New Frontier

[Tommie.]

This week I stepped off into a new frontier after looking and learning here, and went to a transgender counselor with the first step toward some level of transition... I know from listening to you all this is a major decision, that it should be well thought out, understand the way is paved with all sorts of pit falls and pain, and not for the weak. I am going to go slow and listen to her and y'all as i have been. The counselor says it will be a minimum of a year before a next step... i live as a woman as much as i can out and all the time at home. I am looking for a job to match the effort but have been unable to find anything. I have been doing laser with some fair results but have no money now for anything more advanced. I have an idea of three goals which may start with a little FFS then HRT after counseling and approvals or perhaps an orchie... i have read the discussions and will wait for advice and guidance. . tommie

[tgirlamc]

Hi Tommie!

Congrats!!! It sounds like this is a long time coming for you and you are approaching things with eyes wide open!!!

Ashley :)

[arbon]

I guess I have questions.

What happens after living out as much as you can for a year? It's good that you are getting out seeing if it feels right and that before doing any perm but am confused what it qualifies for.

And why ffs before hrt? That's very unusual.

[Tommie.]

Thank-you both for the kind wishes and questions... I am so new and do not really understand much other than what I have seen or read here this year.... a complete newb... I even had to have this post edited because of some of the content I unwittingly put in lol... maybe this will help.

What happens after living out as much as you can for a year? It's good that you are getting out seeing if it feels right and that before doing any perm but am confused what it qualifies for.

I was told by the counselor (and I have no frame of reference or knowlege) that it would be a year of counseling before she would approve anything like HRT, FFS, ect., until she completed her work with me. I had read on the forum there were waiting periods...

And why ffs before hrt? That's very unusual.

If you are suggesting it is better the other way I would like to know why for my learning please... I did not have a reason or order and was just writing.
Thank-you both again.... huggs.... tommie

[arbon]

Does this therapist see many trans people?

What she is suggesting is unusual in the us. and a bit harsh. There is not a requirement of time with a therapist for hrt. The the reason you would do that first is to see if it feels right to you before making perm changes to your face.

There are waiting periods in places like uk but to do with their health care system and lack of resources for trans people.



You may want to talk to some other therapists and get some other opinions. And take the time to read the standards of care for yourself

[KymberlyOct]

Hi Tommie, If you and your therapist agree to a timeline that's great. I want to preface my next comments by saying I am only slightly farther on this path than you are, many more members have much more experience. That said I do not think there are approvals necessary for FFS. Here is what I base that on. I had a consultation with one of the well known FFS surgeons. He is a bit polarizing - many in the TS community love him and others not at all. That said he has been doing this 20 years. During my consultation which was 2 hours he did not say anything about needing approvals. Also my therapist that specializes in trans MtF patients did not mention approvals either even when I told her my target date is next April.

I believe that it is considered cosmetic surgery and the only approvals necessary are medical not psychological or proof of living full time. So waiting for FFS might be a great idea from a healthy mind and positive transition standpoint but I don't think you need your therapist 'approval' for FFS.

If there are other members that have had FFS that know something to correct this reply please weigh in.

[I Am Paula]

Tommie- I don't know where you are, but you don't need anybody's permission for most surgery except SRS. Even that, most Drs. are much more relaxed on the rules, and don't follow Wpath, or Harry Benjamin.
Your GP can prescribe HRT, although I recommend an Endocrinologist. There is no waiting required, although some Drs. may ask for at least an assessment. Mine was one hour, but three hours seems to be the most common.
If you have created these timelines it's all well and good. My concern is that your therapist is making it up as she goes. There are STILL Drs. and therapists who do not believe in transition.

[Tommie.]

