bf. so kissing in public is no biggie, but sometimes i realize that people see as lesbians lol and sometimes that throws me off.

[Lauri K]

Well knowing guy's and all that historically they don't approach women or CD's just to find out what time it is, or ask directions.......or how much weight you can bench press

Despite what I have been saying for a while about Jennifer thinking she is just a dude in a dress, she is NOT just a dude in dress in many peoples eyes.(just saying)

On any given day she is probably among several of the best looking chic's in the room, the guy was interested in something or he would not have put forth the effort.

And FWIW most guys are not all hung up on age, they just want some action........

He probably was thinking about taking you to his place and rubbing warm oil all over your firm body or something...............but really we may never know his intentions

[Tracii G]

Lauri thats a good point we will never know his intentions.
I wouldn't mind a guy in his 30's or 40's coming up to me and chit chatting like that.
Gives you a chance to get to know him a little and him you.
How far you take it is up to you of course.
Pretty sure he knew you were a CD but it was sweet of him to make the effort to make you feel like a lady.

[nikkiwindsor]

You're an attractive transgender woman whose comfortable with the attention from cis-males interested in us...I've had very similar experiences the few times I've been out in public.

[Patty Phose]

Back in my college days I dressed and partied often. At one party, as usual, I was in one of my super short dresses, ridiculously impractical heels and shiny tan pantyhose. I was talking to a girl and standing near a guy who was sitting down. I felt a hand on my leg. It was the guy sitting near me. My first thought was to stop him but I didn't. I let him indulge himself. I had girls do this to me lots of times but this was the first time a guy did it to me. It felt just as good.

[Alice Torn]

Reine, I am 62, but, back in my 30s and 40s, i hit on quite a number of middle age ladies, and dated some. No sex, just friendship clean dates. But, I have been rejected by quite a few, who said they no longer want to date, have had it with men. And, if i told them i CD, that was a real deal breaker. I have been turned down by quite a few middle age and older widows, and divorcees, and never marrieds. I found, that at the singles dances i went o for ten years, a LOT of guys were competing for older attractive ladies, and i had younger and older competition for them!! And a number of them got married! My sister is 68yo, but she never, ever liked boys or men to come near her. She almost had a stroke, when a boy hit on her! She, like a very few others, I have known were, and are still terrified of male attention. She will die alone. I will likely die all alone, too. So will many others. Jennifer, That guy may have been very shy, tried to overcompensate. Part of me would be flattered by something like that happening when in Alice mode, but a bit scary! I used to hang with an old eccentric church bachelor, and he always touched my arm. He was a control freak .Sorry i got off topic some.

[Holtzman83]

Who knows, maybe hitting on you or maybe just really friendly and buzzed.

Whether he had the best intentions of inclusion or he's a trans-admirer, I'm wary of that touch and what it really might signify. Maybe I'm just cynical being a GG that lives in a huge city and has numerous not so great encounters with men all the time who feel like they are entitled to have access to my space. But given you had a more feminine exterior at the time I am skewed to think he just subconsciously felt more comfortable invading your space. Even if he had the best of intentions it's a subconscious thing. Sorry, if I sound so Debbie downer...it just seems really forward to me.

[Stephanie47]

I've read all the comments up to #69. The only other possibility and it may be a long shot is he was an off duty police officer approaching you to see if you were going to solicit him for sex....prostitution bust.

I'm actually going with making you feel comfortable out and about as either a cross dresser or a transwoman. It may very well be he has a brother, cousin or close friend you is a cross dresser or a transwoman who feels awkward or insecure when out and about. Or, even a sister who is a transman. I don't think a totally straight guy would show such an interest with his buddies so close. If you were so close to be within ear shot of their conversation, and, did not hear joking or condescending words espoused, I think he was just being friendly. Maybe I'm being a little judgmental, but, I think you're going to run into more refined people at a wine bar than the local neighborhood beer hall.

I think most men and women looking to "hook up" make it really obvious real quick.

[Jenniferathome]

...The exchange--as described--did not seem as if it was flirty. My take is that the young guy felt a connection and identified with you....

Yes, Jillian, it did not "feel" flirty but I have never been hit on before


...Judging by your avatar and posts, some folks may just find u approachable. My guess is he wasn't hitting on u. ...
Thanks Sherry! Yeah, if he was hitting me, he's really, really bad at it.


If he was with friends, it could have been a dare, and he stuck around when he saw you were willing to engage him in conversation.

Not a chance Shayna. I was 3 to 5 feet from him and his friends the entire time.


O.M.G. if this person was an actual CDer, I am fairly certain being that they were not afraid to talk and be seen talking, somehow they would have clued Jennifer in to also being a dresser. It certainly isn't hard to do. ..

Mutt, I think this is likely correct. But maybe, he wanted to and couldn't get the words out?


...Pretty sure he knew you were a CD but it was sweet of him to make the effort to make you feel like a lady.

Tracii, he HAD to know. Just had to. He saw my face in full view under good lighting from 2 feet.


... Sorry, if I sound so Debbie downer...it just seems really forward to me.