Again I thank all of you for your guidance and thoughts. I was moved by your caring and reflected on it this morning before responding.
.............. Arbon
+ Does this therapist see many trans people? Yes, this is her specialty... she has 20 years in education and 6 in transgender therapy with certifications. She even has a support group I have been accepted into. What she is suggesting is unusual in the us. and a bit harsh. There is not a requirement of time with a therapist for hrt. The the reason you would do that first is to see if it feels right to you before making perm changes to your face.
- I will adjust to do HRT first when all agree which i hope will be in the next three months then.... i say all because the decision includes my spouse whom is resistant to any quick changes and as mentioned the counselor agrees with that.
+ There are waiting periods in places like uk but to do with their health care system and lack of resources for trans people. You may want to talk to some other therapists and get some other opinions. And take the time to read the standards of care for yourself.
- I am a bit fearful to push ahead and have much to risk as we all have with family here in a hyper conservative area of West Texas.... with that said I will reorder the HRT to the front... ty.
............ Kimberly
+ Hi Tommie, If you and your therapist agree to a timeline that's great. I want to preface my next comments by saying I am only slightly farther on this path than you are, many more members have much more experience. That said I do not think there are approvals necessary for FFS. Here is what I base that on. I had a consultation with one of the well known FFS surgeons. He is a bit polarizing - many in the TS community love him and others not at all. That said he has been doing this 20 years. During my consultation which was 2 hours he did not say anything about needing approvals. Also my therapist that specializes in trans MtF patients did not mention approvals either even when I told her my target date is next April.
- I see your point and my thinking probably was shallow and somewhat vain to want the FFS first. The idea of pursuing to make the outside fit more of the inside is a childish notion as related to the other posts on the forum concerning reality. Money is also a concern and I have not been able to pursue all as I would like... i lost my job last year and things have been a bit thinner... not sure what FFS would cost... on me, like Tootsie, it's probably about the size of the national debt lol.... ty
.............. Paula
+ Tommie - I don't know where you are, but you don't need anybody's permission for most surgery except SRS. Even that, most Drs. are much more relaxed on the rules, and don't follow Wpath, or Harry Benjamin. Your GP can prescribe HRT, although I recommend an Endocrinologist. There is no waiting required, although some Drs. may ask for at least an assessment. Mine was one hour, but three hours seems to be the most common. If you have created these timelines it's all well and good. My concern is that your therapist is making it up as she goes. There are STILL Drs. and therapists who do not believe in transition.
- In a very conservative West Texas town I went to a counselor specializing in transgenders which you may guess are very rare here. I am hoping my counselor will tell me of a sympathetic endocrinologist who, based on the advice should be first, and has already suggested there is a cosmetic surgeon who is also. I hope this is a rational response lol...
.......................
Thank y'all again for your patience, advice and love.... tommie

[KymberlyOct]

Just replying to your costs concerns about FFS. ME TOO !!! LOL. To the point it really is all over the place. It can cost up to $45,000 But don't freak out. It can be MUCH less. It depends what you want done. My quote for almost everything was $39,000 that includes a hairline forward, eye blaphoplasty (spelled wrong don't want to look it up) rhinoplasty (nose job) eye brow lift - brow bone bossing (shaving down your brow bone) cheek implants - lip lift (shortening the distance between nose and mouth) lip injections - face lift - neck contouring. Pretty much everything, The only thing I don't need is an adam's apple shave, The face lift is because I am old. I may skip a few of these things to lower the price. I think some are much more necessary than others. but don't forget beard removal - that adds up. Cheap per session but the repetition gets expensive - I am doing that now. I had 16 hours by 2 people in one day - about $2200. Now doing 45 minutes per week. Start that as soon as you think there is a good chance you will transition. It takes forever.

As far as lower price options there are some in Thailand / Mumbai / Mexico. The guy in Mexico that some members have went to would do all of my work for $25,000 instead of $39,000. Also I saw a guy in Mumbai that would do A LOT for $7,000. When I say saw I did not visit I read about him and saw pics - she looked great.
Problem with bargain prices is worrying if there will be a problem it is your face and health. But I know of a few that used these cheaper options with no problems. That is NOT an endorsement just saying there are options. You should do A LOT of research. I am 8 months out and I have done a lot of research already. You want to get this right.

If you want to PM me I would be happy to discuss but remember I have only had a consultation and research. Others on this forum have actually had the procedure done either all at once or bits at a time.
Hang in there and don't let this overwhelm you. It does me sometimes but just relax and stay the course. When it feels like too much reach out to us, you will get support.
Kym

Edit - I read your reply one more time before moving on and wanted to reply to one more thing you said -
I see your point and my thinking probably was shallow and somewhat vain to want the FFS first. The idea of pursuing to make the outside fit more of the inside is a childish notion as related to the other posts on the forum concerning reality.
Everyone is at different places regarding this. Some members do not feel it necessary others such as myself do want the outside to fit. As I am going through this journey I am trying to adjust my thinking to realize that FFS is not the be all to end all. It is not everything. But still I think it is important to appear in such a way that will help you feel confident. I have health issues that other readers have read much about - but in short I may be medically limited in what I can do with FFS. I may just get a nose job / lip lift etc. Do what is right for you both financially and how you feel. Don't feel bad about wanting FFS just keep it in the proper perspective - it can be important but in my opinion just don't make it everything. I am still working on that approach myself. OK I surrender my soap box.

[Tommie.]

Kimberly thank you! You have much to say and careful study to back things up. I am amazed too that you picked out my being overwhelmed because right now i am. The support from you and those above is truly special to me. Keep your soapbox handy lol... love y'all... tommie

[KymberlyOct]

You're welcome, just remember I have only met with one surgeon and got his quote. The other info regarding price in Mexico is from his website only - they give you a menu to choose from which procedures and prices. Do your own research and talk to members that have actually had the procedure done. As other members have mentioned I would clarify with your therapist about approvals for the next steps forward if you choose that path. As Paula says and I also believe the only approval you need from a therapist is for SRS. That doesn't mean you shouldn't take your therapist's thoughts into consideration.