Not at all. Seemed weird to me too. It's interesting that you used the word "forward." As a guy, touching a woman is "forward." A woman touching a guy is flirting. A guy touching a cross dresser is just plain confusing:heehee:


... The only other possibility and it may be a long shot is he was an off duty police officer approaching you to see if you were going to solicit him for sex....prostitution bust.

... but, I think you're going to run into more refined people at a wine bar than the local neighborhood beer hall.....

Stephanie, that first comment cracks me up. I'd be destitute if that was my job! No, no chance of this. As you surmised, a very upscale wine bar is not the place for this concern.

So, in the end:
1) Was he a fellow cross dresser? Maybe
2) Was he a tranny-chaser? Maybe
3) Was he just being nice? Maybe
4) Was he just touchy feely? Maybe
5) Did he think I was a cross dresser? Likely
6) Did he think I was a transwoman? Maybe but unlikely

Next time, if there is a next time, I will ask because I'm curious.

[jemima_bates]

Poor guy. I wonder if his ears are burning? There's always the chance that it was exactly what it seems like -- a friendly guy being friendly.

Never mind his ears burning - if he is a CD (whether in the mind or in deed) maybe he's on here reading this now!

Jen, the way you describe it, to me it sounds like others have said - a curious, or actual CD who saw a kindred spirit. Your description (the eyes, the arm) sounded like he was searching for kinship/affirmation. Maybe...

Glad it was a positive, if unresolved, experience.

Jemima x

[Jenniferathome]

Jemima, if he is a member here, he hasn't reached out to me and my Avatar is what he saw that night.

[nikkiwindsor]

There's simply cis-men out there who are genuinely attracted to and interested in transgender woman. I've had open and transparent conversations with these men and they've readily admitted this to me.

[char GG]

My thought was that he was either trying to hit on you or figure out what was going on or what you were in to.

My husband and I were at a club and some dude started rubbing on my CD'ed husband's leg - trying to be real coy about it. He didn't realize that I was the wife. Anyway, my husband backed off and I just considered the dude a pervert. Pervert continued to try to talk to my husband. Husband then introduced me to the pervert and the guy apologized and said that he was just a dirty, old man (I agree). Those type of men seem to think that if another man is in a dress, they are fair game for a funky time.

[Jenniferathome]

Char, what kind of bar were you in? Mainstream? Gay?

Your comment,"...said that he was just a dirty, old man (I agree). Those type of men seem to think that if another man is in a dress, they are fair game for a funky time." can kind of make sense if the perv was of a certain generation. The default thinking of an older generation is that cross dressers ARE looking for gay hookups.

[ReineD]

My husband and I were at a club and some dude started rubbing on my CD'ed husband's leg - trying to be real coy about it. He didn't realize that I was the wife. Anyway, my husband backed off and I just considered the dude a pervert. Pervert continued to try to talk to my husband. Husband then introduced me to the pervert and the guy apologized and said that he was just a dirty, old man (I agree). Those type of men seem to think that if another man is in a dress, they are fair game for a funky time.

Many years ago, when my SO was just beginning to go out in public, we used to seek safe places to dress. These tended to be LGBT bars and the occasional bar that was known to be a T-hangout, with plenty of trans-admirers present. Our experience in these latter bars mirrored yours, Char. One guy sent my SO a napkin with a proposition on it! My SO was floored and I was amused. I don't know that I'd call him a pervert though. He was just a man who was into other men who present as women. But the lack of consideration for the GG partner is astounding. I can only guess that (some) trans-admirers take it that if a T-individual is out in their bar, it is because they want sex and the only reason a GG might be there is as a bystander? I also got the impression that to these trans-admirers, any T-individual was fair game, accompanied or not.

Edit -
And to Jen's point, this was indeed an older guy.

[I Am Paula]

If anybody (crossdresser, full time, TS) sits long enough they will get hit on. Comes with the territory. Guys think a crossdresser is their way to gay sex without ever admitting it's gay sex.

[Sheren Kelly]

OK, here's my contribution: he was a trans-ally. He probably went out of his way to show you (and his friends) that he accepts you. Touching you (though it may have been over the top in this case) could have been his way of underscoring the personal connection. Ultimately, if you were not threatened, then it was a good if not odd exchange.

[Trishpdxcd2]

Oh and Jen, Welcome to cougarhood!

Yes Jennifer....I think he was interested and do think younger people are more accepting. But you would be surprised (maybe not) how many guys are into us.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Jen,
Sorry I couldn't have been there to witness this all.
That wine bar certainly doesn't seem to be much of a
"pick up" joint, but hey! getting hit on does happen!
Maybe we'll have to go back looking for this guy and
simply ask him what his intentions were???
Much Love,
Kristyn

[char GG]

Char, what kind of bar were you in? Mainstream? Gay?

Jennifer, we were at a gay bar.

Funny thing is, my husband has only been hit on at two different gay bars. Lately, we have been going to mainstream clubs. There are lots of women that like to talk, get their pictures taken with the CD group, but there has been nothing that resembles being "hit on" at the mainstream places. The CD group seems to prefer the mainstream clubs now.